amygretchen

I just finished reading Year of Wonder by Geraldine Brooks and out of so much death (the book is about the plague) the main character faces, she finally does find a reason for being one of the survivors. It's got me thinking about my life, my purpose.

I've always thought I was put on this earth for a specific purpose. Adam tells me we all feel that way...do you?

Lately, I'm beginning to see my life changing. My life once full of babies and diapers and the constant I need you and middle of the night wake ups is slowly passing and being replaced with more self sufficient independent girls ready and willing to do for themselves. I can see in the distance this change in season and I wonder what else is out there for me? I dream of greatness and not in the famous way, heavens no, in the I want my life to be about something way. I don't want to just let the days pass and hope I fill my time wisely. I don't want to wake up 20 years from now and wonder what it is I did for all those years. I don't want to just live for living sake, I want to make a difference...I want my life to have meaning and purpose.

Please do not misunderstand me, I'm not trying to say that my rolls as a mother and wife are not meaningful, they are the most important and rewarding purpose I have, rather as my life begins to change and my family will need me in different ways so shall the way I go about my life change. Demands will be different

I like to believe my purpose will find me, like fate, that one day I will look in the mirror and realize I have what I was searching for, but I understand enough of life to know that greatness isn't found it's created. Adam told me to envision what it is I want and that will determine the path I should follow. It's sounds simple enough, except, I'm not quite sure I know what that is.

I think for this reason, not really knowing what road to take and being afraid of what else is out there, are the reasons I kept thinking about having more children. Being a mom is what I know, it's what I do. I admit without it I'm not quite sure I know entirely who I am. Please do not misunderstand me, I'm not trying to say that my rolls as a mother and wife are not a grand purpose, they are the most important and rewarding purpose I have, rather the prospect of looking outside that is frightening and at times overwhelming that it makes perfect sense to continue with what I know.

I know what I'm leaning towards...definitely something create. Besides my family and my faith it is the one thing that brings me so much pleasure. I'm hoping my love of creating and XYZ will come together and make a The problem is I like my own vision. Yes, I can do a lot of things, but

sucess fot me is spending your time doing something you love

Of course, this year, it's been strange, me and creativity have not really been friends. I can't understand how it happened, but I have lost my way a little bit and I am desperate to find my way back. Perhaps I need to issue myself another project a week challenge. can do a lot of things, but I don'