males vs. females

Last night I went to a parenting class that is being offered in my area. As I sat listening to the recap of the discussion from the previous week, teach what you want your children to do instead of what you don't want them to do, I was very disappointed I was unable to attend. Just from the little bit I gathered I knew it was exactly what I needed and I should have been there. I hate that feeling. Anyway, I am doing my best to get the information I missed and when I do I will share it with you, but for now I am just grateful I was there last night, again, a lot of good information was shared.

Instead of focusing solely on children, their behave, and how to change it, the instructor, Eric Bjorklund, discussed the differences between males and females. It was so fascinating and as I listening to the giggling in the crowd (all adults) throughout the meeting, I realized I was not the only one who thought, Yes, exactly. That is so true. Of course the information was not all new to me, and I'm sure it won't be to you, but it's always a good reminder that as men and women we are coming from two difference places and understanding that is the first step to closeness.

Below are some of my notes from the evening. Some of the information came from, The Female Brain and The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine if you are so inclined to read more about it.

**Also keep in mind the information below is a generalization and may not reflect the male or female you know.

Males
-A male brain is compartmentalized. They don't make connections between emotions or even circumstances.
-A male brain is designed to do what it takes to survive and provide for his family (hunter gatherers).
-Men have a very literal brain they do not read more into a situation.
-Men are designed to have empathy for 1 second before moving on to problem solving.
-Men are fine being alone (50% will have only their wives and their confidant).
-Men are naturally endowed to sexually want women.
-Men like to compete.
-Men they bond by doing.

Females
-A female brain is integrated and is controlled solely by emotions.
-Woman will reload the same emotions of previous experiences when going through a similar experience. This makes it harder for woman to forgive. For example, if they have been hurt by their spouse and he does something similar as before she will reload and remember all the other times it's happened. Conversely, when they hold a baby they're flooded with all the emotions of when they held their babies.
-Generally woman are more perspective -- they process double of what a man can.
-Woman are born with empathy -- they will naturally assume the same posture as the person they are speaking with or begin to talk the same (a form of showing empathy).
-Woman are much quicker to apply what they learn to themselves.
-Woman have a strong need to feel connected. Need woman friendships.
-Woman want to be understood.
-Woman are designed to be nurturers


His needs/Her needs
01. Sexual fulfillment = acceptance / 01. affection (usually not sexual)
02. recreational companionship / 02. conversation (listen and understanding)
03. attracted to partner / 03. honesty and openness
04. Domestic support / 04. financial support
05. respect (need to feel competent) / 05. Family commitment (good father = good husband)

A interesting fact: a woman, on average, will communicate 24,000 a day, while men only 7000.

One of the main things I took away from last night was you need to teach what you want and then reinforce. It's clear that men and woman were designed differently, and for good reason, but there is nothing wrong with letting your partner know what it is you want. One of our biggest mistakes is assuming they know and will figure it out. Obviously the same thing can be said about our children. We need to first teach them what we want before we can expect certain behaviors.

All and all I thought it was a great night, pack with a lot of good information and some fun laughs as we all realized just how opposite we can be.

**What do you think?

time managment

A week ago at game night Jill mentioned this class she attended with her friend Collete that was all about organizing. She told me that Wednesday the subject for the class was on time management and suddenly my interest in the class turned into a need. I've had time management help on my list of things to conquer (ok let's be honest) get better at this year so I knew I had to be there.

It's amazing how quickly 2 hours can go when your so engrossed in the topic. I didn't want her to stop sharing and could have stayed there for several more hours. As she went through her 10 principles (below) there were some things that I thought, i'm pretty good at that and quite a bit of others where I realized, I have a long way to go to get where I want to be. HA, the story of my life.

P.S I saw Jill and Michelle's post on the class over the weekend and thought their notes were vastly superior to mine, you may want to take a look at their blogs, but for what it's worth this is what stood out to me.


[notes from the class]

10 principles I learned:
1. obey the law of the firsts
-do the most important things first and you will always find time for the rest.
-if time management is to be effective you must be full first. Then you can take care of your spouse, then the kids, and then you can save the world.
-don't try to do everything.

2. Important vs. Urgent
-take the urgent things in your life and move them back allowing time for the most important things. You do this by being prepared.
-One way to do this is by preparing dinner before noon. (I've been doing this for a while now and know that if I don't know what we're having in the morning I'm usually scrambling to come up with something at dinner time.)
-we do things by mood but we are never in the mood. (I find this to be so true with me. I make a list and do the things I want to first. I need to be better about prioritize what's important.)
-give up what doesn't matter so you can do what does.

3. Primetime
-everyone has a primetime where they are at their peak and get the most accomplished. Take advantage of the time you are at your best.
-a child who is well loved becomes a might source for good.

4. Launch & Land
-launching is the beginning and landing is the finish. Follow through.
-be on time
-put things all the way away (ie laundry)

5. Waiting
-have a plan when you have waiting time. (ie have a book)
-if waiting with kids teach them something.
-have a list of things you can do in 20 minutes
-don't wait uselessly.

6. Yes & No
-every time you say yes you are also saying no and vice versa.
-when we are prepared we'll have more opportunities to say Yes.

7. Turn Activity into Accomplishments
- never cook just once. make one thing and use it several times (ie roast)
-doing things less often better, makes you more efficient.
-make everything you do last longer (ie pick up extra items at the store so you don't have to go back)

8. play
-the woman who doesn't play is not fun to be around

9. stop before your exhausted
-alternate what you're doing with rest activities (ie activities that are done sitting down like bills)
-alternate staying at home with going out.
-look to this principle to go longer and not to be as tired at the end of the day.
-once your tired it's really hard to revive and start again.

10. time alone
-eliminate interruption to rejuvenate spirit.
-true alone time is when no one is asking you questions and there's no media to see or hear.
-giving yourself alone time even if it's only for a few minutes allows you to have more focus and peace.

last but not least don't let inspiration go unwritten.

*************************************************************************************************

I admit since the class I've had other things on my mind and haven't really given the class/my notes much thought. This morning though I visited Marie Ricks website (the woman who did the class) and am ready to give it a go. I found out she has a blog and I think it's fabulous that each today she has a prompt to help you stay organized. I think I'm going to try and incorporate it into my day.

have a good one.

breather

I'm taking a breather, though I'm quite certain I shouldn't. I've been working on a photography class I'm doing tomorrow for the YW (young woman) in my ward (neighborhood). I've known about it for over a month and while I fancy myself not to be a procrastinator, for some reason I find myself doing it at the last minute. I guess I just figured I love the topic and it would be so easy to put together. Truthfully, it has been relatively easy, but I wasn't prepared for all the work I would have to put into finding examples and taking photos last minute to show examples. Needless to say I'm feeling a bit stressed about the whole thing even though I am so looking forward to it.


[tess & meg enjoying the unseasonably warm weekend while helping me take some pictures for the class]

I have a feeling after tomorrow evening I'll be putting fuel on the fire I've had for some time to be a teacher. I've always had this desire to share what I love with others. Back in the day it was human biology, today, it's definitely photography. So I guess what I'm saying is I hope this will be the first, but not the last time I share this information. Definitely a goal to add to my future to do list.

a free day & design your life class layouts

Unfortunately I woke up with a strange sinus headache this morning, but nothing Tylenol couldn't take care of. It's a good thing because I have a day ahead of me without kids (my mother-in-law had them sleep over last night and has them until 2pm because it's fall break) to just play in my studio. Luckily a new assignment was put up today for CathyZ design your life class so I'm looking forward to working on her assignments. I did however, make a huge mistake. I have a book on Cd waiting for me at the Library and failed to pick it up yesterday so I'm without a book to listen to. I guess music will have to do.

I just have to say this class has been fabulous. Like I said previously, I understand a lot about design, but I don't think I truly understand the "why's". This class is certainly providing the answers.

Each week, with the lesson, Cathy provides a sketch to use for the assignments as a blueprint. So far there have been 3 assignments per week. I feel like I'm rushing to get them done (I still have two to go), but I am determined to do them. If she continues to do 3 a week I'll have 36 layouts done by the end of class. :) That would definitely be a record for me. Hopefully it will be what I need to keep me going.

Lesson one: Symmetrical balance







Lesson Two: Asymmetrical balance