her suggestion

It doesn't take me a lot to pull out my camera so when Megan suggested we go outside and play with the camera I put down the laundry I was folding and followed her. I'm not sure I've ever gotten a request like that from her before so I was more than willing to oblige.









It wasn't long before she was through with me and said, "no more pictures mom, let's swing". I guess since it was her idea it was her agenda we were following as well. So we did some swinging (yes I swung too), I did some pushing, then we ran around and played with the little bit of snow that was left. It was so nice and refreshing to get out of my stuffy house and play outside for once that I think I will probably cry when it snows again. I'm just so ready for the season to change and the blossoms to come.
Are you ready?

another year

The light is streaming in from my windows, I'm listening to Meiko, and feeling completely and utterly content right now.
Happy.
Blessed.
Hopeful.
Loved.
Grateful.
In fact I can't quite wipe the smile off my face. It's a good day.



I've been thinking lately how our experiences build on each other til it brings us to the place we are today, and even today will be one of the layers in our history that we can look back on and draw from. Like an archeologist, I wonder what I will uncover from last year, three years ago, or even ten years ago that will help me find my dreams in the year ahead of me. I hope I have learned to take it one step at a time, that your head creates your world, that happiness is a state of mind, that I will be rejected at times and it's OK, that it doesn't matter what 'they' think, that I am good enough, but when those times come that I've forgotten (and they will come) I'm grateful I have layers of life to remind me.

Thirty-two with all it's ups and downs was a good year. Although I don't know what my thirty-third year will hold I'm looking forward to it's promise...that it will be anything and everything I make it.

spt - i am saying "i love you" when i...

tuesday, february 3rd i love it when you...
tuesday, february 10th i think it would be romantic to...
tuesday, february 17th the first thing that attracted me to you was...
tuesday, february 24th i am saying "i love you" when i...



Adam I hope you see love in everything I do because you have everything to do with why I get out of bed in the morning. From the ironing to making dinner to creating to planning a date night to being a good mom to our late night talks...you are on my mind. But I especially hope you feel my love by the little things I do to keep you close.

I'm saying I love you when I... reach over in the car and rub your neck as you drive.
...hold your hand as we walk through the mall, down the street, or in a movie.
...massage your hand while we sit in church.
...kiss you lightly as you're falling asleep.
...play with your hair.

Saying I love you is so easy, too easy. Who was it that said, "talk is cheap"? I want you to know I love you by what I do. I pray you know and that my actions speak louder than words.

i love.

breather

I'm taking a breather, though I'm quite certain I shouldn't. I've been working on a photography class I'm doing tomorrow for the YW (young woman) in my ward (neighborhood). I've known about it for over a month and while I fancy myself not to be a procrastinator, for some reason I find myself doing it at the last minute. I guess I just figured I love the topic and it would be so easy to put together. Truthfully, it has been relatively easy, but I wasn't prepared for all the work I would have to put into finding examples and taking photos last minute to show examples. Needless to say I'm feeling a bit stressed about the whole thing even though I am so looking forward to it.


[tess & meg enjoying the unseasonably warm weekend while helping me take some pictures for the class]

I have a feeling after tomorrow evening I'll be putting fuel on the fire I've had for some time to be a teacher. I've always had this desire to share what I love with others. Back in the day it was human biology, today, it's definitely photography. So I guess what I'm saying is I hope this will be the first, but not the last time I share this information. Definitely a goal to add to my future to do list.

flashback friday

I've decided since most of my photos from my film days are stored in boxes and rarely visited, if ever, that I needed to occasionally put them on my blog so in the years to come they will be remember with all the digital photos because let's face it, those photos will never get scrapbooked and I don't want to see them get lost in the past.


[Bella and Tess spring 2004]

I don't remember a lot about this day, but I do remember Tess wanting pig tails and after the struggle I went through to do them for her I knew it was something I had document (Poor Tess has always had to fight her hair growth. I've never ever cut her bangs...they just don't grow.)

This makes me unbelievably happy to see. I'm actually really looking forward to searching through my boxes and finding treasures from the past so i hope you don't mind me sharing them. What do you do with all your old photos?

in the last few minutes...

I feel tired and a little overwhelmed and I don't know why.

I just found clothes in the drier from yesterday that I apparently never started because they're soaking wet.

I wish I had accomplished more today.



My patience is getting as thin as this bark because Megan keeps whining to me about what's for dinner, wanting a snack instead of dinner, and putting her clean clothes away.

Bambi and Mom just visited us in our backyard. It's a bit unnerving to look out and see a large animal staring back at you.

I just ate a conversation heart that said "yes dear". Why can't Megan say that?

My computer chair has disappeared so I'm posting this on my knees.

I've been noticing the sun lingering longer in the evenings & am so looking forward to more light in each day.

I should has started dinner. I guess it's time to go.

a family portrait

[who knew we had a cat.]

the same girl that drew this family portrait also said this morning while trying to figure out what she wanted for breakfast, "Mom, I don't know what I want for breakfast, I just want it."

Poor megan unfortunately inherited my indecisiveness. Let's just hope she's got some of the good stuff too, to outweigh the bad.

spt - the first thing that atrracted me to you was...

tuesday, february 3rd i love it when you...
tuesday, february 10th i think it would be romantic to...
tuesday, february 17th the first thing that attracted me to you was...
tuesday, february 24th i am saying "i love you" when i...



your sense of humor.

Adam and I met by working together and I will always remember walking into work hoping he would be there because he made the time so enjoyable it almost didn't feel like work at all.

He still has that same wit and charm today that can make hard days vanish with a smile, even when I don't want to, and continues to bring endless laughter into our marriage. Thanks love for always keeping us entertained.

full day

We took it easy today which basically means we hung out at the house. Of course with a day at home I was bound to hear "what can I do now?" and "I don't know what to do." It's funny to see how quickly those statements cease when they realize my list includes chores around the house.

Despite how long the day felt to me, it was a good or I should say productive. I did a lot of the things around the house I've been putting off like cleaning the refrigerator and pantry, and the girls even helped me clean the floors. With all the house stuff that got done we also had some quality playing together, oh, and had a bit of a read-a-thon (my favorite).





One of the more popular activities of the day were their puppet shows. I saw several and you are lucky I can't get my video to download or you would be seeing it too. Of course I think it's funny and silly and even better that their heads kept popping up.

We had fun, but I am looking forward to a regular day tomorrow...it was exhausting. I have to admit this is making me fear the summer a bit, but I guess it's so much easier when they can go outside and play or we can go swimming or to the park. So after such a full day I'm really looking forward to getting in bed with a cup of hot chocolate and relaxing. How about you?

february winners

Congrats Amy and Liz. You're the winners of my February giveaway.

Email me which kind of gift card you would like (itunes, etsy, or amazon) and I will get it to you this week.

a lovely list

i love that even though Adam had to get up early to be at his new office building, he took the girls with him.

i love that he came back just to leave me a cream cheese bagel and then left again to take the girls to the gym with him.

i love that although i woke up earlier than i would have liked, i got to lay in bed and read.



i love that red & pink get so much attention this month and I get to proudly wear my striped socks.

i love watching the big snowflakes fall softly to the earth.

i love that i get to go take photos this afternoon of a darling 8 year old who's getting baptized in a few weeks.

i love and so appreicate all the lovely comments i got from thursdays post.

i love that my girls share their valentine candy with me.



i love that conversation hearts include phrases like "do good".

i love that this story people quote,"your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over," made adam and i laugh out loud together.

i love that we're all feeling better.

i love that adam and i can spend the evening together, even though we don't have big plans.

i love that our dinner will most likely include a cheeseburger and fries (I'm so in the mood).

Happy Valentine's Day!

thursday night classic

My last two years of high school were some of the roughest years of my life, but I don't think a lot of people knew that. I kept myself busy with school activities and tried to pretend that everything was ok, but deep down inside I was struggling to keep myself afloat. I've often wondered why I was so eager to get to collage (I started the summer I graduated) and have since realized I subconsciously needed to get away from everyone and everything that reminded me of those times. I've been disappointed with myself that I let so many good friendships dissolve because I think I really needed them I just didn't know how to ask for help.

With the revolution of Facebook I have recently been able to reconnect with some of my oldest dearest friends. It's been so good to hear what they've been up to and see where their roads have led. A couple weeks ago my friend Jeremy found me. After adding him I told him how I was just driving by Classic Skating and couldn't help, but think of all those Thursday nights we spent there with Christie and Scott. Apparently it struck a chord because the next thing I knew we had made plans and the four of us met at classic skating with our families. We decided it was the first time we had seen each other in about 10 years, although I've seen Scott randomly around town, and it was like nothing had changed. They looked the same, talked the same, and it felt like no time had passed except the fact that they had spouses and children.



It was a crazy night with so many people there, I guess going during dollar night is not the way to do it, but I had such a good time. Our kids even hit if off. Tess is already asking to have a play date with Christie's daughter which thrilled me because Christie is one of my oldest friends (we've been friends since kindergarten & she has a scar on her head to prove it). We left promising to each other we would keep our tradition alive so if I have anything to do with it we will definitely meet up at classic again.

It wasn't until I left that I realized how much those Thursday nights meant to me during those difficult years. So to the three of you...thanks for keeping me from going completely under.


edited to add: I totally forgot to remind all of you who wanted to do the 12of12 challenge to take photos on the 12th because I totally forgot myself until now. I'm just going to use my photos from today and mention in the journaling that it was actually the 13th. I think I need a really big note to remind me next month.

a dream come true and feburary giveaway

Disclaimers: I'm recovering from strep, I haven't taken a shower, I'm sort of awkward on video though I'm trying to be myself, I get slightly emotional, it's longer than I wanted it to be, there is some rambling, and I'm never good with signing off.


[if your interested this is the one]

spoke to soon

Remember when I wrote this on Monday? Well, apparently I spoke to soon.
Five prescriptions later and we are a household on the mend.

spt - i think it would be romantic to....

tuesday, february 3rd i love it when you...
tuesday, february 10th i think it would be romantic to...
tuesday, february 17th the first thing that attracted me to you was...
tuesday, february 24th i am saying "i love you" when i...


[this note is from a few months ago]

...start each week with a little love note from Adam. Right now I feel lucky to get notes periodically from him and I savor each time he uses his gift of words and art to express his love. I guess there's just something about the little things that make you feel important and loved.

two good things came from one weekend of sick

I've been putting our house back together after the sickness that came through here this weekend. We found out Adam had strep Friday which led to Tess and Megan's diagnosis. It was strange though, Tess was running around having a great time and told me her throat didn't hurt at all. So they have all been on antibiotics and I have been doing what I can to stay away from them, which included sleeping on the couch...so far so good. I did get meds for Bella (i never gave them to her) just in case she comes down with it to because I don't want to pay another $25 to go see the doctor. So far this weekend has cost me more than $100 with co pays and prescriptions (though I will say I'm glad it was only that much).

So while they've been sick, really it only seemed like Adam was sick, I got loads of stuff done. I guess I was trying to preoccupy myself and not feel like we were under some kind of quarantine.

I totally cleaned my car inside and out. It felt so good. I never know why I wait until I just can't stand it anymore. I guess I figure until the winter is over my mats are going to look disgusting.

Bella and I moved her room around. She has been asking me to do this for a long time, but I've hesitated because there's not a whole lot we can do...she has a queen size bed and a small room with lots of windows. My sister-in-law Amy gave me a small table (thanks Amy) and Bella loved it so much I told her she could have it. I thought it would be fun to finally give her a new look and then I was able to satisfy another urge to deep cleaning. When people are sick I just want to clean.

I took down my saloon style doors in my closet and added a curtain. I've had more than one person comment about my saloon doors and make fun, although that is not the reason I took them down. For 1, they seemed to really get in my way, and 2, I would hang stuff on them so the entrance to my closet always looked like the rest of it...messy. I actually like what it looks like so much better, and hey, my closet is clean too.

I defunkified my room and cleaned the sheets. Ok, Adam cleaned the sheets for me yesterday. I guess he was sick of his sickness and took care of it for us. He seems to be much better and went back to work this morning.

There were a few things I wanted to clean that I didn't get to like my fridge and my studio desk, even Megan asked why my desk is always messy, however, a few good things came from the weekend of sickness. The house is cleaner than it was and Adam's going to be staying in town (he had a trip to New Mexico he was suppose to go on this week that he canceled because of how he was feeling). I can't complain with that.

a sunday afternoon

[photo by adam]

Me and them doing our thing and doing it together. I love that this is possible, though I must admit, it didn't last longer than an hour. Megan and Tess eventually got restless, but Bella and I could have gone on all night. It's been a really nice Sunday full of togetherness.

meet brownie

If Bella had her own blog, assuming that you read it, you would have already known about Brownie. It's no secret Bella love animals and around here Brownie is talked about every day. He is her classroom guinea pig and she has been waiting all year to bring him home. Lucky for us, the weekend is now.



She has been devising plans all week about what they will do with him and trying to convince me he has to spend the night in her room so he doesn't get scared. Adam, in his sick state, is already devising his own plans (you have to know Adam, he is prankster). He wants to hide Brownie so when Bella wakes up in the morning she will think he's lost. Of course, this type of trick is way to mean to do to sweet Bella, she would be devastated. It's a good thing he is all talk and too sick to pull it off.

So what am I doing this weekend?...watching them, watching him. It is such a sweet thing to see how they can enjoy something so much. I'm not an animal lover like her and if it were my choice we wouldn't be bringing him home, but this is such a small thing for me and such a huge opportunity for her. I hope it is a fun weekend for all of them.

Have you brought home a classroom pet?

thinking out loud

There was this moment last night while I was rocking my little niece to sleep (my brothers two girls spent the night and are spending the day with me) that I felt this motherly longing. I wasn't longing for another baby, it was more like longing for days that are past. It's crazy to look around and see we no longer have babies in the house and have entered into an entirely new stage of life. We no longer have the little one that wants to be carried around and there's no more nights where they need to be rocked to sleep. How grateful I felt last night knowing I took the time and had those moments with my little ones when I had the chance.

This feeling I recognize as being something you only feel after the fact. While you're going through it, it's crazy and overwhelming, but afterwards it's so easy to see the good and you wonder, was it really that hard? I think in many ways it is if you stop to think about it, but as mothers we push along because there's not really another option, and at the end of the day we really do love what we're doing and the individuals we are doing it for.

I wonder with each stage that passes if there will be this longing? In reality, I love where we're at right now. I love the ages of my girls and have often thought if I could freeze time it would be now...this place where they don't know who Hannah Montana is, they don't have a lot of stresses, they're talking to us instead of texting us, we still have relative control, and the world is still this magical place. It will be a really hard day when my girls have to face something I cannot protect them from, we have face some of those already (ie with friends), and it's difficult when I can't make everything better... Sigh. I guess at some point we must all learn.


[sunday night popcorn and funniest home videos]

And so the nature of life continues to move on. With each stage there is a passing and also something to look forward to. I wonder will we ever look back on this life and long for it, just a bit, because it's behind us. Will we think it wasn't that hard? I wonder.

So I take these little moments of remembrance when they come and embrace them, but keep myself focused on the present so when this time is gone I will have no regrets only fond fond memories.

spt - i love it when..

tuesday, february 3rd i love it when you...
tuesday, february 10th i think it would be romantic to...
tuesday, february 17th the first thing that attracted me to you was...
tuesday, february 24th i am saying "i love you" when i...



Most Sundays after lunch I head to bed for a delicious afternoon nap (I love my Sunday nap). Adam, right on my heels, often encouraging the nap (he knows how much I love it), lays down with me for a while to get a bit of kid free time. We lay and talk and this is when I usually talk about stuff that's on my mind. More often that not it's when the crazy Amy comes out and Adam just listens/laughs at some of my more interesting thoughts and suggests in a loving way that I'm always a bit loopy right before I sleep. Regardless of what gets discussed I love

three stories and a winner

When I went to bed last night I had such high expectation for today because it's one of the first days I've been able to get out (run errands) since I got back from Vegas and my schedule is open for the most part. Those expectation were unfortunately dashed when I laid in bed all night wishing sleep would come and it never did. I only got two hours of sleep last night which has left me with zero motivation to do anything.

Anyway, I thought I would share a few things from last month that failed to make it on the blog that I want to document.

1. Bella is learning what it means to be creative



She got a knitting kit for Christmas and started to knit a scarf the last few weeks. She was convinced she would be able to finish the scarf in two hours because that's what it said on the kit, but I think my dose of reality, "it will definitely take longer that two hours, you're just learning", has sort of made her disenchanted with the whole thing. I think she's realizing it does take time and she'd rather be doing something else. I do hope she finishes it, but no pressure from me. Knitting isn't for everyone.

2. inspiring Megan art



This is Megan's art from school and when I first saw it, it made me think of how hopeful everyone is feeling right now despite what is going on with our economy. It feels like when times are tough everyone pulls together and does their part. It's very inspiring.

3. a mouth full isn't always a bad thing



A surprise awaited the girls when they came home from school a couple weeks ago. Finally, yes finally the skittles we added a year ago, I can't believe they lasted so long, were gone and I gave them the pleasure of adding Jelly Bellys. You know I thought it would be fun for them, and it was for the most part, but as you can see Bella is clearly frustrated Megan is trying to help her, and well they all had a hard time being patient for their turn to put a coin in. Eventually, their mouths were full and it was quiet.

4. And the winner for January's giveaway is....

Amberly! Just send me your address and I will send them out to you this week. I hope you enjoy them.

Thanks for all your responses everyone. I'm looking forward to the next one.

so inviting