finished project

Here is the advent calender all candied up and ready to go.

It's a good thing we only finished it a few days ago because the girls won't stop asking me when they get to start eating the candy. On the back of the tags I've written little acts of service all of us can do each day to keep us thinking about others during the holiday. I'm excited about this new tradition.

And one more to share.

I finally found a home for what is turning out to be my new favorite decoration.

photography q&a

Adam once told me his art professor said, “the first artist to 1500 paintings wins.” It took me a long time to accept that. In my mind I thought so much of it had to do with God given talent, which in reality was very frustrating to me because what I loved I wasn’t naturally good at. Once I embraced the notion that you can create even if you’re not creative it changed everything for me. I wish I knew what the equivalent of 1500 paintings would be in photographs, but I guess that doesn’t really matter so much. I believe it’s through our experience that we learn and grow and the more we do the better we become whether or not we are gifted in that area.

Q: Heather asked, did you have any schooling to learn photography? If not, how did you learn?
A: I had no schooling. Everything I know about photography I taught myself from the internet, reading, and looking at other photographers.
Q: How long did it take to reach the level you are at? October 2005 was when I bought my first SLR digital camera and got serious about learning photography, so I guess 2 years.
Q: Where do you go for creative inspiration?
A: I find inspiration everywhere. Magazines like blueprint or dwell, billboards, people watching, interesting light, in the wee hours of the night things come to me, flickr, other photographers, songs, words, blogs, interior design, shapes, fashion.
Q: What books would you recommend for learning photography? (The creative and technical side)
A: For photoshop any of Scott Kelby's books. For basic photography Understand Exposure by Bryan Peterson. As far as creative books go I don't know of any photography related ones, but I love Living out Loud by Keri Smith and books of that nature that get me thinking creatively about life. Another good one The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.
Q: What is your favorite lens?
A: Tough question...I would have to say the one I use the most 24-70mm 2.8L lens. It use to be a toss up between my 50mm 1.8 and 100 mm 2.8.
Q: What camera do you use?
A: I use the canon 30D. I use to dream of the 5D, but I am quite happy with the 30D. They have, however, upgraded the camera and you can now buy the 40D.
Q: How do you deal with indoor photography? Do you use a flash?
A: I never use a flash unless I absolutely have to. My reasoning, because I love natural light and honestly I don't know flash photography. It's something that I want to learn, but right now my flash photos just look plan flashy (can I get away with saying that?). There is a skill to it and I don't have it.
Q:How's that for a few?
A: I am happy to help heather. They were great question and hopefully they will help others in the future as well.

Q: Alyson asked, In the past you have talked about going to weekend conferences/classes for photography. I was wondering where you did that or how I could get information on those classes? Do you teach any classes or do any trainings?
A: Earlier in the year I went to a workshop put on by one of my favorite photographers, Cheryl Jacobs. I went to learn about my style, how I see the world in relation to the photos I take. I felt great about my technical skills, but wanted to take the creative process one step further. I took the workshop because I loved Cheryl's philosophy. If you are serious about a workshop you need to shop around for the one that will work best for you. Learn about the photographer. Are they teaching the things you want to learn about? Once your out and shooting you begin to understand what you don't know and what you specifically need help with. I don't teach any classes, this is as far as I've come to teaching, but I think I would enjoy that very much if the opportunity arises in the future. There are a lot of good classes online at betterphoto.com. I've never taken any, but I know people who have and rave about them. They aren't cheap, but it's a good way to focus on one subject like lighting or metering or photoshop.

Q: Alexandra asked, Lately my photos don't seem bright enough or crisp enough to me AND I can't find the manual to my Rebel - that makes it difficult!! I'm using the Canon EF 50mm 1:1.8 lens - thought this was a good low-light option. Don't know what I'm doing wrong or do I just need to tackle photoshop to get that fabulous vibrant look.
A: The 50mm lens was my favorite lens for a very long time. Canon makes a few versions of the 50mm which range from $90, $350, $1200. Quite a bit of difference, but the nicer the lens the sharper, better quality your image will be. You may want to take it in to where you bought it to have it checked out if you think it’s really bad. (It’s hard for me to know since I haven’t seen any pictures you’ve taken with it). My guess would be that the lens is probably fine. Assuming the photo is exposed correctly, you may just need to lighten it up a bit (which would brighten the photo) with curves in photoshop. Be careful with sharpening though, I think it can be overdone very easily and make the photo look really processed.

Q: Holly asked, My photography question for you is, do you have a favorite lens? One that you would recommend everyone NEEDS? I love the photos with the kind of blurry backgrounds, and I know that has to do with aperture, but does lens make a difference?
A: The lens you use makes all the difference in the world. In fact I would much rather spend my money on a great lens than I would a camera. Now that doesn't mean the camera isn't important, but the lens makes a huge difference to the quality of the photos you take. It's hard to choose a favorite lens because each one I use I use for a specific reason, but if I had to pick I would choose the one I use the most right now my 24-70 2.8L lens. I would recommend this lens if your serious and you want to spend the money, but I think a good modest all around lens is the canon 28-135mm 3.5-5.6 IS zoom lens. It was my first purchase and served me well. The 50mm 1.8 or 1.4 is great for low light and will give you that blurry bg your looking for. I know a lot of people who love the 85mm 1.8, but personally I never use it. You can also get that blurry bg from a telephoto lens. If your shooting your subject at 200mm you're going to get a blurry bg even at a smaller aperture.

A word about lenses and pricing. A larger aperture (small number, large opening) is going to make the lens more expensive. IS stands for image stabilization and will also make the price go up.

Q: Dani asked, If I want a nice digital camera, that will give me quality pics of my kids, snap photos rapidly, and a good zoom, what should I get? Is it better to buy a separate lens for better zoom? I guess I would want to know what's the best bang for my buck, and what's one that's worth shelling out the cash for?
A: Dani my question for you is how interested are you in photography? If you just want a good camera that will take good fast photos I would go with the Canon Rebel xti. It's a good camera, can most likely be found for a great deal, and will do everything that you need, but if you're serious I would spend the money on a nicer camera. As far as the lenses go, again how serious are you? If you want a nicer lens I would get the 28-135mm or another zoom lens that's comparable. Honestly, I would suggest going to pictureline playing with what they've got. You can even rent lenses or a camera too see what you think and make you're own comparisons.

Q: Laurie asked, Here’s my question for you: do you hire out your photography services? I love your style.
A: Thanks Laurie. I have been hired several times, but I'm not currently officially in business. It was my plan a year ago, but after much soul searching I realized it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in. Photography is my art, not a money maker for me right now. Perhaps in the future I will venture that way, but for now I'm happy taking pictures for me. Of course that doesn't mean that I won't, if your interested let me know and we can make work something out.

Q: natasha asked, do you use Photoshop? What do you recommend as far as software - I don't even know where to begin!
A: Yes, I use photoshop (PS) and highly recommend it. I know it has the reputation of being a beast, and it is, but I don’t think it has to be incredibly hard to learn. It’s one of those programs you just have to jump into and experiment with, read, see what others do, and just fiddle. This is how I learned PS, in fact it's how I learn most things like html, just going for it. Honestly though, I’ve been at it for 2 years now and I’m still learning, so remember learning any program is going to take time. The second point I want to make about PS is it really is necessary. I don't know one professional photography that shoots digitally that doesn't proof their photos. Digital makes your images look flat. You will never get the same tones you get with film on a digital photo, that's why, just like processing film, you need to process your digital photos. So my advice if you're going out and getting a digital camera would be to buy a photo editing program at the same time and learn it. It's an extra step, but will greatly effect your images. Again, check out Scott Kelby PS books. He has one for multiple versions of PS and PS elements. He gives a step by step guide to almost anything you can think to do with a photo in PS. Highly recommended.

here is an example of the difference a photo editing program can make. Click to enlarge

Q: Altagirl asked, I have a question on finding the right levels for b & w photos, it seems that I either wash out the skin or it is too dark. I love the photos that you have black and white and I was wondering if you have just saved it as an action or if you eyeball it?
A: You can convert to bw many different ways, but the one I use the most is lab conversion or channel mixer and usually adjust levels or curves to get richer tones depending on my desired effect. To use channel mixer go to layers window, click add new adjustment layer, click on channel mixer, click on the monochrome box, and then adjust each color to get desired effect. Even though I've created a simple action to take me through the steps my adjustments are always different. One tip that will help is to make sure your exposure is correct before converting.

the difference between converting bw and just converting to grayscale

Q: Betsy asked, My question is do you use a reflector, and what method do you use to get your exposure just right? Do you use a hand held meter, or what? I am looking forward to your q and a post =0).
A: Betsy I don't use a reflector. In some instances I know it would help, but I find that most times just grabbing my camera is almost not quick enough to capture the shot before my child has moved. Also I feel like it's just one more thing to worry about. I have considered buying one, but just haven't. Getting my exposure just right has been trial and error for me. It took time to get to know my camera's metering and how to compensate under certain lighting conditions. Digital is a perfect way to learn exposure because you can see your mistakes right away and correct them. I have used a hand held meter before, but prefer my in camera meter (one less step). Make sure though if your shooting digital and using a hand held meter to meter the highlights, which is opposite when shooting film (meter shadows). I almost always have my metering set at center-weighted unless i have a tricky lighting situation like a backlit subject, than I will switch to spot.

Q: Adria asked, what are the most versatile, best lenses to get?! I have a nikon D80 and I have two lenses: 18-55mm and a 55-200mm. Also, best books to read to learn what I'm doing!
A: I don't have Nikon and don't know the equivalent of their lenses to canon, but both of the ones you have look very versatile to me. You have a range of 18mm- 200mm that's great. You're other question can be found under heather's questions up at the top.


Hopefully I answered your questions and that it makes sense (I wrote the majority of the answers at 2am so please excuse typos). I'm sorry if I missed anyone, not intentional, let me know and I will add your question. If this sparked any new ones I'd be happy to answer those as well.

one last thought
Anything your learning, particularly, i have found, anything creative you try, it's very easy to get frustrated and give up. I can't tell you how many times I thought, "What am I doing this for? I don't have an eye for photography. I can't do this." When in fact I was putting way to much pressure on myself trying to keep up with everyone else. Once I let go of that notion, decided I take pictures because I love it, and shot with my heart instead of my head, I began to see real growth. When I feel expectations arise I put the camera down, ask myself why I'm taking pictures, and give myself time, whatever time I need to let go and remember I do it for me. Ultimately your doing it for you, for you family, for the generations to come to see the beautiful work you've created. Who cares if it's not going to be published or hung in a gallery someday. Ask yourself, Do I love it? If yes, than that's all that matters because if you love it you'll do it and if you do it you'll have no choice, but to get better and better.

we're all lit up

On our way home from St. George yesterday we stopped and got a Christmas tree and spend time together as a family this evening decorating it. It's one of my favorite traditions of the season, putting up the lights and decorations so as to be reminded of the season everywhere you turn. I love that about Christmas...that it's everywhere.



After the tree in the family room was complete we went downstairs so the girls could decorate their small little tree. They were thrilled to see it go up and even sang us Christmas carols when they were done. Not sure where that came from, but the fa la la's lasted quite a while.

Tomorrow I plan on finishing the advent calendar, adding the candy and such. I can't believe it's only a few more days until the end of November. I've got to get cracking so we can use this calendar on day 1.

Is it Christmas as your house yet?

thankful heart

I could literally write a list of 500+ things I am grateful for this morning. While at SEP (student evaluation p) conferences Tuesday I read a list of things Bella is grateful for and at the very end she said, "I am a blessed girl". I definitely feel like that this morning. Blessed.



I am grateful for Adam and how far we've come this year. For his patients and dedication to us.

I am grateful for Bella and her happy heart that reminds me to have a positive happy heart.

I am grateful for Tess and her tender heart that reminds me to be grateful each day.

I am grateful for Megan and her energetic spirit that reminds me to live life fully.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Thanks for teaching me how we're all connected. Here to support and help one another.

I never do this

I know so many people who get really upset by early decorating and quite honestly I have been one of those in the past, but today in between the time I didn't have I took the plunge and hung 2 garlands, one for my mantle and one for my railing. Ultimately it boils down to I just couldn't wait any longer. I love the glow of Christmas lights and although I won't be around much this week to enjoy them, at least I know it's waiting for me when I come home.

her rabbit poem

I rolled around in bed yet again trying to get to sleep. I don't know what my problem is, but it's been like this for over a week. I'm sleeping horribly. Finally around 4:45am I got out of bed and decided to get a jump on my Monday work. I started going through my papers on my kitchen desk and I found this poem written by Bella in a spiral notebook. Before she left for school this morning I asked her about and she told me she wrote it one saturday while waiting for Tess to be done with her hour long dance class.

I copied her story word for word including punctuation and spelling. I thought it would be easier to read if you knew what these words meant.
pashant = paitent
tiet=tight
winning = whining
diled=dialed
cempty she told me was a made up word she used so the poem would rhythm.
emblem again she used so the poem would rhythm.



My rabbit poem

There once was a rabbit that was siting all alone,
and because of that soon one day she went to find a home.
She came upon a tiny one that looked very empty,
and so she was very happy
and could finily be cozy and cempty.
She snuggled very tiet and then there she saw,
a big and harry dog that had a huge claw.
He grawled and grawled and then what do you think,
a little girl was standing there and she gave a little wink.
Then she did a frown at her dog that was winning,
then the dog went inside and Pippy (the girl) went and kept the rabbit.
And her mother said that she could still be keeping.
Thank you! Thank you! Pippy said, and so she kept her rabbit in her cozy bed.
With a cozy cozy cozy bed the girl finilly smiled and said,
I shall name you fluffy!
And when fluffy heard that happy joy she desided to be scuffy.
Then they jumped and napped and did what rabbits do.
And then Pippy went to call her best friend Sue.
She diled the numbers and said come sue! Come Sue!
You must come to my house!
And then Sue screamed on the phone because at her house she saw a mouse.
What is the matter Sue cause you must not scream,
because we will have some cookies and cream.
I can't! I can't! because I have a huge problem,
I have got a mouse that is like a scary emblem.
But I've got a new pet!
I've got a new pet!
and that's what I'm talking about,
so you've got to come! You've got to come!
Cause she's hopping all about.
I'm coming I'm coming!
And could you please be pashant, I'm hurraing up Pippy.

Is it just me or is this good for a 7 year old? Perhaps it's no different than any other second grader, but I was really impressed. I'm delighted to think that perhaps I could have a writer on my hands. I read it to Adam before he left for work this morning since I was up and he suggested we get her in a creative writing class. I think I'll do just that. Now I'm really bummed I didn't suggest she enter the reflections contest for creative writing.

weekend recap

1.


This brought me solace on my way home from my 3rd church meeting of the day. It was nice to drive down the hill and see the dramatic light falling from the sky. It will be good to end the day with a warm bath and a fresh start tomorrow.

2. It was grandparents day during Bella and Tess' dance classes Saturday so my mom was able to go watch and even dance with them. I don't think she was planning on that, but enjoyed herself immensely. Adam's mom was unable to attend and was definitely miss by the girls.





3. Because of grandparents day I was able to go and watch as well. They usually don't let anyone in the classroom so the kids don't get embarrassed and stop dancing. I think it's a lame rule myself and now I'm thinking it's there so the parents don't think these classes are a waste of money. I don't recall Tess' class dancing that much. Here's a self portrait of Megan and I enjoying our time watching Bella, Tess, and my mom.



4. Our friends called us up Saturday evening to ask our kids to go to a movie with them. "All of them?" "Yes!" "Even Megan?" "Yes!" We were shocked by this offer, and decided just to roll with it and let them regret their offer later. Turns out they had a great time and so did Adam and I. It was a nice treat to get an unexpected dinner alone together.

5.

Megan did finally get to indulge in a cup of hot chocolate after asking and asking and asking me on friday afternoon. I'm not sure where her request came from, perhaps she hears me talking about it a lot or doing it, but whatever the case we both sat down and enjoyed one together.

It has certainly been a full busy weekend one that will be followed up by an even busier week. I'm really looking forward to it though, I'm so excited for Thanksgiving.

i made it happen

The last two evening I did these.




click to enlarge


lift: tara whitney


click to enlarge


lift: tara whitney





I can't believe how much quicker it goes when you use your own handwriting. I'm just getting to the point where it doesn't bother me so I'm sure I'll be using it a lot more. Some designs were in my sketch book, unfortunately that means I don't know who to credit.

question
I've been getting a lot of emails about photography and have been considering putting together a q&a post. I thought it would nice to have an official post that I could direct emails to like I did with the blog banner. So I'm trying to compile a list of questions I've already received, but wanted to give any of you the opportunity to ask so I don't leave anything out. You can either leave a comment or email me.

same stuff, different day

I woke up this morning dreaming I could just stay in my pjs all morning long, drink hot chocolate, and create beautiful things.



Sadly it didn't happen. My day sort of had a life of it's own, one thing after another calling for my attention, leading me as I went. It was one of those days my friend always refers to as same stuff, different day. I went with it and have enjoy the pace despite my lack of creativity.

Wait. Now that I think about it, I have homemade rolls waiting to be baked in the kitchen. I was in the mood, decided to give the recipe a test run before Thanksgiving. So I guess you could say I have done something creative today.

Feels good.

ordinary miracle

I heard this song on a commercial and instantly loved it. I knew I had heard it somewhere, but couldn't place it. I went to the internet and found out it's a Sara McLachlan song from the movie Charlotte's Web called Ordinary Miracle. I especially loved it once I had heard the lyrics. It's such a great reminder of how beautiful our ordinary lives can be.

It’s not that usual when everything is beautiful
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when its time to snow
You don’t need to teach a seed to grow
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own

Isn’t it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don’t throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle

It seems so exceptional
Things just work out after all
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
It disappears again at night
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

In life miraculous things happen around us all the time, right on schedule, that we stop seeing. Like the setting sun, the changing season, blooming flowers, or frost covered windowpanes. Ordinary things go unnoticed. I think the same could be said with us. Our lives consist of basically the same routine, some might say very mundane, but as ordinary as our lives are, we're extraordinary in our own way. The things we do and how we live makes us anything but ordinary. Each of us a gift. Each of us a miracle.

what I did from 1:21am-7:45am

1:21 AM I hear the rushing of little feet coming down the hall toward my bedroom. Initially I thought it was Bella because I was just having a dream of her so I wondered in that moment if it was really a dream or not. Turns out the feet, belonged to Megan.

1:22 AM Megan climbs in bed with me and I pronounce that she can lay with me for a minute or two and then she'll have to go back to her bed. As I'm saying this I realize she is hot. I can't tell if it's a fever or if she's just hot from sleeping.

2:05 AM I'm restless, constantly changing sides, thinking about whether or not Megan has a fever and trying to get away from her hot body to find rest.

2:15 AM Rest did not come.

2:43 AM Megan wakes up and asks to go watch TV. "What?!" is my response. "It's in the middle of the night we're not watching TV." Of course I was way to tried to have this conversation and really what do I care at two in the morning so I went with her to start a movie, along the way giving her medicine.

2:51 AM Went to the bathroom and back in bed.

3:00 AM Still not sleeping.

3:10 AM Megan is again by my side asking for Breakfast. Again, "What?!" is my response. I'm irritated, but let's face it, I wasn't asleep and I figure if I go and give her food she'll leave me alone.

3:12 AM I get up to put cereal in a bag and send her off to watch her show.

3:16 AM back in bed

3:30 AM I hear movement in the kitchen and detect a light is on. I hear the refrigerator door opening and closing. I had a really bad feeling something messy was going to happen so I made myself get up once again to find out what she was up to.

3:33 AM Yes, it took several minutes to deliberate whether or not to get up. When I got to the kitchen she had poured milk into a very small overflowing bowl, which was on the floor. She was actually in the process of putting the milk away so she could move her full_to_the_brim cereal into the other room. Apparently I got there at the perfect time because there would have, most definitely, been a problem. I must say I was shocked she hadn't spilled the milk already.

3:38 AM back in bed.

3:40 AM Lying awake thinking about starting "These is my Words". Since I don't own it I thought I could get it from Audible and listen to it. I still lay in bed not 100% committed to getting up, but I wasn't sleeping.

3:51 AM I finally get up. On my way to my studio I check in on Megan. She's sill in front of her food, wrapped in a blanket watching her show.

3:52 AM On my computer now I go straight to Audible and of course my luck they don't have that book. So i went to Amazon to buy it and look for ideas of books I want to read or listen to since I have 4 credits to use at audible.

4:13 AM The internet stops working. I hadn't bought the book.

4:14 AM I restart my modem and computer hoping that will do the trick.

4:15 AM Internet still not working.

4:16 AM I can tell at this point I won't get to sleep if I go lay down so I start to finish the journaling on my Lighthouse Tour Album.

4:26 AM Writing

4:34 AM I'm unsure of which lighthouse is which and remember I can't check online so in frustration I give up.

4:37 AM I leave my studio to go to bed.

4:38 AM First I decided to check on Megan. She's asleep on the chair at the table next to her food.

4:39 AM I take this picture and carry her to bed.



4:43 AM I finally get back in bed

4:49 AM Still awake

7:33 AM I hear the kids in the kitchen making breakfast. I don't have the strength to get up just yet.

7:45 AM I finally get out of bed and get them off to school.

advent calender

For years I have been trying to decided what I should do for an advent calendar. I loved them as a child, but have yet to give that pleasure to my girls. I saw a couple at Target I liked, but decided I really wanted to make one. Of course that is what I say every year and every year I don't get it done in time.

So this year I set out to do something before December so I could actually use it on time. I wasn't sure what I was going to do until I saw the recent pottery barn magazine. On a pin board they had white tags numbered 1-24 and each tag had a hanging ornament. I loved it so much I knew this was what I was going to do.



I still haven't figured out what to hang from each tag, I'm sure it will be candy of some sort, so I'm not completely finish, but the hardest parts done. The girls helped me poke holes in the canvas and place the brads and are very excited for the idea of counting down Christmas with treats each day. Actually so am I.

If your interested this is what I did.
Painted a blank 18x24 canvas
made tags from holiday paper, cut them to 2.5" x 5.25" and clipped corners
added embellishments
printed out numbers
poke hole through canvas for the brads
Place brads

It was super super easy and once the tag were made it went very fast.

old photo

Since my HD filled up I've been looking through all my photos yet again figuring out what can be dumped. I happen to come across this one.



I'm not sure what it is, but I love this shot of us. I don't know whose taking it, Jill maybe, what we are doing, or what I'm smiling at, and I may never find the answers to that, but in this photo I see so much...I see the beginning of us.

It's funny what emotions are brought back by such a simple shot. The good times we had and the bad, the experiences shared. It's a good feeling to look back at us and see just how far we've come together, all the stuff we went through early on, how we fought to stay afloat in so many ways. How through love, understanding, faith, willingness, hope, and determination we find ourselves where we are today...happy, in love, and grateful for our commitment to us.

There is not a day that goes by I am not utterly grateful for this man. Grateful for our journey together and what we've taught each other. Grateful he will laugh about my quirks. Grateful for his patients and how he loves me with his whole heart. Grateful to know he will do everything he can to make my dreams come true. Yesterday I found this note in my studio waiting for me with some art supplies.


I cried as I realized, yet again, I've got everything I ever wanted...him.

I'm not sure, no, I know that I'm not deserving of him, but I am determined to give him back all that he has given me so he too can see his dreams come true.

an Alma inspired list

That would be the Alma from History of Love. It's no wonder I liked the way she wrote, I seem to write in lists a lot.

1. COMO ESTAS?

Bella and Tess are going to school 45 minutes earlier this morning to start their new Spanish class. I think it's awesome our elementary offers this to the students. I am hoping with the class and with Adam speaking Spanish to them it will actually help them pick up the language, but if not, it certainly doesn't hurt. They are both thrilled about it, but I can't decided if they're excited about the class or that they actually get to take it together.

2. APRON AKA BAKER

The apron was her dad's when he was a little boy and knowing that has her wearing it all the time. "I need my baker" is her constant reminder whenever we're cooking.

3. WHO EVER SAID EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU

So this morning I woke up feeling, I don't know, well rested I guess, and thought I could go out running. I decided to go outside because I just can't stand the treadmill. Since my children were still asleep I ran around my house, I know it sounds lame, but there is a hill and a set of stairs so I thought it would be nice and challenging. Anyway, I was feeling pretty good, loving my music, so I ran down the street and back...boy was that a mistake. Seriously I thought I might die. I did make it up and back fine, but my lungs felt like I had TB, I could taste blood in my mouth, and was dry heaving all the way into my house. It took me at least 30 minutes to recover. The worst part is I still feel like I'm recovering. I have a cough that feels, well, like I have TB, my throat hurts, and I have a head ache. I'm pathetic. Guess I'll stick with Pilates from now on until I have the strength to try it again. Of course some good came out of it. While running back into my house I saw this

You know I love a full moon, but now, right now, I love the subtle I'm_barely_hanging_in_here_moon. It was perfect for how I was feeling at the moment.

4. FOR THOSE WHO WANTED A HOW TO

Etching glass is seriously so simple it's almost embarrassing to call it a craft, except I did come up with my own stencil. All you need is this, masking tape, and a stencil (they sell vinyl stencils, that I think you're suppose to use, but I made up my own with stickers). Just mask off the area you don't want to be etched and then apply the cream all over the negative space for around 5 minutes (check directions on bottle). Then wash it off and viola! Etched glass. One other thing, make sure to wear gloves and do it in a well ventilated room.

5. THE OPERATION CANNOT BE COMPLETED BECAUSE THE DISK IS FULL.

That was the warning I got Monday when I was trying to download pictures off my CF card onto my HD. I couldn't believe it, but I shouldn't be surprised, I have everything on that HD. So all day yesterday I was copying, yet again, all my photos to DVDs (I am just up to 2007 this take forever). Now I will have two copies of everything so I won't be afraid to delete from the HD. I hate to do it, but I just don't want to go drop a couple hundred dollars right now.

6. WHO EVER SAID HALLOWEEN CANDY WAS FOR EATING.

It's been a week now since Halloween and my kids really haven't eaten their candy. I would almost say they've forgotten they even have it. I don't understand this at all, I would have already had mine half gone, but I like it, that they are not ruled by this candy. Sadly, I'm hoping in a few weeks I can just throw it away like last year (I ended up throwing Bella's candy out around Easter).

7. GIVE AND TAKE

I've decided in my 7 + years of being a mother that sometimes I just need to give my girls the reigns and allow them to make the decisions. So when it came time to pick out Bella's new glasses I stood back and allowed her to choose what it was she wanted. I of course gave her options I could live with or that I thought looked good, but I let her do the rest. I could tell it made her feel grown up and more responsible, she sat in front of the mirror and studied her face for quite a long time. I have to say it was hard not being involved, these were not my first choice, but they were hers because of the flowers, she loved the flowers, and I guess that's all I really care about is that she's happy with them so she'll wear them. The best news of all is when the Dr. said her eyes are improving and my not need glasses in the future.

my new latest thing

One day last week I woke up and decided I wanted to give glass etching a try.

So I did.

delightful

Aug 2007

It's hard to look at this photo of my sweet little Megan and think she came up to me yesterday and said, "mom, my poo smells horrible!" I nearly lost it. Or the little one who ran from house to house while trick-or-treating yelling, "Happy Halloween!" Or when I asked her to show me where something was down stairs she said, "mom I just don't want to."

But I do see the little girl who wedged herself between Adam and I and said, "mom, love me too" or "I just want you". She is wild and crazy and speaks at one volume, loud, but she is tender, loving, and so delightful. She makes me life that much sweeter.

I'm spinning

This week has been a strange one (always weird to come back from out of town) and somewhere I feel like I've missed a day, which in turn has got me feeling like I'm playing check up. Laundry's calling my name, so is my house, Bella and her violin need me, dinner, ironing (yes, I iron now), yw assignments, exercise, etc. All and all I have lots I need to do, but instead I find myself prioritizing things that aren't as important like playing with a new toy, working on my OR album, or reading.

I've decided I get this overwhelming feeling when I am not making good choices. I have the guilt real hard. What I mean is, I know what I should and shouldn't be spending my time on so if I don't make the right choice I'm very hard on myself (I believe this is my reason for feeling like I'm going in circles this week). Really I'm fighting, fighting my strong nature to be selfish. I so hate this part of me and I try hard to push it deep down, but there are times when I just get frustrated and I don't care anymore and let the selfish side take over, do what I want to do, for me, and let everything else go. It is a vicious cycle, I know, and I wish I were better at not giving up when I feel that way, but sometimes, honestly, I just don't want to do one more thing.

Sigh.

It's hard to watch myself make progress and then fall two steps back. I keep waiting for it to get a little bit easier each day to make the right choice and each and everyday I still am faced with the same battle. I guess somethings just come easier than others, but it's hard to sit here wishing it was a different battle that I faced. Don't we all, right?

So today I am grateful for strengths and the little bit that I did do for those in my life I cherish. Here's to tomorrow. Starting fresh. To committing myself to doing what I should have done today, this week. In fact forget about starting tomorrow, how about now. I'll start now. You know I have found when I write down how I'm feeling, it all begins to make sense and I understand my frustration and always walk away refreshed and ready to tackle anything. Love that about blogging.

one more halloween photo to share from trick or treat last night.

Randy called this staging since I directed the kids under the light, but to me it was noticing a good opportunity and taking it.