choices

I have felt sort of in a funk today. Not really bad enough to throw me for a loop, but just enough that my mind is constantly aware. It all started with a dream(this is not about death), and here I am still thinking and still trying to bring myself back to reality. I was really grateful I had some time today to myself even if it was more packing. I had music playing very loudly and at random times I would write things on the wall. Things that came to mind. Things that spoke to me. I really enjoyed being able to do that. It felt like my canvas and I was really in a mood to create. (I hope to post some photo when I am able to upload from my camera.)

My lesson on sunday to the 4 yr olds what about choices. We all have the right to decide which direction to go and what to do and how to dream. I have been thinking about my choices and how it has brought me to this place. This very great place I still find I am trying to wrap myself around....understand. I ended up in a place I never thought I would be. Not a bad place, just different than what I always intended. Envisioned. What to do with the choices I have made and how to let go of the ones I didn't? I have many questions of whys and what ifs but I know they don't mean anything and it is hurting me from developing the here and now. Here I am letting it go and giving myself to what I know and what I need and what I want. Life. Happiness. Excitement. Romance. Joy. Love. It's all possible to find no matter which choices you make. I have no doubt of that. I am no longer going to wait around believing I am entitiled to these things. Or waiting for someone else to make it happen. Its my life. My choices brought me to this point and I intend to make it everything I always dreamed.

Its done!

It is so weird to enter my studio and see emptiness. Really glad its done. I was so fearful of this room until Amber took charge and showed me the way to the finish line. Man I love that girl. Check out all the boxes I filled from that one room (they are not all there either). It is a ton of stuff, not as big a stash as some, but I love it. I hope to find new treasures when I unpack everything.

When I am done with this post I am taking my computer apart and packing it up. I really hope to complete my house today. I suppose it all depends on the kids.

So I will leave you with one more layout I finished right before I started this packing craze. It is a two page layout, but I am waiting to put a quote on the other one so I will share as soon as I get it finished. Cool to think I will be in my new house then.

adios

thank you thank you

to my awesome friend Amber that helped me pack up. I don't even know how to thank her. She went above and beyond and I so apprciate her being willing to give me most of her day. We did the entire kitchen and most of my studio. She rocks. I can't believe she volunteered for this, but am so grateful she did.

looking up

So i saw my house today for the first time in about 2 weeks. It looks so awesome. I am so excited and it does make the moving process just a bit more doable because I can't wait to move in. I love the flow of the house and the space we created. So looking forward to getting in there and living.

In other news, my professional mover friend has volunteered to come help me. She thinks with enough boxes we can get the house done in one day. I am leery of that, but I know it will help me so much to have someone who does this a lot with tips and direction. So i may end up buying boxes if I can't find enough. You wouldn't believe how quickly boxes fill up.

Anyway, I pretty much got the basement done this afternoon except my studio which leaves me in awe everytime I leave. I have no idea how I am going to box all that stuff up. I may just move everything over myself. who knows. The only thing I am focusing on at the moment is how excited I am to move.

reality is overwhelming

after a conversation with adam last night we decided that we need to start moving some of our stuff over...ie kitchen cabinets, vanitys, fixtures, etc. Anyway, there is no way I want to live in a home with 3 kids and no kitchen so I am leaving. I am going to stay at my parent's house for a couple of weeks. We are planning on moving the the weekend of the 10th which is very soon so I need to get cracking on this house. Today I spend all morning looking for boxes which turned out to be a joke. No one has boxes. I did end up getting some from my mom and lori hooked me up with a bunch tonight when I saw her. Anyway, my point is we have so much stuff. I spent the afternoon boxing up some things and the 14 boxes I had are maxed out. Sadly, I cannot see a dent. I never realized how much stuff we have. When I considered the girls rooms I just got discourage. So much crap to move. I don't think this whole moving thing would be as discouraging if I at least had boxes. If you have any please send my way.

So besides the boxes the job does seem very daunting because I am doing it myself. Adam is working very hard to get the house ready so he will not be here during the packing stage. I do think he is going to take care of his stuff (closet, cloths). Thank you for that. So off to boxing my life away.

a few fruit from friday nights crop

a couple of the layouts I was able to finish tonight. The one of megan and I is a design from Jamie Waters. Really love her work. The one of Bella is not quite what I had envisioned. I think it is the cardstock color. I may or may not change it. For now I have decided to leave it. I hope to share more soon.

This past week

Man this was a stressful week. Each day waking up thinking things will be better...be back to normal and everyday it was the same as before. I feel that I did well handling it. Resigning myself to the fact that I would be with Megan 24/7 and there was nothing I could do about it. I did enjoy her snuggles, but pretty much nothing else. I felt guilty for not being with the other girls, but grateful for their cooperation. I must say Friday was really the only thing pulling my through. I had a fun time with my friends and although I didn't really finish anything I have a great foundation for several layouts and will post asap. I am happy to report that megan is feeling much better and so much more like herself. Good to have her back.

Lori moved out yesterday. It is weird to see her room empty. It was weird to watch her walk out last night. It was weird not knowing she is here with us. We miss you Lori. I'm going to miss our talks and just hanging out. Visit often.

finding good

I am beginning to forget what normal life is like. My normal routine. I am sitting here on my couch checking some sites listening to Journey to Joke-A-Lot for the thrid time this week (heaven help me it is so lame) while I hang with Megan who is enjoying a popsicle during the snow storm. Anything to keep the fluid in. Tess is taking a nap which is really going to screw me up tonight, but is totally worth it right now. I am just about to face the storm to pick bella up from school, which is not easy considering it is up hill. Thank goodness for 4 wheel drive.

So what do i find good in all of this? Well, even though my day/week has not been what I thought. It is quiet now and I am thankful for that.

I'm up and everyone's asleep

I've pretty much been up all night. Megan keeps getting up and after the 3rd time I couldn't get back to sleep. Wish I could say I have accomplished more with my time, but alas I have not.

I have been looking through my photos in order to prepare myself for Friday, as I have already explained. I apparently have not looked at my photos developed from film for a really long time. I have forgetten what I had and how cute they are. Like the photo of tess from her bday party (taken by Jill) and these adorable photos of meg.

I am really enjoying looking back. The girls have changed a ton this past year. It's really weird for me to think a year ago Megan wasn't talking or walking. Man how time flies. She's a crazy girl with a huge personality and I wouldn't have it any other way. If she could only start to feel better.

Now off to sleep.

thinking about friday

I am so looking forward to Friday. I actually usually am because of game night, however this friday will be different. I am going to a scrapbook store to scrapbook with my friends for 6 straight hours. I cannot wait. I have not done this in a long time and miss it. I enjoying working at home in my studio, I have everything I need, but I sure miss the days of getting together with friends talking, eating good snacks, getting ideas & opinions. So tonight after a really bad day, well mostly for Megan since she was throwing up, I am trying to put together some ideas and be prepared so I can actually get something done Friday. I work better prepared.

In other scrapbooking news Amy, my sister-in-law has started to scrapbook. Glad to have her on the team and hope to do some scrapbooking together. I was able to see her layouts last night before the big event, 24. I must say for her first pages she is really really good. My first pages are horrible. I try to keep it in persepective and remember when I started there were no embellishments and no good patterened paper or cardstock to pick from. Honestly that probably wouldn't have made a difference, but i like to think so. I actually do enjoy looking back and seeing my progress. I have come a long way and certainly enjoy my style that has emerged.

Ok so back to layout prep and vomit patrol. Poor Megan has been sick most of the day, well since 10am. Who gets sick at 10am. I kept thinking it was something she ate because she wanted to eat, and didn't act lethargic. I was wrong.

24

So i am very excited for the two hour premiere of 24. It's tonight on fox at 7pm in case any of you are interested. I have been waiting since last May to start season 5. I think that is one of the reasons why I didn't start watching another show because I just kept waiting for 24. I regret not getting into Grey's Anatomy, but hopefully i can rent the dvd this summer and get on track for fall 2006. Sadly i don't think the dvd will be avaliable, but here's to hoping. Anyway we are going over to my parents to watch together. Sort of a 24 party. I think I am equally excited I didn't have to worry about dinner. love that.

enjoy!


edited to add: for those of you who did not watch 24 last night you made a "huge mistake." It was the best season opener I have seen. Two hours again tonight. Looking forward to it.

alone

Two hours with myself today. Need I say more. Thanks mom for watching the kids. It is hard these days to get a break with Adam gone so much doing house stuff.

Before I go and enjoy my little break I thought I would share these photos I love of sweet Bella engrossed in a book. Love that she enjoys spending her time that way.

tagged

Been tagged by Jill.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. sales at Express
2. receptionist
3. event planner
4. mother

Four movies you would watch over and over:
I am not a big movie watcher so when I watch something it is usually something new.
1. Pride & Prejudice (A&E version)
2. Anne of Green Gables, it takes six hours to get to the best line and totally worth it.
3. Meet Joe Black, love the music, love brad, love the message


Four places you have lived:
1. Sandy, Utah
2. Provo, Utah
3. Jerusalem, Israel (6 months, must count it or my answers will all be UT)
4. Salt Lake City, Utah

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. The Office
2. Everyday Italian
3. 24 (starts on Sunday)


Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Maui, Hawaii
2. New York City, New York
3. West Palm Beach, Florida
4. Cancun, Mexico

Four Websites I visit daily:
1. Two Peas
2. Ali Edwards
3. Cathy Zielske
4. My fellow bloggers

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Fresh Fruit
3. Pasta with a cheesy cream sauce (italian)
4. anything with avacados

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Moved into my new House
2. All day pass at a spa
3. A romantic get away with Adam


Four bloggers I'm tagging:
Sadly all the bloggers I know have been tagged.

so this is what happens...

when you husband goes out of town for the night, well assuming that you are feeling motivated and I was. Last night I put the kids to bed at 8:00 and went to work. I just kept going. I was enjoying myself immensely. I even got to bed at a decent time.


The photos from this layout are from Jill. She is awesome at taking pictures. In fact many of my favorites are from her camera. Thank you Jill for sharing your talent. I owe a lot of my pages to your fabulous photos. Check her photography here.

today ten years ago

It's so weird for me to think it was ten years ago i set out for the holy land. I actually left for Jerusalem on the 9th, but technically arrived there on the 10th in 1996. It wasn't a hard decision to go. What an awesome experience I would have, but when the time came it was difficult to leave my friends and loved ones.
My boyfriend at the time, aka husband now, made this book for me to read on my journey. I remember on the plane sitting next to a girl I didn't know, who would later become a great friend, with tears in my eyes reading the words he had written to me over the last few months. So priceless to me.

These are the journals I kept while I was gone. The one advice I had received from someone who had already gone was to write in a journal everyday. I did and it was the best thing I could have done. These books are full of my thoughts, emotions, and experiences that I can never get back, and could realistically never remember. It is a snap shot of who I was at twenty on my own experiencing the world. I plan to read my journal throughout the next 6 months, a day at a time. I hope to learn more about myself and how much I have changed from the young naive girl I once was.

new recipe

This evening I tried a new recipe, penne with spinach sauce, and it was a complete failure. It was from our (Bella & mine) favorite show on the food network "Everyday Italian". I must say it wasn't the fault of the recipe, but me. First of all I should have known, I hate goat cheese. I really wanted to give it another chance since I had a delicious goat cheese spread at a restaurant. Secondly, I should have stuck to the recipe and used spinach instead of arugula. I know these two ingredients are completely different, but I love arugula and thought it could be even better. I'm really glad it was just me at home trying this out. Perhaps next time it will be more of a success. I suppose I should choose something I think I may like more, but I wanted to be daring. I guess that is what this new recipe thing is all about.

Could this be any simpler?

I was able to do this last night and just finished the color behind the dots this afternoon. The whole thing took about 20 mins. easy easy easy. The title/journaling is the song Adam had made up for megan. All my kids have jingles to go with there names, thanks to their dad. He actually had come up with one completely different for her, but once we saw her personality this seemed more fitting.

new Sunday schedule

So of course with the new year comes other changes like our church schedule. This is our second week going to church at 11:20am and I am not quite sure what I think. Last year my Sundays included a large nap around 1:30p. I really looked forward to it. Adam would even joke with me as we got ready for church if I was thinking about taking a nap. Always a smile across my face implying the answer. Unfortunately, because of Megan napping through church, mine hasn't been a reality. I am really missing that nap. I miss it desperately. Love the Sunday nap!

it makes me happy...

to have a clean works surface.















My magnet board full of memories.





















My stash of paints.























My alphabet stamp set from Impress.















Listening to my girls playing dress up.






















Love Saturdays like these where I can do some organization. Do something for me. Feels good to see my desk again.

a project a week

So I wanted to see what big picture scrapbooking was all about. I really wanted to try Donna Downey's class, but didn't want to fork over $$$, so i opted for the 1 month plan just to see what it was like. Jury is still out on it, but I know it is just getting started.

Anyway the first project was to decorate your planner cover. I didn't have the SS planner so I used the one I will be using this year, an ugly stock planner from who can remember. I am so glad I took this on. Not only did it take under 20 mins to make, now I am very excited to use it. I love opening it up and looking at. Simply put, it makes me happy and I am very glad I took the time to do it.

So i was going to go to bed...

so glad I didn't. Instead I was creative. I have wanted to document Tess's relationship with her dad for awhile. Fortunately I had the perfect photo of them.

I must say I am happy with my efforts. It's interesting when I finally tell myself to just go for it...let go of the notion that my scrapbooks have to be perfect or something worthy of publishing, I end up with a layout that I love and only took about 1hr 2omins start to finish. It feels good to take the pressure off myself. Why it was there in the first place...who knows, but now I want to be in my studio creating all day. Too bad that's impossible. Anyway, I can't take all the credit on the layout, the folding paper and stapling idea came from Jenni Bowlin.

In other news I went and took a picture of the progress on my house. We have windows and doors. How exciting.

It's quiet in my house.

Adam's got the girls...well at least two of them, the other one is asleep. I love it when its quiet in my house and I can think and get stuff done.

I was able to work on this layout. Actually I had already started it before the holidays, but am finally getting back to finishing it. Love it when I feel like a layout only takes 30 mins.

So I guess I'll get back to being productive. I am shredding a bunch of files and bills I don't need anymore. I know it sounds really exciting, but it feels good to get rid of the clutter.

Happy New Year...here's to a fresh start.

My years have always started in September. Naturally that is when most things started over...well mainly the school year. Even when I was no longer doing the school thing it was hard not to want to start fresh in September.

This year seems different. I am ready for a new start. A fresh start. One of the reasons why I created "intentions" was to keep my goals in prospective and make sure I am on the right path, accomplishing what I feel is most important for me and my family to grow. I am really looking forward to this year and all that it brings. The ups and even the downs...as we all know they do come.

I feel great about 2006!