calmness

I went down to Woman's Conference today so I could attend the prayer meeting. I felt it when I walked into the room and saw all the other presenters actively talking...my emotions heightened, the butterflies hit. It became real.

You wouldn't believe it then when I say how calm I feel right now. Peaceful. It's a welcome feeling especially since I started this journey feeling so uncertain.



I guess it true what they say, when you're prepared you have no need to fear. For 120 days I've thought about and sought inspiration for my presentation. I've had many afternoons at the temple, fasting and prayers, searching the scriptures and words from the prophets. There have been tears, a couple breakdowns, an unintentional loss of one draft and starting over. I've had multiple meetings with the other two woman I'm presenting with and many conversations with Adam & friends. Still with all the work that has gone into this and the hours I've spend working, it's a surreal moment to see it here. It came so fast and yet, at times, it didn't come fast enough.

Snow is falling, my bed is calling, I have just a couple revisions to make before I get off the computer for good, and still need to decide what I wearing tomorrow. Yep, still haven't figured that one out. I know crazy. But I wanted to thank all of you who are coming and to those who have sent your encouraging words. It means more to me than you will know.

Good night.

monday bullets

-Mondays just seem like a bullet point kind of day. It's the day I look at the whole of my week and add to my ever increasing to do list.
-My lists are no longer made with paper and pen, well occasionally they are, but for the most part I use 2Do. A favorite app that helps me stay organized.
-I'm finally completely done with my Woman's Conference talk. The guts of the message has been done for about a month actually, but there were a few things that didn't feel right that I kept coming back to. Yesterday evening I was finally able to figure it out. Feels good to have the final draft in my hands.
-I hear it's suppose to be cold, maybe even snow this week/weekend. Can't tell you how disappointed I am by that news.
-My two nieces, Olivia and Ashley, slept over Friday night. We met up with Robyn at the mall to hand over Olivia so they could spend the afternoon together celebrating their birthdays. Adam and I were left with Megan and Ashely which seemed like a manageable group, but had the ability to remind us how easy we have it now that we're at the tail end of little kids. It was an enjoyable outing even though they had the ability to walk in front of every person in a hurray and their attempts to play hide and seek were thwarted by their giggles.


-Here they are shopping with us at the boutique Lucille Elaine. Adam took this photo while I was trying on a dress. The two of them were trying their best to behave because there was a table full of cookies and cupcakes tempting them. I wish I had had one myself, Adam said the cupcakes were day changing.
-A really great show started last night on the history channel called, America the Story Of Us. It's all about America's beginnings. From what I have seen it's not only really well made, but it's a great reminder that our country beat the odds because of the determination of the people. I think it's a 12 hour mini series so start recording it now.

earth day outing

I didn't realize until after our outing that it was earth day today so how serendipitous that despite the cold wet weather Megan and I spent the late morning hours at one of our favorite outdoor spots.

I don't think I've ever been up there in spring and while I was hoping for a little bit more foliage, maybe a wild blossom or two, there was some life. The grasses, which will soon turn to long weeds were already growing rampantly and the tender small leaves at the tops of the trees were beginning to bud. It was a bit muddy and messy at parts, but we had an enjoyable time.






While we were getting ready to go she said, "Mom I'm gunna bring my scrapbook and draw what I see while you take pictures."

my "willing" helper

Why is it that she's willing to do the dishes, happily, when cleaning up her room or putting away her clean clothes creates uncontrollable tears? Makes me wonder how long before doing the dishes will bring on the same set of tears?

You'll hear no complaints from me, however, I'm loving the happy help while it lasts.

spt | give me a break

There are a lot of things I will turn to when I have a bit of time to relax...reading, catching up with blogs, taking photos, a nap, lunch with a friend, but most of them, like a pedicure, isn't something I can do all the time. I usually don't have that much time or $ so I find myself doing the next best thing...plopping myself down on the couch and enjoying a bit of chocolate. It's rare these days that I just get to sit down and do nothing so when I can, I do. The quiet gives me the rejuvenation I need to keep going or it could be the caffeinated chocolate. Whatever the reason it works, that is, if it's only for a few minutes. Any longer and I'm bound to fall asleep, and well, midday naps don't always end well.

monday miscellany

It's so nice that it's finally feeling like spring. I was early for a meeting with the women I'm presenting with so I took advantage of her beautiful blossom covered "popcorn" tree. It was eerie standing under it and hearing a distinct buzz from the many bees.


Cracked me up to see her reading with her alligator visor on. She said she made it to keep the sun out her eyes and it felt sunny inside.


I ran the 5K on Saturday morning. It wasn't something I had planned on doing, but I'm so glad I did. (Thanks Tasha for putting the idea in my head and Amy who ran it with me.) When I got there I figured it would be a glorified exercise with a free t-shirt. I didn't plan to try, but a race is a race and well, I was curious. Quickly, my competitive side kicked in and I went for it. I can see how racing can be very addicting. I'm planning to run a 10k this summer.


from the other night while painting.


Megan had an opera at school and she was a pig. She was really funny and animated. I'm not sure why, but afterward when I tried to take her picture she gave me this face. She put up her fists and looked as if she was ready to fight me. She's gold.


I spent a good portion of my afternoon outside yesterday and couldn't help but watch the lone paraglider floating around in the clouds. I wondered what that must have felt like to be up so high and free...too bad I'm to chicken to find out.

good for a laugh...

Megan stole this mini book I made for her own creations. The book did have a purpose (for someone else) and I probably would have been more upset had she not put it to good use. She calls it her "scrapbook" and rightfully named. It's full of colors and shapes and little pictures that represent how she sees the world. I love it and have plans to steal some of her ideas for my own.

The other day I was looking through it and found this picture. It was the last entry.



It instantly cracked me up. I was sure of her message, but wanted to find out from her. Later that day I asked her to tell me about the page. She said, "Mom, it's you and dad kissing, you know, but I couldn't put your faces together and me doing this" at which point she lifts her finger to the side of her head and moves it in circles (the crazy sign). Then I asked, "Why would you do that?" and her reply was, "You know, you're kissing.....it's awkward." (she drew out the last word)

and then she laughed.
and I laughed.

I guess somethings kids just know.

same thoughts, different day

I have some friends coming over to paint tonight. It's a shame, I haven't picked up a brush since the last time they were here. I've missed it and am looking forward to getting messy again, that is, until I begin. It's not that I'm intimidated, rather when I look at a blank canvas all I see is someone else's vision and I struggle to silence their voices and find my own. I'm still trying to be ok with borrowing their vision for a while until I can find my own. Adam assures me, I'm not alone in these thoughts, that every artist must slowly find their way.



Adam has put aside his books during his morning "me time" and started sketching instead. I know he's been discouraged by letting his talent get pushed to the side while so many other things take it's place. It's so easy to do, loose time, I wonder why we let it happen? I guess life just moves along too quickly and we dance around putting out the fires instead of consciously deciding where to go next....before we know it we're no where near where/who we thought we'd be.

I'm on a quest to slow life down. To appreciate where I am, to appreciate where I've been. I think I have a problem focusing too much on the future, on the next thing instead of enjoying the here and now. I started taking pictures to document my life for the very purpose of making myself mindful and appreciative of what each day holds. Regardless of how busy we can be, or how quickly life moves, I think there is always time to stop and smell the roses.

You just have to want it.
Like all things, much easier said than done.

spt | weather

This is what I woke up to this morning. enough said.



Of course it was beautiful when the sun came up and immediately started melting the layers. I stood under our tree to take this photograph below and it was literally raining melted snow. Good to know it can leave as fast as it comes.

12of12 | April

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01. Bella and Megan were making a sack lunch for Tess while she finished last minute homework.
02. Megan interrupting my stretching.
03. The day started out promising, but the rain did come.
04. Fresh out of the shower, Adam and I took a self portrait before he left for work. Poor guy slept on the floor last night because we think our mattress has reached it firming limit.
05. Megan reading her school book so she can go play at a friend's house.
06. Found a cute dress online at Banana Republic that took me too the mall. Too bad it was too short.
07. Stretching after my run. Getting ready to run a 5k this weekend. Yep, starting from scratch.
08. Girls heading out the door to school. Love that the sun is up when they leave.
09. Nice to finally see some flowers coming out of the ground. These are all over my neighborhood because the deer eat everything else.
10. Monday = laundry day.
11. Had dinner this evening with some friends and a new family that moved into our ward.
12. Our hostess had these really cute vases adorning the table.

Hope it was another good month, good twelfth for all of you. Make sure to link to your 12of12 post below. Looking forward to seeing what you came up with this month.

photos from over the weekend

The family chose to wait for us to be in town to celebrate the Easter holiday so we got together on Saturday for the festivities. Lori put together games (aka family Olympics) for us all to participate in. Ahead of time she drew names and gave each adult a kid partner. Above is the picture of all of us with our partners. My favorite combo was Randy and Megan because they're buddies or at least according to her.


My partner was Austin.

First game on the list was blindfold crochet. It's actually a lot of fun to play, but more fun to watch.


Adam's partner was Ashely, the youngest, so he had a lot of helpers. Poor guy he still came in last.


Olivia for whatever reason wasn't giving Jill instructions so they ended up switching places. Even then I'm not sure she was completely blindfolded.


Megan was great at guiding Randy to his ball. Poor Randy got yanked around.


Whitney guiding Robyn. I thought it was funny, Whitney and Bella both would say things like, "go that way" by pointing their finger. Not a lot of help when your blindfolded.


Adam hanging with his partner while the other still played.


Jared and Tess did as well as was expected. Tess said she had tons of fun.


Austin and I rocked it. He was really good or else it was my instructions. Hard to tell. :)


Lori and Landon were tough to beat...


but Bella and Nana still beat them.




Love that my in-laws have chickens.


We also played four squared and added that score to our crochet score. I totally lost it for Austin and I by playing so poorly. Jill stayed in the whole time and never got out.


We also had an egg hunt.


They kids always have to do a count.


At the end it was Bella and Nana who won all the events. Adam shot them with silly string as it was announced. Bella was thrilled.


Lori and Landon took 2nd.
Robyn and Whitney took 3rd.
and in case your were interested, Austin and I took 4th...just sort of a metal.

a storypeople + reminder

The secret is not in your hand or your eye or your voice, my aunt told me once. The secret is in your heart. Of course, she said, knowing that doesn't make it any easier. -storypeople

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Reminder:
get your batteries charge and empty your memory cards...tomorrow is the 12th, which means its 12of12 time. Remember to visit me back here on the 13th to post a link to you collage. Enjoy.

If you want to learn more about my 120f12 project go here and you can find the collage template here.

weather report

There are so many people on facebook that comment about the weather, me included, and I've decided it's because the weather, for good or bad, has a huge impact on our day. In the winter when there's a big snow storm and I get to stay home and watch it from my window, I love it, but when it's spring and the snow comes, I'm angry. More like sad. The rain I don't mind, it's suppose to rain, but the snow, snow that stays on the grass for over 2 days, it's just a little depressing.



I like my spring to be warm enough to have my windows open to let in the fresh breeze. I like my spring sunny with blue skies. I like my spring with blossoms covering the trees and small leafy buds. I like my spring to have laughter with kids running around outside.

At times I feel duped living where I live that I don't really get a good spring or maybe it's just a delayed spring. Who knows. Each year is different and each year I hold my breath wondering what we will get. But like all things it does come, even for just a few weeks before the hot air hits, it comes. The flowers come up from there hiding place, the blossoms cover the trees, the grass starts to green, and everything looks a little brighter...feels a little brighter.


[spring break | st george]

I wish the weather didn't affect me as much as it does. Seems sort of silly to let something so beyond my control make a difference, but then again, that's never stopped me before. Does the weather affect you?

It's nice today looking out and seeing the big puffy clouds against the blue backdrop and listening to my girls play in the back yard while I work. It's been a good day. Peaceful. Bright. And I have to blame the weather for part of it.

wholeness

Something happens, stirs inside me, when the weather gets warmer and the light stay out longer. It's not just that it feels good to be bare foot feeling the cool grass in between my toes, it's the photographer inside me watching the setting sun bathe the earth in it's golden light that pushes me out the door.

I didn't realize until tonight, it's not just the color I crave when the spring comes, it's the light. Winter can be so isolating. Being out with Tess and Megan this evening with my camera added the missing link in the chain. It was very healing. Very needed tonight.


[instead of shoes Megan put these gloves on to protect her feet from the cool grass.]


[Somehow this M was part of their play.]

The rest of the photos are me playing with the sun...still trying to make it my friend. Also I couldn't decided which version I liked best so I'm giving you a taste of each.