homebound

I had three little sick ones home with me today. I have to say it was kind of nice the way the day worked out. I didn't get to sleep until 3:30am last night. Don't ask. I haven't a clue why I just tossed and turned until I wanted to cry. I eventually found sleep and when the morning came Tess informed me that Bella had a headache and shouldn't go to school. I just thought great...no leaving the house...home bound. It's something I crave at times and today was certainly one of those days.

So after a long wake up, just love that too, I got busy with things around my house that I've wanted to get to for some time...organizing my pantry.



It has been a long time coming and thought today would be the perfect day to tackle it. I never think about it until it's too late, but I wish I had a before and after picture because really its the only way you can really see the difference. I'm so proud of how much better it looks, but when I look at the picture it doesn't look that organized. I guess it was a mess before.

And since we're on the pantry a week or so ago I hung this for the girls to have a place for their list, which I must add is still working out perfectly. I think we've almost come to the point where they don't have to look at it anymore, but they still love to cross things off...ah the power of the list. I love doing that too.



So all the while I was working I wished I had a good book to listen too. Any suggestions? It has been a while since I've listen to a book on cd and I'm desperate. The last one I tried I just couldn't get into and I haven't gone back. It's tricky to find a good one to listen to as I often would rather read the words.

And on a funny note, my dad called me a few days ago asking if I had ordered more of the books I made for my mom for her birthday (I'm getting one for me and my siblings), and I hadn't. He was glad because there were a few things that needed to be edited, the first being a photo of my parents and their friends in Mexico on the beach with a man in the background mooning the camera. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it or no one else had noticed it before I printed, but when I went to the book to find it I couldn't believe how blatant it was. Adam and I were laughing our heads off at how bad it was and neither of us noticed. So I debated leaving it in there for my siblings to enjoy, but I will take it out and just get a good chuckle every time I look at the now bad copy.

Hope it was a good Monday for you.
BTW can you believe I woke up to 3 inches of snow on the ground?..Happy Spring!

her baptism

It was such a special day for her and Adam and I. One of those days when you're surrounded by family and friends and nothing else matters in the world, but how loved and supported you feel at that moment.



I had a lot of tender feeling coming into this day and as I watched her make such an important decision and commitment I was so grateful to my Heavenly Father from bringing such a beautiful soul into my life and entrusting me with her. As she walked out of the font and we headed to the changing room we looked at each other with big smiles on our faces and started to cry, both extremely happy and tender. I pray I will always feel as close and connect as I did with her that day and that she will always know of my love for her.

photo by jill

the program

Afterwards our family came over for lunch/dinner to celebrate with her. We had lots delicious food, thanks family for all pitching in and helping, and of course just had a great time spending time together. It was funny to see by the end of the night just how wasted we all were. I guess we all had pretty exhausting weeks so I appreciate even more your help.



Bella was showered with special gifts from both grandmothers and from other friends. She was even lucky enough to celebrate her birthday again by having another cake and opening gifts from her family. As said in her words, "it was the best day ever". I really hope she will never forget it.





And this photo just made me happy. It was a chilly day, to say it mildly, and we found Bella and Whitney having a picnic away from the crowd. It's so endearing to see just how connected these two are and hope they will stay "best cousins" forever.



You know there were photo ops missed, things that could have gone smoother (like the night before...up with a sick tess), but it was a perfect day. A wonderful day I will not soon forget. It's these moments that make the crazy ones worth it for sure.


And a big thanks to Tasha for this cute towel. Bella loved it. I hope each times she uses it it will reminder of that day.

what a difference a day makes

So I feel the stress lifting...

Often times all I need is about 24 hours to see the error of my ways, to regroup and remind myself there's no need to get overwhelmed. I always have my family and friends to help of which I have counted on this weekend (thanks).

While I was driving on the freeway this afternoon I wondered why in the world I allowed myself to post yesterday. First of all I didn't have time and second I had no business in my state...and then I rethought it. It's during those hours when I'm deep in it that I have no choice but to be completely honest and in turn it's those words that end up becoming some of my favorite post because there raw and real. Strangely enough I want to remember what it was like during these crazy times (hopefully to help combat it). Plus I find, and I wonder if it's like this for you, I find I often feel better once I've posted and received feedback. It's like you just need someone else to validate and then kick you in the pants...GO DO...LIVE...I am reminded.



So today amongst the things I needed to do I made sure I did something simple that would guarantee a laugh. It's snowed today and thank goodness by the afternoon the snow that accumulated melted away because I really wanted to get outside...and so we did, the girls and I ventured outside to swing. It felt good to have the wind in my hair, to feel light and free allowing the sunlight to warm me. The best part...it was an activity we could all do together. I need to make sure I get more quality time in with my girls. Nothing is more important to me than that and if I've learned one thing from Jill's blog this week it's a reminder that you never know what's on the horizon so make it great now.

Another reminder...LIVE!

running life

Lately I feel like I just can't keep up with life. I keep telling myself when such and such is over I will be able to breathe and the next thing I know there is something looming on the horizon waiting to fill me up again.

For instance here is a glimpse of my week starting with the weekend.

Weekend



Easter and Easter festivities that I was getting ready for. Oh and Bella had Federation Saturday afternoon (it's a violin thing).

Monday

Bella's Birthday, making a cake last minute (can't believe I had looked over the cake), party with her friends (ended up doing it all by myself when my help backed out...very frustrating), dinner and movie that night.

Tuesday

food prep for the dinner...just the prep

YW etiquette dinner, which shouldn't have been a big deal, but making a dinner for that many people always ends up being a big deal. I spend my entire day working on it from decorating/setting up to making the food to putting it all together for the enjoyment of the youth. While leaving after cleaning up I had a glimmer of hope, thinking how nice it is this dinner is behind me when the President said we have to talk about next Tuesday since we haven't even thought about it. Sigh. The non stop YW is killing me...in a good way. I mean I love the girls and serving them, but it's a lot of work.

Yesterday, I also had a meeting crammed in, where everyone was late and screwed up the rest of my well thought out schedule to fit everything in, to discuss a lesson I'm suppose to be doing Sunday for the Relief Society/YW combined. This meeting should have happened weeks ago, but now I know it wouldn't have made a difference. Stuff we had agreed upon two weeks ago was totally change yesterday and now I'm scrambling to write my portion of the lesson.

coming up
I have Bella's Baptism Saturday that I'm still getting ready for. I was going to do invitations, but with all I've had going on it was the first thing to drop. I feel bad about it, but at some point something has to give. I'm working on the programs now and figuring out if I've missed something or forgot to invite someone. Of course that doesn't include the lunch/dinner I'm going to have for my family afterward so I still have lots to plan.

Ok, so I know this post has an air of complaint around it and I truly do not mean it that way. I know all this stuff is doable, very doable, and if I just stopped talking and start doing it would be done and no stress (this is not hard stuff). I guess my whole point is this, I know life doesn't get less busy, I get that, and as much as I want it to I know I've come to a point in my life where it's not going to slow down. So why in the world can't I just go with the flow, take the changes as they come and not stress about the piles that I see heaping on me? I'm not running my life, life is running me and I hate that. I want to wake up everyday and enjoy what I'm doing no matter what it is on my plate. I want to enjoy the process and right now I'm not.

I write lists. I try to do what I can to alleviate pressure from weeks like this that end up crazy, but when I'm in the middle of them I get overwhelmed, which always gets me down that I've not only made my life difficult, but my families as well.

So I've been wondering how much of this is pure personality. I've seen my mom react this way (this stress is in my blood) so I truly wonder if it's something I can change or if I'm forced to deal with this feeling my whole life? Hmm. Whether change is or is not possible it doesn't matter...I am not willing to go through life frustrated/overwhelmed because I can't keep up. I've got to figure something out. I believe it's possible.

Tell me I'm not alone. What do you to alleviate the pressure of the everyday? Do you think it's possible to change something that is so apart of you?

an easter story...for tess

Easter has always been a special holiday for me. This year even more so as I watched my sweet little tess start to understand why it is we celebrate the holiday.

A couple weeks ago while at game night Megan, like usual, asked to watch a movie. I told her to look through the stash and the next thing I know she pulls out "The Testament" and wants to watch it (It's a movie about Jesus, more specifically his visit to the people on the American continent after his resurrection). I was quite surprised by her choice, but figured I'd start it and see how long she would last, I guess you could say I was really curious. You know she did pretty good, at least 20 minutes, and while she watched several of the other kids joined in.



After the movie was over Tess came up to me, looked at me with her big hazel eyes and said, "Mom they killed him, they killed Jesus" and started to cry. It was so out of the blue, me in the middle of a game, but suddenly it was just me and her in the room having a moment together. I got emotional as I realized she felt something. She has always been my one who struggles to understand things she cannot see, but then in that moment her sweet little spirit was touched. Afterward we talked about the resurrection (perfect timing with Easter coming up), how Jesus did die, but he came back to life so that we could live together again. We've had these conversations in FHE and I know primary before, but until you feel it, you don't understand, and how grateful I am she did. I hope and pray this will only be the beginning for her and that she will continue to have experiences that will strengthen her understanding of her Father in Heaven and Jesus and bring her closer to them.

This is certainly a moment I will never forget and since I know she won't be writing about this in her journal i write this for her because I never want her to forget.

someone's turning 8!

She said, "Mom, I'm just so excited for my birthday I can't stand it anymore."

art by dad...invitation to party

It seems like we've been talking about this birthday for a while now, when she would turn 8 and get baptized. I just can't believe it's already here. So in honor of her birthday I will share with you 8 things that I simply love about her.



1. She always puts others first.
2. She has a strong desire to do what's right.
3. She loves her family (she loves that she has 2 sisters).
4. She has an endearing relationship with her Father in Heaven and gets teary whenever we talk about prayer.
5. She loves watching cooking shows...her favorite is Everyday Italian.
6. She's an amazing little violinist.
7. She really loves to learn anything...she especially loves to read.
8. She's a girl who needs time to herself and is not ashamed to ask for it.

Happy Birthday Bella!
I have been amazed, watching you these last several years, at the wonderful girl you have become. I remember when you were 3 years old and afraid of almost everything and now you're a girl eager to experience life. May you always be as happy as you are today. I love.

back to the normally scheduled program

I had the pleasure of having my morning to myself yesterday as my mom thankfully had my girls over for a sleepover so I could go to my bookclub Wednesday night. It was sort of strange coming home to an empty house, Adam was out of town, and waking up to a silent home, but it did allow me to finally get to some things I had been meaning to....namely creative.

Once again I took inspiration from Donna Downey and tired a different medium...watercolors. I had never used them before, well I guess I have when painting with my kids Crayola pack, but never tried a painting for real. So I just sketched a little drawing and used watercolors to fill it in.



I'm not sure it was a good first try, but I like it. Perhaps I just really like the drawing (wish i had that hair), and the way I was feeling when I did it makes it more meaningful. I don't know that watercolors will be my medium of choice, but I really like the airiness watercolors provide. Later in the day Bella saw me working on it and asked if it was for her. Apparently she really likes it and thought it looked like her. I think I may frame it and hang it in her room. Hopefully it will help reminder her that she is beautiful just the way she is.


I have a day ahead of me to think of what me and the girls can do, I want to do something fun since we have no big plans for spring break. I'm debating between a picnic at the park or Children's Discovery. The Sesame Street Body exhibit is still going and and I think they'd really like it, but it is a lot of work keeping your eye on three kids when there is so much going on. It seems sort of exhausting, but isn't that the types of things we do for our kids...running around in a stuffy building, being a kid ourself so they can have the experiences that makeup childhood. Hmm? I think I may do that.

I hope you have a wonderful start to your Easter weekend. Can't believe it's Easter in 2 days.

** Thank you all for your kind comments on my post yesterday. It's good to be back. **

naked

I come to you now putting it all out there on the table for you to see the insecure vulnerable woman I am. If you were reading my journal this would be the voice you would hear. I must admit, this is hard for me to do as the multiple drafts to this post will attest to. I have tried writing this for several weeks now, to allow myself to heal, but each time I find myself clicking on the "save now" button and starting over with something less meaningful.



I want to apologize for the randomness of this post, but for me it has not come out of the blue. It's how I've been feeling for a while now (I've been trying to drown it out with talk radio) and it's time to let it go or I may lose just what it is I love about blogging. So I write today out of necessity. Write what? I'm sure you're thinking. Write from the heart I guess. Putting myself out there to reclaim what it is I've lost. You see I just can't keep up the facade anymore. I got hurt by a fellow blogger a few weeks back and I admit she (I'm assuming it's a she) broke my blogging spirit. As much as I want to deny that I'm above women's pettiness it obviously affected me. As I look back on my blog these last few weeks there is a huge difference in my posts and I can see now what it is...I'm missing. I guess you could say I'm trying to protect myself so I've taken me out of the equation and have still attempted to document life. As evidence to this post (my feeling the need to write this) I've obviously done a poor job of it because I can see right through to the emptiness. Ok, not all of my posts since then have been without me...if you look, if you look hard, I am trying to reach out I just don't know how.

So in recent weeks I've had an on going debate, if I can't be me on my blog why am I doing it? It's certainly not worth all the time I put into it to come here years from now and reread an unoccupied blog. Yes, I've thought seriously about pulling the plug and walking away. Haven't you? I'm not sure my intention would have been forever, I mean I really love blogging, but I don't know that one can truly come back, in the blog world, from such a long sabbatical. And since the thought of that really scares me I've continued on in an attempt to find a way to get back what I had.

Last week I proclaimed a RDV (random declaration of victory) and told myself I was done feeling this way, I had taken a beating, but I can rise above, I can live without another thought of it, but the lie I was telling myself obviously didn't work because I am here, writing, attempting to deal with my feelings so they can stop haunting me. And you know it's working. For some strange reason I feel I can be honest, vulnerable, like I haven't in a long time, and be ok with what you might think. This blog, my words, is exactly that...mine. It's about my life, my heartache, my happiness and it's time I put the me back in the equation.

It's funny I suddenly feel like I'm naked and I don't know how to put my clothes back on, so I'll end with this...I am rising above, recognizing all the goodness that is around me and in turn I feel the blogging me resurfacing. So I guess all that's left to say is thank you. Thank you for helping me find my safe place again and letting me be vulnerable.

loving right now

1. New Organizer

I have been looking at the organizer from Pottery Barn for so long and I almost gave into it until I saw this organizer by Making Memories. It holds a ton and has done it's job by organizing the top of my messy desk...hopefully I can keep it that way. :)

2. Monday Night Shopping

We had planned on going out as a family Monday night as part of our FHE, but by the time it came around both Adam and I had had enough of the day and were worn out. I wasn't super excited about going out, but I know Bella wants a dress for her birthday/baptism and Easter is coming up so we at least needed to go out, so we did. I must admit I went into it thinking it would be a piece of cake, one trip to Dillards would do the trick, but as it turns out it was more of a challenge. There just weren't as many options as I thought there would be at a mall with multiple department stores and several chains this time of year. So after a couple hours of looking and buying a few new shirts for myself (yes I bought a bit of happiness...love that) we decided to go home and go shopping another day. Sometimes I just really hate shopping. No, let me rephrase that. I enjoy shopping when it's for fun, but when you're out looking for something specific I swear it can never be found. At least I had a good time hanging out with Bella and that I do love.

3. the book that took me 2 months to read

I finally finished The Book Thief. I started back in January and sadly I didn't read anything in between. It was a combination of working on my mom's book and yw that I didn't have time to read or I should say I didn't find time to read. Anyway, I loved it and would recommend it to anyone. It is a story about a young girl living in Nazi Germany narrated by death. I know that sounds a bit strange, but it actually gives it a bit of charm (if you can say that). It was nice for a change to get the side of the Germans and get a feel for what they went through as well...war is hard on everyone. Definitely put this book on your list of books to read this year.

4. Three cozies

Finding them asleep altogether...is there anything better than that?

weekend photos

While the snow rests on the grass outside we tried to think of spring, Easter, by decorating eggs. It worked for a moment.

And one more photo I don't want to leave out.


I was busy working on the program for Bella's baptism coming up when Megan came in, sat next to me, asked me to turn on Since You've Been Gone and then requested I stop looking at her. I quickly realized why and exited my studio to grab my camera. I knew I had one chance to get her in action before she saw my plan and stopped. I know not the best, man I wish my computer screen hadn't been on, but I successfully got her singing her heart out and that's all I wanted....to capture a little bit more of who she is. The more time passes and I watch her come into her own I realize just how similar the two of us are. I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. Hmm? I guess only time will tell.

at it again

1. I'm beginning to see a trend.
This week has been hard for me. I guess the easiest way to explain would be to say the crazy lady came to visit. I haven't wanted to whine about it so I've stayed silent, but this morning after waking up and feeling "amy" back again (hooray) I decided to track my progress so I can make sense of when the crazy lady comes and when I feel myself. As it turns out the post I wrote about the crazy lady visit last month was on the 15th. I was sure it would be close, but had no idea it would be exactly 4 weeks. Strangely enough it's too soon to be blamed on PMS (or so I think) so I'm going to be tracking my progress this year to see if I can make sense of it. Perhaps all I will find is that the crazy lady comes as quickly as she goes the same time each month. And since I know it's too powerful a feeling to just plan for, perhaps I can find ways to not let it take over and leave me feeling lost and unfulfilled. Tell me do you have visits from the crazy lady and if so have you ever tracked your progress? Have you been able to fight her off? I'm curious if it's possible.

2. A good run

It has certainly been a good run while it's lasted...the spring like weather that is. I knew it wouldn't last forever and that soon the white fluffy stuff would start falling again, but I wasn't quite prepared for it this morning. I was promised rain and see snow forming on my grass once more. It's such a bummer to think I'll be celebrating Easter in the snow. Why in the world does it have to be in March? I know it has something to do with the moon and what not, but why can't it be like Mother's Day and be on one Sunday in April (the 3rd sunday would be good).

3. Speaking of changes
I have so enjoyed day light savings. I was hesitant to have my mornings dark again, love waking up to light it makes me feel liked I've slept in, but having more light in the evening is a promise that we are headed out of winter and it's done wonders for my spirit.

4. the thrill has worn off

I've been listening to a lot of talk radio lately. It use to be just a car thing, since I'm in it so much, but realized I was bummed when my journey was over so I resorted to rummaging through my emergency kit and pulling out one of the 3 radios I have stashed in there. Turns out it works great and is so small I can carry it around with me from room to room (it's a shame ipods don't have the radio option). I have been so fascinated by the upcoming election and of course that's pretty much all they've been talking about that you'd think I would be enjoying the commentary, but now with so much air time given to the Spitzer scandal and who is or who isn't a racist it's all become a little too much for me. I would think our country would be above all this talk, but this election has proven otherwise. Such a bummer. So for now I'm done with talk radio for a while.

5. all pink all the time

I think the picture speaks for itself, but in case it doesn't this little girl has a contest with herself to see just how much pink she can put on each day. Today her pink polka-dot jammie shirt, pink sparkly ballerina, pink tights, and pink head band beat yesterdays outfit.

a different voice

because I haven't a clue what to say or how to say it...

I paint.

Perhaps it alone will share enough of what's in my head.

"just be"
13 march 2008

"stop searching"
late evening 12 march 2008

discoveries

It has been way too long since I've been out exploring in my yard, thanks to the thick blanket of snow, and now that it's gone (most of it anyway) I went out this morning to discover what beauty I could find admits the dead foliage and brownness constantly staring back at me.











found this one playing in the rocks wearing snow boats, tights, and a swimming suit (yes she has rediscovered it).


And I took this to play with the big reflection in her eyes. Can you see me?


I hope you're having a fabulous Monday!

through the clouds

courtesy iphone

I know it's faint, but if you look hard enough you can see the glimmer of a rainbow shinning through the dark dreary clouds.

As I came around the bend the other night and saw it, even in it's faintness, it gave me hope and reminded me that it is ok.

I wish every time the clouds came it would end in a splendid rainbow because then the lack of sun would give me reason to smile.

I know I've said it a few too many times, but it's feeling like spring and I'm oh so excited.

catching up with myself

1.

Tuesday night Bella participated in another violin recital. She played Concerto no. 5, 1st movement by F. Seitz. It's a difficult song, lasting 3.5 minutes, and I was proud of how well she did despite learning it so quickly. She seemed more cool and confident than I had ever seen her before we left, but it was evident to me just how nervous she was when she played. It's funny, she played for more than 40 people at my mom's birthday party, I had no idea she was doing that, and she looked like she was having such a good time, but for the recital she had her game face on and I could tell was feeling the pressure. I really am so proud of how far she has come in the 3 years she's been playing and hope she will keep it and enjoy it more and more.

2.

photo courtesy iphone

Earlier on Tuesday Lucy and I met up for lunch for my birthday. It was such a nice 2 hour lunch riddled with good conversation and no kids in sight. It has been such a delight to meet and get to know her the last few months and will miss her when she moves. She is such a genuine person and oh so funny. Thanks for lunch Lucy and a great afternoon.

3. I guess this is what happens when you haven't gone to costco in let's say, a month or so.

photo courtesy iphone

a car load of food, yes only food well and tide, and $275 poorer. I was bummed after all that money I didn't get anything fun.

4.


I've definitely got that spring itch. It has been wonderful the few days it's been decent enough weather to play outside. It won't be long now...I hope. :)

another year, another day, a birthday...his birthday

I came home last night around 9pm from young womans with a full heart for one reason or another and Adam, in his half asleep stupor, laid with me and talked me down. You see he has this way of calming me, of bringing me back to reality to focus on the things that truly matter in this life. Not to mention his utter selflessness which he showed last night by spend those moments with me where he could have been in a deep beautiful slumber.

Some say we are an odd match. I say we are the perfect match constantly complimenting each other as we strive to become what we dream. If I have ever been given a gift, he is it. I thank God he came into my life and that together we are finding our way.

So today while he, we, celebrate another year of his life I tell him once again that he is everything to me and all I ever need and want.

Happy Birthday love! May this year be better than the last.

because..

because sometime I forget it's in the quiet moments that pure magic can be found.

because I needed a reminder that these are the connections I want to capture.

because life comes at you fast and I want to remember it all.

1, 2, but not quite 3

I feel like I was caught up in a whirlwind and then spit back out. It's always good to hang out with my sister, but of course time stops and when it starts up again I realize it's still going for everyone else and I'm way behind. I guess I have lots to catch up on tomorrow.

1. Thursday before the big birthday rush I worked on my art journal and came up with this



I heard the term "Happily Ever Now" and loved what message it sent to me so I wanted to create something with it. It's a bummer when you're vision isn't completely realized. I keep telling myself it's the reason why I work on my journal so that one day what I see in my head I will be able to create. I'm not in love with it like some of the others, but it's done and I've learned from it...that's all that counts, right? Plus now that I've had a weekend away it's beginning to grow on me.

2. I got up from eating Sunday dinner with my family and started having problems with my knee. I can't stand on my left leg or lock it for any amount of time (it feels like my knee is trying to bend the other way). I don't really understand it, but I'm quick to blame the running I did last week. Yeah, I ran for about 8 minutes each day on my treadmill (pathetic I know). I'm slowly working into it even though I haven't exercised for the last 3 days and will most likely start from where I began last week. Why do I feel with exercise any strides I make get me no where because I'm constantly starting from scratch? Man, it feels like another life lesson could be learned from this...often in life I feel I'm always starting over.

3. So if I have a 1 and a 2 I feel I must have a 3, but I don't think I really have any more of my oh so exciting life to share. Hmmm. I need to eat dinner, but nothing sounds good. I can't wait for bed and am thinking I will lie down as soon as my kids go to bed in about 30 mins. I know, I told you, exciting life right? I guess I just wanted to check in since it's been a day or two. Hope all is well in blogland.

ciao.

Finally I feel like I can stop the charade.

Phew.

For the past six weeks I've been bottling secret after secret for my Mom's 60th birthday and it's been killing me. I've wanted to share what I've been up to and show my mom the gift my Dad asked me to make for her, but of course I've had to sit back and wait patiently. Well, let me paint a more accurate picture, I shouldn't say sit back and wait because every moment I had went into making her gift. Seriously hundreds of hours sifting through box after box of photos, scanning, and putting the gift together on my computer was all I did since the moment I was asked to do it.

But before I get into all of that...my sister is back in town. Yes that would be twice in the last 3 weeks. The first time was to take a family photo to go with the gift and this time to surprise my mom for her birthday. I'm actually shocked it ended up being a surprise at all with my multiple almost slip ups that could have given it away.

So today while trying to keep the charade going we headed to boondocks, a family fun center, and had a day of it.





After the all day event, we were so exhausted, we headed for the party. It was fun to see my mom completely surprised to see my sister and then equally surprised that my dad had invited all her family and friends to join us in celebrating her 60 years or what she likes to say, 15 years (leap year baby).



I must admit I was a bit nervous and on edge the entire time. It's so hard to give someone something you've worked so hard on and that everyone is counting on to be the big thing, but I knew she would love it so I don't know why I was so nervous. How could she not right? I mean it is a treasure to me how could it not be a treasure to her.


I made her a blurb book of her life thus far. Like I said it was quite an undertaking, but I'm so so glad I did it. I learned so much about my mother and came to understand her in a whole new way. I cried on may occasions as I remembered times and experiences with my family and almost wished I could go back to those moments when all seemed right and less complicated.

a few of the 166 page book

You know with everyone there she really didn't have that much time to sit down and read it all and soak in the photos, but I'm certain when she does she will feel loved and see that she has had a full life, and really that is all we wanted to give her...to know she is loved.



Happy Birthday Mom! I love you.