what season is it?

I don't know about you, but we've completely bypassed fall and gone straight to winter.

It's a very gray, very beautiful day to be in looking out.

my team

It's fun to watch them, to witness their relationship grow and develop. I hope they will always see themselves as a team, supporting, fighting for, loving each other throughout the journey of life. Because really, to have sisters/friends with you along for the ride makes all the difference in the world.

another milestone

Looks whose riding a bike!

Seriously I have no idea where this came from. Out of the blue while I was making dinner she was showing megan how she could balance on the bike. I told her she should try riding it because all it takes is balance. So she tried a couple of times and was doing really well, but dinner was calling my name so I went back inside to finish up. After dinner we all went out to the street to practice where there was more room to get good momentum. She did it almost immediately, but struggled with starting on her own. It didn't take long before she got that too, after we all figured out how hard it is to start while on an incline. So now she's feeling the freedom of childhood and accomplishment. So proud of her.

It was so interesting to see her go from not being able to ride without training wheels at all to fully riding a bike. I realized while watching her last night that all it took was for her to make up her mind that she wanted to do it. She had been looking at this bike, we were given by our neighbors, all summer just sitting there, not riding it because it didn't have training wheels. I guess she just decided that she wanted to ride the "pretty pink & blue bike" and was determined. We really can do anything we want as long as we put our minds to it.

here's a clip:

sorry for the shakes and my loud voice...I would turn down the volume

And one of the other two.

Bella seemed pretty bothered that Tess can ride a bike and she can't so hopefully this will encourage her to want to try. Really I believe that's all it takes.

listen to my hands

Months ago I heard the album, Time without Consequence by Alexi Murdock. It was Adam's find, or Lori's, whatever the case Adam was in love with it so it played consistently throughout the house day after day. It's weird with his music it takes me several times to get into it. Not that I don't like it at first listen, but I have to hear it constantly before I take the time to find out what the songs are all about. With this album I had decided there was something about the song, Song For You so I really listened to it, which means I took in the lyrics. It was more beautiful than I had previously thought, it reminded me so much of the time in my life I had been sad, really really sad, but always had a constant, Adam, always there, not giving up.

So today I wrote a song for you
Cause a day can get so long
And I know its hard to make it through
When you say theres something wrong

So I'm trying to put it right
Cause I want to love you with my heart
All this trying has made me tight
And I don't know even where to start

Maybe thats a start

Cause you know its a simple game
That you play filling up your head with rain
And you know you are hiding from your pain
In the way, in the way you say your name

And I see you
Hiding your face in your hands
Flying so you wont land
You think no one understands
No one understands

So you hunch your shoulders and you shake your head
And your throat is aching but you swear
No one hurts you, nothing could be sad
Anyway you're not here enough to care

And you're so tired you don't sleep at night
As your heart is trying to mend
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end

And its strange that you cannot find
Any strength to even try
To find a voice to speak your mind
When you do, all you wanna do is cry

Well maybe you should cry

And I see you hiding your face in your hands
Talking bout far-away lands
You think no one understands
Listen to my hands

And all of this life
Moves around you
For all that you claim
You're standing still
You are moving too
You are moving too
You are moving too
I will move you

"Listen to my hands" were the words that stopped me dead in my tracks. It's four very simple words and with it packs an unbelievable punch. I love Alexis' use of the word "listen". Instead of listen to my words, it's listen to my hands...look, I'm showing you I love you. It's so easy to tell someone you love them, it's so easy to speak the words and have the conversations, but it's the doing that somehow becomes more complicated. I'm not sure why that is, perhaps we are lazy by nature, perhaps we think that unconditional love is going to kick in without any effort on our part, but whatever the case when our significant other finally has the courage to say,"this is what I need from you", how willing are you to get up and do it for them?

Through the last 12 months I've realized it's the doing that counts, precisely the reason why I chose that word this year. Who cares what I say or what my intentions are, what am I doing to show him I love. This simple knowledge has made all the difference in the world. It's changed my marriage, the direction my life...it's changed me.

another tooth bites the dust

After months, or I should say years, of waiting she finally lost her first top front tooth today. It has been wiggling for weeks so I'm happy to see it go, I hate when they're just hanging there. She of course was thrilled it happened at school again so she could get a tooth box from the office. The second one is also loose and hopefully on it's way out asap, and then I guess will waiting another year for any more teeth to fallout. It appears we're on the yearly schedule.

It has been weird looking at her, it just changes her look so much. I was ready for it to come out, but I don't know that I'm ready for her to start looking older, it's amazing what big teeth will do to your look. I guess will just have to wait and see, so far just a space.

And since I'm talking about Bella I can't resist sharing a hilarious comment she made yesterday. Someone pulled up on our driveway and naturally she ran to the window to find out who. When she realized it was the Bishop she yelled, "It's the Bishop, everyone act natural!" When we told the Bishop he got a good laugh.

fall drive

Each day as I take the girls to school I see the brilliant colors on the mountain side telling me it's indeed fall so I figured now is the time to take our family canyon drive we do every year. This seems to be one of the more trickier family traditions we have because we can never get the timing just right. Most years we're waiting for it to feel and look like fall in the valley, but once that happens the mountains are usually past their prime.

Yesterday was such a wonderful day and the drive was absolutely beautiful through the only forest I've ever known. I think we may have overshot it by a week, but with this weekends storm coming in and the promise of snow in the mountains I'm glad we did it before it got too cold.

We stopped along the way to take a few shots, which ended up being a place were there had been recent bear sightings (signs on the tress)...nice. We didn't stay long, but long enough to laugh at each other, have Bella take a few of Adam and I, listen to Tess complain about having to go to the bathroom, enjoy the crisp clean air, and snuggle in for a family self portrait.

all kinds of random

1. Currently I am working on two different albums.

First one being my Europe trip. I have been back and forth about what to do and finally found a fabulous idea from Cathy Zielske that would be the perfect solution. While Adam was gone last week I designed her layout to a different format, again took why longer than I thought. With all my photos finally enlarged and printed I am just about ready to assemble, I just need to type up all my journaling, so glad I took a notebook along to journal our experience in the moment, and find a few quotes to add before I can print it. The photo is a sneak peak at what it will look like, you're viewing the title page.

The second one I'm working on is a small 6x6 album all about stuff I don't want to forget out of everyday life. I haven't actually began working on it yet, but in my head I know exactly what I want to do. It will be simple with journaling on one side and a photo on the other. It's pretty much a book that will never be completed since everyday there is something more I want to add. Here is an example:

Every night before we say prayers as a family it becomes one big wrestling match, game playing, & tickle fighting before we actually settle down and get on our knees. It's one thing I never want to forget about life right now with my little ones.

2.

Summer is official over. Did you realize that? I welcome the change, but I will miss the carefree living that summer provides, rolling around in the grass, yes I roll, and the time spent outdoors. Until next time I guess, for now I am ready for the heat to pass and the colors to come, they're already here, for the smell of cool air, for crackling of the leaves, for the holidays, for sweaters to be brought out, and fires in the fireplace.

3. today I found this

and this

which made me more than smile. I love discovering photographs.

4. After months of looking at 2 blank Ikea frames, I had the rt one order and placed long ago, my enlarged 16x20 photos from Europe finally arrived in the mail yesterday. Seriously adds so much to our entry.

sorry for the glare

5.Last, but not least I need your help, your opinion. I have 3 credits in my audible account that have just been waiting for me because I'm afraid to make a choice, I'm so bad at decisions. I'm not sure what books deem worthy of being listened to? Should I choose something I want to read or something I know I will love and want to hear over and over again? What is your requirements for audio books? Help.

1st round

Mid September and we've already had our first carving. I guess all it takes is for the weather to cool a bit and the pumpkins to come out.



Each girl had their own special pumpkin and was able to design it for their dad to carve. Bella and Megan both wanted happy faces, Tess a sad face. It's funny I've already heard them discuss what they want him to do next time. As years pass it's amazing when you see them remembering and looking forward to our traditions, they get that we will be doing this again before Halloween, of course, why shouldn't they. Sometimes I forget they're not so little anymore.

I've been lighting them in the morning because it doesn't get dark enough before bed time. Imagine that. It has been welcome company in the wee hours of the morning before we all head out our different ways.

switcherooni

Guess where I'm standing while taking this photo?

Yes, I will be changing that fan/light

If you guessed my bedroom you were correct.

Friday I had this wild and crazy idea. Well, I guess it wasn't so wild, it's something that we were going to do in a year down the road, but I had been thinking an awful lot about it and decided what the heck let's make it a reality. When we designed our home we build three bedrooms all in a row for each of our girls. One of them was currently my studio until Megan was old enough to move near her sisters. Well the time has come to move her to her rightful place, next to her sister's where I must say she is so excited about.

I knew what I had signed up for (a load of work), but I don't think I realized just how much stuff I had and how many trips that really meant of me, just me, going back and forth. I was non stop all day Saturday and Monday (it was all I could do to keep the sabbath, I really wanted to finish). I had to move Megan out, then all the girls wanted new rooms so we switched everyone around. With Adam's help I was able to get all the furniture moved by the end of Saturday. Monday I started at 6am putting shelves up, which always takes way more time than planned. Then I had the horrible task of moving the stuff out of my studio closet. I have a lot of stuff...I'm going to be selling a lot of stuff. Once I was done moving my stuff out I was ready to make a closet for Bella, move her in my old studio, then move Tess' cloths to Bella's old room and the story goes on with Megan. Phew! It has been a long few days, but oh so worth it. The girls are all happy about their new digs and me, well, I'm loving the space, the light, and the proximity to my bedroom.

check out my new ikea shelves, the shelves I have been coveting for 3 years now.

I'm not 100% finished, still things I want to change. Are you ever really done? It's a constant process, at least for me, one I love very much.

she said

as she climbed onto my lap with her I want something face on, "mommy can i have some gummy bears?"

"No, Megan, I told you you could have one treat when we came home from the store and you choose to have m&ms."

cupping my face with her little hands she replied, "mommy, I just changed my mind."

Just listen to that logic. Don't think it wasn't hard saying no to that face.

yesterday in my inbox

I was on the list of an email from my sister's friend Alecia about a blog she had just started. Her second paragraph said this,

"The second reason I started blogging hit me the other day as I was reading Amy M's blog (HI AMY!!!). Amy is actually my BFF's sister and I really want to get to know this gal! I realized blogging is a GREAT way to make connections with people that you many not ordinarily have the pleasure of associating with, and learning from, due to location, etc. She also taught me something else, without knowing it. She's very open with her feelings and expresses them beautifully. At first I thought, "I can't do that...share my inner self for all to read. Then I realized that I've spent much of my life not knowing who I really am and perhaps if I dare to follow Amy's lead I will find myself in the process. Thank you Amy, you're an inspiration!"

A bigger compliment she could not have given me. It's sometimes hard and scary to put myself out there in the world, but it makes all the difference in the world knowing I could have just inspired someone to do the same thing. I don't share this to boast, but rather to remind us all what a difference we are making in each others life.

It didn't hit me until after reading this email how much the changes I have made in my life have been a result of blogging. First of all I think there is something to keeping a journal. I have done it in the past and never thought it made much of a difference, but now what I've noticed is it really helps when your words are at your finger tips at any given moment. Before I would always write what I was feeling, walk away and never revisit it, but now with blogging and comments it gives me more time to reflect and have some sort of discussion with others (you), which helps me to continue to formulate my thoughts. I have learned a lot about me being willing to share. Is it like this for you?

Thank you to all those who have been with me through this process. Blogging really is cool and has made such an impact on my life. I never knew how much I needed you all. I would've never guessed when I started 2 years ago that blogging would have made such a significant difference to my life.

So go check out Alecia's blog. She is eager to get involved and will be a wonderful addition to the ever growing circle of blog friends. I am really hoping her involvement will get my sister to start one of her own.

spt - childhood memories

Ah my childhood. What can I say? When I think about it I have a very selective memory. I don't know why, but it has definitely taken on a dream like quality where I wonder, was I really ever that young? Was there a time when someone really took care of my 100%?

I loved my childhood. I mean really I had what I thought to be the best life a person could have. I had multiple friends in the neighborhood, healthy rivalries with my siblings, imaginary worlds and friends without number, and I was loved and very much taken care of by my wonderful parents, all with having very little.

This photo more than anything stand out to me for several reasons. First of all I can remember it perfectly, a pool in the middle of a golf course in Afton Wyoming where my Aunt and Uncle had a cabin. It was a place I formed many many memories and seek to have these same experiences with my children. (Adam and I hope to find a cabin, someday.) I must have been about 4 since my younger brother isn't in this photo, and I will never forget how much fun we had together. How snotty I was when telling my mom, "well, i guess, i'm just goina havta dwowned" when she wouldn't blow up my floaty for the tenth time (I only know this because it was caught on tape and if I could share it with you I would...it's perfect and explains a lot to me about megan).

Looking back at my childhood, those moments that are wrapped around my family are the strongest and so important to me. I love remembering all the times we had together and continue to remind myself that we can still have them and that we will have them forever.

a few more photos to share from that same time period.

horseback riding, 3 yrs old

christmas morning 1979. I wish I could remember that doll and check out my starwars night gown.

Christmas morning 1977. I love the jacket/pant suit I'm wearing.

Do some of these photos not remind you of my girls?

I just love looking through old photos. I have tons and tons from my dad. Not as many from this time period, but over my life my dad always had his camera out. I am so grateful for those photos. They have helped me to remember moments I may have forgotten and given me a great reminder as to why I love capturing life.

8 randoms

I was tagged by Leah, a darling woman I met in San Diego whose photography is nothing short of inspirational, to list 8 random facts about me. I'm racking my brain to think of eight things and yet I know not too long ago I threw down 100 like it was no big deal.

Here it goes.

1. I don't like it when Adam goes to bed before me, but it happens almost every night.

2. It's in the 70's (degrees) today and I wish it would stay this way for the rest of the year and then snow on Christmas.

3. Sometime over the last four months or so I got over my desperate need for a mac. I walk by the apple store, I see a commercial and there is no longing....I sort of miss it.

4. I'm a completely different me than I was 12 months ago. Happier. More confident. More courageous. Less want. More love.

5. In the wee hours of the night I always crave either french fries or Arby's roast beef.

6. I'm seriously thinking about taking a modern dance class, I miss dancing.

7. If I had to choose between TV and the internet I would choose internet. No question.

8. A perfect day for me would be at home, with family, good food, and a nap.

I'm tagging
Lucy
Jordan
Lisa
Lori
Hannah

I have a full heart today.

It hit me as soon as I woke up. It's not a bad thing, I guess you could say my emotions are just so close to the surface. I've been brought to tears several times just by listening to a song or while watching a mother with her 3 daughters (ages 11-16) realizing I will be there someday soon and how I desperately want to hold onto this time I have while their so young. It will be hard when they don't want to cuddle anymore, when they don't need me the same (already seeing that). Megan asked me, "Are you goin' to be sad when I get older?", and "When I'm big like you the'll be two mommys". It's so strange for me to hear her talk about growing up.

Sigh...

I'm not really a fan of Saturdays. Not sure why, but I have my suspicions that it has something to do with errands, and the need to do something when there's nothing to do. I tried to rise above this and have the best day I could with my girls. We started with our dance classes, played with friends, went out to dinner, and rented movies. I also spent the afternoon scrapbooking. I wasn't feeling it, but really wanted to create, so I ended up using my blog as inspiration. Got to love already having your thoughts recorded.

The more I think about how I'm feeling I realize the tenderness comes from knowing how wonderful my life is. That contentment and happiness I feel does make me soft because it's all I ever wanted and it's staring back at me. I feel unbelievably lucky. Today I am grateful.

Happy Birthday Lolo!!!

a find

I've been looking through my photos from this summer making sure I have everything backed up and I came across this photo I took of my boy on July 4th. Such a coincidence finding it today, or not, while missing him since his been out of town. Even though he is away from me he always finds a way of leaving himself behind. Making me feel loved.

and so it begins

Tess got up early this morning with bright eyes and an excitement to start her first of many years in grade school. She cracks me up the way she is always so careful not to give away too much, sitting cool eating breakfast pretending there was nothing special about this day. She didn't want me to drop her off at school, she wanted to go with the neighbors who take Bella every morning, but I talked her into it once I realized I wouldn't get the chance to take photos. She got in line to enter the school with her classmates as if she had done it several times before. A ping of, I don't know, could it have been sadness, hit me as I realized she was more than ready for this moment and didn't need me. She gave me one of her quick quirky smiles and walked toward the door, following the girl in front of her.

I don't usually get sad about my girls going off and leaving me, especially something as simple as kindergarten, and I'm not even sure that's what it was. She just look so big, so ready for this new adventure, almost like she didn't need me anymore. As I watched her disappear into the classroom apart of me knew I wasn't quite ready for to grow up. Then I snapped out of it, she's only gone for 3 hours which seems like nothing really, and well, I know that she will have the best time on her own making new friends, after all it's a part of life I always loved.

So here I am, at home, just me and Megan. It's really something we have never experienced together (last year she was always napping) so I'm looking forward to the chance to get to be with her and reconnect while everyone else is in school. I have enjoyed her. She seems to be quite a different little girl when alone with you. It will only be 3 days a week since she'll be in school the other days, luckily giving me a few hours a week to breath.

Though I always look forward to them coming home and hearing their stories, I am really looking forward to a few moments of peace.

Wouldn't it be boring if we all were the exact same?

For FHE we talked about how wonderful it is that we are all different. We look different, we talk different, we create different, etc, but with all these differences we are still all children of our Heavenly Father and how important it is that we treat each other the same.

It was a fun family project (glad Whitney could join us) to watch as each girl took to their doll in a different creative direction.

As I sit here thinking about this topic I moved pass the "treat each other the same" and remind myself how each person in my life with their differences serves to bring to me something I am lacking, something that I need. How grateful I am that we're all different in our own little ways, that we can strengthen each other along the way and do for each other what we cannot do for ourselves. My life is richer because of those in it and full of beautiful different colors.

Are we not lucky to be so different? I wouldn't have it any other way.