a closer look

It's always around this time, as it is with most people, that I reevaluate my goals and make new ones or keep the old ones that are incomplete. It was a little discouraging for me to see many of my goals for 2008 go unfinished. Then I heard this quote on Sunday and it really struck a chord with me.

I do not believe that any man lives up to his ideals, but if we are striving, if we are working, if we are trying, to the best of our ability, to improve day by day, then we are in the line of our duty. If we are seeking to remedy our own defects, if we are so living that we can ask God for light, for knowledge, for intelligence, and above all, for His Spirit, that we may overcome our weaknesses, then, I can tell you, we are in the straight and narrow path that leads to life eternal. Then we need have no fear.

- Heber J. Grant (April 1909)

My brain works in lists and I much prefer to add something to my list so I can check it off and move on. I'm now realizing many of my goals are a process and can't just be check off a list and forgotten about. It doesn't matter how long it takes me to finish as long as it's something I'm continually working towards. So instead of getting discourage when I look at my list, I am now happy about the strides I've made this year (2008) and feel encouraged to keep on moving....keep on trying. For instance, I was hoping to be able to run a 10k by the end of the year. Unfortunately I am far from it, but I did start running and can now run for 10 mins, walking 1 min 3x (does that make sense?). So I am progressing and that's all that matters because we all work at different paces. And it may take me another year to work up to a 10k, but who cares how long it takes as long as I'm trying.



It's a shame some goals can't just be crossed off our list, but I believe it's the doing that makes the difference in helping shape us into the individuals we want to become. I have a lot of work to do and I know I could try even harder to do my best, but I won't let myself get discouraged. I have such a positive outlook on this new year...I feel like the skies the limit and that anything is possible.

Where ever you find yourself tonight when the clock strikes 12...be safe, have fun, and by all means have a Happy New Year!

spt (self portrait tuesday) - hope

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
- Albert Einstein

Tess and I made some reminders of hope with our ornaments this year. We are definitely feeling hopeful around here about life, about the new year.



And I'm increasing hopeful that there will be many more moments like these with my girls. I don't know what would be more meaningful than to teach them what I love. There is usually a project in the works at my house, but not always a project together and I want to make sure there are more and more projects together. I too often forget that they're old enough to learn just about anything and I'm excited to share it with them.

thawing out

[I couldn't believe how warm it was today. I was shoveling some snow that got neglected last week and I was doing it in a t-shirt.]

What is that feeling after a big holiday or event that make you want to purge and clean like mad? Maybe not everyone feels that way, but I always do. It's most prevalent after the winter, summer, and especially after Christmas. I guess so many things get neglected with the holiday busyness that it's nice to finally get things in order. Of course nothing says organization like the new year. I always like to start off fresh and yes that includes my goals.

Well, today the majority of the day was spent organizing and cleaning. I almost took down all the Christmas decorations, but I just couldn't bare to say goodbye to the lights just yet so I'll wait until Friday like I normally do. We are looking pretty good over here except for my studio which is still a disaster.



I've decided to take a picture of my desk once a week this year just to see how it evolves. I like the idea of seeing what stories the messiness tells, like the cough drops on my desk share that I was feeling less than myself around the holidays or the crochet hat in the back by my monitor shares that I went to Joanns today to get some yarn so I could attempt my first crochet hat (I actually did finish it tonight, but will share it when I take a picture) or the Christmas wrapping paper that is still out shares the time of year. So many stories in one small pictures. I'm quite excited about this new project of mine. If nothing else it will definitely help me appreciate all the work that's getting done to create such a mess.

One more thing....your help is needed. Yesterday out of the blue I got a new calling for my church. I'm now an 'activities day' leader which is planning/executing two activity a month for 8-11 year old girls. I'm looking forward to something different, I've never done activities day before, but I will miss being in the primary and teaching each week. Since I've never done it I feel sort of at a lost so could you please share any ideas you might have or a good resource for me to draw on? I would greatly appreicate it.

Hope it was a good post Christmas Monday.

Our holiday

I'm not sure what it was, but I can't remember having a more pleasant Christmas than we had this year. Of course it could have had something to do with the fact that I was in my pjs all day just hanging out with family. It was simple, low key, and perfect...definitely worth all the crazy that ensued days before.



Christmas Eve was spent with Adam's family. It's been several years now that we've kept up with our Christmas Eve tradition. We get together in the afternoon, have a fabulous meal, open up our gifts to each other, and then usually play games and eat some more. What could be better than that?

Christmas morning we started around 7 o'clock, quite a change from last year when I had to wake the girls up because my parents were coming over and they were all asleep, but I wasn't surprised. They went to bed pretty excited about Santa coming. Poor Bella woke up feeling sick and threw up several times. She didn't look too bad, but her multiple trips to the bathroom weren't just for show. I felt bad of all the days it was Christmas she wasn't feeling well. Lucky for her it didn't last all day. After she ate something for breakfast she was fine. She kept telling me the OJ cured her.

It was enjoyable watching my girls excitement as each gift was unwrapped. I think I will miss that most when they grow up. Hopefully the Christmas morning magic will never go away...I'm crossing my fingers. I was happy they liked their homemade gifts and surprised how much they loved their new robes...that was the big hit. Who knew?

After gifts were opened and those blasted plastic packages & twist ties finally loosened my family (parents & sister's family) came over for breakfast. It's a tradition we started a few years ago and it's something we have loved hosting. From there we just hung out and stayed as we were...our_non_showered_pjed_selves. It was delightful.

And as for me, well, the gift Adam gave to me may have helped in making my Christmas magical...



A canon 5d Mark II. (jaw drop)

If you don't know what this is, it's a magnificent glorious piece of equipment that I have been dreaming of for two years now. When I opened the box I was speechless, completely surprised. Adam laughed as I held onto the box for quite some time as if someone was going to come take it away from me. I just couldn't believe it was actually mine, I never thought I would see the day. I haven't stopped smiling and don't think I ever will. As far as I'm concerned I don't need another gift again.

I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas holiday. It's crazy to think it's behind us and another 365 days away. Bella got teary when she realized the day was gone and would have to wait a whole year to do it again. It's definitely hard to feel so much anticipation and then have it gone so quickly. A tricky lesson to learn as a child and one I'm still not use to.

from all of us to all of you...

[photo by amydf]

Merry Christmas

miracle

I think we've all finally stopped feeling deja vu and let the holiday resume. Yesterday could have been a very different day for my family as it had been years ago. Something all of us have dreaded living over again and thought for a split second that we had.



My sister came into town over the weekend and yesterday we went to the cemetery to bring a bit of Christmas to my brother's grave like we do every year. We had no idea that while we had this moment with my brother that my younger brother Chris was trying to get a hold of us. His family was on their way to California to celebrate Christmas when they hit a patch of black ice and they flipped their SUV. A very familiar tale to us, but gratefully this one had a very different ending....all four of them walked away without any injuries.

I can't even tell you how grateful I am that they are all ok. When I first heard the news I felt like I was 16 again feeling my world crumble. Life froze for those first few seconds and I couldn't hear the words fast enough that they were all fine. I never really thought I would ever have those same feelings again or I guess I should say I prayed that I wouldn't and it took me a while to stop shaking, I think it took us all some time to calm down. It's been good that we've all been together and only wish Chris and Amy and the kids were here with us as well (they eventually did end up making it to CA). I feel like I need to see them to make sure their ok, but I know they are.

I debated about posting about this incident, but I didn't want to forget what it feels like to witness a miracle. I know that sounds really cheesy, but to experience a brother get in an accident and die and another get in a similar accident with his entire family and live seems like a miracle to me and a gift to my family.

Today I am grateful. Utterly grateful.

PS if you are driving in the next few days be safe. drive slow. :)

twelve

[photo by Bella]

What I've learned in our twelve years together is marriage is not something you arrive at, it's something you work for everyday...together. I think once both of us truly understood that our life together changed.

After twelve years I can still say he makes me laugh everyday. After 4380 days I can still say hearing the garage door open and seeing him walk up the stairs is one of the best parts of my day. After 105,120 hours I can still say he listens with the intent to help and understand. After 6,307,200 minutes I can still say his touch is still as sweet. After 378,432,000 seconds that have gone by I can still say being with him is my absolute favorite thing.

love, we've had some growing pains during these last twelve years, but I can honestly say I am grateful for them because it has brought us here. I luv.

in the weeds...the holiday edition

I'm officially over my limit. To be fair I feel like it's calming down a bit, but all week I've been so busy running around going from one thing to the next, no exaggeration, hoping not to miss anything. Luckily I do have a quiet night tonight, but then again I do have some wrapping to do so I may start working on that tonight.

proof of the crazy

1.

It snowed really bad twice and I was unfortunately on the road each time. It's a crazy feeling driving on the freeway at 25 mph. I don't care what kind of car you drive, when the roads are this bad you slide all over the place.

2. As a family Monday night we went and purchased our Sub for Santa gifts that I have been working on for Enrichment. It was fun for the kids to pick out the items they wanted to get and feel like they were apart of it. Of course this event wouldn't be complete without some drama...one thing I needed to get was a $25 gift certificate and by the time Wednesday came along I couldn't find the card. I looked every where I could think of and no luck. This morning I went out and got another one and of course, of course when I got home I found the one I had previously bought. Ah, got to love the timing.

3. Made holiday cookies for enrichment night. Set up, ran, and cleaned up the event.

4. Yesterday my car came 3 feet from getting back into in the Costco parking lot. A huge truck with a large trailer backed up into the car that was right next to mine. I was, to say the very least, so grateful it wasn't me standing in the snow wondering how I was going to get Megan and myself home or anywhere else for that matter. I said a big thank you for that one. Why was I the lucky one?

5. Note to self...I live where the winter comes, I need boots or else shorter pants. Tuesday I walked around with 4 inches of my pant leg sopping wet. Not to mention there was actual snow build up in my pants.

6.

Went to Megan's dance class and watched them do a little show. Nothing special, it was just for the kids to show us what they've been doing since September. It was nice having Crystalyn to talk with during the breaks. Megan and her Hanna take the class together.

7.

I put together and delivered our neighborhood gifts. This year we did something simple and gave out hot cocoa.

8. Went to book club and came home with the book The Collected Stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald. I've very happy about that...thanks midge.

9.



I finally got most of my Christmas cards put together. Tess helped me by stamping all the envelopes. It was interesting watching her put them on as straight as possible...she likes to do everything perfect or not at all. I think she did better than I would have done.

10. I left the house a wreck on Tuesday when I walked out the door at 8:45am. When I came home that night at midnight, from bookclub, the house was clean. Adam knowing how much I would love it cleaned it up for me. Thanks love. You saved my Wednesday.

11.

Another program for Megan. This time it was her school performance. She gets a bit shy at first, but once they start going she sure does love to put on a show.

12. While watching my friends kids today, so she could get a much needed break, the 2 1/2 year old who is in the process of potty training pooed her pants. Yes, you read that right. Poo! I was surprised I didn't loose it. If it had been my child I think I may have (I wonder what that's about), but I just calmly cleaned her and my carpet up. I think the two of us have definitely bonded.

13. I've been to Costco and Target twice.

14. Had lunch with some friends in my neighborhood.

15.Volunteered for both Tess and Bella's classrooms.

I know I've missed some things, but I better call it quits. I think 15 items is enough for one post not to mention one week.

spt - comfort

One of my favorite things during Christmas is to sit by the light of the tree and just think. I've done it as long as I can remember. As a child I would sneak up stairs at night to sit in front of the tree so I could be alone. For some reason I'm drawn to the lights. I can't really explain it other than the lights are very comforting and make me happy.

On this particular occasion, after the kids were in bed and the house was all quiet Adam found me and joined me in my thoughts. We sat reminiscing about our childhood Christmases and how we want to give that same magic to our three.

It's crazy when I was looking at this picture just how much the lights on the tree brighten up the room. I don't think Christmas would be the same without that glow in our home each night. I love it.

On a side note...since we are talking about comfort this week I could have easily shared how the pants I am wearing in this picture are the most comfortable pair of pants I own. So I guess I can say everything about this says comfort to me...the lights, Adam, clothes, and even the hot chocolate.

snow fight

Over the weekend there was a huge snow storm and well, we couldn't quite resist getting out in it.

























and you can't have a lot of fun without making a big mess. We spent the rest of the day thawing out. Good times.

her show

Adam and I were talking the other night about how we don't have many videos of our kids. We are actually quite disappointed we've missed so many great opportunities to capture them with their funny sayings and personalities. Well, there's no time like the present to get started, after all they are still young. So Thursday while Megan and I played go fish or rather "gold fish" as she likes to call it, she was cracking me up by saying things like "hideous" that I pulled out my Nikon coolpix with the video option and captured the video below. I hesitate to share it because I know I think it's hilarious because she's my child, however, I do realize it may not be funny to anyone else....though by watching it you now may understand what I mean when I talk about her way. Yes, I thought the video was funny, but it was more the way she reacted to it that cracked me up.


[ps this is probably our 8th game of the morning, but our 100th game of the week.]

She loves this video. Loves it. I was working on some tags yesterday and she sat in front of the computer and replayed it over and over. She kept saying, "I want to watch my show". I think we listened to it at least 20 times while she sat there.



It was cute to see her giggling about stuff she would say and it made me happy to think she will have this memory forever. It definitely made me see we have missed out by not pulling out our video camera. I've actually wanted a flip for a while now so maybe I'll invest in one soon.

P.S. After playing 'go fish' all week I have been dying for some new card games. Please share some that would be fun to play with only 2 people. We played war, but it wasn't as fun as I remember and now I wonder if we were doing something wrong.

knitting (a story)

My middle name is Gretchen (did you know that?) and I'm named after my Grandma, my Dad's mother, who died years before I was born. As a little girl I always remembered being so sad that I never had the chance to meet her. I remember seeing pictures of her and thought she was so beautiful and hearing stories about how she was a great cook and loved to knit. I remember the day, ok not the exact day, but round about day, I discovered a sweater she made for my dad when he was 18 years old. I thought it was beautiful and instantly wanted to create beautiful sweaters just like her. I guess, I just always wanted to be like her because we shared the same name.


[my inspiration, the sweater my grandma made for my dad 45 years ago, yes I stole it from him with his permission...sort of]

Life happened, time went on, and I never learned how to knit until the fall of 2001, specifically labor day weekend. I was up in Afton, WY and my aunt, my Dad's sister, got me started on a red hat (seen below on Megan) and taught me how to cast on and the basic knit stitch. I was so excited when I got home to be knitting that I went to the local wool shop to get a pattern and some cute yarn. The lady at the store told me I should start with a scarf, but I was more ambitious. I had just knit a hat (that was practice, right?) and wanted to dive right in and make a sweater. I figured if I'm going to be knitting I might as well be knitting what I want.

I found a very cute cardigan sweater (pg. 13 ) in Debbie Bliss Quick Baby Knits pattern book that I decided to tackle. Since I really had no idea how to add or decrease a stitch or even how to read a pattern I invested in The Complete Idiots Guide to Knitting and Crocheting. I think there are better ones out there now, how could there not, but it work great for my needs at the time. Plus it also taught me how to crochet so it was a two in one.

A few months later, a book read, and a few stops back to the wool shop for advice I had made this.


[my first sweater. Megan wanted to try it on and I thought it wouldn't fit because it's a 2t. Then I remembered, after she had it on, that I messed up and made the sleeves way too long so although it is tight in the mid section the sleeves fit.]

I have to say I was so pleased that I actually made a sweater (mind you, it wasn't any old sweater it had a collar, button holes, and even pockets) it made me feel like I could create anything. Seriously, it was very empowering.

I won't go on and on with the rest of this history, but suffice to say, along the way, somewhere in the middle of making hats for my wee little ones, booties, scarfs, blankets, and a few more sweaters still unfinished, I found the perfect pattern and made a sweater just like the one my Grandma made for my Dad (below).


[my first hat and aran sweater, photo taken in the fall]

I think this is my favorite knitting project so far and the one that made me feel closer to my Grandma than anything. I like to think knitting is in my blood thanks to her. I like to think I am closer to her and know her when I knit...so that is how I got started and why I never want to stop.

funny to me

1. A conversation had one evening while Adam and I walked down the hall to our room and the kids were brushing their teeth.

me: "Adam I need you to help me with one thing tonight before bed."

adam: "UGH!" (It's not really so much the UGH as it is the sound made when saying it. I asked Adam how I would type it out and he said it wasn't possible. He's probably right. It's the sound that makes it so great, not the word. It's something we say in an exasperated funny way toward each other when we know what the other is asking...I wish you could hear it it always makes me laugh. ps I believe the original came from me)

bella: said from the bathroom, "Dad, that doesn't sound like a very good attitude."


2. hot tropical sun aimed without mercy at those who have any ambition whatsoever -story people


3.


Monday night Adam brought this video to my attention and we watch it several time in a row laughing uncontrollably each time. It's four minutes long and it may take a minute to load, but it's so worth your time. Particularly listen to the announcer in the background. I didn't pick up on what she was saying until the third time through...hilarious.

sp - joy

Christmas related activities with my family rank up to the top of my happy list.



Last night was no exception as we decorated our gingerbread house for fhe. It was particularly funny for me to look at some of the photos I captured (set on a timer) while we decorated. I saw lots of little hands going to their mouths instead of on the house. I guess that's what it's all about.



When it was all over, I got a good laugh while looking through my pictures. Tess eventually caught on (the camera was taking pictures) and started making faces/poses at the camera. It's always a surprise what you're going to get when you've set a timer and this one made me smile.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

I'm not the biggest fan of snow, but I have to tell you, I do love a good snow storm when you don't have to leave your home. Since I'm still feeling less than myself I'm here to stay drinking a hot cup of cocoa and a good book (I just started A Town Like Alice). I'm also happy about the snow because it's December after all and it hasn't snowed since October. Unheard of. My kids were outside Saturday playing without jackets on. Crazy. I'm definitely ready for it to start looking/feeling more like Christmas when I walk out my door.

a holiday favorite part 2

One of my most favorite things about the holidays are the lights. The lights in your home that make everything seem warmer, the lights outside as you drive around the neighborhood keeping you feeling festive, and of course the lights downtown at Temple Square that make us ooh and ahh and remember the reason for the season.



This year we went with some friends in the neighborhood. They kids are pretty close friends so it was fun to watch them enjoy the lights together. You know how kids are, running around saying things like, "you have to see this, come on!". They even asked me to take pictures of them while we were walking around. It will be nice when they can bring their own cameras along and take their own shots (did I mention Bella and Tess both want a camera for Christmas...love that).




[for all you word lovers out there. This was one of the many lunch sack lanterns they had all lined up. I loved the way they looked and think I will make some for our home. Add that to my list.]


[our friends took this of us]





Megan saw the Christus from the window and wouldn't quite bugging me until we went inside and saw it in person. She is relentless. I hope this isn't bad to share, but I thought it was funny. When Megan saw the statue of Christ she leaned over to me in a whisper and asked, "Why is Jesus' showing his boob?" It took me a while to recover after that one, but quickly explain boys and girls are different. I guess it gets confusing having all sisters sometimes.



It was the most perfect night. No, there was no snow on the ground, but we weren't freeze either. I've done below zero temps before and would take this any day. It was so nice outside after walking around for a while Megan even took off her coat. Crazy.

I really do love that visiting the temple grounds has become apart of our holiday tradition. I'm evening hoping if we have time we will do it again before the year is through.

friday & a holiday favorite part 1

I think not being able to sing along with music has got to be one of the hardest things about getting laryngitis. Oh, wait I'm changing my mind and going with the telephone. Each time the phone rings I look at the caller ID and hope it's not important. I guess whatever is worse, I'm not a fan of having no voice and feeling lousy. After the full day we had yesterday, not to mention week, I guess my body decided it needed a break.


[photo by jill]

We had the funeral for Adam's Grandma Dot who died Monday morning. Of all the experiences I've had with death and funerals it is much easier to go to the funeral of someone who's lived a long full life, but it is still sad to see someone pass. I enjoyed hearing her children and grandchildren share memories of her because I learned a lot about her that I had never known before. I am happy for her now that she is no longer in pain and with her loved ones on the other side.

After the funeral services, the grave dedication, and the luncheon we took Bella to her violin practice (she has a performance on Tuesday) and then instead of going home and back again (where she was going was far away from our home) we went to IKEA. I think this was our undoing. We were exhausted after walking around and I really felt as if I might not make it. Luckily the kids played in the kid care so we didn't have to deal with them. It had been a long hard day with Megan. So long by the time we were at our Ward party I was pawning her off on anyone I could think of.



I have to be honest I don't think I would have even gone to our ward party if I hadn't already committed to taking pictures of the kids with Santa. Despite how lousy I was feeling I'm really glad I went. Watching my kids interact with Santa is a favorite part of the holidays for me. It was a particularly sweet experience for me this year as I got to stand on the sidelines and hear the wishes and happy thoughts from each of the kids in my neighborhood who I adore. It was, how else can I say it, a magical feeling. It was a perfect end to the day.







My girls were excited and nervous to speak with Santa. It was cute to watch them and yes, I listened very carefully. Only Tess surprised me by saying she wanted a real guitar, oh, and of course Megan surprised me by declaring she had been good. Hmm...after the day I had with her I was questioning her logic.

Is visiting Santa on your list this year?