12of12 | February | Vegas addition

01. Morning view from Treasure Island
02. Getting to sleep in on a Tuesday = great way to start the day :)
03. Adam was gone early, working, so I spent most of my morning in the room reading, exercising, etc.
04. Then I went for a walk down the strip before we met for lunch...
05. at BLT Burger in the Mirage -- totally hit the spot.
06. Adam needs at least 76% to pass his test and they sat us at table 76. I told him it was a good sign.
07. Spent some time walking and shopping
08. Adam studying
09. Togetherness while he worked
10. Couldn't resist some sweet
11. Night life
12. Light show from our the 22nd floor

Despite the fact that Adam is working and I spent most of my day alone, it was so nice to spend this 12th in Vegas to soak up a little of the sun and warmer weather. The high was about 55 degrees today, so not ideal, but it felt great. I guess when you're comparing it to 18 degrees anything is better.

I hope you all had a great 12th as well. Make sure to share it with the rest of us. :)

this exact moment

there is nothing
more I ask of Life
than this moment, exactly so

& she looked at me & my heart danced
like a candle flame from her breath on my chest

& forever suddenly seemed
like too short a time

storypeople

rendezvous

It was like a scene right out of a movie -- I groggily walked toward the baggage claim after too many flights, ready to find my bed, and turned the corner and there he was. It stopped us both in our tracks, seeing each other there. We weren't expecting the other just then, even though we were suppose to meet -- it took us both by surprise.

Let me go back to the beginning.

I hadn't seen Adam for about ten days. He was traveling the week before, came home for two days and then left again.The day he was due back I was flying out to North Carolina and we missed each other by a few hours. I kept thinking it was fine because I'd see him Sunday before he had to leave again on Tuesday. Or so I thought.

During one of our phone conversations we discussed my flight home and the logistics of it all when we realized he was leaving Sunday afternoon for South Carolina and we'd miss each other once again. As bummed as I was I knew it was something we couldn't conrol. It was just the way our work had lined up this month. We both knew it would be crazy coming into October, we just didn't know how.

And then I got this lovely email with this crazy idea to meet him in South Carolina. I wasn't sure I could really pull it off -- I'd been gone all week and the girls were expecting me home. So I called them, my girls, to see what they thought and they urged me to go mainly because they got to spend a night at their friends and then Lolo was coming to stay. So I did it. I made it happen.


So there we were, after days/weeks of absence we found ourselves walking toward each other a little bewildered at how easy it had all been. We smiled and eagerly embraced standing there in Charleston, both of us with our travel bags.


Here are a few photos of our rendezvous (24 hours) in South Carolina.










I can't even begin to tell you how much fun it was to ride my bike through the seagulls. I couldn't help shoot pictures as I went. So worth getting mud all over my back.

everydayness | february part one

The girls made good use of their time as we made our way to the UC -- megan slept (that would be my choice),


and enjoyed a beautiful moon on the way home.


We helped each other with homework projects (tess book report),


and made sweet chocolatey treats with friends.


We had several beautiful sunny spring like days,


and plenty of snow days too.


Megan requested a photos with her "lamby" -- glasses were her idea,


and insisted, to my delight, on making her own valentines (tess too).


We continued with our regular routines,


and had plenty of days where we strayed (afternoon lunch with Adam).

fifteen

1996 | till forever


1997 | graduation & 1998


2000 | we became parents


2001 | the Christmas we found out we were having another girl


2002 | meeting tess


2003


2004 | megan arrived


2005 | I wish I knew why we were laughing


2006 | lighthouse tour


2007 | game on


2008 | pastime


2009 | sunday naps


2010 | date night


2011 | favorite place to be

"The secret is not in your hand or your eye or your voice, my aunt told me once. The secret is in your heart. Of course, she said, knowing that doesn't make it any easier." ~storypeople

Through the good times and bad, and there have been plenty of both, we've come to understand that it doesn't matter how long we're together, each day is a new day and another opportunity for us to learn and grow together -- because just when we think we've got it, we realize, we're not even close.

Sure has been a memorable fifteen years. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

quiet morning

Wanting him to come back before anyone notices a part of the world has not moved since he left -storypeople

With Adam hopping on a plane today, bound for Las Vegas and home this weekend, this morning was a gift for us. You wouldn't think with Adam not sleeping well and my friend cancelling our walk that my morning would be so nice, but it was those two changes that made our morning delightful. Well, that, and the fact that my girls had a sleepover with cousins/nana.

And we needed a delightful morning after a busy day of meetings yesterday and only a brief moment to go to dinner before his evening meeting begun. We were so exhausted last night we didn't last more than minutes once we hit the pillow so it was perfect to be home this morning, present, not letting our thoughts drift to the "have tos & needs tos" of the day. We talked and laughed and enjoyed our quiet home together drowned in morning light...

52 photo project | week 04 | ray of light

[bella & whitney at nanas | may 2011]

"a simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it."-unknown

their joyous laughter
their good morning hugs
their thoughtful cards
their "i love yous"
their contagious smiles
their funny phrases
their goodnight kisses
their unconditional love are all pieces of light they share with me each day making my day that much brighter. The joy and richness they bring to my life are immeasurable and far beyond what I ever thought possible when I was innocently daydreaming with my friends over summer break.

Where light is you will find no darkness--my life is full of light. I am grateful to my four for making it so.

0509

I would never have guess, I could never had known that saying yes to "hang out with a few co-workers" would have ever turned into the beginnings of my future life.



But there we were, after weeks of flirting and friendly banter, alone, making our way to his car to begin our first of all dates.

I can't say for certain what either of us were thinking when the evening was over, but it was the evening that began our courtship. We spent the majority of the night listening to Clannad while talking meaningfully about the life we had lived and shared intimate moments of who we were. I know I enjoyed his company and I was certain he enjoyed mine as we parted ways, but the thing that stands out to me the most now and did all those years ago was the ease in our togetherness, never forced or contrived, the conversation flowed.

Yesterday as Adam and I sat after church talking the hours away that I would normally be napping, I thought of that night, our very first date, sixteen years ago today that we spent together laughing and crying. There was a level of trust that had formed between us and a bond created that has never been broken. To this day it is not unheard of to find us together, deep in conversation, for hours at a time. In many ways our conversation has changed and in many way it is very much the same, but whether the topic of life, dreams, improvement, purpose, love, and happiness has caught our attention, it is very much us that brings us together.

"Ah, good conversation - there's nothing like it, is there? The air of ideas is the only air worth breathing." -Edith Wharton (Age of Innocence)

Sixteen years later and I wouldn't have it any other way.

on my mind

The rain is beating against my window now, but it has been lovely spring weather this week, despite the fact that it hasn't really looked lovely. The trees are still bare, the ground brown, no life to be seen, but I'm hoping a few weeks more will help solve that.



Perhaps the girls knew the weather was short lived because they've been out in it as much as possible. With day-light savings giving them a bit more light in the evenings they've spent their time outdoors playing house, restaurant, and fishing. (I quite enjoyed listening to them play through the window as I cleaned up the dinner dishes.) They even played for a few minutes this morning before they left for school.

My girls are in bed now and I'm posting to take my mind off or rather occupy my mind as I sit and wait for Adam to finally come home. Sadly, my week has been sort of a lonely one. I almost hate to admit it because Adam hasn't been gone that long, but with two trips back to back and both not something I had planned on, his being away has weighed on me. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to read, thinking that being around people would do the trick, but it almost made it worse--strangers just made me feel more secluded. Thank goodness for friends and a little bit of a mind game (positive thinking) I was able to end the day feeling myself again.

I've spent a lot of my time this week working on a gift for two friends who are 39+ weeks pregnant. I can't say what it is right at the moment, but I will share when I'm done and have given it to them. They are beautifully ready for #2 and I admit to be a wee bit jealous of their up and coming labor & delivery. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I long to have another baby of my own, rather I loved the experience of bringing a child into the world. There's something so beautiful about seeing your child you've carried for 9 months for the first time--there's just nothing like it. One of them has invited me to be there, to document this moment in her life, and I can't tell you what an honor it is to get to witness such a miraculous event. I pray I can give her something beautiful.

I've been getting bad headaches lately and I can't quite figure out where it's coming from. I'd like to think it's because I'm weaning myself off sugar, but I'm not entirely sure, I mean shouldn't that make my body happy? While I don't think it's anything serious or to be concerned with, I am wondering if there's a catalyst, and if so, what? I remember as a child my mom getting migraines. She would hide herself in her room, door closed, lights off and I never really understood it--unfortunately I do now. I hope it's not an age thing, though I don't recall her getting headaches now.

I hope you never mind my randomly random posts, after all, it's probably the best way to get to know me anyway. Just ask my friends, I am constantly hopping around from topic to topic--not something I'm fond of and would love to change, but for now it's me. I always do find it interesting to see where my mind will go when I sit down to post without something specific in mind. Who am I kidding, even when I've thought something through to post it always comes out different when I start to write it down. I think that's the beautiful thing about writing, often things become clear, answers come, once I work it all out on paper/screen. Do you find that to be true?

I think I shall leave it at that and say good night.
xo

12of12 | march

[click here to enlarge]

01. Started my morning off in bed reading Tinkers. Adam brought it home to me last time he was on a trip and raved about how good it was. I'm quite enjoying it myself so far.
02. Adam and I discussing the events of the day. He left town on Tuesday (last minute trip) and got home Friday and then left again today so we wanted to make Saturday a day together.
03. We had bursts of light rain during our outing.
04. Megan and Adam playing tic-tac-toe while we wait for our food.
05. Adam goofing off with the girls while eating.
06. The girls have been very fond of using my old alphabet templates lately.
07. Thought this was a cute moment between Megan and her dad.
08. After the few crazy storms we've had lately I was so surprised to see this tree full of dead leaves. Cannot wait for spring.
09. Tess and I playing around on the UofU campus waiting for her piano federation recital time. She got superior! (while we did that Adam and the other two went downtown to mess around).
10. Ended up having a discussion about car meters. She was quite surprised you had to pay to park on the street.
11. For a family who has decided to give up sugar (not mandatory: i was doing it, so adam did it, and then the girls decided to join us on their own) for a few weeks it was funny to see us in an ice-cream shop. I had promised Tess, and well, she did so good how could I deny her or her sisters.
12. Tess and I taking some quiet time to read, yet again, after a full day of outings.

There was much that happened at home after we read like making pizza, cookies, and late night movies, but suffice it to say, our day was full and best of all it was all together.

Hope it was another good one for you. If you played along make sure and share using the link below. Looking forward to seeing what you were all up to.

fourteen years

In the end, I think that I will like that we were sitting on the bed, talking & wondering where the time had gone.
-Storypeople



Fourteen years seems like a very long time, I know the hostess at the restaurant last night was pretty shocked when we told her. I couldn't decide if it was because we were still married after fourteen years or that we looked too young to be married that long. Yes, I admit it does seem like being married at 20 is crazy, insane, but as a 20 year old I felt more than capable of making such an important decision & honestly I was. Adam is the best decision I've ever made and I'm so grateful we stumbled into each others life over 15 years ago.

I'm grateful because we've had the opportunity to grow up together. We've been through a lot the last 14 years that has brought us to where we are today. We struggled, we pushed and pulled so to speak, until we were able to figure out what we needed--what worked for us. And so we've found this beautiful place of understanding, trust, forgiveness, & joy. Of course it's not just a one time lesson, a marriage is never done, just like us as individuals, we are constantly learning from each other, constantly maneuvering to find the right balance.

Without sounding like a cliché--he completes me. He does. He's everything I need him to be and provides me with all the rest. I'm grateful for what we have. Not a day goes by without me giving thanks for the life we have created together & the work we've done to make it so.

Adam--perhaps its my tired mind, but as I sit and type I feel my words aren't adequately expressing what my heart feels. I love you. What more can I say--you are everything.

xxox

homeward bound

It's 6:57am EST & I'm standing in line waiting to board a flight that was suppose to leave at 6:55am. Must all planes be late? My connection in Chicago is only 1/2 hr so I'm feeling anxious about missing my flight & not making it home today.

Deep breaths.

If I've learned one thing this weekend it's to be positive & not stress about needless things...things I have no control over like flights being on time. It helps to, to be flying with a friend who is reminding me of that. Thank Amy.

I had the most magnificent time in North Carolina. Never thought in such a short period of time I could feel so connected to women I literally met for the first time last Wednesday. It's what filled me up all week & kept me present instead of letting my mind wonder home.



While i missed them this past week I haven't quite miss them the way I miss them now. I'm ready to be home. To see & hold Adam & my girls. To once again get back to normalcy.

xoxo
Amy
iPhone

no growth without change

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is a way to transformation." -Elizabeth Gilbert

I don't remember reading that quote in Eat Love Pray, but when I saw the movie last night that line jumped out at me and I found myself thinking about it long after I went home. So it was no surprise to me in church today when all the talks had something to do with change. More specifically how there is "no growth without change".

When the speaker said those words I looked over at Adam sitting on the stand and for the first time in while, felt hope. Adam and I have been feeling disconnected for awhile now. It started slowly enough, like all things do, and then one day you wake up and realize we are missing and I'm left to wonder where did we go? And how did we allow us to get here?

I thought it was a phase, in fact, I think we both did. We were comfortable being comfortable and didn't really want to deal with the changes we were up against. Because really, we both know how much work and heartache goes into breaking down and building up. The thing is we both knew we could no longer run away and the only way for us to grow and progress and continue on the path of closeness was to go head first into the belly of the beast and work on what we had both been struggling with.


[april | 2010]

Those conversations are never easy, but it is much easier when both parties are open to it, and we were. We found time today to talk and listen. To once again reconnect and begin to rebuild. It is never an over night fix and I'm the first one to admit talking never gets you any where, but it is our start and now we're on our way to the growth and change we both know we needed.

This has been a hard year for me and I'm just now beginning to realize it's because I've resisted the need to progress and move beyond the point I came to years ago. I'm changing. That's a good thing. I repeat to myself, that's a good thing.

xxox,
amy

caught my eye

I love being out, anywhere, with my camera, seeing what catches my eye on that particular day. I think each day our different moods and thoughts cause us to see things differently. We may one day finally see something that has always been there, but for whatever reason it speaks to us then. It's like reading a book...it can mean different things to you at different stages of your life. It's one of the reasons why I think the 12of12 challenge is a great glimpse into your everyday life and can be so different from month to month. While your life is similar from day to day...you are not. (the 12th is coming up on Monday btw)

On this particular evening with Adam we went to two very familiar haunts (Z-gallery & antropologie), like we do. Here are a few things that caught my eye.

summer nights

I think what I miss during the winter months is the long warm nights. There is nothing quite like sitting on my porch with the best company watching the world go by while enjoying the natural flow of a conversation with someone you love.

she came from us...

Ray LaMontagne started playing as we were finishing up the dinner dishes. Adam and I sort of bumped into each other and spontaneously started dancing as the girls laughing, ran around the room. The noise in the distance faded and all that was left was us, enjoying the touch, the calm of the moment after such a busy day.



Then Megan ran by us throwing out nonsense words and as the screen door shut behind her she said, "Nice music, enjoy your love." And we couldn't contain ourselves any longer. She had broken the spell with her witty words and we laughed as we looked at her sly little smile coming through the grid of the screen.

He asked, "Where did she come from?"
"Us. She came from us." I reminded.

here one day, gone the next

I wish I could sit down and write out to you what this experience truly meant to me. It's been such a spiritual emotional roller coaster. It's a weird feeling to spend so much time thinking, preparing, and anticipating for this one moment and then for it to be over in a flash.

When I sat down yesterday after speaking I thought I would feel a huge relief. Everything I had worked for had finally come to it's conclusion and I was expecting this unbelievable high...the feeling that it's over, I can finally move on. That feeling was not immediate like I had anticipated and it took me some time to understand why. This day has been a long time coming and didn't think I would be sad to see it end. Not that I have any desire to do it again, I don't believe speaking is my thing, but I know it was a learning experience I wouldn't have been able to get any other way. I'm so, so grateful for it and have this ping of sadness to see it gone. I can say that now that it's over.

Even with some of the insecurities I faced afterward, it was a wonderful day start to finish.


[I took several of us walking through campus to the Varsity Theater, but for some reason I really loved this out of focus one.]

I was able to spend the morning/afternoon with Adam up until it was time to present. If there's anyone you want to spend time with moments before, it's him. He has a very calming effect and it worked like magic. The only thing I wish we had had time for was to visit some of our old haunts on campus.



Can you believe I took a self portrait? I can't really when I think back on it. Jill told me I should, but I never thought I would have the guts. When I see the picture I'm so glad I did. I love looking at it now and remembering the comforting feeling I had looking out over the sea of people and seeing so many familiar faces. I can't tell you how grateful I am to each of you who came. It makes talking so much easier when you know those in the audience love and support you. Also thank you to everyone who sent me your thoughts throughout this whole process. When others believe in you it's so much easier to believe in yourself.

So now what? Preparing for Woman's Conference felt like a protective bubble and while it didn't protect me from the everyday responsibilities of my life, it protected me from myself, from my own grand ideas. There are so many things I want to do and accomplish. So many ideas rattling around in my head and sadly many of them stand by waiting for the perfect time to start. Woman's Conference gave me the best excuse, I don't have time for XYZ right now, but after I will have all the time in the world. Now that I'm faced with all the time in the world I'm feeling a bit intimidated. Ha. So much for taking my own advice...it really is the doing that the hardest part. Don't I know that better than anyone.

So my mind is getting ahead of me, as per usual. Luckily I don't feel the need to move away so quickly. I am savoring the moment and appreciating it for what it is...another life experience that is helping me become, me.

i still feel jumpy from the events that took place this morning

I was minding my own business enjoying a nice warm shower when I got that weird feeling you get when you're being watched. I slowly turned toward the shower curtain thinking about my day instead of the weirdness when I saw a sliver of a crack and an eye staring back at me. I lost it.

After he got done laughing and protecting he's genitals he told me it was when I yelled out, "Hey...NO!" and tried to cover myself that he realized the prank worked far better than he had hoped.

Funny, I remember it this way. There was a neighbor boy, Megan's friend, I was watching at the house. He and Megan were playing together downstairs and thought nothing of getting in the shower. Well, you can imagine when I saw the eye in the lower half of the shower who I thought it was. In about 2 seconds this ran through my head, HEY Bryon what are you doing. Oh My...NO! You're not suppose to be in here. What are you doing? Wait a minute that's not Bryon. Holy crap, who is that. And then I remembered Adam was going to come home to pick something up and I realized, @#%&...it's Adam. Finally the fear I felt inside became audible and I couldn't stop screaming. I was yelling at him soft profanities and all the while he was laughing. I simply couldn't believe he would do this to me, except I could, this wasn't the first time.

I guess it's the Irish way of saying I love you. Or in his words, "adding spice to your life."


PS Looks like Megan's day was full of the Irish too. She keeps coming up to me with all kinds of stories about hearing Leprechauns.

it's my boys birthday

We woke up to snow on his birthday last year. I remember waking up really early, for some reason I couldn't sleep, and took this as the sun was rising. Still one of my favorite photos.

I'm safe inside this morning listening to my girls and their cousins laugh and thinking about my boy. It's his birthday today, but I already told you that. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I blame him for it. Thought I would share with you why.



There is never a dull moment when he's around.
He has a way of making you feel.
When he loves, he loves with his whole heart.
He's always looking for an opportunity to serve.
He quietly puts up with my many sp.



He's an artist.
His art is uninhibited.
He likes old and used things.
He has very specific opinions and isn't afraid to share them.
He is not a fan of TV and reminds me frequently, "TV will always disappoint".
Because of me he has a fondness for almond toffee symphony bars.
He's not afraid to work.
He's not afraid of anything....except confined spaces.
He's confident.
He lives life to the fullest.



He loves books.
He reads about inspiring men and woman.
He has the best taste in music, especially the more emotional tunes.
He loves the fall.
He has a thing for the Northwest.



He loves to travel.
He loves architecture.
He will travel 40 minutes just to find a good place to have breakfast and walk around.
He's a pizza snob.
He's a great host.
He enjoys entertaining.
It's all about the mood for him.
He loves creating the perfect ambiance, which for him includes great music and low lighting.
He loves candle light.
He's touch is healing.



He's handsome.
He has the most inviting blue eyes.
He's understanding.
He is good at surprises and anticipation.
He's fond of giving gifts.
He likes to shop at Banana Republic.
He's a writer.
He loves to share what he knows and learns.
He gives of himself freely.
He's a morning person.
He enjoys his time alone.
He really dislikes anyone who calls after 8pm. You are forewarned.
He dislikes obligations.
He's not a fan of small talk.
He loves deep meaningful conversations.
He's encouraging and helps you believe you can do anything.
He enjoys spending time with his family.



He's the best father.
He loves to make his girls laugh.
Any free moment he has he saves it for us.
He's my best friend.



He motivates me to be a better person.
He makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
He taught me what it means to love.
He taught me what it means to live.
He is my everything and I thank God daily that he is mine forever.

Happy Birthday my love. I love you like salt.