"staying strong"

New Amy is what Adam lovingly refers to as the Amy who's come so far and made so much progress. The Amy who doesn't worry about things she has no control of. The Amy who is more in charge of her life. We like the new Amy.

Monday afternoon Adam called me after listening to a disturbing piece on NPR and reluctantly started talking about his concerned regarding the swine flu. This is not something he would normally bring up for fear I would get crazy, but his concerned for the flu forced him to share his thoughts. My low key, not worried reaction surprised him and he thanked the new Amy for being so rational. My thinking is what can we do about it, but be smart, watch for signs, and get to the doctor when necessary. I've devoted time to talking to and begging my girls to constantly wash their hands at school and not to share food.

Today however, feels different. I've been desperately trying to keep the old Amy at bay as the flu is spreading and words like pandemic are surfacing in the media...I can feel my own panic level rise. All I've wanted to do is take my kids out of school and hunker down for the next, I don't know, 2-3 weeks for this whole thing to blow over.

Adam's advice, stay strong.

Advice I've taken to heart. Instead of letting myself get consumed by watching the numbers rise I decided to channel the new Amy and turn my fears into action. I found myself at the grocery store this afternoon stocking up on items we might need (meds, cough drops, etc.). Also buying extra food so we feel no need to go on the outside if we don't have to. I know it sounds sort of crazy, but I guess you just never know and I'd rather be doing something.


[taken 9 April 2009 on a rainy day]

So now I feel calmer. Better. I guess that's what they mean when they say, when you're prepared you need not fear. Don't get me wrong we're not that prepared, but we're better off than we were yesterday and I guess that's what counts or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

Does this flu scare you?

wednesday outing

This morning Megan and I went on a little adventure to the tulip festival at thanksgiving point. I just felt like we needed to get out because who knows if we are going to be quarantined at some point. I've been feeling quite disconnected with the world so it helped feeling apart of it again.



Unfortunately Megan was in an foul mood, which meant no pictures of her except I still took them...candid ones.



Eventually I was able to get her to have fun with the chase and at one point she was saluting me when I would try to get a shot. What a punk. This photo reminds me of the other day when I asked her to try some yummy granola that I had made and she said, "I'm not going to fall for that."



I did manage to capture her in a rare moment peeking out of the secret garden. I was actually setting up to take this picture and she walked into it.



Even though we didn't stay long, I had to get Megan to school, what more can I say than it was a fun outing. When we were driving back I wondered how different my life will be when I don't have my little sidekick around to hang out with. I wondered if I will take these adventures on my own. It certainly doesn't sounds as fun without her there to chase and cheer up.

This week got a way from me.

I hate it when that happens, when you feel like life is controlling you instead of the other way around. Hopefully I will be better about that next week and be more in charge of my time.



* Monday we spent the night as a family at the park. The weather has been beautiful all week and so we wanted to take advantage of it while it lasted. I keep telling myself one of these days it will stay nice and warm.


[click here to enlarge]

* Tuesday night at 8 pm (can you believe that crazy time?) Megan had a school singing performance. I was actually amazed by how long it went (an hour) and how many songs the kids had learned. I think it was something like 16 songs. Megan is a natural performer and I never understand when she pulls out the shy face because she is nothing but shy. At the end when they sang "I'm Proud to Be an American" I couldn't help but get teary...that song get's me every time.

* On the road coming home from one of our many after school kid activities (I think it was violin) I looked over and saw Adam driving next to me on the freeway. Immediately the car erupted into cheers, even I was excited about the encounter...and then he was gone.

* My long run this week was the worst one yet. I failed to leave myself water along the way and the whole time all I could think about was how thirsty I was. Let's just say I will never make that mistake again. I was bummed that I didn't end on a high like last week, but they can't all be life changing experiences.



* Wednesday night when I went to say my final good nights to my girls I found Megan like this with her lights on. I think it had only been about 10 minutes from the time she went to her room. I love to see them so wasted even 10 minutes is too much.

*Thursday night Adam and I spent the evening talking. I'm not sure how it happened, but the conversation that started as we cleaned up the kitchen made it's way onto the couch and we just kept going until Tess came in from the outdoors complaining and we realized it was past 8pm. This is not an uncommon thing for Adam and I, but it does seem like lately we have been so busy we are usually talking in bed and falling asleep at the same time.



* Last night we left the park and opted to come to my house to celebrate Robyn & Olivia's birthday because the weather was cold and the rain looked eminent. It was a mellow evening, but as usual it was full of good food and good company. Robyn, who I feel so grateful to have as a sister-in-law, is responsible for keeping me in shape and helping me achieve my running goal. If it wasn't for her I don't know if I would have ever done it. I'm so glad we have this in common and am so looking forward to having her with me on my first big race. She also has some serious skills in the kitchen and I'm always impressed by the new recipes she tries.

So there you have it, a few highlights from this week I hope not to forget. Now I'm off to violin thing with Bella and lunch with my friend. Good times.

cloud gazing

Megan and I spent a good portion of our afternoon together lying on a picnic blanket finding shapes in the sky.

Time well spent.

spt: gift

for tuesday, april 7: gift a family member
for tuesday, april 14: gift a friend
for tuesday, april 21: gift a neighbor, teacher, co-worker
for tuesday, april 28: gift a total stranger



I've always been grateful for my girls teachers and for all the time and effort they put into their classes each year to make them a wonderful place to learn. It hasn't always been easy for me to help out in the school, but this year I was determined to find time even if that meant taking Megan with me. So on most Thursdays Megan and I head to the school, Megan armed with crayons and paper and me with a smile, to help the teachers that give so much to my girls each day.

It such a little thing to do that not only makes a difference to the teacher, but to my girls as well...they love the days I go in. I'm looking forward to next year having them all in one place and making volunteering that much easier.

welcome spring

better late than never!

a mind game

I've always believed, after all heaven knows I can't count the conversations I've had with Adam or the talks I've listened to about how your head creates your world, but it wasn't until yesterday on my 7 mile run that I really knew that life is a mind game.

It's a really nice concept to say, if you think positive you are positive, if you think happy you will be happy, but much harder to actually implement in your life. I admit all the times I've heard this over the years I've thought, yeah this is a good idea, I'm sure it works, it make sense...yada yada yada. I know I've had experiences in my life where I've seen this concept at work, but yesterday it just clicked and I guess that's what it takes, at least for me, to learn/change.

As I ran I had a never ending dialogue, I can do this, this is easy, and I'm feeling good. There were times when the road ahead seemed long, but I constantly pushed myself and put those thoughts in the back of my head and kept going. On the home stretch, unfortunately I was running an incline (not intentional when mapping my course), I pushed myself hard to get up fast and when I rounded the corner I saw the gray buildings near my house that indicated the end of my run. Interestingly enough, at the moment I saw the end I felt a definite physical change in my body. I was exhausted, I wanted to be done, and I let those feelings influence me and my body started to shut down.


[thanks Crystalyn for the beautiful flowers]

Not surprisingly this lesson was reiterated to me at church today when we discussed how God wants us to bear our afflictions cheerfully (1 peter 4:12-13). We're all going to go through trials in this life, so if it's inevitable why not change our attitude? I remember at conference hearing the story of the woman crossing the plains with her children. During her journey, for whatever reason, one by one she buried each of them in the ground and arrived having lost everything...it was her faith that kept her going. I believe if she had let those feelings of despair in, she too wouldn't have made it.

Yesterday I proved to myself that life really is a mind game. I told myself I could do it and I did. Our minds have the power to shape our attitudes for good or bad and that attitude is what determines how we see our course. Today the girls asked me to play house with them and although I really didn't want to, I did, happily. That attitude change made all the difference and I ended up having the best time. Hopefully this is a lesson I will not soon forget.

"it will only feel like a pinch"

Today we all went to the mall (it was so busy) as a family to get Adam some new jeans and Bella's ears pierced.


[here we are waiting for adam to try on jeans. P.S. all the girls dressed themselves. Can you believe Megan's outfit? Is that what you call personal style or no style at all?]

Bella and I made a deal (after all I want her to be responsible enough to take care of her own ears) if she practiced her violin everyday for a certain amount of time without me asking (this was key) she could get her ears pierced. She almost had it a few times, but unfortunately had to start over because she missed some days. Needless to say she was very vigilant in keeping her end of the bargain when she knew I was. When we got to the mall she was super excited, but you could see it in her eyes, she was a little apprehensive.









As you can see she took it like a champ. Well done Bella! You can't really see the earrings in this photo, but she ended up picking out cute silver balls to wear for the next loooong while.

At the moment Bella is reading over my shoulder and she said, "Mom, it didn't feel like a pinch, it felt like a staple going through my ear, but I'm still glad I did it." So there you have it...her words.

and the winner is

according to random.org

Numero uno commenter...Jenn

Congratulations! Email me (top right sidebar) your address and I'll get the cards out this next week.

old videos

Today Megan's been captivated by old movies of when she was just a baby (2004). As I've been going from room to room cleaning I can hear her laughing, "there's chubby me!" Even I got caught up in it with her for a while. I can't believe almost 5 years later it's hard to remember when they were so little. Time flies. (thanks Kathy for always pulling out the video camera and preserving our memories.)


[This video is a recording off the TV with my nikon coolpix. So sorry for the bad quality. I can't believe how Megan this is. Apparently we don't have to wonder if she's my girl...there is no doubt. Was there ever? ]

It got me thinking of the videos my parents took when I was little and how much I loved watching them. Still do. This video (above) in particular, was always a big hit with my family. I remember my dad showing this to my guy friends and totally embarrassing me. I guess he figured if they saw it and still liked me they always would. It's cracks me up to see at 6 I'm already trying to make my parents feel guilty...do you notice it doesn't even phase them? Who knew that old videos would teach you a lot about parenting?

april giveaway

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”
- Mother Teresa

When I heard this quote at conference a couple weekends ago it resonated with me and brought me back to the reason I chose the word give to focus on this year. When I was younger I always thought I would do big and important things, only to grow up and wonder where are those big and important things? The older I've gotten I've realized doing great things don't need to be big and loud. In fact, most often great things are done quietly, behind closed doors, and done with love.

I believe we can all do great things which can make a huge difference in someone's life...a difference we may never know. Think of what it feels like for a total stranger to give you a warm smile while you're in the middle of a very bad day or to get the mail only to see that there's a hand written envelope with your name on it or someone takes the time to comment on your blog post or a co-worker buys you lunch. It feels big and great and meaningful. Wouldn't you want to give that same feeling to someone else? I know I run this list through my head when I'm not in the mood. It helps me to remember how even small acts can mean a great deal to someone.

Sorry to get carried away in my thoughts, I guess it's just been on my mind lately. Without further ado on with my April giveaway. I'm giving away another set of 10 cards including envelopes.


here is the original photo. I feel like the picture of the card doesn't do it justice even though it printed beautifully.

You know the drill. If your interested comment. I'll post the winner Friday afternoon.

Good Luck!

edited to add: I meant to say Saturday afternoon I will post the winner. So you have til then.

rewind

It rained all night long and the sound of it actually brought me comfort. Adam's been out of town, he'll be home tomorrow, and the pitter patter outside made the house feel not so still and quiet.



I watched all morning as the weather gradually turned from rain to snow and decided early on that today was a stay at home day, pjs and all, so I hunkered in and got some house stuff done like organizing the pantry, cleaning bathrooms & laundry. I love days at home.

Megan's friend Hanna, Crystalyn's daughter, came over this afternoon so while they played tea party, dress up, and play-doh I was able to look through the photos from this past weekend. Even though it looks like Christmas outside the photos helped keep me in perspective. It is spring...right?

rewind to Easter weekend...





Saturday we had an inside Easter egg hunt (it was raining) with Adam's family. We had so many eggs we actually didn't hide them all because we didn't have enough hiding spots. We had a fabulous turkey dinner, it rivaled the best Thanksgiving feast, followed up by a singstar competition. With the most modest of intentions I share that I was the winner! Okay, I admit, I am thrilled about the win and it almost wasn't mine. I beat Robyn by a mere 10 points to get in the semi-finals.

Easter Sunday started out peaceful with a beautiful lesson/message of Christ's resurrection at church. I read again the beautiful words of Elder Jeffery R. Holland from conference two weeks ago. How grateful I feel for the knowledge of Christ's sacrifice and the hope and peace it brings to my life when so many things around me can feel out of control.





After church we spent the evening with my family. We had another Easter egg hunt, it was a beautiful spring day so we were able to do it outside. It's always interesting to see who stops to help out the little ones and who is so preoccupied with finding eggs they haven't a clue anyone else is around. Half way through, the three in the photo above, stopped and compared eggs only to go at it again when we told them there were still eggs to be found.

Last, but not least, it seems Easter weekend wouldn't be complete with out new dresses.



Fast forward to today...where we started.



I'm sitting waiting for dance to be over watching Meg and Tess dance for me in the waiting room. It's been a good day.

spt: gift

for tuesday, april 7: gift a family member
for tuesday, april 14: gift a friend
for tuesday, april 21: gift a neighbor, teacher, co-worker
for tuesday, april 28: gift a total stranger




giving my friend the gift of an afternoon alone while her three kids and mine decorated Easter eggs.

she rides

I've been asking Bella, more like begging her, for years to learn how to ride a bike. "No", was always her answer. "I'm just not interested", she would say. I admit it bothered me a bit because it's such a part of childhood, but after a while I realized if it's not for her, than it's not for her and I left it at that. I never asked her again, but always hoped one day she would.

Well that one day came a few months ago. She said, "Mom I think it's time I learn how to ride a bike. I'd like to be able to ride to school so we don't have to drive so much and we can save the earth." Her reason cracked me up, she's such an environmentalist (must be all those Nova's she watches), but whatever it takes I say.



So Saturday while the girls played on the hill, Bella got out the brand new bike she got for her birthday and learned to ride. She was shaky at first, but caught on within the first few tries (perhaps it helps the older you are). She's not very confident at turning, but "it will come", I told her, "Your just starting out."

It's such a great moment as a mother to watch your child face their fears or doubts and go just for it. I am proud of her. Marvelous job Bella! I can't wait to go on bike rides with you. Now I just need my own bike.

12of12 reminder

[march 2009]

Just a reminder to take pictures today.

and this is why they love him so

...because he knows how to get down, get dirty, and play.

Reminder

Just thought I'd remind those who participate in the 12of12 challenge that tomorrow is the 12th. And it's Easter, as I'm sure you know, so it should be full of photo ops.

Intermission

This is what we did while we waited for our homemade pizza to cook.











We danced.

today...

my girls start their spring break and I have no idea what we are going to do this week.

I bought new running shoes. I didn't want to, but it had to be done.

I can't stop eating the dessert I made from yesterdays activity days.

I got a call from the general YW presidency secretary who set up a meeting with me and them for next week. Apparently they want my design skills. What? I can't imagine what use I could be. I once gave my neighbor (whose in the presidency) my opinion on the new YW poster they're soon to print and the one I liked, for various reasons, is not the one they picked. Let's just say I'm feeling very intimidated, I know I'm not the only one they've asked to come.

I'm reading the Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Emmuska Orczy.


[summer 1997]

is my brother's birthday. I don't think I've ever seen him without a smile on his face. He's goofy, lovable, and positive. Happy Birthday Chris...love you.

I bought and have been listening to Jia Ho from the soundtrack Slumdog Millionaire.

I watched New Adventures of Old Christine (thanks Jill) while I organized my studio...again. Apparently I'm dragging my feet in the creative department.

We have dance lessons and my brother's birthday party all at the same time.

I'm just waiting for the rain to fall. It's quite the blustery day.

I came across this quote that made me pause,
"if you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything." -unknown

spt: gift

tuesday, april 7: gift a family member
tuesday, april 14: gift a friend
tuesday, april 21: gift a neighbor, teacher, co-worker
tuesday, april 28: gift a total stranger


[tonight I found B&T having a sleepover & megan fast asleep]

Even though we hug & kiss and say goodnight after family prayers, almost every night they ask me to come see them in bed and we say goodnight again. I admit, most nights I'm exhausted and just want to hop in bed myself, but I go because it's one on one time I don't always get during the day, especially since they're in school.

We talk or read stories or I just give them another hug & kiss. Megan usually has instructions for me like, "please turn off the lights and shut my door, oh and get me a drink, oh and find my kitty." Tess and Bella, more than not, tell me about something that happened that day or something coming up their excited about.

I've learned over time to savor these moments. I use to do it for them because they ask me, a gift of time if you would, but really I think it's more of a gift they give to me. They share more of who they are with me during that brief time and am grateful they ask me to come.

I hope they never stop asking.

weekend

destination: St. George
goal: having a good time and arriving safely

We did both.


[hannah this is for you]

It was a fun relaxing weekend enjoying the slightly warmer weather. It wasn't as warm as I had hoped, but it wasn't snowing either so I'm not complaining. Let's just say it was looking like spring, as spring as it can in the desert, and I was happy about that.



The girls actually managed to go swimming outside even though it was only about 68 degrees. The pool was heated so as long as they didn't come out they seemed to be doing fine. I took the high road and watched for the sidelines.



No weekend away is complete without good old fashion hamburgers and fries...



oh and a goofy brother. You never leaved bored I'll tell you that.

I am happy to report I went on my first official 5 mile run and didn't stop once (I am struggling to constantly run on the treadmill). I won't lie, it was difficult at times, but it definitely showed me I can do it and I will when the time comes.



Most of Saturday and Sunday was spent sitting on the couch watching General Conference (tv broadcasted messages from the leaders of my faith). It was very uplifting as always and I found several talks that spoke to me on a personal level. I look forward to reviewing my notes and getting it on my blog sometime this week.





During the conference breaks the girls were outside enjoying the sun with popsicles and even managed to watch honey bees at work gathering pollen. Those purple bushes were swarming with bees and the buzzing sound was incredibly creepy. I'm actually surprised they went near it.



Adam and I had a great conversation on the way home about conference talks we loved, one thing I love about road trips with him is how we talk from door to door (makes the driving fly by). Poor Tess walked in the door crying, she said she didn't know how to be in the house anymore. It's always hard for me to get back into life after a vacation and I realized for the first time Tess is feeling it too.

Sorry for the photo overload, but I feel photo happy today...would you believe I actually got my computer back?