morning questions

We had a very casual conversation about death moments before the girls walked out the door this morning. I know, not really the topic I would choose to send them out the door with, but it was such a wonderful teaching moment I almost didn't get anxious as I turned around, shut the door and walked back in the house alone.


[taken last night during dinner, but looked a lot like this morning]

It all started after reading in Alma 11 (book in the Book of Mormon) where Amulek is teaching the people about our temporal death and how Christ overcame it through resurrection and so will we.

Megan: So mom when I die my spirit can't get sick?
Me: Your body is what gets sick so no, after you die, you can't get sick.
Megan: laughing - That means I can eat all the candy I want and I won't get sick.
Me: Well if you don't have your bodies I don't think you'll need to eat.
Megan: But I'm going to want candy, I just know I will.
Tess: I want food. I can't live without food.
Bella: But your spirit won't need the food...see?
Tess & Megan: no.

There was some giggling at this point and then the conversation moved on from there.

Megan: Mom when I'm really old you'll be dead?
Me: Yep, I'll be in heaven.
Megan: Will you be there to meet me when I die?
Me: Yep, I'll be there and your dad will be there and grandma and grandpa and nana and papa and...
Megan: and grandma Dot?
Me: Yes grandma Dot too.
Tess: and your brother Alan?
Me: Yes, Alan will be there too. Even members of our family you didn't know like my grandma will be there, but you will know them after you die.
Bella: Megan we'll be together forever...all of us.
Megan: I will be sad when you die.
Me: I know, but I will be old and it will be time.
Megan: I love you mom....up to heaven.
Me: I love you, all the way back.

Of all the mornings the girls have been distracted while we've read scriptures and I've walked away discouraged wondering why I attempt to do it, it suddenly becomes crystal clear after moments like I had this morning why.

They are listening.
They are watching.
Our efforts are not in vain.

xoxo,
amy

monday randoms

Just got done with dinner with my girls, Adam's out of town for the week so it's me and them til Friday. I'm not sure Bella, Tess or I got a word in edgewise as we listen to Megan prattle on about her school adventures. So far since school started 1 girl has broke her arm and another one broke her leg. I'm thinking they're going to get rid of the monkey bars.


So last weekend...what a mess. I knew it was going to rain and would have much rather spent the last night with my sister instead of wet outdoors, but Adam felt it necessary that we go to our ward camp-out, so we did. I admit it was more fun than I could have imagined watching 1/2 the tent fill up with water and all four adults smashing into the other half while we tried to stay dry. I guess there is something enjoyable about the sense of adventure...even when it does involve being uncomfortable. It was fun playing games while the rain pelted down and the thunder cracked on the outside. The next day was beautiful weather and if we didn't need to get home to Megan's soccer game I'm sure we would have stayed up there longer.

I've decided to give up candy again and you'll know I've already failed one day into it when I tell you the symphony chocolate bar Adam bought tastes like mint chocolate. I thought maybe he bought mint chocolate to try it out until I saw the candy bar sitting next to a pack of winter-mint gum. I never knew gum in a package could be strong enough to infuse with chocolate.


My dear friend Hannah sent me this one of a kind magnet. I've put it in my kitchen on my magnet board in a prominent place where I can look at it daily to remind myself not only of the good friends I have, but the gift I have to choose the life I want. Thank you Hannah!


Remember this post I did a few weeks ago? I haven't forgot you see, it's just I've had lots going on since then. I stole some time while my sister was busy shopping with her kids one day to tackle my studio. It was just too depressing to walk into and I couldn't take it any more. I got rid of the ugly costco table and utilized the table we use to have in our library. Then after cleaning off my desk I moved it around and wallah, I have a completely different look. I am quite pleased with what I've done so far. It is not complete, I have a lot of organizing and work to do on the walls, but I've already been inspired to be in here more and really that's what I was looking for.

I thoroughly enjoyed the 60-70 degree rainy weather today and can now say I'm ready for autumn. :)

no growth without change

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is a way to transformation." -Elizabeth Gilbert

I don't remember reading that quote in Eat Love Pray, but when I saw the movie last night that line jumped out at me and I found myself thinking about it long after I went home. So it was no surprise to me in church today when all the talks had something to do with change. More specifically how there is "no growth without change".

When the speaker said those words I looked over at Adam sitting on the stand and for the first time in while, felt hope. Adam and I have been feeling disconnected for awhile now. It started slowly enough, like all things do, and then one day you wake up and realize we are missing and I'm left to wonder where did we go? And how did we allow us to get here?

I thought it was a phase, in fact, I think we both did. We were comfortable being comfortable and didn't really want to deal with the changes we were up against. Because really, we both know how much work and heartache goes into breaking down and building up. The thing is we both knew we could no longer run away and the only way for us to grow and progress and continue on the path of closeness was to go head first into the belly of the beast and work on what we had both been struggling with.


[april | 2010]

Those conversations are never easy, but it is much easier when both parties are open to it, and we were. We found time today to talk and listen. To once again reconnect and begin to rebuild. It is never an over night fix and I'm the first one to admit talking never gets you any where, but it is our start and now we're on our way to the growth and change we both know we needed.

This has been a hard year for me and I'm just now beginning to realize it's because I've resisted the need to progress and move beyond the point I came to years ago. I'm changing. That's a good thing. I repeat to myself, that's a good thing.

xxox,
amy

Where to begin?

For the last two weeks each night I've gone to bed with blog posts swirling around my head. I feel like I've had a lot to say and no time to jot it down. When my sister comes to town it's go go go until she leaves and then I am left to pick up the pieces, ready to get back to normal life, but then sad to say goodbye. I always enjoy the time she comes to town.

So where do I begin? I have so much to share. I could start with any number of activities we did while my sister was in town, or I could start with where I started getting behind...the campout we had with Adam's family back on Aug 06, or I could share all the niddy griddy information about our ward camp out last night in the rain, but I think what I'll start with is our most current activity, Megan's first soccer game. She started today and if I do say so myself...she is a natural.





She's the only girl on the co-ed team and while she acts like it's no big deal, I know she loves it. Most of the boys are pretty much her friends at school and at least two of them she has said on more than one occasion how much they like her.







At first I was a little unsure of how she'd play. Would she touch the ball with her hands? Would she slack off? Would she act goofy? I should have known she would set her silliness aside and play hard. I was impressed with how quickly she ran up and down the field, got after the ball, listened to her coach, and played as a team.



This is her walking off the field at the end of the game...I guess she couldn't leave all her silliness behind.

Hope you're all enjoying a great weekend.

xoxo, amy

the first day of the rest of my life

I've been anticipating this day since the beginning of summer, well, in reality if I'm being honest with myself, this day has come and gone in my subconscious for about 5 years now. I think the first few times I was home crazy busy with three little kidlets I wondered what it would be like with them all in school. My thoughts have been all over the board, one way I'm full of apprehension and the other excitement.

[bella 5th grade, Tess 3rd grade, & Megan 1st grade]

I admit I thought it would feel differently walking away from the elementary alone, kidless for the next 6 hours. I thought I would feel free or sad or a little of both. What I found was walking away from the school alone was the most natural thing in the world, and I guess that's exactly what it is...natural. Each year since Bella was 3 and started pre-school our schedule has changed and the amount of time they've left me for has increased with each one. Where I am today has definitely been a natural progression, we should be here, and so it just feels right.



Perhaps it's not quite hitting me yet, the fact that this is my new reality. That my days will be open to my schedule and not theirs. It's a weird concept after having someone underfoot for over 10 years to no longer have a shadow. I'm sure in a week or so when all the excitement has died down that being alone all day will hit me and then maybe I'll feel the full weight of our new life. I know one thing for sure...I have a lot of plans for myself, projects to keep me busy, activities to keep me moving in the right direction. I definitely want these six hours to count and be meaningful.

For now though, I am grateful to feel like everything is aligned and everything is as it should be.

xoxo,
amy

sunday thought

We had a special Stake Conference today, which turned out to be a wonderful reminder of many of the things on my mind as of late...my purpose, spiritual growth, strength through the Lord, family, what matters most, temple worship, and missionary work. I love it when all the thoughts in my head come together in one meeting and I leave feeling edified with strength and courage to try harder and carry on.



It all started with our Stake theme which comes from Mosiah 24:14

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

This is a very comforting scripture because if I know one thing about life, it doesn't come without it's challenges and if it did, I surely wouldn't be the woman I am today. It has taken me some time and some maturing to finally be grateful for the things I have faced, grateful to know it's purpose, and where it has lead me up to this point. So if we think about it this way, the question is not when will we face adversity, but how we'll contront it and what we'll become in the process?

The how is the part that I need to work on the most. Choosing to accept my struggles. Choosing to ask for help. Choosing to face it with a good attitude knowing that it's for my benefit, knowing it's what will help draw me closer to the Lord. There is a lot of power in our gift of agency...I guess I picked my word for the year wisely :)

Other stand outs from the meeting:
--"Do not focus on the pain, but what we are becoming in the process." -President Crocker
--"Nothing is worth the making if it doesn't make the man." a poem by Edwin Markham and quoted by Elder Packer
--"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing."
--"The key is to love and serve one another." -Sister Nixon.
I believe whole heartedly that this is key to life. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a dark place and when I take the focus off of myself, serve someone else, I see the light and everything seems right with the world again.
--"Each day we are building upon experiences that are needed for our growth." Sister Nixon
--"When you are thinking about missionary work experiences will happen." Sister Winn
--"Prepare your heart and the Lord will provide opportunities." Sister Winn
--"We cannot only live on spiritual experiences of the past." -Elder Snow

It was a lot of "good stuffs" all at onces, a lot to think about, but it was exactly what I needed as I start this week full of change and welcome in a new stage of my life.

xxox,
amy

18

I still remember the day the world took you back & there was never time to thank you for the thousand scattered moments you left behind to watch us while we slept. -storypeople


There was a time in my life I was certain the hurt would never go away so to wake up this morning and feel peace and gratitude that I had the privilege of knowing him for 16 years is a gift. Seeing his picture now makes me smile at the person he was, at the life he lived. I wish we could have had more time, but since that wasn't in the cards I am extremely grateful for the time we did have, how he changed my life, and to know, for certain, that I will see him again.

our staycation starts now

My sister and her family are in town for the next week and a half so we'll be finishing off our summer break with them. I'm not sure what we'll do or where we'll go, though there has been talk of doing some different things like hike Mount Timpanogos. You know of all the time I've lived here I've actually never done that.

It ends up being a crazy 10 days and with school starting it might feel a little more hectic this year, but I love having everyone together, it happens so infrequent, and love seeing how easily the kids pick up where they left off.

here are a few little moments throughout the day that stood out to me and made me smile...


Catching Bella pull out her camera and take a self portrait with her cousin.


Watching Tess and Alan get over their shyness and act like best friends.


Seeing how much she has grown and changed from the little pre-teen to teenager.


Finding them together hiding & counting in little spaces.


Seeing them all blissfully happy making the most out of the few days we have together.

have a great weekend.
xo amy

12of12 | August

[click here to enlarge]

01. eating eggs and toast for breakfast with tess, it's her favorite meal.
02. sidewalk chalk is always a must around here.
03. tess engaged in reading, wish i saw this more often.
04. the girls have been riding bikes a ton the last few weeks. apparently they are feeling more comfortable behind the wheel.
05. i've had a hard time staying away from these peanut butter m&ms. wish target didn't have them on sale.
06. browsing through books at barnes & noble, a favorite past time.
07. megan holding up a matisyahu sign for his free concert in the park.
08. my friend and I enjoying the concert.
09. lemonade stand goodness
10. what i'm reading right now...Gentlemen and Players
11. the concert
12. cute signs the kids made for the concert.

Another month come and gone and more people catching on. It was my friend this time that say, "Oh yeah todays the 12th". Love that it's spreading. Looking forward to another month of goodness from you all. Thanks for playing along with me.

the mad scientists

I got the dreaded question yesterday that every mother hates to hear, "I'm bored. What can I do, I've got nothing to do?" My mind usually goes straight to some type of job around the house, but the first thing out of my mouth was, why don't you crack out your science box and make some concoctions.

Bella's face in this cracks me up. They were not to sure what to expect by mixing the two.

they even got a wee bit carried away.

I guess sometimes they just need a little nudge because my suggestion went a long way. Can't believe how long they played with it and then ended up moving onto other things when they were done. Dreaded bored thwarted.

Have a good one :)

what i learned from my Oregon trip

Disclaimer: so sorry for the length of this post and the many photos, but it was so hard to decide...







Oregon is beautiful. Gorgeous is probably more fitting. I learned that the first time I went, but was reminded again of the magnificence that is Oregon. I wonder if the Oregonians know and appreciate how beautiful it is?







You can't wait too long to eat at Mother's Bistro, definitely worth the wait. Thank you so much Marcey for suggesting it.







The iphone is a life saver when out of town, love the GPS, though it didn't help us find a movie theater that was literally right under our nose. We actually flipped a u-turn in the parking lot. I know, don't even say it.





Waffles coated in sugar and butter topped with lemon panna cotta, peaches, berries, and whipped cream is the best afternoon snack...ever. Though I'm quite certain the nutella and banana version or the one with caramel, nuts, and ice-cream would have been equally fabulous.

Sunday is probably the wrong day to visit the Tillamook Cheese visitor center. The line for ice-cream was about 100 people deep...no lies.

There is always second changes to see Lighthouses...and I thought I'd never get back to it. There was one Adam and I missed during our lighthouse tour of '06. Crazy that I was finally able to cross Cape Meres off my must see list. Totally worth it.









The Oregon coast is the perfect get away when it's a steamy 90 degrees at home. A high of 60 had me giving thanks for the break. I think I may not have as hard a time as I anticipated welcoming in the fall. Loved wearing sweaters.



When a friend asks you if you'd like to get out of town for a few days...you go. We laughed, people watched, had meaningful conversations, and enjoyed ourselves immensely if I do say so myself. Thank you Amy. I had a fabulous time. Oh, and never forget to check your self portraits before moving on or you could end up wearing a hat. Check this.

the coast provides one fantastic light show.









Photography brings me so much happiness & pleasure. I could think of nothing better than walking around finding picture after picture.

[photo by amyw]

Like I said in an earlier post time away definitely gives me a deeper appreciation for my life. I am grateful for the moments of quiet, the moments to reflect, the moments of laughter, the moments to remember all is well...

xxox

amy



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P.S. Just a quick reminder that tomorrow is the 12th and you know what that means...another month of 12of12. Crazy to think this is the last mouth of the summer. Happy shooting and remember it's never to late to begin.