thank you amy

I checked my computer this afternoon and found an email Amy sent to me enclosing photos she took of our cute little family from the park yesterday. This is by far my favorite. I think we were getting ready to take the pictures when she took this, though not completely sure. Whatever it is she captured a little bit of each of us.

I love that.

my sister's annual visit

My sister Jeni is in town visiting. This is something her family does every year around this time. I am really glad she does because it's the only time I get to see her. It's strange for me to think I haven't seen her for a year. I mean when we're together it seems like we haven't been apart for 365 days. It sickens me we don't have each other, especially this time in our lives when we relate to one another so much. I miss having her here. I have missed having my sister close.

I must admit it's really like a vacation for me as well. I am usually never home so I'm not doing laundry, making dinners, cleaning, etc. Just having fun enjoying myself with my family. We have a lot of fun things planned or at least we've talked about doing. I was able to go shopping with Jeni and my sister-in-law Amy today and the kids saw "Monster House", which is apparently really scary. Then we went to the park this evening played and ate pizza. It was a good time, but oh so hot. Of course I love going out and doing stuff, but some of my most favorite things to do is just hang out and play games at my parents.

Need your advice.

So it seems the last week my girls have been playing so good together I rarely see them during the day unless we are out of the house or eating. It was today when I started to feel a little guilty about enjoying the quiet so much like maybe I should interrupt to spend some time with them. Don't get me wrong I love having time to myself to get stuff done and love it when they get along, but apart of me feels like maybe they just don't want/need me to play with them anymore and their done asking. Let's face it, the minute Adam walks in the door (it has been like this for as long as I can remember) they celebrate his homecoming. It pangs my heart a bit because I never get this same celebration. I know I am with them everyday, 24/7, but doesn't that deserve cheers? Come On! Ok so I'm getting off the subject.

My point is this, I don't want them to think I neglected them by not playing with them. Do you think I'm sending this message? Do I interrupt to let them know I am available to read or whatever? Am I being crazy about this and should just be grateful they're playing together? Or should I be somewhat concerned? Is any one else experiencing this?

I will share this because I thought it was so cute. At lunch today Bella and Tess were talking about what they wanted to play when they were done eating. They were actually negotiating. I really do love to see them get along, especially when they include Megan.

In honor of today's holiday I give to you my own experience at being a Pioneer for a week.

Let me start off by saying I had my reservations about going to trek. It didn’t have to go, but knew deep down I should. I said yes knowing I would not be using flushed toilets for three days. I went knowing I would not be able to wash my hand at a sink with soap and water for three days. I went knowing I wouldn’t take a shower for four days. I went knowing I would be walking 14.3 miles in one day in the scorching July heat. I went knowing I wouldn’t have the comfort of a nice mattress. I went knowing I would have to pack all my belongings up each day and take them with me to the next spot just to unpack them again. I went knowing I would be dressed in a pioneer outfit from the bonnet on my head to the apron around my waist. I went knowing I had a job to do. I went knowing I would come to some understanding of the Pioneers and why they did what they did. I went knowing this would both challenge me physically and mentally. I went knowing this experience would be very beneficially to me in ways unknown to me at the time.

I had this incredible opportunity to go and witness this trek from behind the scene. To get a glimpse of what the Pioneers went through as I watched the youth and even adults struggle from time to time. I watched as they had their moments of frustration and fought to rise above it. I watched as they helped each other through the more difficult parts. I watched them be overcome with emotion as they heard the many pioneer stories and now understanding the Pioneers unwavering commitment to the Lord. I watched as a son left his friends to help his mother who was always lagging behind and struggling most of the way. I watched as friendships were created. I watched the families gather around together to have devotionals morning and night. I watched when I was hurting myself, when I wanted to give up. Watching helped push me along. What I was able to see was almost as important to me as experiencing this whole thing for myself. I felt so lucky to have been apart of the great journey.

Here is a run down of the places we visited and what we did:
The first place we came to was Independence rock. It was said if the Pioneers made it to the rock by july4th than they would make it to Salt Lake before the snow. It was also the location where many traveller, including saints, made their mark and even wrote messages to love ones. It was incredible to walk around at the top and see engravings that were left over 150 years ago.Martin's Cove visitor center was next on the list and the place where we picked up our carts and made our way to our first campsite. I believe the walk was about 4 miles on a sandy trail. When we got to camp we had the pleasure (or not) of putting camp together. One of the things I dreaded, but learned to do well. I was pretty impressed as it has been years since I've slept in a tent let alone set one up. That first night at camp we experience a heavy rain storm and of course it was quite windy. One thing I learned about Wyoming is it's very windy. We had a great time keeping our tents from blowing away in the storm...actually mine was among the few that stood up. Thank goodness for spring board tents.The second day we worked our way over to the Sweatwater River crossing which was the hardest part for the Martin handcart company. Many fathers fell to their knees and sobbed as they knew they would never make it over the icy river. It was just to much for them to bare since many were already frozen. Three boys 18 years of age (referred to as the valley boys that were apart of the rescue party) stepped up and carry the company across the water. It was said years later the valley boys all died of complications from being in the freezing water for so long. This was just one of the heroic story that were told to us.

• We then headed to Martin's Cove where the Pioneers that belonged to the Martin Handcart company took shelter for a few days during a storm. It was said by President Hinkley that this land is hallowed ground and should be treated as such. Many people lost their lives there due to the cold temperatures. We had a small program before entering the cove about why we were there. It was a reoccuring theme we heard mulitple times throughtout the trek...Why are we doing this? Why did the church buy this land for the youth and families to come and experience what the Pioneers when through?

  “It is good to look to the past to gain appreciation for the present andperspective for the future. It is good to look upon the virtues of those whohave gone before, to gain strength for whatever lies ahead. It is good toreflect upon the work of those who labored so hard and gained so little in this world, but out of whose dreams and early plans, so well nurtured, has come a great harvest of which we are the beneficiaries. Their tremendous example can become a compelling motivation for us all, for each of us is a pioneer in his own life, often in his own family, and many of us pioneer daily in trying to establish a gospel foothold in distant parts of the world." Gordon B. Hinckley July 1984
  

As I walked along the path (and took pictures of course) through Marin's Cove I luckily was alone so I could just think. My mind kept coming back to the Pioneers and what an incredible task they had to endure. Then I thought about how I can be a pioneer today in my own life. I'm not looking to inspire crowds of people or even a few I know. All I want is to inspire the 3 little ones I have stewardship over to live their life to their fullest potential. To live a life that will ensure their entrance into the presence of our Father in Heaven. It feels like such a daunting task. I keep thinking “if only I was this…” or “if only I was that…”. But you know what, I am me and am doing what I can to be the best mother possible despite the mess I feel my life is right now. Hopefully my endless prayers are heard and the Lord understands.

After Martin’s Cove we made our way back to the visitor center where we started the day before. We hung out had lunch until our buses took us to the next location which was too far away to walk...thank goodness. I could use sometime sitting down. I was told we walked about 7 miles throughout the day. When we arrived at our second campsite it was desolate, extremely windy, and in the middle of nowhere. Literally in the middle of nowhere. It was so windy you couldn't even open your eyes due to the dust. It was absolutely miserable. Nothing like eating a sandy dinner. It eventually did die down which made for a pleasant evening.

In the morning we started our 14.3 mile hike along the actual Mormon Pioneer and Oregon trails. It was the one thing I dreaded most about this trip, but honestly I was feeling pretty good that morning and the air felt cool. As we started out the first thing we came to was Rocky Ridge. This is where we had the woman's pull. It was a simulation of when the men where called off to fight in the civil war and the woman were left behind alone to get their families to the Salt Lake Valley. It was a very powerful moment as the girls climbed the rocky hill themselves and the men waiting at the top singing hymns as they passsed. I think everyone had a tear in their eyes for what these woman did.As the day went on I was doing pretty good until about the last 2 miles. This was the hardest part. I don't know why if it’s because I could see an end in sight or if I'd just had enough, but I was going crazy. I just wanted it to end. I was so hot. The wind was blowing against us, which made it more difficult, but at least the air was moving so it didn't seem as hot. My legs were in a lot of pain, particularly my calf muscles. I was so aware of how detatched my legs were from the rest of my body. I knew if I stopped I wouldn’t get back up. It was at this moment I kept thinking about the pioneers and how they did this everyday for 90 days. Unbelievable. It was at this moment I knew if it hadn't of been for the hand of God they would not have made it across the plains. No doubt in my mind...They had faith and the Lord help them endure. I thought about the Willie Handcart Company and what they had to face making this walk in the bitter cold. It took them 27 hours to do what we were able to do in 6 1/2 hours. Simply amazing. We were told a story about a mother and her 4 sons. The oldest son (22) was cripple and unable to pull the cart so the mother and the 19 yr old son push the cart. The youngest son (4) feet were frozen and couldn't walk so his 11 year old brother carried him the entire 27 hours. After they arrived at Rock Creek Hollow (are destination as well) the 11 yr old boy set his brother down and then died. Heart wrenching story. No doubt both of those boys were being carried that day.

It was such a relief to finally make it to the finish line. I am in awe and so grateful to the Pioneers for doing this. For making their way. When we finally got into camp there was a cool stream near by that most of us stepped in and soaked our sore feet. I can’t even tell you how awesome it felt to take off my shoes and rest. Sadly it didn’t last long as we still needed to set up camp. That night we had an amazing testimony meeting. While I was sitting there listening I realized I was the only person there that didn’t have a friend, child, or spouse with them. I was all alone in this crowd of people. But you know what, I didn’t feel alone. I felt loved and needed and cared for. I was so grateful at that moment for the stake in which I live. For the association with these fine people.

During our stay at Rock Creek Hallow we visited a gravesite where those that died from the Willie Handcart Company were buried (like the brother from the story I told above). Me and another woman were talking about what we could offer the Lord that would even compare to the sacrifice these pioneers had made in believing in His Gospel and coming to the Salt Lake Valley. It really got me thinking…these people went through so much in their life. Their sacrifice paved the way for us today. How can I truly be as worthy as them to enter into the rest of my Father in Heaven? Then that very night I heard a quote by Neal A. Maxwell. He said,

“Though we have rightly applauded our ancestors for their spiritual achievements (and do not and must not discount them now), those of us who prevail today will have done no small thing. The special spirits who have been reserved to live in this time of challenges and who overcome will one day be praised for their stamina by those who pulled handcarts.” (1976)

This statement brought me to tears. After the week I had just been through and all the Pioneer stories I heard I can’t imagine them praising and giving thanks to God for our efforts. And then this quote followed,

“For nearly six thousand years, God has held you in reserve to make your
appearance in the final days before the Second Coming. Every previous gospel dispensation has drifted into apostasy, but ours will not...God has saved for the final inning some of his strongest children, who will help bear off the kingdom triumphantly. And that is where you come in, for you are the generation that must be prepared to meet your God...Make no mistake about it you are a marked generation.” said by President Benson 1988.

I feel in awe at this great opportunity and an immense sense of gratitude to the Lord for believing in me and knowing that I can do it. For allowing me to be on the earth at this time in the history of the world. I have always been so grateful to the Lord for the blessings I have been given in this life from the simple technology of paper towels to plumbing to instant communication to easy transportation to temples dotting the globe to the priesthood being again on the earth to eternal families. I feel blessed to be here now. More so now that I have experience a taste of what the pioneers went through. Before I did all this I remember thinking would I really have gone and done this. I was unsure when I thought it, but now I know with certainty had I lived in their day I would have trekked my way to SL for my beliefs. I would have given up all I knew for the mere promise that we could be sealed to our families for eternity. I would have given up everything for the knowledge of the Savior and his sacrifice for us.

I learned so much from the awesome experience. I learned a lot about the Pioneers. I learned a lot about their sacrifice for what they believed. I was touched by their stories. But despite all that, what I will take with me from this week in my life is priceless. Something I would never have been able to find had I not gone. It challenged me to face things in my life. It challenged me to look deeper into the person that I am and the woman that I want to be. I received answers to prayers. It gave me a better understanding of how the Lord teaches me. It renued my committment for that which i know to be true.

If you ever have the opportunity to go on a trek…go without hesitation. It just might be one of the best things you could do for yourself. At times I hated it, but mostly I loved it. Loved it for what it taught me. For what I have taken with me. I now know why I was there and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Interesting facts....I walked about 56000 steps in those four days and I took 834 pictures home with me from this experience.

Click here some more photos of trek.

to my delight

It's amazing what it feels like to open up the mailbox and see a manila colored large envelop that is not normally there surrounding all the junk. I sat there wondering if the mailman had made a mistake or that it must be for Adam. It was so delightful when I saw in fact it was addressed to me.

Just an hour or so ago I was reading Jill's blog and was totally coveting her new copy of Scrapbook Shortcuts given to her by Michelle. To my surprise when I got the mail just a few minutes ago, the package I was talking about above, enclosed the very same copy of the special issue also given to me by Michelle.

Thank you so much Michelle for being so thoughtful and sending this magazine. It totally made my day. I am so excited to start reading it.

"deep thinker"

Some might say an “over thinker”. Whatever the case I think a lot. I question everything. I run scenarios in my head over and over and over. I want life to turn out the way I have always envisioned. I don’t necessarily want perfection, but I don’t want the hurt. The sadness. I try to move through life avoiding the rough spots like a vehicle maneuvering through randomly placed orange cones. Eventually you will hit one…Right? Why can’t I get that? I know life is about trials and struggles. I know this. I know this deeply. I suppose sadness hurts so badly it’s unbearable to think of experiencing it again. I am beginning to truly face, don’t know why it has taken me so long, it’s the struggles in life that separates me from others. It’s the things that I go through everyday that makes me unique…the person I am. It’s the hardships that allow me to grow and learn. To be better. To become the person that I’ve always dreamed of. Without life’s curve balls I am never changing. I would gladly stay in one safe place, but I know life is not meant to be stagnate. If it were there would be no other point of this life than to gain a body.

Shortly after I returned home from Trek I came to the realization of why I have a problem with death. Whether or not this fear started due to my brother’s untimely death or if it was something that had been with me long before, I know not. What I do know is it’s something I can solve. I can actually begin to put these feeling to rest since I now know where the fear is coming from. This has been a great relief to me and a much needed answer. So why am I sharing this with you now? I have struggled with this as long as I can remember. It has been with me and shaped me for many years. I am not proud of it. At times it’s what’s kept me sitting on the side. From opening my heart for fear of the hurt. From experiencing life fully. Despite all that, after all this time it has taught me something very precious about myself I may not have understood any other way.

I am grateful for the trials in my past and present that have shaped the person I am. Even if the person I am is highly neurotic and loaded with fears. I am grateful I (with help from God) have the ability to change the things in my life I am not happy with and fight for the things I deeply need/want. I am grateful I can celebrate who I am despite my pitfalls. I am grateful for the chance to change and proof to myself that I am worthy of happiness…of joy.

I am grateful for life daily.

Never write Live on the internet!

You must keep wondering why I haven't posted about trek or posted at all for that matter. Let's see....
Number 1 my internet hasn't been working right. It works and then cuts off. Number 2 because of this problem I lost my finished post I was working on and all my thoughts with it. I am sickened by this loss. Sickened. This is a journal to me and I can't believe all that time and all my thoughts gone in an instant. From my experience, yes this has happened before, I am never able to get the same feeling back when I try writing again. So I am taking some time before going at it again.

I don't know why I didn't learn the first time I lost an entry, but I've learned this time.
For now I am a "ms word" girl. Copy & paste. No more live internet writing for me.

my megan's 2

She has been very excited to have her birthday. It seems that's all I've heard about since I came home from trek is, "My Birtday" over and over and over. I have never heard of a 2 year old that even knows what a birthday is. At least my other 2 girls didn't. It made it more fun knowing that she was looking forward to it and everytime someone would tell her happy birthday she just lite up.

We didn't do a huge get together. Just something simple with us. Here is what we did.

1. Earlier in the day we went to the park with some friends in our ward. I am glad we did because we were suppose to go tonight, but because of the rain it wasn't going to happen.
2. After her nap she was able to help me decorate her ladybug cake. She was very excited and pretty much just ate frosting the whole time.
3. In the mail she got a gift from her Austin, Olivia, Ashley, Robyn, and Jared from AU. Perfect timing. She loved the tutu and immediately took off her cloths to put it on. I don't know why she just didn't put it over her cloths. I'm tell you this girl love to change outfits. She was also excited about the stickers. So thank you.
4. We took her to cafe rio for dinner...her choice. She wanted a "dilla".
5. When we got home she sat outside with her dad and watched the rain pour down. Tess was a complete wreck due to her fear of thunder and missed the whole party because she went to her room and fell asleep.
6. My parents wanted to bring meg her gifts so we waiting for them to come over to sing, eat cake, and open gifts.
7. She was excited about opening gifts and when she saw what was inside she immediately took off her cloths ("hoot") and put on the dress. This girl loves changing her cloths several times a day and in fact I couldn't get her back in her normal cloths for photos. She insisted on her "hoot" aka suit. I gave in. At least she will no how much she wore it. She also got books, a phone, and a music player (sort of looks like an ipod).

I had a good time just watching her and seeing her excitement. It's so weird for me to think my baby is two. I love it though. I have so enjoyed her at this age.

For some reason I am unable to post photos on blogger. What is up? So frustrating. Does this happen to anyone else or just me?

Go here for a few photos from her birthday.

I am...

home.
showered.
free from my layer of dirt.
grateful to Jill, Kathy, and of course Adam for helping with the girls.
tired.
sore.
so excited for my mattress.
in a time warp.
in the middle of downloading my photos from my camera.
uplifted.
ready to take on the modern world.

I will post about my experience as soon as I am rested...and what an experience it was.

So this is it

for several days at least. I am off to trek the Wyoming landscape. I have a lot of hopes for this experience for me...one being that my whole purpose for going is a success. I am really looking forward to this, but still feel a bit of hesitation. Not sure why. I know it will be good for me. I know this is something I am suppose to be doing right now.

Now I'm off to bed since I have to be at the church at 5am. Yikes.

'til then.

happy accident

I went to proof my photos from Saturday and I found this. I may have past it by and put it with the others in the delete file (actually I do save everything on disc...even the bad), but I couldn't stop looking at it. It took my breath away. I saw her sweet innocent peaceful personality. Adam has always said Bella has a "sophisticated beauty". I so agree with him and I feel that I captured it here.

Saturday morning

I took the kids in the backyard to play with a bubble machine that shoots out thousands of bubbles a minute. The girls had such a great time dancing around playing I had to get out my camera. I had a lot of fun just snapping away. I took about 400 photos in a short period of time (thank goodness for digital). Lucky for me the girls had dressed themselves in decent cloths since I was not planning this. Anyway, I put these storyboards together of some of my favorites. Click here to see more.

"good mail"

I didn't even know I had a package until 6pm and we were walking out the door. Adam told me it was from Jill and I was eager to open it, but waited so I could enjoy the moment.

What an awesome thank you. I really wasn't expecting anything since I already received the wind chime, which I enjoy so much. Not only did it come in the cutest pink box ever, it held such a delightful stash. A very thoughtful card, double circle stamp (love circles), packet of pink cards, and a book that looks like an interesting read. Jill thank you for your thank you. It was so very thoughtful and I loved it. It made my evening. I hope you know I am always willing to help and so appreciate your willingness to help me as well.

Most of you know Jill or at least know of her from her blog. She is an amazing woman. She's one of the most thoughtful generous people I have ever known. She's so very talented behind the lens. She has been an inspiration to me in so many ways...scrapbooking, photography, generosity, organization....just to name a few. Jill, thank you for everything. I'm lucky to have you as a sister-in-law.

Happy Birthday Jill!

I shouldn't be spending time blogging,

but I am. I have lots to work on/do before Tuesday comes. The holiday has really messed up my week. Don't get me wrong I love holidays, but for some reason I feel I've had 2 weekends in a row and today should be Wednesday.

On my mind.

01. I need to finish up my skirt for trek. It just needs a hem. It is on my to do list everyday, but for some reason i am not finding time to do it....I wonder why?

02. I am trying to decide how many batteries I am going to need with me for my camera. I have this fear i will run out. Too bad the batteries aren't easy to come by. As far as I know the only electricity we'll come in contact with is in the service vehicles so I won't be able to charge them. Yikes! I will probably need to buy a couple extra. Hope they're not expensive.

03. I am really starting to panic about my 14 mile day walk. I thought of course, I can do it, it just won't be pleasant. Now I am fearing I may not be able to. Pray that we will have overcast days/no rain. Sadly it's not looking like it will be. At least it won't be raining though.

04. I don't even want to think about packing. I need to look at the list of what we need to bring. I am sure I have everything, but it sure takes time rounding it all up. Plus I need to pack the kids and I am unsure of where they will be...here or there.

05. So glad swimming lessons are over for now. I am going to do another session with some ladies in my ward, but we won't be starting for 2 weeks.

06. Adam and I are going out tonight. So grateful to be getting a break. I think we're going out with two other couples from our ward, but that isn't confirmed yet. Interesting note, the woman are both in their forties and I get along so well with them. Maybe I'm an old soul?

07. I have been trying to organize my photos. My computer is starting to slow down due to all the large files I put on it daily. I'm making sure they are on discs, printed, and then deleting them. I hate to delete them, but I have no choice. How do you orgainize your digital photos?

Ok, that is enough randomness (is that a word?) from me.

This girl of mine is such a delight

I was just thinking the other day how much I have enjoyed her. How much, despite the loudness of her voice, I enjoy her age.

She keeps me laughing, something I need daily.
She always has to have her "hoot" aka swimming suit on.
She'll let you know when she wants a nap or just some down time in bed with her "bebe".
She talks so much.
She loves swimming, but hates baths. We are now giving her showers.
She loves to just cuddle with you in bed.
She is a carboholic.
She wants to do everything on her own and gets mad when she can't.
She says "now" after every phrase as if it's please..."dink now"
She believes bandaids can fix anything.
She bugs her sisters.
She loves the backyardigans, wiggles, & "appy appy" aka tellytubbies.
She loves to read books.
She'll let you know when she needs to go poo/pee, but refuses to use the potty.
She is always taking off her cloths to change her outfit.
She eats all day long.
She loves shoes. Especially the fancy dress up shoes.
She has a hyper sense of smell.

Anyway, I can't remember enjoying this age before and then it hit me...everytime I have had an almost two year old I have been sick & pregnant. Not a very easy combination for enjoying motherhood.

It makes me feel sad I missed this with Bella and Tess. Sad I wasn't mentally there for this stages of their life. I suppose there's really nothing I can do about it now, but enjoy what I've got. And that's exactly what I've been trying to do all summer. Do fun activities together. Enjoy being with one another even if it's just making dinner together. Whatever the case, I have tried to put aside my wants and do what they want. It turns out I have really enjoyed this summer with them. I feel more exhausted and thank goodness for the down times, but I sure have had fun.

the fourth

has always been one of my favorite holidays. i think for sure it was the fireworks and being with family. now it is still for all of those reasons, but i am so much more aware of how grateful i am to live in this awesome country. to know i am free and have the right to live the way i choose. feel so lucky to be here.











That morning we went and had a ward breakfast that included a flag ceremony, 15 min speaker, breakfast (it was danishes and/or homemade omletes like at the resorts...awesome), and entertainment. The entertainment was brought to us by a group call "Synergy". They performed for so long. I got tired just watching them. It was so nice we were able to eat while we listened, apparently last year they ate afterwards.












That afternoon Adam's family came up to our house and we went swimming for a few hours,

then had a bbq, games, and when it got dark watched a lot of fireworks across the valley.

Very cool. It was a great holiday.

This could have been bad...

This morning Megan got in some trouble because she drew all over some of my cardstock. I'm not sure when she did it, but knew it was her. She does this thing now when she does something wrong, and gets caught, she goes directly to her room, closes the door and cries. I find it very humorous even though I am quite upset. So I went about finishing up what I was doing. A few minutes later I notice she stopped crying, but didn't come out of her room. She is good about distracting herself. In fact one time I walked in and hit her with the door because she was camped out with her bebe and blanket. Anyway, 10 minutes had gone by and I thought, "I should probably go in there to see how she's doing." You know tell her all is well. I stopped short not wanting to disturb the silence, but again thought I should go see her. As I opened the door she was standing close to the bathroom door that's in her bedroom. When she turned around she had something all over her mouth and something in her hand. I couldn't' figure it out at first, but I quickly recognized that stuff on her mouth was blood and the thing in her hand was a shaving razor. I was stunned. First of all this was not mine or Adams razor which means it was left behind by the previous owners. We did redo the bathroom, but Adam has kept tools under the sink so I haven't bothered to do anything with the cabinet. She immediately knew something was wrong, head down, but she didn't appear to be in any pain. I took the razor away grabbed her and realized she had a nick that was bleeding pretty good, but it wasn't deep.

I am so glad I walked in there. Who knows what she would have done. I am so glad I listen to what I now know was my maternal instincts. Man, it is such a weird feeling when you realize you've just diverted disaster.

today

When I left my home this afternoon to go celebrate my dad's birthday I was unable to get online. I am fearful there is a problem so I am blogging while my dad, bro chris, and adam play pool.

Today has been a really great day. At church I was able to go to my own relief society, very rare, and listen to the most fabulous lesson on loneliness (it was actually a talk this woman gave at woman's conference). I am so grateful I was there today as it really gave me a perspective I needed. I really want to be able to share it all now, but know I can't do it justice. I have asked for a copy and will share my favorite parts with you when I get it.

I am here at my parents house, like I said, to celebrate my dad's 61st bday. I just love my dad. I am such a daddy's girl and have always been so grateful for him. A few days after father's day he wrote me an email telling me how much he loved me. He felt so blessed to have me as a daughter and grateful I was living my life the way he'd always hoped. I cried. Not that he doesn't regularly express he feelings for me, but it was perfect timing. It came on a day I needed it most. His words filled me up and made me feel needed. Accepted. Appreciated. Loved. He has the perfect way of making me feel that everything will be ok. No matter what. I just love being with him. I love joking with him. I love the way I feel when I've been with my dad. He is the best. I am a lucky lucky girl to have him for a father.

Happy Birthday Dad!

out with the old in with the new

So anyone that has seen my computer knows I have an 8 years old (can you even fathom how old that is) CRT monitor that is so big I have to use an enormous table so all my equipment will fit. I have secretly been wanting a new one for a really time (several years). About a week ago I realized my monitor was starting to look different. The picture was bad and the color off. I thought maybe one of the girls played with the settings, but that wasn't it. When I spoke to Adam the other night he also said he noticed it so I knew it wasn't just me and my secret wanting.

So there you have it. My monitor is dying and I am forced to go find a new one. What luck right? Hee hee. I am very excited since I can actually afford something much nicer than I would have been able to years ago when LCD screen were new technology. So of the things I need to do today this is on the top of the list. I actually looked at costco yesterday which had a great selection. They have a great one that will be on sale in a month, but they're not even carrying it now. I am not sure what to do as that is a month away. I sort of want one now. I am going to check of few more stores and then decide what to do. I will either be coming home with one or I will get one later. The point is...goodbye to my old gigantic monitor.

Hooray!