a good relaxing sunday

I think I could be in a lot of trouble tonight. I just got up from a 2 1/2 hour nap and if Adam hadn't come in and woke me up I think I would still be in dreamland. It felt good to sleep, to rest my mind. I hope I won't have trouble in a few hours to get back in bed, but I guess if I can't sleep I can finish "These is my Words". So either way I feel go about how this afternoon played out.

My talk is finally over (YEAH) just in time to find out we get to do it again in a few weeks in the other ward. I knew it was coming so I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I'm just grateful we get to use the same talks so really it's just going to be like take two.

I wanted to share with you a quote from Elder Holland that I used in my talk that I just loved.

“We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities."

Have a great Sunday. We are about 8 inches deeper in snow so hopefully we can dig ourselves out tomorrow.

MIA

I feel like I have a million and one reasons why I've been MIA the last week, but really my computer hasn't been calling to me like it has in the past. Once it freaked out and needed a little visit to the repairman I didn't look back. My computer has been sitting in my studio waiting to be hooked up until this morning when I decided to finalize my talk.

I have missed everyone. I have missed feeling connected with the world, the blog world, but as crazy life goes, I'm doing what I can to make it what it will be and I guess blogging hasn't fit in the last month or so. So I apologize for not making it to anyone's blog, for being MIA. I didn't even peak for fear of getting sucked into your ideas and thoughts, but I have heard it is going strong.

I feel I am at this strange place right now, like I'm not sure where to go next. Is anyone else there? It's strange when 6 weeks are devoted to this one day and now that it's over I'm not even sure where to begin. I mean I have a game plan, declutter declutter declutter, but it's as if I'm lost as to how. I guess it's with all things...just do and the rest shall follow. Interestingly enough my talk in church on Sunday is on looking forward so I have two days to figure it out so I don't feel like a complete hypocrite standing up there giving my two bits about how to move forward when I feel a bit stuck at the moment.

Enough of that. Good news I'm down to one book, I finished Atonement and The Thirteenth Tale. The jury is still out on Atonement. It's just such a depressing story and I'm trying to find a lesson in it. I guess that our lives are intertwined and are affected by each other's decisions and actions. It has made me think twice about how something I do or don't do could affect another's life. I liked the Thirteenth Tale. I enjoyed the mystery it provided, trying to unravel it as I read, though it was a bit strange. I was way off in the end to what I thought would actually happen and I liked being wrong. I would give it 3 stars on GoodReads.


sorry for the angle but light was reflecting off the glass from straight on.

Here is a project I did several weeks ago, but am just able to share now. I love the way it turned out and that I get to see it every time I leave my kitchen, which is every 10 minutes or so. I put it together in photoshop and then printed it 20x20.

Ok so I'm off to have a kidless day at least until the afternoon rolls around. Adam has taken my car and I'm stuck at home, which I am so happy about. A quiet day getting stuff done...a dream. Perhaps this is what I need to figure out the how in following my game plan.

Have a great friday :)

christmas morning

My parents joined us this year for Christmas morning opening gifts and a delicious breakfast. I wasn't sure what time to have them come because I didn't want them to miss anything, but I also didn't want my kids to have to wait. They ended up coming around 7am and we had to wake Megan up. Apparently she's not there yet.

christmas eve

It started at the cemetery. I know not really what your thinking about when you think of Christmas, but bring Christmas to my brother has been something we've done, well, since he's been gone. Although I know it probably doesn't really matter to him much, I do it to remember and share a piece of him with my children.

















After we parted ways with my parents we had a brief visit with Adam's grandma.



Then we headed to the compound for our annual Christmas Eve gathering with Adam's family. We have good food, open gifts and play games. This year we spent a lot of time playing playstation (guitar hero, singsong, and dance dance revolution).

eleven

may 2007

On this day eleven years ago Adam and I came as two and left as one. It's amazing how much you become a part of one another once you're married and committed to each other's happiness.

I have a lot to thank him for. He has been apart of my life for more than a 1/3 of it and I have learned more about living in that time then I ever thought possible. He has taught me to love and to trust. To do and to be. To live and to give.

Most importantly I have learned the process of understanding each other and creating an eternal marriage is on going. You're never complete, but always forming, always shaping into where you are at the moment just in time to change and mold into something new, more beautiful than before.

Adam my love, I love you dearly and with my whole heart. You are everything I ever wanted even when I didn't know it. Thank you for your patience, your love, and for 11 memorable years. lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

4 off the top

1. Be careful what you wish for.
My head had been swirling the last few days. I was just beginning to think I had everything under control and that things may slow down a bit when I got a call to speak in church on the 30th. It took me several moments to respond to the question and quite honestly I'm not sure how much time lapsed when the caller brought me out of my trance with the comment, "it sounds like it's not a very good time?" I wanted to laugh, really I wanted to cry. Of course during the holidays it's never a good time to add one more thing to the list, but in reality it's never a good time to speak in church. At least that was the way I was feeling at the moment. After accepting, my determination to get it written so I wouldn't have to feel it looming over me on Christmas day kicked in...I'm pretty much done writing it. Let's just say it was a long weekend, but really I shouldn't down play it like it was drudgery. I came to understand while writing and researching the topic it was yet again an answer and something I needed right now.

If I was going to dispense any advice today it would be, be careful what you wish (ask) for. You never know what form it will take.

2. I've got 3 books going right now (list on sidebar).
I think this is the first time ever (usually I only like to tackle one at a time). It is most definitely the source of my absence here, well that and Christmas. During the day I am swamped, as I'm sure most of you are, but at night after a warm shower I curl in bed hoping to spend the night away reading in one of my books trying to forget about all the work that's waiting for me when I wake. I'm finding it very difficult to choose which story to get lost in as each is beautiful in it's own way. As I write this I can't imagine my life absent of books and stories, and yet, I did if for a very long time. So grateful to have found it again.

3. Megan sings

On Thursday morning Megan had her school Christmas performance. She insisted on dressing up, which was no surprise to me, she wants to wear dresses everyday with her "sparkly shoes". It was a memorable performance I wish I had caught on video better. What I got is blurry and honestly I would share if I wasn't feeling so lazy at the moment, but I am. Suffice to say, she was loud and energetic (so her). She looked like she was having a great time and she was a lot of fun to watch.

4. All tied up in a pretty bow
I pretty much have all the presents wrapped, well the things I have bought anyway. I still have a couple gifts to purchase and seem to be taking my sweet time. Not sure why, but I'm not feeling the_last_week_ to_shop_rush, I feel calm surprisingly. Whatever the reason for my calm I am grateful for it. I've already had 2 cold sores pop up this month...apparently stress and no sleep do not look good on me.

I'll leave my list at four. I have lots to share, but will wait for another day. The clock in the lower right hand corner of my computer is looking at me. I know it's time to say good-bye to another day so I can get my proper sleep. To someone who loves sleep it's amazing how much I love the quiet nights and never want them to end.

Tiny Snowflake

Our YW did the 12 days of Christmas for 36 widows in our neighborhood. This story along with a snowflake is for one of the days. I thought it was such a sweet reminder of our individual worth that I wanted to share.

The tiny snowflake lay in God’s hand. Among stars and galaxies it was so very tiny. But her great Creator’s heart loved it best. For with all truth and light he had sculpted this one little snowflake.

“In all time and space, nothing shall ever be like you”’ God whispered, “And you are mine.”

“If I keep you in my hand you shall be perfect and your beauty shall never change,” He said. “But my tiny one you shall miss the best part”.

He signed and blew the snowflake from his hand and it fell into immense darkness. The snowflake was terrified! But God’s breath carried it as a gentle wind, guiding it as it fell. The snowflake felt a wondrous new feeling.

“What is this”, it thought.

And God’s voice whispered “Freedom”!

And the snowflake felt such joy that she began to dance her own beautiful dance. Other snowflakes fell and danced, but it was not at all like her special dance. Suddenly she stopped for she touched the earth and she lay with all the others in crystal silence. She felt a part of something, something great and important.

When morning dawned the sunlight turned the fields of snow glorious with light. The snowflake realized her coming had somehow changed the earth. The sunlight warmed her and she too began to change.

“What shall I become”, she thought.

“Indeed”, God smiled. “What shall you become?”

And she was comforted for the creator was still creating her. Once again she was in God’s hands. And just as God whispered to the snowflake, he whispers to you:

“In all time and space, nothing shall ever be like you”, He says “and you are mine”.

Good sleeping

I woke the girls up this morning and found this



Yes, I had to turn on the lights to take the shot which caused both megan and tess to cover their face, but this is how they were....no covers, squished together as if they were one mass, megan snoring and flipped upside down.

Can you see all the stuff they're sleeping with? Leapsters and stuff animals galore. Oh how I wish for those times when you could sleep anywhere, in any uncomfortable position. Cruel irony indeed.

last week busyness

I can't believe it's already been almost a week since I updated my blog. I've been so busy with YW (12 days of Christmas project), trying to find Christmas gifts, wrapping gifts,


working on Christmas cards,




family activities (ie gingerbread houses & cookies),

and fighting AMS that I haven't even thought about blogging.

I did, however, managed to listen to A Thousand Splendid Suns (probably not the most uplifting book to read right now), while working on a few projects of my own, which I can't share at the moment because they are gifts as well. I also painted a painting that didn't work out so well. I guess you could say I didn't know when to stop. 1499 to go.

Question: I need an idea for neighbor gifts, preferably low maintenance. What are you doing?

her question

Megan: "mommy why are you my mom?"

me: "I guess because Heavenly Father wanted you to be apart of our family."

Putting the question back on her I asked, "Why do you think I'm your mom?"

Megan: "Because I told Jesus I wanted you."

me: "You did?"

Megan: "Yeah!" (with her hands on her hips in her silly voice she said), "I told Jesus 'I want my mommy and daddy!' and then I just comed here."

I know this is her little self just trying to figure things out, but I couldn't help wonder after almost losing her while pregnant twice that perhaps it was her persistence that brought her here. She certainly is good at what she does...I find it very difficult to turn her down.

Made me laugh

My sister send me an email of us as elves and I was laughing so hard I had to share. I actually made my own because the one she sent was saying the wrong last name (she couldn't change it or something like that). Anyway, Adam didn't make it in because you could only create 4 elves so I decided to just do us girls (I'm sure he really appreciated being left out).

watch here

Thank Jeni. This was a lot of fun. The kids loved it.

If you make one send it to me I want to see.

PS thanks everyone for you thoughtful response yesterday. I'm taking them all into consideration. I must say I love the hot bath/shower before bed idea, especially now that it's so cold.

AMS

drawing courtesy Adam

Some friends of ours started using the phrase Amy M Syndrome or AMS when they were feeling utterly exhausted. Apparently they are also aware of my chronic tiredness.

Sadly, I live in a perpetual tired state. I'm not sure how long it's been going on for, though I think Adam would say as long as I've known you, but it's definitely been off and on since I've had kids. Lately I haven't been sleeping well so it has exacerbated the problem. I've wondered if it's my thyroid, but I had that checked a year ago and nothing came up. I use to not sleep well due to something on my mine, but I haven't felt that way at all lately. I'm quite frustrated and hate feeling on a daily basis like I'm fighting to find the energy to get anything done.

So today I decided it was time to get back in an exercise routine. I was great in September, but stopped doing it because I was just so tired I didn't want to get up in the morning. I'm not sure if this will be the answer, but I am willing to try because I'm so desperate to feel good, to feel like a normal person with energy. I guess tonight I will see if it make a difference.

I know some of you out there have problems with either falling asleep or staying asleep (mine is the later) so can you give me some advice as to what you do? Do you take meds? Have you seen a sleep disorder specialist? Do you exercise and still have trouble sleeping? I guess I'm willing to try anything because it's getting to the point where it's so common I can't live this way.

Wish me luck! I'm crossing my fingers that tonight will be different. I will say today felt better so I have reason to hope.

finished project

Here is the advent calender all candied up and ready to go.

It's a good thing we only finished it a few days ago because the girls won't stop asking me when they get to start eating the candy. On the back of the tags I've written little acts of service all of us can do each day to keep us thinking about others during the holiday. I'm excited about this new tradition.

And one more to share.

I finally found a home for what is turning out to be my new favorite decoration.

photography q&a

Adam once told me his art professor said, “the first artist to 1500 paintings wins.” It took me a long time to accept that. In my mind I thought so much of it had to do with God given talent, which in reality was very frustrating to me because what I loved I wasn’t naturally good at. Once I embraced the notion that you can create even if you’re not creative it changed everything for me. I wish I knew what the equivalent of 1500 paintings would be in photographs, but I guess that doesn’t really matter so much. I believe it’s through our experience that we learn and grow and the more we do the better we become whether or not we are gifted in that area.

Q: Heather asked, did you have any schooling to learn photography? If not, how did you learn?
A: I had no schooling. Everything I know about photography I taught myself from the internet, reading, and looking at other photographers.
Q: How long did it take to reach the level you are at? October 2005 was when I bought my first SLR digital camera and got serious about learning photography, so I guess 2 years.
Q: Where do you go for creative inspiration?
A: I find inspiration everywhere. Magazines like blueprint or dwell, billboards, people watching, interesting light, in the wee hours of the night things come to me, flickr, other photographers, songs, words, blogs, interior design, shapes, fashion.
Q: What books would you recommend for learning photography? (The creative and technical side)
A: For photoshop any of Scott Kelby's books. For basic photography Understand Exposure by Bryan Peterson. As far as creative books go I don't know of any photography related ones, but I love Living out Loud by Keri Smith and books of that nature that get me thinking creatively about life. Another good one The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.
Q: What is your favorite lens?
A: Tough question...I would have to say the one I use the most 24-70mm 2.8L lens. It use to be a toss up between my 50mm 1.8 and 100 mm 2.8.
Q: What camera do you use?
A: I use the canon 30D. I use to dream of the 5D, but I am quite happy with the 30D. They have, however, upgraded the camera and you can now buy the 40D.
Q: How do you deal with indoor photography? Do you use a flash?
A: I never use a flash unless I absolutely have to. My reasoning, because I love natural light and honestly I don't know flash photography. It's something that I want to learn, but right now my flash photos just look plan flashy (can I get away with saying that?). There is a skill to it and I don't have it.
Q:How's that for a few?
A: I am happy to help heather. They were great question and hopefully they will help others in the future as well.

Q: Alyson asked, In the past you have talked about going to weekend conferences/classes for photography. I was wondering where you did that or how I could get information on those classes? Do you teach any classes or do any trainings?
A: Earlier in the year I went to a workshop put on by one of my favorite photographers, Cheryl Jacobs. I went to learn about my style, how I see the world in relation to the photos I take. I felt great about my technical skills, but wanted to take the creative process one step further. I took the workshop because I loved Cheryl's philosophy. If you are serious about a workshop you need to shop around for the one that will work best for you. Learn about the photographer. Are they teaching the things you want to learn about? Once your out and shooting you begin to understand what you don't know and what you specifically need help with. I don't teach any classes, this is as far as I've come to teaching, but I think I would enjoy that very much if the opportunity arises in the future. There are a lot of good classes online at betterphoto.com. I've never taken any, but I know people who have and rave about them. They aren't cheap, but it's a good way to focus on one subject like lighting or metering or photoshop.

Q: Alexandra asked, Lately my photos don't seem bright enough or crisp enough to me AND I can't find the manual to my Rebel - that makes it difficult!! I'm using the Canon EF 50mm 1:1.8 lens - thought this was a good low-light option. Don't know what I'm doing wrong or do I just need to tackle photoshop to get that fabulous vibrant look.
A: The 50mm lens was my favorite lens for a very long time. Canon makes a few versions of the 50mm which range from $90, $350, $1200. Quite a bit of difference, but the nicer the lens the sharper, better quality your image will be. You may want to take it in to where you bought it to have it checked out if you think it’s really bad. (It’s hard for me to know since I haven’t seen any pictures you’ve taken with it). My guess would be that the lens is probably fine. Assuming the photo is exposed correctly, you may just need to lighten it up a bit (which would brighten the photo) with curves in photoshop. Be careful with sharpening though, I think it can be overdone very easily and make the photo look really processed.

Q: Holly asked, My photography question for you is, do you have a favorite lens? One that you would recommend everyone NEEDS? I love the photos with the kind of blurry backgrounds, and I know that has to do with aperture, but does lens make a difference?
A: The lens you use makes all the difference in the world. In fact I would much rather spend my money on a great lens than I would a camera. Now that doesn't mean the camera isn't important, but the lens makes a huge difference to the quality of the photos you take. It's hard to choose a favorite lens because each one I use I use for a specific reason, but if I had to pick I would choose the one I use the most right now my 24-70 2.8L lens. I would recommend this lens if your serious and you want to spend the money, but I think a good modest all around lens is the canon 28-135mm 3.5-5.6 IS zoom lens. It was my first purchase and served me well. The 50mm 1.8 or 1.4 is great for low light and will give you that blurry bg your looking for. I know a lot of people who love the 85mm 1.8, but personally I never use it. You can also get that blurry bg from a telephoto lens. If your shooting your subject at 200mm you're going to get a blurry bg even at a smaller aperture.

A word about lenses and pricing. A larger aperture (small number, large opening) is going to make the lens more expensive. IS stands for image stabilization and will also make the price go up.

Q: Dani asked, If I want a nice digital camera, that will give me quality pics of my kids, snap photos rapidly, and a good zoom, what should I get? Is it better to buy a separate lens for better zoom? I guess I would want to know what's the best bang for my buck, and what's one that's worth shelling out the cash for?
A: Dani my question for you is how interested are you in photography? If you just want a good camera that will take good fast photos I would go with the Canon Rebel xti. It's a good camera, can most likely be found for a great deal, and will do everything that you need, but if you're serious I would spend the money on a nicer camera. As far as the lenses go, again how serious are you? If you want a nicer lens I would get the 28-135mm or another zoom lens that's comparable. Honestly, I would suggest going to pictureline playing with what they've got. You can even rent lenses or a camera too see what you think and make you're own comparisons.

Q: Laurie asked, Here’s my question for you: do you hire out your photography services? I love your style.
A: Thanks Laurie. I have been hired several times, but I'm not currently officially in business. It was my plan a year ago, but after much soul searching I realized it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in. Photography is my art, not a money maker for me right now. Perhaps in the future I will venture that way, but for now I'm happy taking pictures for me. Of course that doesn't mean that I won't, if your interested let me know and we can make work something out.

Q: natasha asked, do you use Photoshop? What do you recommend as far as software - I don't even know where to begin!
A: Yes, I use photoshop (PS) and highly recommend it. I know it has the reputation of being a beast, and it is, but I don’t think it has to be incredibly hard to learn. It’s one of those programs you just have to jump into and experiment with, read, see what others do, and just fiddle. This is how I learned PS, in fact it's how I learn most things like html, just going for it. Honestly though, I’ve been at it for 2 years now and I’m still learning, so remember learning any program is going to take time. The second point I want to make about PS is it really is necessary. I don't know one professional photography that shoots digitally that doesn't proof their photos. Digital makes your images look flat. You will never get the same tones you get with film on a digital photo, that's why, just like processing film, you need to process your digital photos. So my advice if you're going out and getting a digital camera would be to buy a photo editing program at the same time and learn it. It's an extra step, but will greatly effect your images. Again, check out Scott Kelby PS books. He has one for multiple versions of PS and PS elements. He gives a step by step guide to almost anything you can think to do with a photo in PS. Highly recommended.

here is an example of the difference a photo editing program can make. Click to enlarge

Q: Altagirl asked, I have a question on finding the right levels for b & w photos, it seems that I either wash out the skin or it is too dark. I love the photos that you have black and white and I was wondering if you have just saved it as an action or if you eyeball it?
A: You can convert to bw many different ways, but the one I use the most is lab conversion or channel mixer and usually adjust levels or curves to get richer tones depending on my desired effect. To use channel mixer go to layers window, click add new adjustment layer, click on channel mixer, click on the monochrome box, and then adjust each color to get desired effect. Even though I've created a simple action to take me through the steps my adjustments are always different. One tip that will help is to make sure your exposure is correct before converting.

the difference between converting bw and just converting to grayscale

Q: Betsy asked, My question is do you use a reflector, and what method do you use to get your exposure just right? Do you use a hand held meter, or what? I am looking forward to your q and a post =0).
A: Betsy I don't use a reflector. In some instances I know it would help, but I find that most times just grabbing my camera is almost not quick enough to capture the shot before my child has moved. Also I feel like it's just one more thing to worry about. I have considered buying one, but just haven't. Getting my exposure just right has been trial and error for me. It took time to get to know my camera's metering and how to compensate under certain lighting conditions. Digital is a perfect way to learn exposure because you can see your mistakes right away and correct them. I have used a hand held meter before, but prefer my in camera meter (one less step). Make sure though if your shooting digital and using a hand held meter to meter the highlights, which is opposite when shooting film (meter shadows). I almost always have my metering set at center-weighted unless i have a tricky lighting situation like a backlit subject, than I will switch to spot.

Q: Adria asked, what are the most versatile, best lenses to get?! I have a nikon D80 and I have two lenses: 18-55mm and a 55-200mm. Also, best books to read to learn what I'm doing!
A: I don't have Nikon and don't know the equivalent of their lenses to canon, but both of the ones you have look very versatile to me. You have a range of 18mm- 200mm that's great. You're other question can be found under heather's questions up at the top.


Hopefully I answered your questions and that it makes sense (I wrote the majority of the answers at 2am so please excuse typos). I'm sorry if I missed anyone, not intentional, let me know and I will add your question. If this sparked any new ones I'd be happy to answer those as well.

one last thought
Anything your learning, particularly, i have found, anything creative you try, it's very easy to get frustrated and give up. I can't tell you how many times I thought, "What am I doing this for? I don't have an eye for photography. I can't do this." When in fact I was putting way to much pressure on myself trying to keep up with everyone else. Once I let go of that notion, decided I take pictures because I love it, and shot with my heart instead of my head, I began to see real growth. When I feel expectations arise I put the camera down, ask myself why I'm taking pictures, and give myself time, whatever time I need to let go and remember I do it for me. Ultimately your doing it for you, for you family, for the generations to come to see the beautiful work you've created. Who cares if it's not going to be published or hung in a gallery someday. Ask yourself, Do I love it? If yes, than that's all that matters because if you love it you'll do it and if you do it you'll have no choice, but to get better and better.