my reality...

School fair, September 2006, photo interrupted by fly

None of the kids cooperating at the same time, the little one screaming, the older one looking like she's going to whack the younger one (really she's swatting the fly), and the oldest looking (apparently) smugly into the camera while the younger two go crazy.

Yep, exactly.

This is the reality I love to capture.

full circle

I wasn't aware until a couple of weeks ago that I have truly found my place. I was in the primary for 8 years before moving on to the young womans program. It was a strange transition for me, I had been so use to hanging out with 5-8 yr olds, but I was excited for the opportunity. I remembering being so terrified the first time I taught them, and as I figured out, for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't much different from the younger kids except the questions they would ask. I quickly learned that along with my normal prep I had to be ready for the questions that were bound to come my way. My girls were thinkers.

I'm not sure what's happened in the last few months, perhaps the girls trust me more or I'm beginning to realize I've found my place, but my class time could not be going better. It seems each lesson the spirit is there and I can tell the girls are getting it, that they care and want to know. Yesterday was no exception.

We got to class late because we're learning a song for New Beginnings so I felt I had to rush through my lesson, but I just kept feeling I should let the lesson take it's course. It was on gifts of the spirit and to tell you the truth I didn't imagine I would get very many questions. The leader that is over me was in the class and she gave an example of the power of faith. Her newborn was having heart problems and she knew without a doubt that if her father could give her child a blessing all would be ok and sure enough it was. Her son is now on a mission. I was glad she shared her story and then I moved on. I could see in front of me one of the younger girls in my class struggling and then finally she raised her hand. I quickly finished my thought and than called on her. After hearing the story of the leader's son she became very confused as to why her faith wasn't strong enough to save a cousin who was born with problems. Her family had fasted and prayed, given blessings, but in the end the baby didn't make it. She wanted to know, "why wasn't my faith strong enough?". I was caught off guard and as the girls was asking she started to cry. I of course was touch by her question because I have certainly been there before wondering why my faith wasn't strong enough. It's an amazing thing what happens when the spirit is in the classroom. Suddenly my mind was flooded with being that age, going through tragedy, feeling of helplessness and anger. I was also reminded of the RS lesson that I read last week thanks to so many of you who spoke about on your blogs. With all that information rushing to my mind in seconds I was able to give her a meaningful response that I felt she would be able to take with her.

When I walked out of the classroom yesterday I was shown again that things do happen for a reason in our life. That perhaps the experiences that I've had, good or bad, can be used to help others through their journey. I never would have thought my heartache or confusion I felt years ago would help someone overcome one of their struggles today. Life is beautiful. What a gift we have been given to be able to touch each other for good. To help each other along the way and take part in each others life. Though I know it wasn't me who taught that girl yesterday...I'm utterly grateful that I could be used, if even for a moment, bringing peace to someones life.

Project 4

I hope you don't mind me sharing my projects a week. I can't even tell you how much I've enjoyed getting to all the things I've wanted to, but somehow never found the time. I suppose you need to make it a priority.


This week I focused on my entryway which has needed help since I moved in last year. On the left side we have a bench and shelve we bought at Downeast Home. It has been there this whole time, but just didn't look lived in or I should say it had a lack of personality due to the fact that nothing was on it. I've been buying things as I see them from places like Tai Pan and finally put them all together. I also wasn't sure what to do for the cubbies so I just bought baskets. It certainly adds to the piece. I can't tell you how hard decorating is for me, but I must say I love it and so enjoy the changes it makes to our home. It so much more inviting when you walk in.


We just put money down on custom bookcases for our study/library (I'm so excited about this) so we moved this big old antique desk/buffet out into the entry (right side). It works really well, but was a challenge to think of how to fill it. I decide to put a bunch of picture frames all over the desk. I only have a few right now, but I've been buying frames one at a time and hope in the next few months it will be covered with my favorite photos. The blue picture at the end is a drawing Tess drew at school. She was thrilled that I put it up so I thought it would be fun to change the drawing every week for the girls to see their art displayed. The word "sweet" is from Target to represent Valentine's Day. I will switch it out with something after feb 14.

Perhaps you can tell from the 2nd photo that my entry is rather long, which is why I feared it so much. Since we moved the buffet into the entry it booted this small table so we moved it into the middle section of the entry. I know that sound sort of strange...I guess you'd just have to see it. Anyway I finally framed one of my favorite photos of Tess blowing a dandelion and hung it right above the table. The frame is 16x20 and the photo 11x14 so it makes quite a statement. Adam didn't see it until he came home from Las Vegas (Wednesday) and couldn't believe what a difference it made to the space.

I feel so proud of myself for getting it done even though it wasn't the most comfortable thing for me to do. I still have some work to do, adding more frames and what not, but love what I got done. I seriously just want to sit on my bench for hours and enjoy my efforts.

I hope you are all enjoying a fabulous weekend.

Lately...

We've been doing a lot of nail painting in my house. It's something the girls love doing and I don't mind either as long as they can wait for their nails to dry, which seems to be quite challenging for Megan. I have a bright pink color which we use every time and they usually love, but now that we've recoated like 3 times due to the polish chipping in only a day or two they keep asking for different colors. Sadly I don't stock up on nail polish so the colors are vastly limited. Tess told me today that Lolo (her aunt) has all kinds of colors and she should just wait for her to do them. Suddenly I felt uncool and a need to stock up on some hip new colors. Thanks Lori. Maybe we should bring her to your school and let you do a manicure for her...would you do that?

Photo by Tess

Lately as I've been looking through my photos to save them, don't forget to make a copy, I realize how absent Bella is in a lot of photos (I need to be better at taking more photos when she gets home). It has been a hard change for me not having her around. I mean don't get me wrong I love them in school, but I feel I rarely get to see her and it makes me sad. It makes me really appreciate the time I get to spend with Tess and Megan and am doing my best to make it last because time is quickly approaching when Tess will be gone all day as well. I remember a time when all I wanted was for them to be in school and now I want time to slow down. They're going up too fast.


So, with Bella's absence, I've been noticing these two little girls of mine becoming fast friends. When Bella's around Megan usually gets overlooked, but with no one else to play with Tess has been quite taken with Megan. It's been a joy to see them playing quietly in the basement together without any encouragement on my part or laughing together about nonsense. They are alike in many ways so I'm surprised it has taken so long for their friendship to take off (I suppose it helps for some maturity on Megan's part). For instance, they love to play dress up and be girly girls...stuff Bella wouldn't do because it doesn't interest her. It's been a delight to see the two of them growing closer and hope this will be the beginning of a strong friendship between the two of them. Something I hope for all my girls.

different is good

I've realized from the beginning that my eldest child, Bella, is a bit different from most kids. To the extend that I thought perhaps something was wrong with her and actually did get her tested for autism. The test came out negative, thank goodness, but have still thought she was unique. This latest note on her door has just convinced me even more.


She is hyper aware of what's around her and what she is and is not comfortable with. I remember a few years ago we had friends over playing all day, day after day, and she came to me in tears saying, "I just need a break". She already knows she needs her alone time. I have always been impressed with how mature this observation was to a 5 year old. She has also found that writing notes is a productive way of being heard or getting what you want, opposed to interrupting or arguing with a parent who is inevitably going to win. I'm use to her writing little notes to tell me what she would like for dinner or that she needs to talk to me. So when I walked by her room last week it was no surprise to me to see a note hanging on her door that read, "1 minute please I need to be alone". It did, however, make me again keenly aware of how adult like she already is.

Now if only I could use this tactic on my door and have it actually work.

Productivity

I have been extremely tired the last few days, not to mention crampy, so all I want to do is lie in bed all day. It has been so hard for me to get up in the morning even with a full night rest. I'm not certain what's going on with me, but I'm determined to push through it and continue with my goals.


So despite the way I have been feeling I must say I've been rather productive. I tacked the fridge, which is never a hard job, just not fun to do. It always leaves my fridge feeling quite empty, but oh so clean. I feel like every time I walk by I'm opening it up just to delight in my efforts.

I also worked on what will be our food storage underneath the stairs. It's not a big area, but it was stuffed to the gills...to the point that if you opened the door stuff would fall on you. It also was a surprisingly easy task. Most things just needed to be taken up to the attic for storage. It felt really good to get that done.

I was also on carpool duty today since the girl that goes to school with Tess was sick. I ended up taking her and picking her up along with the older kids in elementary. Man, all I can say is today I am grateful for carpools. I forgot how much I was in the car last year and I certainly don't miss it. I have a good thing going this year only driving Tess and her friend to preschool 3 days a week. I feel lucky.













I also got some good mail today...Two very nice thank you cards from Kelly and Lisa that made me smile. It has been great getting to know you both. You're right Kelly it is no small miracle finding a friend. I feel so lucky to have found so many in the blogging world.

While making dinner the over ripened bananas kept staring at me so admits my homemade chicken noodle soup efforts I started making banana bread. All I have to say about that was it was so worth it, even though me and the girls made a huge mess with the flour.

Although it doesn't sound like such a crazy busy day it seemed like that to me. I can't wait for the bed. In fact I'm on my way there now. We just put the kids to bed and I think I will read a bit. Such a perfect end to a productive day.

Does this make anyone else laugh?

As I was looking through Bella's school work today I found this...

It cracks me up that as she read through the answers she decided to go with "break" instead of "see". I wonder what was going through her head at the time. I especially love that her teacher didn't mark her as wrong realizing that it was a valid answer, just not the best. She must wonder what goes on at our house...a lot of ruined screens I guess.

week 3...

and still going strong. This is the project I worked on last week (along with the mouse pads), but am just getting around to blogging it. I already had these photos printed and in frames so pretty much I just painted the "M" and hung the shelf. It just adds a little bit more of us to our house that makes me smile every time I walk up my stairs. I am currently working on my entry way so hopefully at the end of the week I can show you my efforts. I just love this project once a week. It gives me something to look forward to and I'm always thinking of what I want to accomplish.

Are you working on anything this week?

I also found these layouts on my HD that I did last November and never did post. I guess with my HD failure scare I want to make sure to have double back ups.

see hear do

My friend Esther came up with this concept to teach children the alphabet with there sounds. It's all about seeing the letter, hearing the sound, and then doing an action to help the child remember. She has been working for several years now to get these books published and has finally found a way to produce them in order to make them affordable for everyone, which has been her goal.

I have to say her program is amazing and I have seen it work first hand with my children. Bella (6) learned the alphabet with sounds by the time she was 3. She is an amazing reading now and it has really helped her to gain the confidence she needed. Tess (4) was the same way and her preschool teachers tell me what an awesome job she's doing reading 1 vowel words. I have yet to do this with Megan, but am looking forward to it with these new books.

Esther's books are finally ready to ship and the website is up and running. So check it out to learn more about the program. I'm telling you if you have a preschooler this will be the best money you can buy. It's a fabulous program and it's so fun to do with your children...it will not disappoint. She is also having a open house this week so email me if you want more info or you can just visit her website to have it shipped to your door.

quick reminder

I want to post about my project for the week and other things on my mind, but just wanted to tell you something I was again reminded of at church today.

We had ward conference today and the Sunday school was combined. A member of the Stake Presidency gave the lesson which ended in an interesting question and answer session. At the very end he told us of a fireside that was going to take place in the next month (they would of course have posters for this). The fireside was going to be from a man, sorry can't remember his name, who is an emeritus of the seventy now heading up a committee from the First Presidency of the church all about the avian flu. Apparently the church's stand is not if, but when we are going to be hit. It was actually quite disturbing to hear, but honestly a good reminder to make sure we are continuing our efforts to get our year supply of food storage.

I am looking forward to this fireside and will share more information when I can, but for now wanted to remind you to make sure we are all doing our best to obey the counsel of the Prophet by getting together our food storage. You never know when you might need it for and if we're faced with this dreaded flu we could potentially be quarantined in our homes for a long period of time.

Hope you find this reminder as inspiration and not a damper on your evening.

:)

power of music

After reading Kristi's post I was once again reminded of how powerful music can be. I have not always been into music. In fact I wouldn't say I'm way into music now. I love it. Love listening to it and what it does to my mood, but I don't seek it out. I'm grateful when I find something or someone turns me on to an awesome song that begs me to change the way I listen...most likely Lori or Adam who are always finding treasures. My favorite songs are always about the words and the melody comes second. The words are the first things I pay attention to and if I can't relate I usually don't like the song. Of course dance songs are not like this for me, quite the opposite. I usually never listen to the words for fear of what I might hear. I can't forget to mention how much I love music without words. Right now my favorite album is Pride and Prejudice. My best find in a long time. I can't get enough...it speaks volumes to me.

There are songs that no matter my mood make me cry, or keep me in a solemn mood, or make me dance, or make me think, or help me to create. I love that about music, that it can change your mood in an instant. It's so powerful for me that it's one of the things I turn to when I'm in a photography funk. I grab my ipod and my camera and listen to music as I snap away. I let the music do the talking and it has really helped me to break the funk. I must say I've always liked the result.

Last fall I participated in a challenge. I took lyrics to a song and shot photos based on it. It sounds easy enough, but it was quite challenging. (I knew about this on my trip so I was lucky enough to experience different surroundings.) The best thing about the challenge was how much I learned about myself through my style. The lyrics I choose were Crystal Ball by Keane. I could be as creative as I wanted so as you can see I definitely used photoshop.

Who is the man I see
where I'm supposed to be?
I lost my heart, I buried it too deep
under the iron sea.

Lines ever more unclear,
I'm not sure I'm even here,
The more I look the more I think that I'm
starting to disappear.

I don't know where I am,
and I don't really care,
I look myself in the eye,
there's no one there.
I fall upon the earth,
I call upon the air,
but all I get is the same old vacant stare.



Oh, crystal ball, hear my song,
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong,
So put me where I belong.

found this & this...

when I looked through my photos this evening. Looks like Adam's been picking up the camera. All I can say is how much it made me smile to find these treasures. It's rare that I make an appearance in my girls life in front of the lens. Hopefully it will happen more often.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Friday, January 12, 2007

Oh yeah and some good news. I heard from PC Laptops today and apparently it was the casing that was damaged. My photos are not lost. NICE!! Couldn't be happier with that news.

this journey

So I tried to think of what I could do Monday that would be fun for my kids. I pretty much had it narrowed down to McDonald's or inviting their friends to come play. I talked to this girl at church whose having a really hard time right now and asked her if she was up for either. She was with another woman in my ward (13 yrs older than me) who I just adore so I asked her as well. She has kids and loves gathering so I figured she would enjoy it as well. She exercises to eat so she is very particular about what calories she consumes. Not that she won't have fatty foods, but she doesn't want to waste a meal on McDonald's so we decided to do something here...either get take out or make something. When I called them the next day one of the girls was with someone else and she invited her. I also adore this woman and was glad she was coming. I went about my business not really worrying or stressing about anyone coming over (that's huge for me) just looking forward to the afternoon. Then my one friend called and said, "are you sure your ok hosting 18 people". I hadn't really taken into account all the kids that would be here. In fact I choose not to think about it knowing they would stay in the basement anyway. As far as I knew it would be the four of us and I chose to keep thinking of it that way.

So my friends came over, we fed the kids, and then sat down to enjoy our lunch. Can I just say it was one of the best days I've had in a long time. We talked for about 3.5 hours with minimal interruptions. In that moment I wouldn't have wanted to do anything else and I realized the power woman have over each other and how important it is to have friends in your life. I think to often in big groups I feel like the outsider and see the intimate relationships around me and it saddens me and I leave feeling down. I didn't feel this way when they left, but excited for the next time (we planned a dinner for february).

Right now as I write this I wonder if I've already decided how close I'm willing to let them get. I mean I didn't hold back anything from the conversation, I felt very safe, but I can't tell you how many times I've been burned and deeply hurt when I give all of myself. It's my curse. I've never been blessed with a best friend, friends yes, someone to call and cry to, 1 maybe. Sadly I'm sure that must mean it's all me or maybe I just haven't met the right person, but I know I've met several right people. I had someone tell me in High School it was because of what i had. I use to think it was just because we were in HS. Girls are very immature, but the older I get the more I realize it's not age. It's me.

It's really easy to go through life pushing all these feeling aside, but at the end of the day when you're faced with yourself all that's left is loneliness. I guess you just never know what lies behind the door.

This wasn't the way this post was going to end. Please know I'm not feeling sorry for myself so please don't feel sorry for me. I feel liberated. I feel I have found my safe place here. Thank you for taking the journey with me.

giving myself

This year I am really trying to open up and share myself. Who I am. My passions. There have been many things I've thought about sharing and just never do. Part of the reason is because I think who really cares. Who cares if I got a new camera or what book I'm ready or what store I bought my new favorite jeans at. Another part is that I feel like if someone wants to know they will just ask me. And yet, another part holds back because I don't want to false advertise...What do I know really?

After reading Kristi's post today it got me thinking...I haven't been sharing nearly enough. Maybe people do care. Maybe they want to know and even if they don't, because sometimes they won't, than at least I put a little bit more of me out there. I've been accused of not giving enough of myself. I don't want to be remembered that way. I want to give until I have nothing left. Hopefully that will bring me to the place I seek.

So with that said, Melanie mentioned something in her blog about photoshop and I know others have mentioned it as well. For what it's worth here are my thoughts.

I use photoshop CS2 for pretty much everything you see on my blog. It's my tool of choice. I would suggest buying it or Photoshop Elements, which is much more affordable and pretty much does the same stuff as CS2, to anyone. So the question how to learn such an intense program...I like text books. I want to know the theory. I want to know why I'm doing something so when it comes time to do a project myself I know what tools to go to. So I read this and have been very happy with how informative it is. It's dry I know, but it served my purpose. I have heard excellent things about Scott Kelby's books (PSCS2 & PSE). It's pretty much a step by step guide on techniques, which is a great way to learn quickly. I also really like the missing manual books which have great tutorials. (I've read a book like this for a different program and really liked it because after almost every chapter there was a tutorial. I believe this series is only found in PSE, though I could be wrong.) Here is my advice...go to the book store and just spend some time looking through all the photoshop books to see what one would work best for you...everyone learns differently. Then jot down the ones you really like and go to amazon and check out the reviews. If it didn't get a good review you may want to find something else. I hope this was helpful in some way.

Please please please email me if you have any questions. I am truly happy to help with anything if I can. And thank you to everyone who has helped or inspired me. I hope I can give back in some way.

Last couple days in photos

I must admit I have been a bit leery to do anything with my photos. My whole photo system seems out of whack now that I've had this problem. I feel lost without my HD. I won't find out until sometime next week the fate of my HD and the photos inside. Lucky the HD is under warranty so if it's broken they'll give me a new one. I just pray the photos come with it.

Anyway this morning I decided to look through my photos from the last few days. The girls were getting a bagel with their dad so it gave me enough quiet time to get it done.

This morning I asked Megan to go get a diaper so I could change her insanely heavy diaper. Of course I moved onto other things thinking she would just be back. It turns out she got distracted (I encourage this) in her room and when I walked by this is what I saw...
I immediately went to get my camera and snapped this. So glad I got it without her even knowing I was there.

Yesterday the girls and I played with a Mr. Potato Head & friends set Megan got for Christmas. I have to admit when I was a child this was one of my favorites. I love making crazy faces and seeing the different combinations I could come up with. It's good to see some things never change. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back Tess was still playing with Mr. Potato Head and Megan was in her room doing this....
Hmmm, maybe it's time for a big girl bed! Would I be consider a bad parent because I let her play this way? Eventually Tess got up with her and jumped, laughed, and climbed. I love to see the two of them getting along. It hasn't always been like that. It will be sad to see that end when Tess goes to Kindergarten next year.

Thursday was the big snow storm. It pretty much snowed all day long from the time I walked Bella to the neighbors until way past bedtime. Adam wasn't coming home again (work) so I decided to go do it myself. Megan and Tess came out with me for a while, but Megan couldn't take the cold and watched from the window. Tess did her best to help me for a while, but then also got too cold and ventured in the house. It was funny to see them from the window like they were cheering me on.
This time shoveling was hard because the snow was so light and fluffy. I don't know why, but it didn't seem as peaceful and enjoyable as the last time either. I pretty much couldn't wait to be back inside. I told Adam we are getting a snow plower and that is final.

So today I've been running around doing not so fun needed errands. I am just realizing it is a holiday weekend, but only for the government. I don't know why I thought Adam would have the day off. Perhaps I'll take my girls to do something fun Monday.

What do you do on a holiday when the kids are out of school?
Do you have plans this weekend?

BTW it's 8 degrees where I live or according to my car thermo. Can you believe that!? Oh and I wanted to show you how deep it was when I was shoveling the other day. Keep in mind about an inch and a half fell after this photo was taken. (notice my markings on the photo)

I'm freaking out...

Late last night I was trying to locate a few photos and realized the computer wasn't picking up my external hard drive (HD). I couldn't figure out why and did all I could think of until it hit me...I couldn't hear the HD spinning so I knew it wasn't working properly.

Let me take a step back to give you an understanding of what this actually means. Every single photo I have taken is on that HD. No Joke...every one. Now I am not stupid...I did actually back them up onto many discs as the years have gone by; however; I know for sure I have yet to save my photos from December 24 to now. Which means all of my Christmas 06 photos and all the ones from this month are potentially gone. Also I know there are some edits and some projects I have made which are also not saved.

This sickens me to the core. Sickens! I do however, have comfort in the fact that not all is lost, but I have some precious memories that could be gone forever and not to forget a lot of work. It hurts my heart. Adam wasn't home last night (working) so I couldn't get his opinion on the matter or the reassurance, which I desperately needed. Needless to say I did not sleep well last night and had constant dreams about it.

When I spoke with Adam this morning he wasn't much help, but he did give me hope and that's exactly what I need right now. I'm taking it in to pc laptops this morning to see if they can help me recover my files. I am hoping and praying they will be able to.

You know I feel foolish. I have always been so good about downloading photos and immediately getting them onto a disc. I don't know why I didn't do that now. Never again. I have learned my lesson. I hope you will all learn this lesson from me and save yourself a lot of grief. Back up you photos and files! Trust me....computers fail all the time.

Lighthouse tour day 3.

I thought I would get my experience documented before it was too late. Lucky for me I remember details very well. Actually I do have key events/activities on paper, but tend to loose those things so wanted to blog it asap.

We woke up to dark gray skies. Adam suggested we go for a walk, but upon closer examination the mist was actually rain and not fog. He told me I was crazy and that it was Oregon's “misty rain” which was great for walking in. Well I still declined, I’m not blind it was raining. So he decided to go anyway and I opted to take a shower and get ready. When he came back he was soaking wet and it turns out he didn’t even end up going walking because it was raining hard (just like I said). He went to Wal-Mart instead and got us umbrellas to use for the rest of the day and trip if needed.

When I actually went outside I couldn’t believe how wet it was. Just getting to the car, keep in mind we had our bags as well, got my pants all wet. Anyway, we found a quaint little diner to eat at where everyone inside new each other but us. I liked it, but also felt like I was intruding in on an exclusive party.

Next we headed to the Newport Aquarium. It was enjoyable to walk around and see all the amazing sea life. I also really liked the touch pool. It made me feel like a kid again. Of course half of the Aquarium is outside so we were forced to walk around in the rainy cool weather. I suppose it was good because it made it so it wasn’t crowded. Outside we saw the bigger animals like sea lions, which I really enjoyed watching them chase each other in the water. Man they move fast. We weren’t at the aquarium terribly long. Without the crowd it moved very quickly, plus because of the weather we weren’t just hanging out walking around outside like we probably would have with clear skies.

We then went to Yaquina Bay lighthouse. It was unfortunately still closed and it was so foggy we didn’t even bother getting out of the car.

Then we headed to Yaquina Head lighthouse. It was still foggy and so windy our umbrellas were turning inside out, but it was open so we were able to go inside. It pretty much looked like the others we had seen, but still cool nevertheless. One of my favorite parts of visiting the lighthouses was seeing the lenses and learning there signature.

We had a drive ahead of us so we headed to Canon Beach. I heard so many cool things about this town that I was really excited to go. I can’t remember how long the drive was, but I know we were so engrossed in conversation that we missed Cape Meres lighthouse, one of the lighthouses on our list. I was bummed, but we saw so many that I got over it quickly.

photo actually taken day 4

They were right…Canon Beach was a very cool quaint little town. It was still gray and yucky outside so we headed straight to our hotel to settle in. We stayed at Hallmark Inn right on the beach across from the very famous Haystack rock. I wasn’t sure at the time, because I thought Goonies was filmed exclusively in Astoria, but it was in fact the rocks in the movie. After taking about an hour or so to relax we went for a walk in the “misty rain”. I don’t know if this is legit, but Adam has always talked about the rain in OR being misty instead of pouring rain. Well this was my first experience of it and it was very cool. You could tell water was in the air, but you weren’t getting really wet. After a while of walking along the beach, I forgot to take my camera, we started getting cold so we headed in to get ready for dinner. We ate at Wayfarer Restaurant and celebrated our anniversary. No, it wasn’t our real anniversary, but that’s what we had told them when we made reservations so they brought our dinner on plates that said “Happy Anniversary” and they treated us so well. It felt like a very special dinner, plus the food was exquisite….by far the best meal of the trip for me. Oh yeah when we first got there the storm was lifting and you could actually see the sky. So as we waited to order we watched the most beautiful sunset. Again I wanted to run outside and take a picture, but opted out and decided to enjoy the moment with Adam. It was the perfect end to a great day.

More photos here.

One day in her life...

I know I've already told you about how this little one could talk your ear off, but I couldn't resist documenting this part of her personality as well. She is way into fashion. In fact for months now she has been the one deciding what she wears. She has more than once been upset by the dress I've chosen for her to wear to church. At times I hate that she has an opinion, but when she asks nicely I usually don't mind she cares.


Well with a closet full of cloths and a girl who loves to wear them we easily go through multiple changes throughout the day. There have in fact been days where she has changed outfits at least 13 times. I kid you not, which is exactly why on Monday January 7, I got out my camera and took pictures. I have never actually documented all her changes so I decided it was time. I was amazed that I took 9 pictures, most of them in such a short time. It's unbelievable really and it makes me wonder what she'll be like as a teenager. I hope she has a good job.

Although at times I am fearful, just watching her makes me smile. She has a way about her that is so lovable no matter what she's up too.

project 1 & 2

As you know one of my goals was to do a project every week. This could be as simple as a scrapbook page or something more time intense like what I'm about to share with you. It doesn't really matter so much as it's something creative, something that just makes me happy, or something I have been dying to work on or get to...like cleaning out a closet.

So last week I saw this very cool set of drawers in our garage that has been there for years, but really hasn't been used to it's potential. I asked Adam if I could bring it inside and use it for all my scrapbook supplies. He of course didn't care and to tell you the truth I think was thrilled to get it out of the garage. So Monday I started cleaning it out and what I found feared me into almost not accepting this piece. It appears this cabinet had been lived in. Ok, this should be nothing new to me. We had a bit of a mouse infestation (no judgment please) in our last house and apparently we didn't clean this out before moving. Dispite my reservations the cabinet was just way too cool to pass up so I decided to move forward anyway and take the best precautions to protect myself. I was able to get it all cleaned out, it really wasn't that bad but it did take forever, and then dosed the whole thing in clorox. I woke up yesterday morning and still wasn't feeling 100% about it so I rubbed the whole thing in clorox once again. Then I lined it all with the kitchen liners. I feel much better now.

I couldn't be more thrilled with this set of drawers. I haven't filled it yet and i know it looks a bit banged up, but that will change. I'm not quite done with it. I still want to find cute knobs and will most likely end up painting it again and sanding the edges once the warm weather hits. For now I'm just thrilled I brought this back to life and now have a great way to store my embellishments.

Are you working on anything this week?

technical difficulties

I think blogger is trying to force me to switch to the new version. I knew at some point this would happen as blogger will not support the old version forever, but if I am unable to log in to my account? I have been in a panic for about 30 minutes trying to get onto my account. I have been unable to comment as well. All my comments come up with a wrong url page I have never seen before. Hopefully I will now that I have been able to log in, but it was showing me as logged in when I tried comment earlier.

I'm curious is this happening to anyones else?

New schedule….longer nap

I think I’m in huge trouble. Getting home from church at an earlier time is always perfect for the nap scenario, but today I think I may have taken it too far. After we ate lunch/dinner I laid down at 2ish and woke up at 5:30pm. Afternoon naps are never good on me and of course I had the hardest time getting up. I couldn't shaking it. Apparently Adam couldn’t stand it any longer, he said he was concerned about me sleeping too long, so he came in as I was on my way out. (I scared him really badly which I was thrilled about. Trust me it's very hard to do and he scares me on purpose all the time.) I seriously couldn't take being up for that long so I headed back to bed with him following.

We laid there talking for a few minute and then we heard the team coming down the hall and knew we would be over run by loud noises. It’s funny to see us gearing up and preparing ourselves for what was about to happen. I imagine if someone was watching us they’d be dying with laughter. Of course the girls made there way in between us, doing what they do, taking away the quiet cozy environment. We played for a few minutes and then Bella came up with a genius game. She would mimic someone and we would guess…pretty much charades. Her first person ended up being a character from a movie which to tell you the truth was a bit difficult to figure out so to make the game go more smoothly & quickly we suggested only doing people in our family. Bella started off mimicking Adam and did a very good job of it I must say. Then Adam took a turn and did everyone in the room. The funniest part of this whole game was none of the girls could figure out which one was them. Of course I knew it right off the bat as it was so obvious, Adam’s pretty good, but they had no clue if it was them or not. Perhaps it was some kind of denial. Anyway, everyone took a turn and we were all laughing and guessing and thinking “that’s exactly what they say or do”. Besides just spending some great quality time as a family, I loved hearing the things that stuck out in my girls mind about each of us. Plus I enjoyed how much fun we were having and how we laughed about each other's quirks. I can’t remember having so much fun and laughing so hard with all of us together.

Classic Sunday...making cookies....New Years Day 2006

Here are some highlights:

1. Bella mimicking Megan, “Mommy, is it getting night time.” Couldn’t be more true. She asks me this starting at 10am everyday and usually doesn’t stop asking until it actually is nighttime.
2. Adam mimicking Bella, “oohhhh” with the Charlie Brown walk. So classic Bella and I have already heard it twice tonight.
3. Me mimicking Tess, “I’m not hungry…my tummy hurts”. This girl is never ready to eat unless it happens to be 90% sugar.
4. Tess mimicking Adam, “Bagel time!” The girls have made a tradition of going to the bagel store every Saturday. It has been a four and a half year tradition the girls can't live without.
   
5. Bella mimicking me, “first you need to clean up your room”. Sadly I do say quite often. Not sure that it works most of the time.
   

last night

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone for your comments on my 100 post. I feel such an out poring of love and support. It was a fabulous experience and a real eye opener for me to do and also I loved reading all of yours. I feel like I've gained a bunch of new friends over night. :)

Ok now on with my story....

I had just put dinner in the oven when Adam showed up. I knew we had an hour to kill before we ate and a driveway filling up with snow by the minute (it snowed from 9am-9pm yesterday) so I talked Adam into shoveling the driveway together. We got in our snow gear and headed out. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I love how quiet the snow makes everything. We got both our driveways and our neighbor's driveway done in under an hour...nice. As we went inside I started feeling sick to my stomach and seriously tired. Apparently it wasn't just me. He was feeling the same way. Immediately I was fearful we both had that dreaded flu.

So we went to our room to lay down, of course the girls followed us. I leaned over at him, who looked ready to fall asleep at any moment and said, "don't leave me". He started laughing, but I was totally serious. The night before he went to bed at 7:15pm and I was left to get the girls to bed. Lucky for me I was able to get them down at 7:30pm so no big whoop. Well I was in no mood to do this on my own tonight, plus dinner was in the oven cooking. After much pleading we both got up, had dinner, cleaned the kitchen, put a movie on in the basement, and proceeded to lay down again. This time our relaxation was disturbed by the children...nothing new for us. So we both got up to have prayers, brush teeth, and get everyone off to bed.

Then once again we laid down to actually sleep this time...it's 7:40pm. We turned on the tv just to drowned out the day. Adam is quickly asleep, but I'm up enough to watch the office which was brand new. Suddenly Adam gets up. He can't sleep and heads to his hot tub. He claims he's going to "cook the jimmy". I feel awake as well so I decided to read my book...9pm. As I'm reading I'm falling asleep. You know when you know you're sleeping, but you can't do anything about it. That's where I was. I was in an uncomfortable position and my light was on so I got up enough to turn it off and move, but apparently that's all it took. My mind was up and I couldn't stop thinking. By this time Adam had come inside, laid down, and was having the same problems. I can't tell you how frustrated this was for us...10pm

We turned back on the TV and watch an episode of Nova. Of course he didn't make it through, but I sadly did. Finally I turned off the TV thinking surly I can go to sleep now, but my mind just wouldn't stop and despite my headache and need for sleep I couldn't let go. It was maddening. I ended up staying up until 1 am.

At 6pm yesterday evening I was sure I would be out as soon as I put my head on the pillow. It drives me crazy when stuff like that happens. Especially when you're dying to sleep.

Does this happen to any of you? If so what do you do? This seems to happen to me more than not and could use some advice on the matter.

BTW we got like 8 inches of snow yesterday. Any snow for you?

our chatterbox

Megan has more than once been called a chatterbox. For those of you who have been around her, for even a short period of time, know exactly what I'm talking about. In fact when we tell people she never stops talking I don't think they believe us until they're actually with her and get to experience her first hand.

Though at times I must admit it can be a little annoying, I more than not enjoy listening to her talk. She has the cutest little voice and never ceases to amaze me by the things she says. Just last night when Adam asked her if she wanted to take a bath she said, "actually I do". The other day when I was in the middle of a conversation with Adam she said to me, "mommy stop talking it's my turn to talk" and proceeded to take over the conversation. Last week when my nephew Alan was over playing I heard yelling from the other room and one of the girls said, "go tell mom". Then Megan yelled, "No, I'll tell". She came running in to be the first to tell me she hit Tess. I guess it doesn't matter what it is as long as she gets to say it.

Some of my favorite phrases are:
"so funny" with a laugh
"but I want to"
"so sparkly" she says this about her kitty right after it comes out of the washer&dryer.
"I just want you"
"tickle me now"
"I hurt myself, kiss it mommy kiss it"
"I need you"
"mhmm..."

100 things about me

I thought this was a great idea that Jill took from Annalisa who originally got it from Kelly. I think everyone should do this. It's such a great way to learn bits and pieces about each other. Thank you for the inspiration ladies. I so enjoyed doing this.

1. I have a hard time making decisions.
2. I have no problem saving money.
3. I love to watch people and am hyper aware of what's/who's around me.
4. I'm really bad at keeping plants alive.
5. I'm not a huge fan of ice cream.
6. I've never really had a best friend that was a girl.
7. I enjoy when I get up and get going in the morning, but am not really good at it these days.
8. 90% of the furniture in my house is from DownEast Home.
9. I only drink water and it's been like that as long as I can remember.
10. I'm so uncomfortable in stores like Tai Pan Trading Co that are mainly for decorating.
11. I rarely eat breakfast.
12. I have a crooked nose.
13. I have the worst hair. I pretty much hate it.
14. I always crave french fries.
15. I love the whole process of labor and delivery.
16. I know what I don't like.
17. I learn things very quickly.

18. I love taking photos of the details of my life.
19. I love the smell of the earth after it rains.
20. I feel lonely a lot of the time.
21. I have a hard time spending money on cloths.
22. I've taught myself almost everything I know.
23. I delight in the word "simplify".
24. When I go back to school I'm going to study graphic design.
25. This is my favorite number.
26. I have chocolate everyday.
27. I would much rather read a book on design or photography before a novel.
28. I have a good life.
29. I love dance music.
30. Having an ipod has changed the way I listen to music.
31. I care what other people think.
32. I lack self confidence.
33. I'm hyper aware of my flaws.
34. I'm so bad with grammar or anything else that has to do with the subject "English".
35. I love biology & science.
36. I'm fascinated with history.
37. I memorize very easily.
38. I can sort of play the piano.
40. I would have another child if I thought I could mentally handle it.
41. I so desperately want to be a good mother.
42. I delight being on time.
43. I'm a home body.

44. I hope my girls will become best friends.
45. The internet has changed my life.
46. I enjoy a reason to get dressed up.
47. I can talk to my husband about anything.
48. I have lived in the same state my whole life and don't see that changing.
49. I love technology.
50. I love to take something/anything out of it's package for the first time.
51. I really want a mac, but can't justify getting one.
52. I want to learn how to play the guitar.
53. I get cold after I eat.
54. I never did get my bachelors degree.
55. I enjoy hearing my wind chimes out back.
56. I love to be organized.
57. I use to hate being alone, but now I need it daily to feel sane.
58. At night in the winter I love to make hot chocolate, wrap myself in a blanket, and read a magazine.
59. I love sushi.
60. I'm always thinking. My mind never stops.
61. I love to exercise, but am in a dry spell right now.
62. I enjoy silence.
63. I hate dreaming at night.
64. I kicked my issue with death.
65. I need to be creative.
66. Our 2005 taxes didn't get filed until Oct 2006.
67. I always sing in the car.
68. I enjoy listening to NPR.
69. I love getting homemade creative gifts.
70. My older brother died when he was 18 and I was 16.
71. I love/need intimacy.
72. I don't really have a favorite color just different moods.
73. I love roller coasters and amusement parks.
74. I dance with my girls on a daily basis.
75. I have learned a ton about myself from being a mother.
76. I want to be understood.
77. I don't get bored. There's always something I want to do.
78. I'm a massage therapist.
79. I never had braces.
80. I love the smell of a new box of crayons and playdoh.
81. I loved my childhood.
82. I feel utterly lucky for the family I have.
83. I have a hard time forgiving myself.
84. I would be completely lost in life without my religion.

85. I love lighthouses for they way they look and everything they stand for.
86. I enjoy being silly and laughing.
87. I love wildflowers.
88. I usually forget at least one thing when leaving the house.
89. I would take a nap everyday if I could.
90. At night I must have all my blinds closed. I hate living in a fish bowel.
91. I can see my entire town from my back yard. I love it.
92. I enjoy coming back from vacation.
93. I work on "parenting with love and logic" on a daily basis.
94. I hate feeling like I'm missing out on something.
95. I love the smell of the anthropologie candles...such a delight.
96. I enjoy being in a small group just sitting around and talking.
97. I love making a to do list and will often write something I've already done on the list so I can cross it off.
98. I have multiple junk drawers.
99. I love being inspired.
100. I love blogging and being able to document my life my favorite way.

my mundane life

I enjoy making a list of what I've done during my day as a way to remember, but fear sharing my mundane life peppered with my poor writing skills will cause me to loose readers. Don't know if I can afford that. But with that said, I have decided to throw my fears a side for now and make my blog fit my needs for better or worse. I'm hoping through the monotony of my day you will get to know me better. Of course it's a perfect way to be accountable to someone and in turn helping me reach my goals.

here goes nothing

I woke Bella up for school today and both her and I had a hard time adjusting to the new schedule. Man I was tired. While I was helping Tess change into something warmer Bella came running downstairs declaring she had to throw up. Lucky enough we barely made it in time to reach the toilet so there was minimal clean up. She seems to be doing better because she's already acting bored. So far everyone has been hit with this crazy flu, but me so I am, to say the least, terrified of getting sick.

I not only made a dent in my laundry today I have only one more load to do. This is pretty impressive for me since it takes so long to dry my cloths and all day to do a load of towels. I'm hoping I can keep up this pace. I use to do my laundry on Mondays & Fridays, but am thinking if I do one load a day it will keep me on top of it. Since my dryer is so bad it's hard to get everything done on one day anyway.

I've given myself time to organized my studio today. It's been a mess since Christmas so it's nice to see my desk again. I have the hardest time working in clutter, but seem to do it more often than not. I also want to get things in order because my project for the week is to empty and clean a set of drawers in the garage Adam isn't using. It's a really cool piece with 6 drawers, the four skinner ones with dividers in them. It will be great for organizing embellishments and other supplies I don't know what to do with.

I've realized that if we're going to get Megan potty trained we ought to put her in a big girl bed so if she has to go to the bathroom she can. I'm not sure I'm ready for her to be in a big girl bed even if she can climb out of the crib if she wants. The crib has been up and used for 6 years now so it seems weird to take it down and box it up. I suppose that time is quickly approaching no matter what I do. It's just so hard to imagine that that part of my life is potentially over. Don't get me wrong I celebrate it as much as I morn it.

I have been ready to get to January as soon as Christmas was over. Yesterday we took down all the Christmas decoration so life feels and looks back to normal. My tree was so dead I was grateful to see it go. I had a harder time taking down all the Christmas cards though, I really loved getting them and seeing them up all month. One of the things I love most about January is a new planner. Yesterday I pulled out my new planner and started highlighting dates and preparing it for 2007. I love it. It makes me feel in complete control. Only 9 weeks to my birthday. :)

In true Jill form...
How is your first day back to real life?
Are your Christmas decoration still up?
Do you like to do laundry?
Do you use a planner?

back to blogging....New Year.

Man it's been a while since I've really sat down and blogged. Leading up to Christmas was so crazy and then after was just as busy. My sister was in town all week and we hung out everyday. It's such a nice small break from the everyday for me, but when she goes I am so backed up with laundry, cleaning, blogging etc. I haven't even been to Pink Christmas to see all the gifts. Thank you so much to Melanie for my wonderful gift. I loved that you used a photo of a lighthouse. It meant so much to me that you know I love them.

I am in awe that today is a new year. It feels like 2006 flew by quicker than the last. I have been trying all weekend to look at where I'm at and how far I've come in 365 days. I get discouraged when I review my intentions and realize I didn't meet them all, but am encouraged by the changes I have made and battles I've won. Too often life seems more complicated to me than it should be. I'm hoping this year I can use what I learned about myself in 2006 and make a real difference.

One of the things I'm striving to master is organization. I love to be organized and feel I'm not that bad at it, but more often than not my day goes by and I wonder what I accomplished. I know some times it's hard to get it all done with little ones, but at the end of the day when I can't recall what I did I have to wonder. I'm going to take Jill's advice and start a log of my daily activities. Then take what I learn and move to the fly lady routine. I've done it before, but have since gotten out of the habit. I really think being organized will help me on so many levels in my life. If I can get this down I'm hoping other parts of my life, I'm unhappy with, will fall into place. Let's hope I'm right.

I have several goals as far as creativity is concerned. There are a few areas I want to grow in and learn more about. I already have multiple books I want/need to buy. Perhaps I should have asked for Barnes&Noble gift certificates for Christmas. I so enjoy learning something new and look forward to tackling a new direction and seeing where it takes me. I, of course, want to continue to learn and grow in those areas that I've already found passion for like photography and scrapbooking.

Another goal of mine is to do a project at least once a week...one thing I didn't do very well last year that I really wanted too. I think part of the reason was blogging. I love the blogging world for what it has taught me and the connections I've made, but I see how it can take the place of creativity. I want to make sure to have a better balance so i can keep up with all of you and continue to do the things I love.

I suppose this list could go on and on. I have spiritual and family goals like better FHE, reading the BOM together and alone, serving more outside my home, memorizing the "Living Christ" (a YW goal), getting my food storage complete, potty training megan (hopefully soon), reading more, playing more with my girls, more time with adam, taking a vacation together etc. etc. I just have to say I have such a great outlook for 2007. I feel, though it will most likely come with it's challenges, I'm ready to face them because 2006 was good to me...hard, but good. It has been an interesting ride and I thank all of those who were with me, supported me, and gave me what I needed this past year. I only hope I can do the same for someone else.