moment of truth

Have you ever had an experience where you’ve been looking for something and it’s been right under you nose the whole time, but you just couldn't see it? That’s exactly what happened to me.

A couple months ago I saw online the phrase “speak your truth”. I liked it enough that I made a mental note of it. Then in December when I was making the stamped jewelry and decided to practice on a blank charm for myself the thought “speak your truth” came to my mind once again, but when I went to stamp it on “live” popped in my head and with a smile I began to work on my charm "live your truth" knowing that’s exactly what I needed.

“do I think too much?”
“you don’t think too much, you do too little.”

That was a blurb from the conversation I had with Adam last Thursday. After he said it I had to sit with it for a minute, knowing he was dead on, I had to internalize it myself. Deep breathe. Yes, he was right. I do not put into action all the things I think about. I do do too little.

I think over the past five plus years of blogging I’ve spoken my truth. I’ve tried to do my best at sharing the woman I am--the good, the bad, the crazy, & the sane. I share what I believe, my struggles, my fears, my art, & my triumphs. I tell you what I love, what I want, & what I need. Admittedly you’re not getting every piece, there is a filter, but that is a post for another day. Suffice it to say, if you read my blog you should get a clear picture of the workings of my mind, who I am, what I’m about, and the woman I want to be.

but
and it’s a very big but—

Talk is cheap. I could talk till I’m out of breath and then some, but talking never got me anywhere. Well, that’s not being entirely fair. I think talking/thinking is the beginning, but once you do the work to gain the knowledge the next step is action. We need to take what we’ve learned and apply it. Unfortunately that’s the hardest part and the part I seem to struggle with the most. It’s the reason I chose live and do all those years ago because I knew it’s what I needed to improve and if I am true about who I am it’s still something I struggle with.

I have all these thoughts in my head (you get to read some of them)—ideas, things I want to try, things I want to improve. I think about what I can do to make it happen, I write about it, talk to others about it, but for whatever reason—fear, laziness, etc., I don’t really care the excuse, the point is—I never get around to following through with it. If my dreams don’t come true I only have me to blame and I’m not okay with that.



So this year I am focusing on TRUTH—LIVING MY TRUTH

And this is my truth...
-Relationships are everything so I'm going to spend time developing meaningful relationships with those I love.
-Service makes the burden of trials lighter so I'm going to listen for opportunities and give service
-Life is to be enjoyed so I'm going to be present in everything i do.
-Being grateful changes our attitude so I'm doing my daily gratitude journal.
-I love creating so I'm going to have more projects.
-Knowledge is power, but action is more so I'm going to do what I know.
-Where there is light there can be no darkness so I'm focusing on the light.


xoxo
amy gretchen

transition

I've been pondering, for over a month now, about what word to focus on for the year. Constantly on the lookout for what I want this year to be about, taking my time hoping it will just jump out at me like it has in the past, but suffice it to say, it has alluded me and I haven't been able to nail it down. In fact I feel so far away that I don't even have a working list of words I'm picking from. I am empty.

I guess you could say I'm quite attached to my word CHOOSE. I never thought it would be as powerful as it has been for me. This past year has giving me a better understanding at just how in control I am of my life and that I have the power to do with it what I will. Regardless if I see life positive or negative it is my choosing, mine to design, and I only have me to blame.

"Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will...yours is the freedom to choose ....Every day, every hour, every minute of your span of mortal years must sometime be accounted for. And it is in this life that you walk by faith and prove yourself able to choose good over evil, right over wrong,enduring happiness over mere amusement. And your eternal reward will be according to your choosing." -Elder Richard L. Evans quoted by Elder D. Todd Christopherson

And so I sit hesitant, grateful for the insight "choose" has brought to me this year, grateful for what it has begun to help me see and change within myself, but know this hesitation is one I deal with every year. Each January I feel this longing to keep my word. I know this sounds silly or maybe a little idiotic to those of you who don't pick words, make resolutions, or have a focus, but to me it's an important transition. I can honestly say that each year, each word has giving me something that I have needed. DO and LIVE got my moving again. GIVE helped me move outside of myself. And CHOOSE, well, choose showed me gifts I've had and helped me to see life's possibilities. You see, I've felt attached to each word for different reasons and honestly, when it comes down to it, have never really been ready to move on. I'm realizing now, what a wise friend once told me, that we don't necessarily need to move on from our word, we can build upon it and take it with us.

yes. exactly.

So while I'm giving myself permission to take my time and let my word come to me when I'm ready, I'm also giving myself permission to move on.



I know, I do seem to think about things too much and make life more complicated than it needs to be. I get on my own nerves and apologize if I'm doing the same to you. But I write about it because when I do I often find the answers I was looking for. When I started this post I had decided to keep choose (for a while anyway) and now feel that I can easily move past it--that I should. Perhaps I should look for antonyms to the word complicated and go with one of those...perhaps simplify.

hmmm...maybe.

xo

different is good

I've realized from the beginning that my eldest child, Bella, is a bit different from most kids. To the extend that I thought perhaps something was wrong with her and actually did get her tested for autism. The test came out negative, thank goodness, but have still thought she was unique. This latest note on her door has just convinced me even more.


She is hyper aware of what's around her and what she is and is not comfortable with. I remember a few years ago we had friends over playing all day, day after day, and she came to me in tears saying, "I just need a break". She already knows she needs her alone time. I have always been impressed with how mature this observation was to a 5 year old. She has also found that writing notes is a productive way of being heard or getting what you want, opposed to interrupting or arguing with a parent who is inevitably going to win. I'm use to her writing little notes to tell me what she would like for dinner or that she needs to talk to me. So when I walked by her room last week it was no surprise to me to see a note hanging on her door that read, "1 minute please I need to be alone". It did, however, make me again keenly aware of how adult like she already is.

Now if only I could use this tactic on my door and have it actually work.

our chatterbox

Megan has more than once been called a chatterbox. For those of you who have been around her, for even a short period of time, know exactly what I'm talking about. In fact when we tell people she never stops talking I don't think they believe us until they're actually with her and get to experience her first hand.

Though at times I must admit it can be a little annoying, I more than not enjoy listening to her talk. She has the cutest little voice and never ceases to amaze me by the things she says. Just last night when Adam asked her if she wanted to take a bath she said, "actually I do". The other day when I was in the middle of a conversation with Adam she said to me, "mommy stop talking it's my turn to talk" and proceeded to take over the conversation. Last week when my nephew Alan was over playing I heard yelling from the other room and one of the girls said, "go tell mom". Then Megan yelled, "No, I'll tell". She came running in to be the first to tell me she hit Tess. I guess it doesn't matter what it is as long as she gets to say it.

Some of my favorite phrases are:
"so funny" with a laugh
"but I want to"
"so sparkly" she says this about her kitty right after it comes out of the washer&dryer.
"I just want you"
"tickle me now"
"I hurt myself, kiss it mommy kiss it"
"I need you"
"mhmm..."