So my friends came over, we fed the kids, and then sat down to enjoy our lunch. Can I just say it was one of the best days I've had in a long time. We talked for about 3.5 hours with minimal interruptions. In that moment I wouldn't have wanted to do anything else and I realized the power woman have over each other and how important it is to have friends in your life. I think to often in big groups I feel like the outsider and see the intimate relationships around me and it saddens me and I leave feeling down. I didn't feel this way when they left, but excited for the next time (we planned a dinner for february).Right now as I write this I wonder if I've already decided how close I'm willing to let them get. I mean I didn't hold back anything from the conversation, I felt very safe, but I can't tell you how many times I've been burned and deeply hurt when I give all of myself. It's my curse. I've never been blessed with a best friend, friends yes, someone to call and cry to, 1 maybe. Sadly I'm sure that must mean it's all me or maybe I just haven't met the right person, but I know I've met several right people. I had someone tell me in High School it was because of what i had. I use to think it was just because we were in HS. Girls are very immature, but the older I get the more I realize it's not age. It's me.
It's really easy to go through life pushing all these feeling aside, but at the end of the day when you're faced with yourself all that's left is loneliness. I guess you just never know what lies behind the door.
This wasn't the way this post was going to end. Please know I'm not feeling sorry for myself so please don't feel sorry for me. I feel liberated. I feel I have found my safe place here. Thank you for taking the journey with me.
12 comments:
I loved reading your post today. It reads so much like my own life. It wasn't until almost two years ago that I met someone who I would consider a very best friend. It is hard to open up to people and to let them in, this is probably why I always read blogs and choose not to comment on them. ;) One thing I have learned in life, if you want someone true and honest and someone you can count on, just be honest with them, with everything...this is how I have found my closest friends! Hopefully these ladies won't let you down!
Amy, this post is so great! I have felt like this for a long time. I have had a couple friends in my life that I have been close to but mostly it is friendly acquaintances. That does feel lonely when we need to feel really bonded with someone. I am so glad you have found your safe place, we all need that. I'm so happy for you and this discovery.
I want a basement so I can invite that many kids over, have a great lunch without many interruptions and enjoy the time together as women! I'm glad to be on this journey with you!
That's so great! I struggle with the same things too. I've lived in my neighborhood for a year and a half and have only done things with the other girls and kids I live close to one time! It is a lonely place to be. I wish I could reach out to others, but I feel dread. Actual dread. I have a goal that by the endof the month I will have set up at least a playdate for Kaitlin. This is something that I have to take control of-because it is me, not anyone else. Thanks for writing about your good experience. It will help me along.
This is great. I love that feeling of being safe with friends. Feeling like you are comfortable and that they like you and what you have to say. You seem like someone who would make others feel safe - very comfortable and welcome and that their words are safe with you.
You reminded me that I have some growing to do in this area. Lately I tend to wait until I spot someone who seems just like me or until they ask me to hang out before I get outside of myself. It is lonely.
I am glad you had a good experience, and that it leads to others. It is an amazing experience to be lifted up by other women and vital to have that connection, yet scary to put yourself out there again and again. Particularly if you have endured bad times before... Are you glad that you held nothing back? It sounds like a start of something for you.
I really need to take that plunge in my own community, and your experience makes me want to get going, already!
It sounds like a great day. How wonderful that you could send all the kids off to play and then have some adult conversation! I think women being together, talking, being real, just supporting each other is hugely powerful. I hope this is the beginning of many more such experiences for you!
I am glad this can be a safe place for you, and I feel lucky to be a part of your safe place. I think everyone needs to find that. I'm so glad you had such a wonderful day with your friends, and that's great that you already have plans to do it again. This sounds like the beginninng of something good for you!
Don't you love a full house. I miss having people over, that is one of my favorite things in the world to do. Although when they leave I always worry about what I said or did etc.
I love meeting and learning from new women in my life. I would never trade any of the awesome expeierences I have had, yes even the painful ones. They are what mold us and bring us to each other. I truly believe that women need each other, and yes we hurt each other, but we need each other, and when you find those women who are honest and good and true, that makes the journey even more great. Awesome, I bet you can't wait for February.
All I can say is I totally relate. I think I have about 2 friends that I really tell EVERYTHING too. I think many people think I come across as snotty because I tend to do things with just one friend. I guess you can call it more of a comfort zone or whatever.
I am laughing about your friends choice of calories. That sounds like me. I don't count calories, but would rather indulge in a good milkshake rather than eat a hamburger from McDonalds.
I am glad you had such a good day. And I am glad you shared your journey with us!
the joy of being somewhat introverted...i could have typed this myself amy. how funny that we get together with the girls and didn't know this about each other (at least i didn't know it about you). i had very few girls that i even superficially was friends with in high school. this is all a long story, but i have found myself thinking many of the same things in life and this last year have tried to make some big changes...but you're right, they are all within me and have nothing to do with the things outside of me. and life is happier this way to be sure. awesome journey!
What a great day. I'm really jealous. Those kinds of lunches never work out. I'm really proud that you didn't let the number stress you out.
I've been lucky to have close girlfriends, but I only have 1 friend that knows everything. I don't trust anyone else. I'm sure if I had the same experiences you have had I would feel the same way. Guarded. I hope you are able to resolve whatever it is that is holding you back. But, more to help with the loneliness and less because you think something needs to be fixed. Does that make sense?
It's a great blessing to have good friends, and the best way to do that is to be a good friend yourself. I think this means being real and not overthinking things too much or trying to be the person you think they want you to be. That sort of thing is exhausting. It's letting go of insecurities and feeling good about what your have to offer. I'm glad you had such a great day and felt so comfortable with those women. Maybe it's easier to be friends with slightly older women because they've already figured out who they are and aren't going to pick at who you are.
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