It was nice this day has come after a two week break spent with my family while my sister and her family were in town (if you're wondering where I've been...there you have it). It's comforting to be able to share stories and to know we are together, learning to fill in the gaps he left for us that feel very apparent to me.
Despite what this day means to me, it has been a most beautiful day. I must admit I had anticipated it being somewhat of a mess, considering Sundays are not usually my best day of the week (don't know why), but it has been a very peaceful reflective day where I've focused more on what I have instead of what I don't have and embraced the healing that has taken place these last few years. How grateful I am for my knowledge of Christ's gospel that I know I will one day see him again.
Throughout the day my thoughts kept coming back to my word for the year, LIVE, and reminding me of something my brother said years ago that I will never forget, (2 weeks before his death he went on a road trip with his good friend Jeff, who unfortunately died with my brother in the car accident, and they took a video of their trip. While video taping he said these words) "and if we happen to die, know that we love you and always have a good one." As I reflect on his words today "always have a good one" I remind myself to live each day to the fullest with no regrets as I know he did. Though his life was only 18+ years long he certainly lived everyday and held nothing back. I want that...to know I have given it my all and can leave this life better than when I came. Definitely easier said than done. I have a lot of work to do.
16 comments:
This is a tender post, Amy. I was a bit haunted by what he said in his video, but it's nice that he left that behind.
"Live" seems like such a great focus for you. For us all, really.
amy, this message has been sent to me in various ways the past while. I appreciate your take on it and your sweet memories of your brother. thank you for sharing these tender thoughts.
amy, glad it was a better day then you anticipated. he is such a big part of your life. and what a gift he gave you.
p.s. i can't believe how much those pictures look like tess.
oh amy.. thanks for the reminder of the goodness that there is still to be had.. even after tragedy. ♥ you
Amy, those sweet thought about Alan gave me goos bumps and made me cry. I haven't seen pictures of him for so long. He was amazing, and so are you! Thanks for posting that!
Hi Amy,
Longtime lurker, here. I fell in love with your photography long ago and always enjoy your reflective thoughts. This post was so sweet. My husband and I have lost loved ones too soon and I can appreciate so much of what you've expressed about your brother.
I also realized that it is a small world. Jeff lived down the street from me. I still remember the shock of learning about the accident and the sad, sad ripple it made throughout our neighborhood. I also remember hearing a lot of nice things about your brother at that time. He was obviously an amazing person. And what a smile.
My good thoughts are with you and your family.
Reading his video message to you gave me chills Amy. I imagine that the anniversary will always be poigniant, and I can see how having been without him as long as you were with him would be a different experience too. Being in the middle, no closer to or further from.
Thank you for sharing these things Amy.
Amy,
I am not sure if you remember me...I am good friends with Mindy, Sherine, Tiff, etc. and loved Alan and Jeff dearly. I have been a longtime blog lurker - finding you off of Mindy's blog. I have fallen in love with your amazing photography and writing...you are very talented!
Thanks for reminding me of such important things...I remember that video - and the phrase he said...he truly lived life to the fullest - and we all can learn from that!
It is fun seeing that picture of the two of them - it depicts them exactly!! I am sure he has been climbing many mountains - and can't wait to tell you all about them!
Thanks for being so open with your thoughts and feelings - it affects more people than I am sure you know!
wow what a zest for life he had. He is gorgeous and his friend too. i love the picture of you two. How comforting to have such memories and such great family.
i am so sorry for your loss but believe your perspective is so healthy. your brother seems as though he was just so full of life. what a great reminder that we all need to "live" and not just let life happen around us.
i didn't know your brother and neither the story about him but I'm really touched by your post. I also have a brother-older than me- but he died one hour after coming out. so i didn't know him. but it's hopeful for me to know that i'll know him after death and i'm grateful for the gospel which gives me this hope. i'm feeling kind of impatience when i think that i'll have the opportunity to know another member of my family, who's waiting for us, there above.
thank you also for sharing these thoughts about live. shalice is right: it affects more people than you know...
A really touching post, Amy. I would think those words he said on video would be so comforting. I am glad that he gave you something you can take and find comfort in. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Love you
Really beautiful thoughts, Amy, about a very tender subject. It makes me ponder time and mortality and the relationships we have with eachother on earth. I'm relieved that this anniversary, which must be hard, also brought the comfort and knowledge you have been blessed with that you will see him again.
I'm so sorry about your brother. I recently lost mine, and now I have a better understanding. The most comforting thing that was said to me was this: "I will never grow tired of hearing you talk about your brother."
Oh how I remember that video....clinging to every second of it. Thank you for sharing your beautiful feelings, Amy. Love you so much.
Your words, depth, thoughts amaze me...and not just this post...everything you do. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with so many strangers :).
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