This was hard for me to see.

I mean I knew it would be. Our home reduced to rubble. Laying waste for the next big thing. It made me really sad when I first saw it. It took my breath away. I just couldn't believe I agreed to this. Take my house, all my memories, and tare it down.

sigh...

For those of you who don't know we are using our land to development a culdesac. Between our neighbors and our land we are putting in 5 houses. It's a scary proposition, but one that is turning out to be very good for us. Adam has already had tons on interest just since the houses came down and thinks he has the lots sold.

Although I know it is a great thing we are doing and such a good investment i will miss my house terribly. I will miss eating at the nook. I will miss playing in the back. I will miss the old, but reliable tree swings. I will miss having all the kids on one floor. I will miss our flat circular driveway the kids would ride their bikes on. I will miss hearing the pond waterfall at night. I will miss so many things, but most of all I will miss us there. I loved that house.

I suppose a house is just a house and it's only a home when your loved ones are there. I'm looking forward to the day we can show our girls what we've created.

click here for more photos of my old (none existent) home

when i can find the time i will look for the photo of my house so you can see what it originally looked like. i took the photos pre-digital.

This is what's going on in my house

and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. I need your help.

So today I walked down the hall leading to Megan's room where Bella and Tess had been playing to let them know lunch was ready. As I started to approach I could tell Bella was all too eager to get out and go eat lunch. So I probed a bit. Bella tried hard to say it, but couldn't get it out. Finally she said, "will you be mad?" I said "no just tell me". Then tess pop's up and said, "Megan did it!" Well I knew immediate that was not true because Megan had been with me, but before I could say anything Bella said to tess, "No! We did it" The offense was actually no big deal they twisted up a phone cord, but I was quite upset with Tess for lying. I looked at tess and said, "who did it"...she eventually said they both did.

And then again...The other day she lied about drawing all over one of my mats. It was quite obvious it was her, but she blamed it on Megan. I ask her to go to her room and think about who did it and when she was ready to be honest she could come out and tell me. So a while later she came to me and said, "Megan did it." I was shocked. I didn't even know what to do or say. I didn't yell or get mad I just stood them dumb struck that my plan didn't work. That she still came to me and lied to my face.

She has been doing this a lot lately. I am not sure how I should handle it. I do believe it is a stage, but stage or not lying is not accptable to Adam or I. SO what should I do? How should I handle it so she knows this kind of behavior is not allowed or so she knows not to do it again? I am lost. I try to tell her she will not get in trouble by telling me the truth. Apparently that has not worked.

HELP!

beginning to the end... house exterior

Six months ago we started this insane project. I suppose it wasn't insane, but it sure felt a bit crazy...buying a new house, rennovating it, and moving from our cozy life. Something we had already done in the past and one that I wasn't too eager to start again. It was not an easy process and for me one that came with lots of frustrations, but now that it's over I couldn't be more grateful for the decision and ablity to make this dream a reality. I guess you never really get anything of value without work (blood sweet and tears). I love love love this house. Could not be happier with the results.

click on photo for bigger view

my studio

I have been very excited about this. I have talked about this for weeks now and thursday night I stayed up until 1:30am working and organizing all my stuff. It was a lot of fun going through everything and remembering what I had. I actually found a layout I had done months ago and forgotten about (will post later).

What can I say I feel like a very lucky girl. I have a great room with awesome natural light (never had that before and never thought I would), a perfect desk to work at standing up or sitting down with lots of space for storage, a deep big closet that allows me to store pretty much everything. The only thing I haven't figured out yet is where to put my stamps. The shelf adam made for me is too big so hopefully soon I will be able to come up with something.

I feel grateful that I have this space just for me. A place to learn, explore, create. Can't wait to get busy.

life is much better when well!

I am feeling so much better and so has my mood. I think it also helps that Adam went and picked up our mail yesterday. I had 2 magazine waiting....perfect for an evening lying in bed. He even went out and bought a mailbox, but it is yet installed. We need to wait for the siding to get done, which should be Friday. Looking forward to that. I know Tess really likes the house pink, but I am tired of it.

The house is looking much better on the inside. I hung my magnet boards and was able to get the laundry room decluttered so I can walk in it now. I would really like to start hanging pictures, but they are still waiting for us at our old house. That will probably have to wait for after Adam's trip.

Anyway, thought I would post and say I am doing better...much better. I don't know why I try to talk to anyone when life is crazy and I don't feel good. There is nothing worth saying because it all comes out negative. Though, sometimes you just need to get it out.

edited to add photo (I suppose I could have taken a picture with the kitchen instead of just the wall.)