Knowledge is power.
Knowledge is power.
I have to keep reminding myself of that when all I want to do is close my eyes, plug my ears, and hum through all the words being spoken. Sometimes it hurts to know. You expect life to go one way and when you're hit by a curve ball you want to stand up, shake it off and yell I'm ok. Everything is ok. When it's not though, knowledge is the first step. Actually I'm thinking maybe admitting is the first step. So I guess we're at the second step and now that we know we have the power to do something about it.
The thing is one of my girls is really struggling in school. It came to me as a complete shock one day when I was volunteering at the school. The teacher just kind of vomited all this information on me and took me completely off guard. I mean, I knew she struggled with reading, but didn't know it was bad enough where the student teacher would be saying something like, "what do we do with her?" So we set up a daily schedule and we worked to help her improve and she did. What we were doing at home was making a difference at school, however, the improvement seemed to be short lived. A few months later another stream of information came at me again about how she's struggling and not making it. Again frustrated, begging for ideas of how I can help, what I can do, and with each time seeing some improvement--but apparently not enough.
Then yesterday it all sort of came to a head. I think they (teacher & student teacher) were hoping all this time, as the year progressed, that it would begin to click for her--it's not clicking and she's pulling further away from the class, but that's not the hardest part. My daughter is a pleaser and wants to do well so the most frustrating piece to this whole situation is that she is trying her best, but just not making it. Can I tell you how much this hurts my heart to hear/see? She has been working so hard all year, but she's just not getting where she needs to be. Yes I am intentionally being vague about all the details, but what I'm hearing doesn't sound like something more hours with a tutor can fix.
So I've been doing some research, trying to figure out what the next step should be. I've been wondering if maybe she has some kind of learning disability. I don't want to label her in anyway, but knowledge is power, remember, and if I can do something more to help her I will. When I brought this up to the teacher during our conversation she said, by law, that wasn't something she could discuss. Seriously? All this politicking has to stop. We are talking about a little girl who needs help.
Now I must stop here and say, her teacher is a dream. A dream. I could not have hand picked a better person to be with my child this year if I tried. She has been a gift and blessing to us. I believe she loves my daughter and is willing to do whatever she can to help. I have been forever grateful for her patience, for the extra attention she has given my child, and for caring enough to not let my daughter slide by unnoticed. So my little girl is lucky. She has a lot of people looking out for her and a lot of people in her corner wanting to see her succeed and ready and willing to do whatever it takes to help her get there.
Her teacher did end up giving me some suggestions and a few places to start. She keeps telling me what a visual learning she is and how a lot of these tests are not tailored to visual learners so maybe that's all it will be, but regardless of what it is or isn't we're taking the next step.
Needless to say this subject has been nonstop on my mind since yesterday. I've debated back and forth whether or not to share it--I don't want to harm or embarrass my child in anyway. However, I believe in the power of sharing with each other. I'm hoping by putting this out there that some of you may be going through or have gone through a similar experience and can help point me in the right direction. Help me know what to do to keep it a positive experience, after all, all I want is for her to be happy. I want her to feel successful and to have confidence in what she's doing. Although education is a huge part of childhood it is not the only part and she excels at so many other things. I just want to empower her and help give her what she needs so she can succeed.
thanks for listening.
have a great weekend.
xo g
14 comments:
Amy, I don't have any words of wisdom or experience for you, but I didn't feel like I could read and not say anything. You can really feel your mother heartache in your words, and I think we all can identify with that feeling. She has 2 amazing parents standing beside her, and that will get her through this. Wishing you all the best as you work on this!
I am not a parent, but I have worked with children and I can tell you the best thing is to just be there for your child. Let them know you are proud of them and love them no matter what. I can tell from reading your post, you are doing just that. I know you want to help her even more, but know you are already doing the most important part.
Thank you!
Amy - I think the hardest part is thinking that something might be wrong with your child. I understand you don't want a label on your child - that is so natural. We want our children to come into the world perfect and stay that way. WIth that said, some children just learn differently. There is nothing wrong with that at all. First step, your child should be tested. Then you will be able to go from there. I find it alarming and quite odd that your teacher couldn't tell you what she thought was the issue. So odd. Our son, years ago, at the age of 9 was diagnosed with dysgraphia. I had never heard of it. He was a great student but struggled in writing and spelling. Once we were able to figure out the issue - he took off. He is super smart, just had to channel him down a different path.
As parents we worry. This is our nature of our calling. But I am sure with the proper knowledge and direction your little pleaser will feel and be more successful. Parenting is hard - but you and Adam seem to be right on track and I know you will do anything to help your little.
Knowledge IS power - email me if you need help in getting the ball rolling or need to bounce off ideas and concerns.
Wow. This post hit home for me in so many ways. We've been struggling with our oldest son a lot lately, now that he's in 3rd grade and the curriculum is starting to pick up speed and difficulty. When he was 2 he was diagnosed with mosaic Down syndrome and has always been high-functioning. However, he struggles with specific things consistently, like homework stamina, math reasoning, and writing comprehension. Since kindergarten he was on an IEP for math and social skills (he tends to gravitate towards the teacher and doesn't make friends). However, this year I've found myself frustrated, thinking, "There's just something more we're not getting at here." We ended up getting a re-evaluation done (usually by the school psychologist) and they've proven that we need to broaden his spectrum of help being offered.
The best thing I can tell you is that kids with any difficulty might struggle for awhile when their learning style is different than what's being offered to the whole group. If you can get her tested or evaluated they should be able to see more specifics and know how she learns. Then, she can get an IEP which the school is required by law to follow (the whole team - you, teacher, any counselors or therapists involved, etc.). I love the IEPs because you're all required to come to a consensus for what works best for your child. If something isn't working for you (for example, my son doesn't have the stamina for the amount of homework they assign) then they need to adjust for your child's needs. I'm wondering if that has something to do with your teacher's unwillingness to talk about it. There are liabilities the school tries to stay away from. I think the diagnosing and testing usually comes from the parents so the teacher doesn't cause the school to take on extra cost and liability. However, they're required to if you request it, I believe.
Anyway, that would be my next step. Ask them about doing an evaluation to get her on an IEP. The whole point of the "No Child Left Behind" was to avoid kids going through school not getting the specific help they need for learning differences. Once you figure out a learning style that works for your daughter you'll probably start to see consistent improvement. Also, her confidence will likely be affected, which will then help her continue successfully.
Here's a site with more information you might like:
http://www.ldonline.org/article/Understanding_the_IEP_process
Hope that helps! Nothing harder than being a mom and watching your kids struggle in a way that seems foreign and unexpected! Good luck!
Here's another link I found that explains another option similar to an IEP that might help for you to at least be aware of:
http://www.ldonline.org/indepth/accommodations
Your post is so honest and touching, thanks for sharing. I think most times I have been in a group of mom's each mother has a child they worry about in some way. With us our daughter sounds a lot the same. She never tested to qualify for an IEP, but we were lead to books and websites about backwards learning. It is common for people who are visual and artistic. Considering who her parents are I am sure she is both. It really helped us understand and teach her in a different way. It takes more time. Here is a link to a website that tells more about it. http://www.leading2learning.com/2010/04/02/7-signs-that-your-child-is-a-backward-learner/ Good luck!
It looks like you're getting some great encouragement and concrete advice. Yay! I just want to commiserate and say, oh how I know. I know how my heart aches when I realize that my child (who has a speech delay) isn't magically better yet.
You're a fabulous mother and your child obviously knows how much you care and how much you want to help. That may be even a little overwhelming to her, especially if she's a pleaser. I agree with everyone else, definitely sounds like she needs some testing to see exactly what her issues are. As always, just reassure her that all you want is her best. Not perfection.
I am not a parent yet but I am working with children.
I think the most important thing for your daughter is to help her never lose self-confidence. She may not succeed at school completely, but if she is strong and self-confident enough, she will be able to go forward anyway. She must never lose her self-confidence; she will then be able to face difficulties in her life more positively.
I think that the most important - self-confidence in all the aspects of her life.
I'm sure you're already helping her that way :)
(I'm "home sweet home"'s sister !
and I love your blog ;) )
I'm with Stephanie. We have an IEP for Griffin and while I was reluctant to "label" him he really does need extra help. It makes me want to scream "life isn't fair!!!!" sometimes when I see how hard he has to struggle. He has had a really good year this school year though and it has helped that I have stopped comparing him to his sister or where he "should" be etc.
Griffin had an IFSP (in Louisiana, the preschool equivalent of an IEP) for 3 yr old and 4 yr old preschool even at his private school, all provided by the state. Then in kinder we backed down, wanting him to attend public school and not notifying the school about his exceptionalities. Well of course his kinder teacher noticed he needed help and I felt like an idiot for thinking nobody would notice. At that point we got him back on track with the services and an IEP that is revisited once a year by the whole team involved.
You could always try homeschooling her for a while. Home is a wonderful, safe, and non-stressful environment for filling in learning gaps. We love homeschooling.
Okay So I am a total stranger and feel somewhat awkward commenting. However, I have a husband who teaches special ed. By special ed I mean kids with learning disabilities. I think sometimes people hear that "special ed" and think differently. Your friends and fellow bloggers have given you some sound advice. Your sweet girl has to be assessed first and then it all starts from there. Getting her on an IEP would make all parties involved (meaning mostly the teachers) more accountable. That way things aren't just 'blurted' out when you are in volunteering and you can work together and collectively as a team. Also once she is on an IEP you can make certain requests :) like having her take her tests in a seperate room. Sometimes that can help them focus more. I hope I don't come off as a creeper. I just see how hard my husband works on his IEP's and the extra time and effort he puts in on weekends and days off. My husband would be off the charts excited to work with a mom like you, seeing as how his school does not have actively involved parents. How lucky your daughter is to have parents who truly care, and a individual education plan thought would be designed just for her! For sure look in to it, and good luck.
So sad to think of your little pleaser feeling that she is coming up short. I think these mother worries are familiar to us all. I hope you are able to get an assessment soon that will help you to know how to best help her.
I am so sorry you are going through this with your little girl. That is so hard to see as a mama.
Have you thought of trying Sylvan Learning Centers? I hear they are helpful. Not sure what else to recommend!
best wishes!
tara
Post a Comment