summer begins now

[taken as they left the house on the last day]

There were tears shed by Megan, some frustration from Tess this afternoon when they thought no friends made it into their class next year (they were wrong), but it was the tears shed by me that surprised me. I so loved their teachers this year and appreciated the efforts of each one to help my child succeed. Truly I cannot thank them enough for everything they've done. When you're sending your child out the door you want to make sure they are going to a safe happy environment where they can thrive. We got that this year and so much more. I will missed not having them apart of my girls life next year.





But like they say, all good things must come to an end and we are all ready for summer to begin. A week or so ago I was a little apprehensive for the school year to end, but now that it's here I'm really looking forward to this time with my girls. We have big plans this summer to stay on task academically, we can't afford to loose what we gained this year, but more importantly, to enjoy the freedom of summer. After all, you only get one childhood and I want these memories together to be memories that last a lifetime.


Has summer break started for you?

the climb

For the past few weeks whenever there has been a date to jot down I've been too quick to write 2011. I guess you could say I've had the desire to move 2010 along and be done with this year. I spent some time yesterday going from room to room digging out from Christmas thinking about my goals for the upcoming year, what I want to accomplish, and my word (which I have not been able to come close to choosing) when I quickly shifted my thoughts to 2010 knowing I should give it a proper goodbye.



You see it's been a hard year. Not in the way you'd imagine. My marriage, though had it's fair share of stumbles, continued to move forward. We are tight financially, but have been able to keep up so far. Besides my little scare in February we've all been healthy & safe--no tragedies to speak of. All is seemingly well. No it wasn't those things that made 2010 a hard year, it's what I personally chose to do that became my biggest challenge.

The best way I know how to explain it is using a metaphor--

Around 2006/2007 I was moving along looking up now and again at the mountain that would eventually need to be tackled, afraid to give it ago due to prior experience, knowing though, that there was no other way around it. I had been sitting on my plateau for a while, feeling nice and comfortable, and knew it was time--the only way to grow, change, and get to the top was to climb there myself. So I continued the course. It was challenging in it's own way to get back out there because the last time had been so tragic. The last time no one asked me if I wanted to leave my safe place--I was pushed. Abruptly so. I was lost then for a long time until about 2006/2007 or there abouts when I sucked it up and started to embrace the changes, stop fighting about something I couldn't control, and move on. It was uncomfortable, like all growth tends to be, but I made it through.

After I successfully reached the point I had set out for--the next plateau--I thought, well let's not do that again. It was hard and I needed sometime to recuperate. So I took a rest--until last year. With BYU Woman's Conference looming on the horizon and my surgery, I was teetering on the edge. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay where I was and rather than be pushed, which I've found out does not work at all, I chose to step off my comfortable place and move forward once again. It was different this time. My 7-8% grade increased immediately to 12-15%, and although I was moving at a manageable pace, it was still quite challenging. I knew it would be difficult, that it had been difficult, but I never imagined how difficult. I was facing breaking habits I've had since my beginning and completely trying to change the way my mind worked/thought. I had to sit down a time or two, get reinforcements, and remind myself that I was choosing to make this climb, that I could do it, and that it would be okay.

I guess what I didn't realized when I embarked on this journey a year ago is how with each step you take the harder and harder it is to change. I always thought change was change and that it was created equal, but am beginning to realize that each time you leave the plateau and attempt to make "you" better it gets harder and harder because you are moving more and more into uncharted territories--getting more and more specific.

I wish I could say I moved further, that I had made bigger strides like I did in prior years, but this particular climb has taken more time than anticipated and I will be bringing some if it with me in 2011. I was upset by that earlier in the month, wishing the year would end and so would my climb, but I know it can't be avoided. I'm not ready and I realize that now. You see, I learned a very valuable lesson as I made my way this year--with each climb you are collecting tools you will need for the next one. Line upon line. It all made sense when it came together like that. It's exactly what I have been taught since I was a child. You can't learn to run before you can walk. Each climb is necessary to get to the top. Each climb must be giving it's own due time.

And so I continue....

I hope regardless of what 2010 held for you that 2011 will provide and be everything you need.

xoxo,
amy gretchen

farewell 2008

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Family backyard campout, rode up the side of the mountain in a sleigh and had dinner in a yurt, put together a blurb book, reconnect with old friends on facebook, ran in a 5k with my whole family, took a design class, attempted watercolors, and made books.



2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did keep some of them and even made some along the way. Yes, I will always make resolutions. They keep me focused on what's most important to me.



3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I'm afraid to name them because I don't want to forget anyone, but what's coming to my mind now is my cousin Kalli, bloggers/friends Jordan, Mindy and Dani.



4. Did anyone close to you die?
Adam's Grandma Dot and the Prophet Gordon B. Hinkley



5. What countries did you visit?
No countries in 2008, but can I add I went to Lake Powell and I hadn't gone in over 10 years.



6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More patience with my little ones and more patience with myself.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
a) I will always remember watching and cheering for Michael Phelps during the Olympics. My whole family gathered around to take part.
b) Sharing the news with my girls when Grandma Dot and President Hinkley passed away.



8. What was your biggest personal achievement of the year?
I've finally been able to let go of my death issues. That alone has freed me up to experience life on a whole new level. I am happier now than I can ever remember being.



9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting what other people think get in my way. It is my nemesis and I'm determined to beat it.



10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thank goodness.



11. What was the best thing you bought?
food storage



12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Bella choose to be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Tess worked really hard and made great strides on her reading, and Megan started the violin.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I was really disappointed there wasn't a presidential candidate I could really believe in. Voting was one of the hardest things I did.



14. Where did most of your money go?
We had no huge purchases or problems so to be completely honest it was probably the grocery store, costco, or gas (so glad the prices came down).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
One of my dreams coming true



16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
adam: It takes Two by Ryan Adams
my girls: Apologize by 1Republic
me: Hometown by Adele & Where I Stood by Missy Higgins

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
A. Happier.
B. No change, though I my legs are more muscular because I started running. So I guess my answer would be fitter.
C. We are as poor or as rich (however you choose to see it) as we were last year.



18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Written more of my thoughts down, found more ways to serve, and I wish we had taken a real family vacation.



19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I wish I had not given anonymous the power to get in my way of finishing up my self portrait goal. A lesson learned.




20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I feel in love with life. I know that sounds lame, but it's true. I learned to really appreciate what I have.



21. What was your favorite TV program?
I basically stopped watching TV this year due to the writers strike, but I was super excited for So You Think You Can Dance during the summer.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. Why is this even a question?



23. What was the best book you read?
The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
They are never my discoveries, but The National and Adele



25. What did you want and get?
A canon 5d mark II. Yep, I'm still smiling.

26. What did you want and not get?
a family vacation



27. What was your favorite film of this year?
I can't even remember going to many movie so I must not have been in love with any of them. I will say I was really excited to see the new James Bond, but unfortunately I didn't love it.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 32. I have to admit I don't remember all the details, but I do remember feeling loved and really what more could you want on your birthday.



29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It was a good year. I have zero complaints.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Same as always...Jeans and a t-shirt. Somethings just never change.



31. What kept you sane? Adam, my family, photography, time with friends, blogging, and reading.

Happy New Year...here's to a fresh start.

My years have always started in September. Naturally that is when most things started over...well mainly the school year. Even when I was no longer doing the school thing it was hard not to want to start fresh in September.

This year seems different. I am ready for a new start. A fresh start. One of the reasons why I created "intentions" was to keep my goals in prospective and make sure I am on the right path, accomplishing what I feel is most important for me and my family to grow. I am really looking forward to this year and all that it brings. The ups and even the downs...as we all know they do come.

I feel great about 2006!