So I found myself in my studio most of the afternoon and instead of listening to silence, like yesterday while working in my pantry, I started listening to Stop Whining, Start Living by Dr. Laura. I admit I am a whiner and it's something I've been trying for a long time to stop. I hate that by nature I am more of a negative person, but I know that's absolutely no excuse to whine. I have the ability to change I just don't always have the will to keep it going for longer than 2 weeks, so I thought this book would help me or at least give me more strength to keep a positive attitude for more than a short period of time.
I'm 4 chapters into it and what I've discovered is that my blog may be fueling the very thing I need to shy away from....complaining. In the past I've noticed that the only times I wrote in my journal were when I was upset, so I have journals that need to be destroyed less someome think my life was all about that, but then again I think it was. To quote Fallout Boy "Misery loves me". I use to think that was the case, but now I realize I've given misery a home and allowed it to stay. It's much easier to hold onto sadness than to open up for happiness because there will always come a time in every life when that happiness will be tested so why go there in the first place? Right? Or so was my thinking.
I know happiness is a choice in life and I've chosen happiness, but I'm so sick of hearing myself complain about the big and little things in my life instead of enjoy the journey each step of the way. I know a few days ago I said that venting and putting it out there actually helps me to find meaning in it and helps me move on (and it did and it does), but when it becomes a constant I have failed to see the bigger picture and am whining because that's what I do. I need to get away from finding things to complain about.
Dr. Laura said, "whining about my problem is self serving".
So do you ever wonder if blogging has turned you into something you didn't want to be or as not to blame blogging, but the act of trying to better yourself, find yourself has actually turned you into something you don't like? I came to a realization this weekend that my constant pouring over myself in a way to better who I am has actually made me even more selfish than before and if I just stopped focusing on myself and put that energy into someone else I would actually find the real me.
I'm not sure where I heard it, but loved it instantly, "The person you want to be does exists somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief."
I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to be a better person and I finally understand that I won't get where I want to by looking in the mirror, but by stepping away from me. So what does this mean for my blog. Well, hopefully you won't hear me complain for the sake of complaining and if you do that it will be few and far between (I know whining can be helpful, but not when one dwells and I tend to be a dweller). I have to let go, live, and focus on the good and I believe giving whining it's place will help tremendously.
becuase I wanted to leave you with something visual...
thanks for letting my mind wander.
15 comments:
I see what she is saying, but I also think that a little venting allows you to live too. I've found that many times I cannot let go of something and as soon as I put pen to paper and jot down my thoughts and frustrations I'm finally free of whatever is nagging me. I've been able to let it go and move on and .. live.
I also think it is important to have a balance and life is full of challenges and things that make us whine, but also beautiful and wonderful things. You have always found a happy middle for your blog and I'm confident you will continue to do so.
lara I totally agree with you and find that after I've vented I feel better (dr. laura makes that point as well), but too often I feel I'm carrying my frustration around with me and that's not good to always feel upset. I guess my point is the constant whining/thinking of self is doing just that and I need to get outside myself to find myself. Does that make sense?
thanks for your comment.
Is it possible eto be so very much alike without even knowing eachother on a personal level? I think that is why I visit your blog every single day and always agree with you 110%. The things you say, the way you feel, everything within each post you do regarding personal situations, I relate to in one form or another. Today, driving home, I realized just how "happy" and care free I have been lately. I then said to myself, "I haven't let the demon take over me" and I haven't. Not sure how or when it really did happen but it has. I have chose to let go, stop venting and just LIVE. It feels GREAT. I hope you are able to really do the same. I wish nothing but the best for you. Please keep us posted and don't ever stop blogging. You encourage me with your wonderful posts..
I think you're too fixated on being happy and don't realize that you ARE happy. Normal life happens to everyone so no one is blissfully happy all the time. I'm never sure what it is you're referring to when you talk about struggling because you haven't really put any specifics out there (and I know you in real life!). So what I'm saying is venting is therapeutic and by venting on your blog you have a permanent record of it which may actually help you figure out what sort of cycles of frustration you're going through and if they are whims or real depression. It's something to consider.
I agree with many of your words today. Although, I also agree with tx girl. It isn't until I share my feelings, whether it be through blogging, writing it down, crying my eyes out that I can step away from myself and feel better about the situation at hand. I too am a whiner by nature...I DETEST that about me. I hate to hear it in myself. I feel so listen to this book and get myeself out of my whining rut.
I hope you still feel like you can come here and "whine". I find strength in knowing I am not the only one struggling in this world. I appreciate your honesty and openness.
I am SOOOO not a fan of Dr.Laura I probably can't respond to this post objectively... but if I just go on what you said I have to say "Please don't stop being you!" We all have different personalities and yes, some of us are whiners and some aren't. Some are sunny, happy people all the time (but hide all the crap behind the face). You know, I don't think there is a correct way to be. I commend you for reaching to be better and improve yourself and I know I could do much of the same in my own life... but I hope that this isn't something that is causing you to feel bad about who you are or what you have shared on your blog. It's the whole reason mine is called "like it is". I believe in being upfront and honest and sometimes in life it's not always pretty. Ok, that's my peace.
sorry, I hate typos. I meant "piece"
Thanks for that message, I know I have posted many times and you have no idea who I am, but I connect to so many things you say. I too tend to navigate towards the negative, your post really spoke to me and I love the quote that you included. I've decided that everything in life is designed for us to find the happy medium. Venting is good and necessary. I guess the goal is to vent, move on, be the better for it and look for the good things or the hand of God daily in our lives. Something I truly need to work on. Good luck with finding the positive and rooting out the negative and sharing your progression.
Amy I think that blogs are part of our lives and some parts cannot be denied or pretend they don't exsist; however, I guess the degree to which you emphasize each parameter of your life may well depend on the time you dwell on it. I am surprised sometimes by how much you focus on your "fears" and like Jill said sometimes do not realize that you are being HAPPY, I think one analogy Dr. Laura made a few weeks/days ago, was that everyone has mundane stuff to deal with, cooking, cleaning, crying kids, work, etc., etc., but it is the wisest choice we can make to step back and actually look for the little joys that exists daily, that sometimes we regretfully do not enjoy because of perfectionism, compulsiveness, depresion, workaholics, cleanaholics... etc., I mean, she said, to this lady...'YES' you are busy with your toddler, cleaning, picking up, all the nonending motherly tasks--like everyone in this planet, but she told her to make a pause...and go find her daughter and for one minute, or less to tickle her...and after she did...she said, THIS IS WHY WE EXSIST....SO we can actually enjoy the perks of all the work we do. Sometimes we go long periods of time without doing this and making their (our childrens) memory banks rich! I think this has been a vivid reminder for me, to actually take respites during the day...and actually see MY CHILDREN and BE WITH THEM...contrary to having the house spotless and only finally hushing them up to bed...which I still do, but with those tender moments sprinkled in the day...It has made a difference to me. I also think when I see your blog, that the way you capture your little girls and the photos you take must transcend soo much...in your life's history when they look back they will see how full a life you actually led. I think each one of us has something we deal with...but it is wise to acknowledge it and do not let it reign over us, but ocasionally let it show up to remind us how good we really have it when our attitude is the right one.--sorry this is really long!
i've been curious about her book as i've started to see it here and there. i'll have to talk to you more about it.
there isn't much i have to add as you've heard my thoughts on this topic... and it's almost midnight, what in the world am i doing? ; )
i really liked what claudia had to say and i find i'm happier when i try to create some of those memories with my littles during the day. it makes it all worthwhile.
I so want to read this book! I don't consider myself a whiner, but used to continually voice my frustrations over and over- so I do believe one can change and I will tell you that it is rejuvenating! Venting is good as far as I am concerned, but it is holding on to those feeling and revisiting them that I think is self serving and keeps you going in circles. For me it left this looming darkness that felt so good to leave behind. I think your blog is a happy medium- I don't find you complaining to complain, more working through your struggles.
I got a anonymous comment once about how my blog was always so positive and that even in a bad situation I spin it in a positive way- why couldn't I just have a bad day like the rest of them? As a word of advice, they said that I was only hurting myself to keep it all bottled up. This surprised me because I didn't feel that way at all. Sure I have the bad and crappy days, my own struggles- but when I look back, those are not what I want to remember. I want to read how I overcame those. I have journals from high school that the only time I ever wrote was when I was upset- what use are those venting passages now? Why did I waste time recording the bad instead of leaving a record of the good? Focusing on the good makes me feel good- how can that be bad?
I do hope you find your balance- your words are a beautiful thing.
Many of these same thoughts are part of the reason I quit blogging. I don't think my blog at all focused on the negative, but I did give myself a forum to get all the negative out there, and I do understand that sometimes even when you vent, you can still tend to focus on that problem.
I am happy to report, though, after stopping the blogging thing I have noticed a positive difference in myself. I really do miss sharing my thoughts but I still read my friends blogs, and yours and crystalyn's really do give me perspective and fuel my thoughts into something meaningful. Does that make any sense? I find myself thinking during the day, which isn't necessarily required much when I am in a child's world all day. Anyway, you both give me thoughts I can journal about and I find that helpful. I realize I CAN think like an adult, even in this state I'm in, and I feel like I have something to offer. This is a lot of rambling and I should have just emailed you instead.
My point, I appreciate this post, and I understand where you are coming from. I should listen to that book as well. Good luck to both of us in focusing on the good!
I see your point, Amy. I do think that it is possible to take introspection too far, and that can leave us in a self-centered state that is the opposite of our original intention! I tend to be a negative thinker as well, but I have found that anytime I stop and look for the positives (I try to do this every day) and/or do something for someone else, I feel so much happier. It's a long quest, isn't it?
as michelle says, it is a long quest. but i am glad to be on it with you. i am not a whiner, nor do i ever read your posts as whiny. i read them as a journey through life as it is for you right now.
like hannah, i have many journals from when i was younger, that are filled with angst and depression and bad-moodiness. heck, i have journals from right now that are the same way. but i truly feel that i will hold on to these for ever, because they DO paint a picture of who i was in that moment. in that hour. and, as i just hearing on the radio "time falls away, but these small hours still remain."
all of them.
Wow- I agree/relate to everything you have said! You said something that just rang true for me, something about how you can't truly see yourself until you step away from the mirror. It brings to mind the verse in the New Testament about those who seek their own life will lose it and those who lose their lives (for Christ's sake) will find it. I also like to vent and am also prone to dwelling too much upon the negative. Changing my thinking often takes a HUGE conscious, mental shake. Lots to process and think about on the nights I can't get to sleep ...
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