another step

Since the time Bella was a little girl she has always been cautious of everything she does. I remember it took her to about the age of 2 1/2 to go down a regular slide on her own. I hoped as time went on she would eventually grow out of it and have more courage to try new things, but she is just not interested. I admit to being a frustrated mother when she was little, watching all the other kids having fun at the park and wondering why she wasn't like that, but I finally understood, she is determined to explore the world on her terms and it doesn't matter how different that makes her.

So when we go to an amusement park and she is tall enough to go on the big rides/roller coasters it's no surprise to me that she doesn't want to. She just assume walk around the park then ride a BIG ride. This year Tess was actually able (and thrilled) to go on the big rides, but still that did not persuade Bella to try them so she hung out with Megan and I in the kid section.

Toward the end of the day though, to my surprise she tried a few more rides with her older cousins, one being the swings. As the ride started and began to push her higher in the air instead of a terrified look on her face, that I was sure would be there, I saw one of sheer delight. With each pass I could see her arms extending farther away from her center and could almost hear her laughter.



She was soaring...and loving it.

Watching her I got teary. I know, silly, but to see her push herself, muster up the courage to get on the ride and then realize how much she enjoyed herself, touched me. When she got off she said, "Mom, whenever I'm sad I need to go on that ride because that made me so happy." She is a gem.

I hope in years from now when I see her dressed in white waiting to get married I will remember this moment...little Bella pushing herself and understanding first hand how good it feels to let go of her fears and live.