Rock walls, REI, climbing gyms, carabiners, chalk, even the mountains all remind me of my brother Alan. He was a big climber and I associate him with spending as much time dangling from a rock as he did on the ground. I remember his equipment strewed about the house and his hands always having a white tint to them. So when my little Tess wanted to try the climbing wall in Park City last Monday it tugged at my heart a bit. As I stood watching her get higher and higher searching for the best places to put her hands and feet (I tried to coach her when she needed it) I couldn't help but think of going climbing for the first time with my brother and having him share with me something he loved.
As I continued to watch and help Tess it wasn't until a father of another boy waiting came over to watch her and said, "she's really good" that it hit me, maybe she's inherited the skills from Alan. There are moments when my younger brother, my nieces and nephew, and even my own children do something, have a certain look that reminds me so perfectly of him. It's hard to see someone pass and you would think even harder to have reminders all over the place (it was), but now I see them as tender mercies. It's like there are little pieces of him still with us. Gifts from above to help keep the memories alive.
It's been 17 years today. Time has healed, but it hasn't taken away. I can still see him so clearly. I can still hear his goofy laugh. I can still feel the last hug he gave me as we stood up to leave church Sunday afternoon and said, "love you guys" referring to me and my sister. I'm grateful for that...to heal and not lose. Grateful when I see him in those I love. Grateful to know how precious life is. Grateful to understand how meaningful I want mine to be. After all, I only get this one life, this one chance...I want so desperately to make it count.
9 comments:
love your thoughts on this. thinking of you today {{{}}}
This made me teary, Amy. I'm so glad you are able to see those reminders as a tender mercy, and that he is still with you and that can be a comfort.
I think it's a blessing that you can still remember his laugh and the things that make him him. I think the worst part for me would be forgetting.
Beautiful post. Can't believe it has already been 17 years. I love that picture of Alan. I remember him as always being so kind & so happy. I am sure that is so comforting to see him in your children & other family members. Tender mercies is right!
You DO make every day count Amy. You do! How awesome to see your girls grow into traits of Alan's. How wonderful to move past some of the pain and not lose the memories.
Much love to you Amy.
I always look forward to your posts on these special, meaningful days. Love you, Amy, and I'm thankful that I knew him, loved him, and have memories of such a wonderful person.
What beautiful memories. Thank you for sharing this part of you. Tess looks great up there:)
I have been reading your blog for a really long while. Every time I read it I am touched. Today was no different. My morning started off so terrible. I prayed that I would be touched today to keep my mind off the things that ache. I wanted to tell you that this post, and your last (i. g.) has been wonderful to read and was part of what I was looking for today. Thank you Amy. It is wonderful that even a stranger's thoughts can be so touching.
Oh why do you have to do that to me? Totally makes me cry. I'm glad that you can remember and enjoy those thoughts and memories. It's a good thing, it's healthy. That's so sweet to think of Tess having a little bit of him in her. I am sure he would be happy to know that he is still with you, and that he can be a part of your life even though he has passed.
Post a Comment