Gratitude Week: Thursday

I got this poem (below) in an email earlier this week and it reminded me of how grateful I am for choices. Adam quite often repeats the phrase, we choose our lives. No, we don't choose where we are born or even who our parents are. We don't choose if we have a disability or get a disease, but we can choose how we react and what we will do...those choices make up our life. While there are some unfortunate cards we are dealt in life that rightly so could keep us from moving forward and enjoying life, there is always good or the possibility to see good if only we choose it. I am still working on changing my once half empty attitude to half full, but the little bit that I have conquered has really made a difference in my everyday life. It's much easier now to see the good in a hard situation and remember I am blessed.


[photo by amyf]

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE CRAZY PEOPLE I WORK WITH
BECAUSE THEY MAKE WORK FUN & INTERESTING.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE
THINKING OF ME.

so i have been taking a break.

taking a break from me stuff. it hasn't been easy, but something i need to do in order to make my life livable. i know that doesn't seem to make sense as why live if you don't get to do what makes you happy. ah...the beauty of life and the choices we make. i am beginning to realize there will be times in my life for me and times when i don't really factor in. why has it taken me 6 years to figure out i don't get me time.

all week i have been struggling with the have tos and want tos of my day. staying home obviously brings about all the house work, bills, laundry, etc. that need to be done. then there's my callings. of course time with your kids & the things they have to do. time with my husband (something i enjoy doing). where in this day is there time for myself? when i do try to make time i end up quite frustrated because i can't get anything done. always someone pulling at my sleeve.

so this week i let it go. go of the notion that all things can be done. i spent time with my kids. we played outside, i took them to the park, played with friends, etc. i felt like a good mom. however, at the end of the week the house is a disaster, the laundry has piled up, i feel drained, i pushed every desire to work on projects aside. so i feel like it will take all next week to catch up when really shouldn't i do the same thing again....spend time with my girls so at least i feel like a good mom?

honestly i don't know how anyone does it? i don't know how we are suppose to do it? these organization plans are great for families where the kids are primarily at school or at least older, but no matter what i turn my back and megan has taken an entire bag of chips and smashed them into the floor. not literally, but there are crumbs following her every move. i just can't keep up. i am not one of those people that can keep up, i know some of you can. too bad for me.

the insanity is a little much to handle at times, which is why my experiment in the first place. i am not sure how i feel about the result, but at least i did feel like a good mom and that's something. but what about feeling like a good wife? or a good house keeper? or a good person?

if you can't do it all what should you focus on?

choices

I have felt sort of in a funk today. Not really bad enough to throw me for a loop, but just enough that my mind is constantly aware. It all started with a dream(this is not about death), and here I am still thinking and still trying to bring myself back to reality. I was really grateful I had some time today to myself even if it was more packing. I had music playing very loudly and at random times I would write things on the wall. Things that came to mind. Things that spoke to me. I really enjoyed being able to do that. It felt like my canvas and I was really in a mood to create. (I hope to post some photo when I am able to upload from my camera.)

My lesson on sunday to the 4 yr olds what about choices. We all have the right to decide which direction to go and what to do and how to dream. I have been thinking about my choices and how it has brought me to this place. This very great place I still find I am trying to wrap myself around....understand. I ended up in a place I never thought I would be. Not a bad place, just different than what I always intended. Envisioned. What to do with the choices I have made and how to let go of the ones I didn't? I have many questions of whys and what ifs but I know they don't mean anything and it is hurting me from developing the here and now. Here I am letting it go and giving myself to what I know and what I need and what I want. Life. Happiness. Excitement. Romance. Joy. Love. It's all possible to find no matter which choices you make. I have no doubt of that. I am no longer going to wait around believing I am entitiled to these things. Or waiting for someone else to make it happen. Its my life. My choices brought me to this point and I intend to make it everything I always dreamed.