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Meeting teachers | 18 AUG


 new haircuts
 outfits laid out
 backpacks packed
 forms signed
 alarms set
 8pm bed time
 cinnamon rolls prepped
 back to school anticipation & jitters

Looks like we're all set for the first day back, well, that is except for me. I'm not really looking forward to them going back. The summer raced by and I truly am sad to see it end. Partly because I'm not ready for the winter to come, the light to fade, but mostly I'm not ready to be without them. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it will take long to settle into my new schedule, there is a lot I want to do and accomplish, but this summer has been such a wonderful 11 weeks I just wish I could have a few more. Plus, every time a new year starts it just means they're one year older and I'm not ready for them to be "older". Crazy to think this is the last year they will all be at the same school together. Oh well, as they say, all good things must come to an end and so here we are a few hours from a new school year, excited to see what this year will hold.

I heard a lot of chattering today/tonight about seeing friends again and getting started on this new year. I don't blame them. I always loved the first day of school. I can so remember going to bed, trying to sleep, waking up with butterflies in my stomach, getting the best breakfast of the school year, walking to school in the coolish morning air, and taking my seat for the very first time while looking around at what would be the next 9 months of my life. I loved it and so do they.


--Did you love the first day of school?
--Do you wish you had a few weeks longer? (maybe you do)

the first day of the rest of my life

I've been anticipating this day since the beginning of summer, well, in reality if I'm being honest with myself, this day has come and gone in my subconscious for about 5 years now. I think the first few times I was home crazy busy with three little kidlets I wondered what it would be like with them all in school. My thoughts have been all over the board, one way I'm full of apprehension and the other excitement.

[bella 5th grade, Tess 3rd grade, & Megan 1st grade]

I admit I thought it would feel differently walking away from the elementary alone, kidless for the next 6 hours. I thought I would feel free or sad or a little of both. What I found was walking away from the school alone was the most natural thing in the world, and I guess that's exactly what it is...natural. Each year since Bella was 3 and started pre-school our schedule has changed and the amount of time they've left me for has increased with each one. Where I am today has definitely been a natural progression, we should be here, and so it just feels right.



Perhaps it's not quite hitting me yet, the fact that this is my new reality. That my days will be open to my schedule and not theirs. It's a weird concept after having someone underfoot for over 10 years to no longer have a shadow. I'm sure in a week or so when all the excitement has died down that being alone all day will hit me and then maybe I'll feel the full weight of our new life. I know one thing for sure...I have a lot of plans for myself, projects to keep me busy, activities to keep me moving in the right direction. I definitely want these six hours to count and be meaningful.

For now though, I am grateful to feel like everything is aligned and everything is as it should be.

xoxo,
amy

headliners from the missing 8 days

1. So it was "the summer of the clean house" after all.
Last Wednesday we officially took our house off the market. If I had known the amount of realtors that would call me begging to take over my listing I may have made a different decision...except it wasn't mine. I could have gone either way, even though I did have a preference, so I finally just told Adam to do what he thought was best. We are here for now, but I know my time is limited. Speaking of which, the thought of packing up my house was so overwhelming that I am determined to simplify. All last week (this is where I've been) I spent decluttering my house. I still have a ways to go, I only got a few rooms done, but purging has felt so good and therapeutic.

2. leaving on a jet plane


Tess flew on a plane, she thinks for the first time, this morning with my parents to visit her "best" cousin Alan and attend his baptism. It was weird saying goodbye to her knowing she'd be taking this adventure without the rest of us (I've never had a child go without me), but I was excited for her. You could tell she felt all grown up, and a little cool, to be going alone. When I spoke to her this afternoon all she said was, "it was awesome". I guess she's having a good time, but she's too busy to talk to me about it.

3. Do over


Megan started kindergarten Monday afternoon. She started asking me at 8:15am when her sisters walked out the door when it was her turn. I told her all morning "in few hours", "in a couple hours", "in one hour", "in 30 minutes", and then when the time came we were late. $%#@! We ran up the hill (missed the line up), but luckily met up with her classmates hanging up their backpacks...and then she was gone. She didn't even look back to say good-bye. Is this what I have to look forward to? I wondered. I saw several moms crying, but there wasn't time for that. Thank goodness for do overs.

4. Seeking motivation
Boot camp is officially over and I'm trying to figure out what to do next. I think I took for granted how easy it was to get a workout in when it was at 6am, especially when someone was counting on me. I am finding it more difficult now that I have to motivate myself. It's not that I haven't done it before, but it's certainly easier said than done.

5. next generation


Monday night I meet up with some high school friends for a BBQ at my friend Christie's home. It was good to see them again...it always is. I don't know what it is about that time in your life, but I will always feel connected to them. Perhaps it has something to do with figuring out who you are and they are the ones going through it with you. Anyway, it has been fun for me to a) see my friends as parents, and b) see our kids interacting together. It's like little versions of us living it all over again. Thanks for hosting Christie and getting us together.

6. lost and found


Found this drawing outside this morning while picking up shoes my girls had left out the night before that they were bound to tell me they couldn't find. I couldn't help, but smile when I saw it. It was exactly what I need to start my day off right.

back to school

We've successfully made it through our first day of school. Bella and Tess started today and as far as my girls were concerned it was five days too late. Since back to school night, last Wednesday, they have been chopping at the bit to get back to school so needless to say I think Sunday night was a sleepless night for the two of them.



For someone who claims to like taking pictures I sure do a lousy job at remembering my camera. It wasn't until we were on the school grounds and I saw other mom's taking pictures that it occurred to me I should have brought my camera. I guess I was just trying to get everyone out of the house and it slipped my mind. Thank goodness I had my phone on me and was able to capture the event after all.

I don't usually go into the school with them so it was a treat for me this year to send them off this way. Once I was there I realized how much I've missed these last 2 years having them go with our carpool instead of taking them myself. It was fun to see my girls meet up with their friends (some they hadn't seen the entire summer) giggling and laughing as they waited for the bell to ring, all of them excited to get into their classrooms and start the day. One thing I hadn't anticipated, but was thrilled to see was how much Bella and Tess loved going to school together. They couldn't wait to look for each other during the day and meet up after school to talk about their day.

I'm glad I decided to see them off at the door because it felt like such a significant event. Two kids gone all day seems so unbelievable to me. I remember thinking about this years ago, wondering what it would feel like. Strangely enough it feels natural, like it was meant to happen this way. I am more excited for the adventures they will have this year than sad at missing them. It is a part of life and childhood to have them gone and it will definitely make the times we are together after school and in the evenings that much more meaningful. Plus let's not forget I will have Megan here with me to keep me company. I think in two years when they are all gone I may feel differently, but then again you never know, it may feel as natural as it does today.

Do you feel sad when your kids go back to school?
or Do you look forward to the day?

and so it begins

Tess got up early this morning with bright eyes and an excitement to start her first of many years in grade school. She cracks me up the way she is always so careful not to give away too much, sitting cool eating breakfast pretending there was nothing special about this day. She didn't want me to drop her off at school, she wanted to go with the neighbors who take Bella every morning, but I talked her into it once I realized I wouldn't get the chance to take photos. She got in line to enter the school with her classmates as if she had done it several times before. A ping of, I don't know, could it have been sadness, hit me as I realized she was more than ready for this moment and didn't need me. She gave me one of her quick quirky smiles and walked toward the door, following the girl in front of her.

I don't usually get sad about my girls going off and leaving me, especially something as simple as kindergarten, and I'm not even sure that's what it was. She just look so big, so ready for this new adventure, almost like she didn't need me anymore. As I watched her disappear into the classroom apart of me knew I wasn't quite ready for to grow up. Then I snapped out of it, she's only gone for 3 hours which seems like nothing really, and well, I know that she will have the best time on her own making new friends, after all it's a part of life I always loved.

So here I am, at home, just me and Megan. It's really something we have never experienced together (last year she was always napping) so I'm looking forward to the chance to get to be with her and reconnect while everyone else is in school. I have enjoyed her. She seems to be quite a different little girl when alone with you. It will only be 3 days a week since she'll be in school the other days, luckily giving me a few hours a week to breath.

Though I always look forward to them coming home and hearing their stories, I am really looking forward to a few moments of peace.

a new school year

my first born is going to kindergarten today. i am so excited for her. many ask, "will you cry?" NOPE. not that i won't be sad to have her gone everyday, i'm just excited for her to have this experience and for me to only have 2 children at home.

nothing wrong with that.

number 2 is starting preschool today for the first year. i am excited for her as well. she will have the time of her life and hope she is able to make great friendships.

the only problem is one is in the morning and one is in the afternoon. makes for a couple crazy days, but because of our move there was nothing I could do. Oh well, it's still totally worth it.

YAHOO!