a happy space

Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life. ~storypeople

morning questions

We had a very casual conversation about death moments before the girls walked out the door this morning. I know, not really the topic I would choose to send them out the door with, but it was such a wonderful teaching moment I almost didn't get anxious as I turned around, shut the door and walked back in the house alone.


[taken last night during dinner, but looked a lot like this morning]

It all started after reading in Alma 11 (book in the Book of Mormon) where Amulek is teaching the people about our temporal death and how Christ overcame it through resurrection and so will we.

Megan: So mom when I die my spirit can't get sick?
Me: Your body is what gets sick so no, after you die, you can't get sick.
Megan: laughing - That means I can eat all the candy I want and I won't get sick.
Me: Well if you don't have your bodies I don't think you'll need to eat.
Megan: But I'm going to want candy, I just know I will.
Tess: I want food. I can't live without food.
Bella: But your spirit won't need the food...see?
Tess & Megan: no.

There was some giggling at this point and then the conversation moved on from there.

Megan: Mom when I'm really old you'll be dead?
Me: Yep, I'll be in heaven.
Megan: Will you be there to meet me when I die?
Me: Yep, I'll be there and your dad will be there and grandma and grandpa and nana and papa and...
Megan: and grandma Dot?
Me: Yes grandma Dot too.
Tess: and your brother Alan?
Me: Yes, Alan will be there too. Even members of our family you didn't know like my grandma will be there, but you will know them after you die.
Bella: Megan we'll be together forever...all of us.
Megan: I will be sad when you die.
Me: I know, but I will be old and it will be time.
Megan: I love you mom....up to heaven.
Me: I love you, all the way back.

Of all the mornings the girls have been distracted while we've read scriptures and I've walked away discouraged wondering why I attempt to do it, it suddenly becomes crystal clear after moments like I had this morning why.

They are listening.
They are watching.
Our efforts are not in vain.

xoxo,
amy

the first day of the rest of my life

I've been anticipating this day since the beginning of summer, well, in reality if I'm being honest with myself, this day has come and gone in my subconscious for about 5 years now. I think the first few times I was home crazy busy with three little kidlets I wondered what it would be like with them all in school. My thoughts have been all over the board, one way I'm full of apprehension and the other excitement.

[bella 5th grade, Tess 3rd grade, & Megan 1st grade]

I admit I thought it would feel differently walking away from the elementary alone, kidless for the next 6 hours. I thought I would feel free or sad or a little of both. What I found was walking away from the school alone was the most natural thing in the world, and I guess that's exactly what it is...natural. Each year since Bella was 3 and started pre-school our schedule has changed and the amount of time they've left me for has increased with each one. Where I am today has definitely been a natural progression, we should be here, and so it just feels right.



Perhaps it's not quite hitting me yet, the fact that this is my new reality. That my days will be open to my schedule and not theirs. It's a weird concept after having someone underfoot for over 10 years to no longer have a shadow. I'm sure in a week or so when all the excitement has died down that being alone all day will hit me and then maybe I'll feel the full weight of our new life. I know one thing for sure...I have a lot of plans for myself, projects to keep me busy, activities to keep me moving in the right direction. I definitely want these six hours to count and be meaningful.

For now though, I am grateful to feel like everything is aligned and everything is as it should be.

xoxo,
amy

the mad scientists

I got the dreaded question yesterday that every mother hates to hear, "I'm bored. What can I do, I've got nothing to do?" My mind usually goes straight to some type of job around the house, but the first thing out of my mouth was, why don't you crack out your science box and make some concoctions.

Bella's face in this cracks me up. They were not to sure what to expect by mixing the two.

they even got a wee bit carried away.

I guess sometimes they just need a little nudge because my suggestion went a long way. Can't believe how long they played with it and then ended up moving onto other things when they were done. Dreaded bored thwarted.

Have a good one :)

Miscellany

**I'm playing catch up today after spending a great weekend away, actually I should say, I should be playing catch up. I've been busy taking kids to music lessons and school registration that I haven't had the time to catch up like I ought to. Luckily though, Adam did a lot of it over the weekend (what a gem, right?) so it won't be overwhelming once I get after it tomorrow.


[adam took this with my phone]

**Well there was one thing I did get caught up on...being with my girls. It was an utter delight to see my girls this morning. I got in at 10:30p last night so I was unable to be with them when I got home and was anxious to get my arms around them today. I didn't have to wait too long as they each made their way into my bedroom when they woke up to say hello and cuddle up next to me. I have decided these moments have been my most favorite from the summer and will be the ones I miss when they're back in school.

**School. So hard for me to believe school starts in less than two weeks. Like I said we had registration today to sign up for SEP conferences and volunteer times throughout the year. I'm hoping to be at the school one day a week to help in all the classrooms. Hard to imagine they will be at the same school with the same drop off/pick up times...first time in 7 years.

**I've had my computer at the shop getting windows 7 put on it since last tuesday. I took it in then thinking I would be able to pick it up when I got home, but it turns out they haven't even started on it. UGH! They did say they were super busy when I dropped it off, but come on, a week. The joys of technology.

**I've uploaded and am in the process of looking through my photos from the weekend. Had hoped to have a post this evening, but spent the night playing go fish, jenga, & the 50 states. A wise choice if I do say so myself...I'm learning.

**I'm grateful to be feeling so recharged and happy right now. What a blessing it is.

on the other end...

Remember how I talked about getting a prepaid line for our home phone, well I finally bought it and am in the process of switching phone numbers etc... and that's where my story begins.

I was looking everywhere for this phone. It's small, but no one has used it so I couldn't for the life of me figure out where I put it. I kept calling it and walking around the house listening for a ring, but nothing. Mid search a little voice in my head said, Megan may know where it is. She was eyeing it a few days before and even asked if it was for her. So I called Robyn's (she was at her house) to get some answers, but no one picked up so I went on searching. About the tenth time I called, right when I was ready to give up figuring it was turned off and lost, I suddenly heard the ring on the other end stop and the phone clicked. Someone had picked up the phone.

There was a long pause and then a giggle. It was then that I knew...there is a reason we mothers have instincts.

I said, "Megan is that you?"
I heard, "Megan it's your mom."

Pause

Megan: "Hi, Mom."
Me: "What are you doing?"
Megan: "I'm playing."
Me: "No, what are you doing with the phone?"
Megan: "Oh that, i don't know."

She had packed her bag to spend the night with her cousins and for reasons, still unknown to me, she packed the phone as well. Only Megan would decide that was a good idea. Oh dear. I think we may be in some trouble.

here are just a few photos from the other night...

last week in photos

bbq in the canyon with some friends...


Because everyone took a load we only had to make one trip, of course it didn't come without some complaining.


mmm...some of the most delicious cookies in town. Love their identity too. Check them out.


I've always wanted to get glasses as an accessory. What do you think?


Waiting for Despicable Me to begin...and the popcorn.


The view of downtown from my kitchen window at sundown. It was one of the first times I didn't mind washing dishes. (Yes, I actually took this from inside from my kitchen window.)


While doing some shopping with the girls I couldn't resist the flower bed.

weighted days

I've watched a family in my neighborhood in the last four years go through some of life's biggest changes. Once they were a young family of five and one by one the boys have grown, gone on missions, come home and gotten married, and created a home for their new families. I've watched the parents go from a house full of teenage boys to an empty nest.

I can so easily, frighteningly so, see my future as I watch them transition from one life into the next. Adam and I, the girls, we are on this path and there is no turning back. We will one day get to this place and I'm grateful that I won't have to get there anytime before I am ready...I hope.

Watching them though, it does make me so queenly aware of the passing of time. In the book Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the Balinese concept of "rubber time". She says, "One day to [a Balinese] isn't necessarily composed of twenty-four hours; sometimes it's longer, sometimes it's shorter, depending on the spiritual and emotional nature of that day." And this is my favorite part, "sometimes you count the days, sometimes you weigh them."

When I read it, it made all kinds of sense to me. Yes, of course. Time shouldn't be measured in hours, weeks, and years. Time should be measured by moments and experiences.



This evening, remembering what it was like to be smashed onto the couch, sweating under the blanket, getting battered by Megan's flailing legs, the way Tess and Megan called for Bella because they didn't want to read the book without her, hearing the laughter from my three girls as Adam read and entertained them the way he does has stay with me long after the moment has passed. Yes this moment was quick, but it was full of weight and the emotion allows it to linger on, and in that sense, it appears to move through time slower.

I love where we're at right now...every piece, every part. If I could reach out and stop time, just for a bit I would, but I can't, so I go with what I know...I can never get enough of these moments. They sustain me and keep me whole, and I didn't understand til now it's because these experiences are full of weight and meaning. There bigger spots on our time line and are what tie the other pieces of our life together to make our complete story. I believe it's that completeness that will help me be ready when the transitions come because I'll know I was there, I was present, and I have the memories to remind me and help keep me moving forward.

xxox,
amy

it's been one of these kinds of days

You know the kind of days that start at 5:50am and don't quit until sundown. Ya, it's been that kind of day. I don't always embrace those days, come on there exhausting, but today I did because it's a Monday. I'm always more receptive to getting back to work, hitting my to do list hard on Mondays. Tuesday-Sunday...not so much :)

Sure feels good to get in bed after getting so much done.

Goodnight Monday...

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p.s. Bella's reading over my shoulder correcting my grammar. I don't know if it bugs me or just embarrasses me that she's catching my mistakes before me.

made me smile

[click here for original note]

Dear Daddy,
I love you Daddy because when I hug and kiss you I feel happy about me.

I found this note from Tess to her Dad while cleaning out a stack of papers. I don't know how old it is, though her handwriting makes it look like it was written at least a year ago. It made me smile when I read it, in fact, I got a little chocked up.

You can never really underestimate the power of being loved.

I hope and pray she will always feel this way and know, no matter what's going on in her life we are always waiting in the wings ready to give her hugs and kisses.