each bouquet

As we drove through the packed cemetery at a crawling pace I had a chance to look out at the vast amounts of people who were there, mourning, reflecting, and celebrating the life of their loved one. There were husbands remembering wives, mothers remembering children, grandchildren remembering grandparents, sisters remembering brothers, children remembering parents. It breaks my heart and yet it's the most beautiful thing to see families being brought together laughing & crying.





Despite the tender feelings I get when I go to the cemetery I love it there. I do. I know it's sounds crazy and so out of character for me, but I could spend hours there getting lost walking through, in and out of the graves, wondering what stories lie beneath the dirt. I especially love it there right now when there's flowers scattered about the grass and you know behind each bouquet is a tremendous amount of love. The two photos above were among my favorites.







There are times when we're all together visiting my brother's grave and my family shares stories and experiences they remember about him, but today we seemed more quiet. It can be hard to be there with my family and talk about it all. I know it seems like it would be easier since they know exactly what it feels like, but for some reason there are times that I'm at the verge of loosing it and to see them brings it all back so I try to distance myself. Today seemed like one of those days so I was grateful for the quiet, grateful to be able to hide behind my camera for a bit.







As we walked from my brother's grave to all of my grandparent's graves I watched my family up ahead of me and felt truly grateful to have them in my life. We're a hodge-podge group with our good days and bad, but they're mine, apart of the person I am, and I love them dearly. Wish my sister could have been with us.







It was a good evening.
The best kind.

I hope you all have a fabulous holiday weekend.

memorial day...bday celebration

Today we got together with Adam's family, ate lunch at Training Table, and then went bowling. We decided to make it a party for Tess as well since her birthday is Wednesday and it was the one thing she wanted to do.

it cracks me up that she's the only one not smiling...perhaps too many photos

she got loads of craft and art supplies

This is what it looked like most of the time...chaos. The kids never really knew whose turn it was and they all wanted to help each other. It was the good kind of chaos though, the kind you can just sit back and let happen.


A close up of the "cupcake" cake. Adam did the decorating and Lori supplied the pan.

It was a fun afternoon spent with family celebrating a birthday. I know Tess had a great time, she already wants to do it again.

As for the rest of the afternoon. We ended up at Barnes and Noble for a while where I bought a few books for the kids for this summer. Afterward we headed home in the crazy rain and upon arrival I went straight to my room to read (it's nice when kids are old enough that you can do this) and quickly fell asleep. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. Adam worked on painting my cabinets black, the last step in my bathroom transformation, so I'm that much closer to sharing my toilet free bathroom.

cherishing the memories

As I pulled into the cemetery, which was mobbed with people and lined with cars, I saw this beautiful sight surrounding me as so many families and individuals gathered together to mourn the loss of those who have gone before. It's one of my favorite times, Memorial Day, to go to the cemetery because the grounds are adorned with love and respect seen in flowers, plastic windmills, and even balloons.





I was alone with only Megan and Tess to accompany me. Adam and Bella were feeling ill and my family is in St. George at the moment. We sat there by the grave and I told them stories about my brother when I was a child, stories I thought they could relate to. They laughed and asked questions wanting to know more. Being able to share him with my kids has actually been the best way to let go of the hurt and remember the joy.



It wasn't long before they had left me and found interest in 3 little boys. As it turns out the boys belonged to a friend of mine and also a very good friend of my brother Alan, Nicolle B.

Nicolle is telling Megan she was her uncle Alan's good friend.

Surprised to see her, I don't know why as I've seen her there before, we talked for a bit and both realized that even death can bring people together. Of course I wasn't prepared as I should have been to clean Alan's grave (my dad usually has the equipment) so we all walked over (only a few feet from her father's grave) and we talked as we edged and weeded the grave stone. It was so good to see and talk with her. She brings back so many wonderful memories of his life and reminds me of all the wonderful times.

I missed my family and sharing this tradition with them, but it was good to just be alone in my thoughts. It has been a long road for me, but I can honestly say, even though I know he is not necessarily there, being there keeps him close and his life a reality.

I hope you all have a great holiday.

remembering

Memorial day is always a special time for me. I love to be able to share my memories with my girls and teach them about just how lucky we are to have the gift of eternal families. Today was one of those special times where I was able to go to the cemetery with my whole family (sans jeni...miss you).



I hope you all have a wonderful memorial day. We for one are celebrating a new 5 year old. It's her birthday tomorrow and she couldn't be more excited about it. She actually asked, "Mom, what does it feel like to be five." I guess she'll soon find out.