transition

I've been pondering, for over a month now, about what word to focus on for the year. Constantly on the lookout for what I want this year to be about, taking my time hoping it will just jump out at me like it has in the past, but suffice it to say, it has alluded me and I haven't been able to nail it down. In fact I feel so far away that I don't even have a working list of words I'm picking from. I am empty.

I guess you could say I'm quite attached to my word CHOOSE. I never thought it would be as powerful as it has been for me. This past year has giving me a better understanding at just how in control I am of my life and that I have the power to do with it what I will. Regardless if I see life positive or negative it is my choosing, mine to design, and I only have me to blame.

"Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will...yours is the freedom to choose ....Every day, every hour, every minute of your span of mortal years must sometime be accounted for. And it is in this life that you walk by faith and prove yourself able to choose good over evil, right over wrong,enduring happiness over mere amusement. And your eternal reward will be according to your choosing." -Elder Richard L. Evans quoted by Elder D. Todd Christopherson

And so I sit hesitant, grateful for the insight "choose" has brought to me this year, grateful for what it has begun to help me see and change within myself, but know this hesitation is one I deal with every year. Each January I feel this longing to keep my word. I know this sounds silly or maybe a little idiotic to those of you who don't pick words, make resolutions, or have a focus, but to me it's an important transition. I can honestly say that each year, each word has giving me something that I have needed. DO and LIVE got my moving again. GIVE helped me move outside of myself. And CHOOSE, well, choose showed me gifts I've had and helped me to see life's possibilities. You see, I've felt attached to each word for different reasons and honestly, when it comes down to it, have never really been ready to move on. I'm realizing now, what a wise friend once told me, that we don't necessarily need to move on from our word, we can build upon it and take it with us.

yes. exactly.

So while I'm giving myself permission to take my time and let my word come to me when I'm ready, I'm also giving myself permission to move on.



I know, I do seem to think about things too much and make life more complicated than it needs to be. I get on my own nerves and apologize if I'm doing the same to you. But I write about it because when I do I often find the answers I was looking for. When I started this post I had decided to keep choose (for a while anyway) and now feel that I can easily move past it--that I should. Perhaps I should look for antonyms to the word complicated and go with one of those...perhaps simplify.

hmmm...maybe.

xo

sunday thought

We had a special Stake Conference today, which turned out to be a wonderful reminder of many of the things on my mind as of late...my purpose, spiritual growth, strength through the Lord, family, what matters most, temple worship, and missionary work. I love it when all the thoughts in my head come together in one meeting and I leave feeling edified with strength and courage to try harder and carry on.



It all started with our Stake theme which comes from Mosiah 24:14

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

This is a very comforting scripture because if I know one thing about life, it doesn't come without it's challenges and if it did, I surely wouldn't be the woman I am today. It has taken me some time and some maturing to finally be grateful for the things I have faced, grateful to know it's purpose, and where it has lead me up to this point. So if we think about it this way, the question is not when will we face adversity, but how we'll contront it and what we'll become in the process?

The how is the part that I need to work on the most. Choosing to accept my struggles. Choosing to ask for help. Choosing to face it with a good attitude knowing that it's for my benefit, knowing it's what will help draw me closer to the Lord. There is a lot of power in our gift of agency...I guess I picked my word for the year wisely :)

Other stand outs from the meeting:
--"Do not focus on the pain, but what we are becoming in the process." -President Crocker
--"Nothing is worth the making if it doesn't make the man." a poem by Edwin Markham and quoted by Elder Packer
--"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing."
--"The key is to love and serve one another." -Sister Nixon.
I believe whole heartedly that this is key to life. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a dark place and when I take the focus off of myself, serve someone else, I see the light and everything seems right with the world again.
--"Each day we are building upon experiences that are needed for our growth." Sister Nixon
--"When you are thinking about missionary work experiences will happen." Sister Winn
--"Prepare your heart and the Lord will provide opportunities." Sister Winn
--"We cannot only live on spiritual experiences of the past." -Elder Snow

It was a lot of "good stuffs" all at onces, a lot to think about, but it was exactly what I needed as I start this week full of change and welcome in a new stage of my life.

xxox,
amy

i'm choosing

For the last 24 hours I'm realizing the power behind my word for 2010. If there was ever a time to choose peace, love and trust it is today. Deciding to focus on the positive and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is making all the difference in the world to my sanity.



"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~Mary Engelbreit

I'm choosing.

my focus | 2010

Before I begin I realized I didn't really close out my word for 2009, GIVE. I guess I mention it now because I want you to understand that picking a word to focus on isn't something I do passively. It's a process and takes time. The reason is, I've found in the last three years that I've done this, the word I decide on really does have an affect on my year. I think about it often and tailor goals around it. This past year was no exception. I did something things, which I choose not to share at this time, for those in my neighborhood and it completely changed the way I thought of service and love. It made me think about others more and gave me a desire to find more ways and opportunities I could give. I'm sad to move on, but all good things must come to an end.

*************************************************************************************************
2010

I've been struggling to find this word for weeks now. Some times it comes easy...this one did not. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever find the connection when this morning I was reading the Sunday school and RS lessons using the scripture app on my phone and the word CHOOSE stood out to me as if it were in bold letters. I stopped and sat there a minute looking at it thinking, could this be it? How could it be? What does it mean? It's so simple.

Since then each time I say the word, hear, or see it I know that it's the right choice. It's perfect for me in many ways:

1) I personally prefer action words. I really need something that will motivate me to DO all year long.

2) Our agency is one of the greatest gifts God gave to us. I'm so grateful to Him for giving me the experience to decide for myself which path I want to take and what I want to do with my life. Each and every day I consciously choose His path and to follow His words. It's not always easy, but I know without a doubt it's where I'm suppose to be.

3) Choose and desire are so closely related and I believe if you desire something it becomes a part of you and you can't help, but seek it out. For example, I used to say to Adam all the time, "I wish I could do... or I wish I knew..." He would always come at me with, if you really wanted it then you would do it and immerse yourself in it. I think about that often as I've found it to be so true. If I truly want something I will think, do, and speak of nothing else.

4) Choosing is not a word that will let me live passively. I'm not the best at making decisions, but by not making a decision I am still deciding. I simple can't have that.

5) Like I said before, our agency is very powerful. If we wake up and choose to have a good attitude chances are our day is going to be vastly different then if we choose otherwise. In a sense, the choices we make each day effect the we live and who we ultimately become.

This year I want to choose to be positive, to spend my time wisely, to be engaged in meaningful work, to serve, to listen to the spirit more, to go to the temple, to use my talents, to be happy, to give more, to be healthy, to read good books, to open my heart to possibility, to have confidence and to not be afraid.


[because I couldn't go another day without a picture and I was having some fun in photoshop]

I really do think it's going to be a good one.
Have you chosen a word yet?