Holiday memories

I remember like it was yesterday. The anticipation of Christmas morning, leaving out cookies for santa, waking up way too early and waiting with my brother and sister wondering if it was late enough to wake up our parents, seeing my stocking for the first time chock full of goodness, the christmas morning fire, the smell of pine, eating lifesaver candies, enjoying my siblings gifts as much as my own.

I will never forget what it felt like to be there, all of us together, and even though these days of my youth are long since past, I pray Adam and I are helping to creating these same kind of memories with our girls that will last a lifetime.

Merry Christmas! May your holiday be merry & bright!

xoxo

fifteen

1996 | till forever


1997 | graduation & 1998


2000 | we became parents


2001 | the Christmas we found out we were having another girl


2002 | meeting tess


2003


2004 | megan arrived


2005 | I wish I knew why we were laughing


2006 | lighthouse tour


2007 | game on


2008 | pastime


2009 | sunday naps


2010 | date night


2011 | favorite place to be

"The secret is not in your hand or your eye or your voice, my aunt told me once. The secret is in your heart. Of course, she said, knowing that doesn't make it any easier." ~storypeople

Through the good times and bad, and there have been plenty of both, we've come to understand that it doesn't matter how long we're together, each day is a new day and another opportunity for us to learn and grow together -- because just when we think we've got it, we realize, we're not even close.

Sure has been a memorable fifteen years. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

seeing the everyday

[september 2006]

I'm sharing this photo with you today because it was this moment I started seeing life from behind my lens. We were walking to the car after an afternoon of fun at the school carnival and I urged my girls to sit on the hillside so I could take their picture. My objective was to get a lovely picture of the three of them, together, smiling, and what I got was this -- Bella sitting austere, seemingly unaware of the other two who were busy freaking out about a fly (Tess is attempting to swat at it, not trying to hit Megan).

After going through my contact sheet of the photographs I took that afternoon the photo above is what stood out to me. It depicted so perfectly the story of what our life was like on a regular basis. It was REAL and I loved it. It was then I realized I want to capture life as it's happening. I want the good and the ugly. I want the crazy hair and the mismatched clothes. I want the family games, evening with friends, and the unbridled laughter. I want the snuggles and the quiet moments. I want the morning light streaming in from my window and our faces first thing in the morning. I want the messy house and what it's like inside our car on the way to get ice-cream. I wanted to capture us.

And it was all of that, that lead me here.

Next year, 2012, I'm going to be teaching a photography class at Squam Art Workshops.

pause :: do a little dance

It's called Seeing the Everyday. I'll be teaching in New Hampshire in June and September, and in Outer Banks North Carolina in October.

I don't even have the words to try and explain what this means to me. I've wanted this. I've been working toward this, to be able to share with you my passion for really seeing life, and to finally have it within reach, I am speechless.

All I have in my heart this morning is gratitude. Gratitude for those who got me and saw my vision. Gratitude for those who helped me get to where I am today. Gratitude for God's hand in my life. Gratitude for my family for inspiring me. Gratitude to be given the opportunity to share something important to me. Gratitude for my three girls (Hannah, Jenica, and Amy) who got my ball rolling. Gratitude for those who saw in me what I could not see in myself. Gratitude for the support and encouragement from people like you.

Thank you.

I would love more than anything to see you there. Come. Let's play with our cameras together. Squam is a life changing experience you will take with you for the rest of your life. I know. It has changed mine forever.

xoxo
amy gretchen

My childhood Christmas' were simply put, magical. Family gatherings, winter activities, anticipation of gifts, believing in Santa Claus, constant treats being made and coming in, and of course I can't forget the decorations. All of it together made for a magical season. I didn't really know then how magical they were until I became an adult and creating the Christmas magic became part of my job. Admittedly, it took some time to get use to. I'm not too keen on Christmas being crazy busy and full of to dos so when it was all on me, I resisted and started begrudging the holidays--the same holidays I loved as a child.

That was not okay with me.

This year I decided to take a different approach summed up with one word--simplify. I cut out things that were not essential and found it left room for all the things we really wanted to do/see/experience. Don't get me wrong it was/is still busy. I mean, I think that's just part of this time of year, but the main difference was I embraced it. I knew going in what I was facing and appreciated it for what it was, knowing full well, that soon enough Christmas would be over and life would quickly go back to normal as it always does.

I think that's what I loved so much about Christmas as a kid--it was that one time during the year where life was anything but normal. It was festive, joyful, bright--it was magical.

**do you find the holidays to be stressful or do you embrace it and enjoy each moment?

xo
amy gretchen

18

I still remember the day the world took you back & there was never time to thank you for the thousand scattered moments you left behind to watch us while we slept. -storypeople


There was a time in my life I was certain the hurt would never go away so to wake up this morning and feel peace and gratitude that I had the privilege of knowing him for 16 years is a gift. Seeing his picture now makes me smile at the person he was, at the life he lived. I wish we could have had more time, but since that wasn't in the cards I am extremely grateful for the time we did have, how he changed my life, and to know, for certain, that I will see him again.

magical summers

Today as we sat at home for the third day in a row with another sicky (Tess this time) I found myself thinking fondly about my summers as a child. They were magical. I know it sounds cliche, but they were...magical.


[Star Valley, WY | 1980]

I remember boating on the weekend and trips to Lake Powell where my dad taught me to water ski.
I remember going to Star Valley, WY to my aunt & uncle's cabin to swim and ride horses.
I remember running out my door in the early morning hours to my friends house hoping one of them would be able to play.
I remember night games, kick the can, sardines, etc. until the sun went down and my mom called us in for the night.
I remember drive ins and fireworks.
I remember tan lines and popsicles.
I remember my dad playing catch with my brothers in the back and BBQs with family friends.
I remember long days outside playing house in our tree house.
I remember my friends and I asking our moms to let us have a sleepover.
I remember riding bikes around the neighborhood and getting Slurpees and garbage pail kid cards at the 7/11 up the street.
I remember the house being so hot at night that I would lay in the hallway to get the cool air coming off the swamp cooler.
I remember tomatoes and squash fresh from the garden.

It's crazy for me to think I'm now on the other end of these memories. When you're a kid it's so weird to think you'll be anything but. Of course time races on and those memories fade into the background until you have your own children and then once again you're reminded as you watch and help them create their own memories just how magical it really was.

I hope they are feeling the magic too.

old photographs

Yesterday afternoon I was looking for something in my attic and ended up going through boxes of old photographs. I was up there for a good hour before I decided to bring the boxes down an make an afternoon of it. It's crazy how with each photograph I could picture where I was, who I was with, and the time in my life the photo was taken. As the flood of memories came back it was strange for me to recall each moment and wonder, was that really my life, did I do all of those things? It just seems like so much time as past between now and then.

While looking through the boxes one of the last prints I found was this...


[Washington DC December 1995, left to right: Randy, Jill, Robyn, Lori, me, and Adam]

I had forgotten how much I loved this picture until I saw it again. Not only do I love the composition (I'm not sure who took it, Jill was it a stranger?), but I enjoyed the day we spent in Washington DC and the trip I took to Maryland to visit Adam over our Christmas vacation in 1995.

I don't have all the details, I mean I can't even remember who took it, but I love how an old photograph can help you remember the days and help fill in the missing blanks. If you look closely there really is a lot of things in a photograph that can jog your memory.

1. I remember how smitten I was with Adam and how I was anticipating our 6 month separation while I would be in Jerusalem. I did not want to leave him behind.

2. I'm reminded again how much I loved his long hair.

3. I hated my hair then as I still do today. Sad, but true.

4. I remember walking a lot, it being on the cooler side (nice for a December day), going to the Van Gogh Vermeer exhibit (thanks Jill for the clarification), and eating at Planet Hollywood.

4. I think it's interesting I'm the only one not carrying a bag. I like to think my stuff was in Adam's bag, but the truth of the matter is I never bought anything. I've never been a big shopper and still have the hardest time spending money...well, that is unless I really really want it.

5. Adam and I laughed last night as we realized we just recently gave to Goodwill my shoes and his shirt (we had stop wearing it). I guess you could say I keep things for far too long. I am working on it and getting better.

6. I can see I'm wearing the necklace Adam gave me. It was made of clay with beads by a woman in Mexico. It was very rustic and charming, and well, I loved it even more since he gave it to me. I use to wear it everyday...just like the Celtic charm I wear today (remember this).

I'm so glad I stumbled upon my old box of photographs yesterday. I enjoyed what it led me to remember and I look forward to the other stories I'll uncover as I continue to search through my stash of old photos.

-What do you do with all your old photographs? I want to get mine out of the box once and for all..

reminders

Rock walls, REI, climbing gyms, carabiners, chalk, even the mountains all remind me of my brother Alan. He was a big climber and I associate him with spending as much time dangling from a rock as he did on the ground. I remember his equipment strewed about the house and his hands always having a white tint to them. So when my little Tess wanted to try the climbing wall in Park City last Monday it tugged at my heart a bit. As I stood watching her get higher and higher searching for the best places to put her hands and feet (I tried to coach her when she needed it) I couldn't help but think of going climbing for the first time with my brother and having him share with me something he loved.



As I continued to watch and help Tess it wasn't until a father of another boy waiting came over to watch her and said, "she's really good" that it hit me, maybe she's inherited the skills from Alan. There are moments when my younger brother, my nieces and nephew, and even my own children do something, have a certain look that reminds me so perfectly of him. It's hard to see someone pass and you would think even harder to have reminders all over the place (it was), but now I see them as tender mercies. It's like there are little pieces of him still with us. Gifts from above to help keep the memories alive.

It's been 17 years today. Time has healed, but it hasn't taken away. I can still see him so clearly. I can still hear his goofy laugh. I can still feel the last hug he gave me as we stood up to leave church Sunday afternoon and said, "love you guys" referring to me and my sister. I'm grateful for that...to heal and not lose. Grateful when I see him in those I love. Grateful to know how precious life is. Grateful to understand how meaningful I want mine to be. After all, I only get this one life, this one chance...I want so desperately to make it count.

the rain

It has been raining the last two nights. Raining isn't even the right word...more like pouring. Yes, it's been pouring. It's the kind of rain you want to run outside and play in. The kind of rain you get drench after only being outside for a few seconds. The kind of rain that brings with it big bursts of thunder and lightening. The kind of rain that's beautiful to watch.



I distinctly remember the storm on Megan's 2nd birthday, sitting in the doorway watching the rain fall so hard you could see it race down our hilly street. Tess, hidden under her sheets, was the only one not with us...watching (she was for a few minutes, but couldn't take the sound).



Megan sat on Adam's lap waiting for her party to start showing him what the sound of the thunder was like and as quickly as it came it left. It's amazing to me just how loud a thunderstorm can be and even more amazing how, like a light switch, it turns off completely and all your left with is the damp earthy smell.

Monday night was one of those nights. We had just come from making a few visits around the neighborhood and the rain started. We made it inside before we really got it, but just barely. With everyone in their jammies we opened our double french doors and watched the rain come down cozy on our bed. After the girls left us for the night Adam and I sat talking the rest of the evening until the rain decided to stop or else we got too cold...I think it was the later, at least for me. It wasn't what you would call a deep conversation, we just talked about life in the jobs, kids, & stories kind of way. He made me laugh as he always does and I like to think I got him too.

I'm beginning to think the rain has a way of gathering us all together. When mother nature does her thing we all want to be apart of it in our own way. I guess this is our way. Gathering in the safety of our home enjoying the sights, the sounds, the smells...together.

seven

This is what seven years looks like....

2002




2003


2004






2005


2006


2007


2008


2009




Happy Birthday sweet Tess!! I love you to pieces.

today...

my girls start their spring break and I have no idea what we are going to do this week.

I bought new running shoes. I didn't want to, but it had to be done.

I can't stop eating the dessert I made from yesterdays activity days.

I got a call from the general YW presidency secretary who set up a meeting with me and them for next week. Apparently they want my design skills. What? I can't imagine what use I could be. I once gave my neighbor (whose in the presidency) my opinion on the new YW poster they're soon to print and the one I liked, for various reasons, is not the one they picked. Let's just say I'm feeling very intimidated, I know I'm not the only one they've asked to come.

I'm reading the Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Emmuska Orczy.


[summer 1997]

is my brother's birthday. I don't think I've ever seen him without a smile on his face. He's goofy, lovable, and positive. Happy Birthday Chris...love you.

I bought and have been listening to Jia Ho from the soundtrack Slumdog Millionaire.

I watched New Adventures of Old Christine (thanks Jill) while I organized my studio...again. Apparently I'm dragging my feet in the creative department.

We have dance lessons and my brother's birthday party all at the same time.

I'm just waiting for the rain to fall. It's quite the blustery day.

I came across this quote that made me pause,
"if you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything." -unknown

she's nine.

[few months old spring 2000]

I remember the day she was born.
I remember I didn't sleep very well in anticipation of getting a call from the dr.
I remember being terrified not knowing what to expect...delivery and becoming a mother.
I remember when they put this tiny person on my stomach for the first time, I was amazed she was mine.


[spring 2001]

I remember this shy little girl who didn't want to leave my side.
I remember her crying a lot.
I remember her first word was "du" aka "dude".
I remember learning this new life together.


[fall 2001, photo by Jill]

I remember her teddy bear never left her side.
I remember how much she loved winnie the pooh.
I remember reading "Goodnight Moon" and "Will You Still Love Me" over and over again.
I remember she knew the alphabet by name by 18 months.
I remember not knowing that was early.


[birthday 2003]

I remember at 3 her hair was finally filling in.
I remember 3 was the age she tried going down the slide for the first time.
I remember all she ate was peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
I remember my mom was the one who finally got her potty trained.
I remember how much she loved Blues Clues.
I remember how much she disliked swimming.


[spring 2004]

I remember everything she did was so methodical.
I remember wondering if she was autistic (I was not the only one).
I remember getting her tested and was relieved when they told me she wasn't even on the spectrum.
I remember her reciting movies after only seeing them once.


[fall 2004]

I remember how sad she was to leave her sisters and go to kindergarten.
I remember how hard it was for me to watch her walk into the big world without me.
I remember witnessing her blossom into the bright chatty little girl I know today.
I remember how picky she was about food.
I remember how she loved to communicate with notes. Still does.


[june 2005]

I remember she's always being keenly aware of her emotions and how she's feeling.
I remember how she needed time to herself.
I remember how much her look changed when she got her big teeth.
I remember how much she loved hello kitty.


[fall 2006]

I remember how beautifully she sang in church last year and how amazed I was by her voice.
I remember watching her fears recede as her prayers where answered.
I remember each of her stuffed animals and how important they are to her.


[birthday 2007]

She has the most beautiful uniquely gray eyes.
She's one of the most generous people I know. She told me recently she stayed in from recess to help a friend clean up his desk. When I asked her about it she said, "I'm always willing to help when I can."
She enjoys being funny.
She loves reading.
She love hamburgers and really wants to try 5guys.
She watches shows like Everyday Italian and Nova by choice.
She loves animals and wants to be a vet.


[Sept 2008]

She will talk your ear off if you let her.
She loves to write and makes up stories. Her teacher expects her to be the next Judy Blume. (can you imagine a writer coming from me?...go Bella).
She has the biggest heart and will do anything for her sisters.
She soaks up everything she hears.
She has a strong testimony of Jesus Christ.
She finally wants to learn to ride a bike so she can ride to school and save the earth by not driving so much. (her words).
She is dying to see the Disney Earth movie coming out next month.



She loves music and dance.
She loves the song Mr. Roboto.
She loves getting a compliment.
She is beautiful in every way imaginable and at times I can't believe she's mine. Actually, I'm keenly aware that she's mine for a reason and thank God she was brought to our family.
She teaches me a lot about life.
She loves with her whole heart and I do believe she sees people from the inside out.

Happy Birthday my sweet Bella! I hope this year will better than the last and that your dreams will continue to come true.

13 miles, I can do this....right?

Can you tell by my title that I'm experiencing some doubt?


[circa 1980]

The dream all started with my dad. When I was a little girl he ran marathons and I remember going to the races with my family and watching for him. When we saw him coming we would run along side him for as long as we could, we were so excited. Since that time, somewhere in my mind, I've often thought about running a marathon too, but once I grew up and realized what a marathon was I sort of put my dream of running in the far far places of my brain because in reality do I really wanted to run for four hours? I was doubtful.

More recently I've followed many of your stories, via your blogs, from training to the actual race and have been so inspired that those desires to run from my childhood started to creep back and I've wanted to have a similar experience.

So last fall I told my sister-in-law Robyn (who inspired me so much last summer when she ran her first marathon) I was going to train to run a 1/2 marathon, let's be honest a marathon just seemed a bit too much for me...baby steps, and wondered if she would not only run with me, but help me train. She immediately sent me to Runners World to get a program going because I hadn't run in a very long time. I did a really good job at sticking to my goal, but I was still a bit hesitant to sign up for the 1/2 marathon in April and kept telling myself maybe I should just run a 10k...6 miles is good enough.

A couple of weeks ago at our family party Robyn told me about a 1/2 marathon in June we should do. My mind was racing...June, how far away is June? A race around the lake sounds beautiful, but could I really do this? 13 miles isn't so far, is it? Ya, I could do it. It's June. I've got loads of time. So I said, "Yes, let's do it. We'll make a weekend out of it." Immediately I was terrified.

So I am committed and with a plan in hand (thanks robyn) I start my training Monday. Last night Jill, I'm sure after seeing my hesitation, asked me why I wanted to do it? A part of me thinks I am crazy, but I want to prove to myself that I can because I never really thought I could. I can do this is apparently going to be my motto for the next 14 weeks.

Have you run a marathon or a 1/2 marathon?
Do you have any words of encouragement?