It's not that I have kids that don't do anything around the house, they do. In fact, I have noticed what big helpers (wow that sounds babyish) they've been for me since last summer. They do what I ask like when the dishwasher is full or their clothes need to be put away they always leave what they're doing and help me. Sometimes I hear a "ugh" in the mix, but usually (operative word) they are willing to help.
The frustration comes from not picking up after themselves. I'm sure I don't need to explain it as anyone that has children or a roommate or even a spouse knows what it's like to constantly be cleaning up someone else's mess. I feel like I'm a good mom in this area and when I see a mess they make I ask them to clean it up, however, 1) why do I have to remind the to pick up after themselves? and 2) it's the stuff they aren't around for that I end up cleaning myself. For instance, when they've already walked out the door for school and I walk pass the bathroom after reminding them to put away their toothbrushes and I find said toothbrushes on the counter accompanied by toothpaste globs or wrappers from whatever they've been eating found in various places throughout the house or pjs left on the floor of the laundry room instead of putting them in the designated bin or the snack they're making for school ends up on the floor, most likely already been stepped on. It's maddening. Some things I can wait for them to come home, but some things need to be taken care of...like food on the ground.
I just don't understand why they can't pick up after themselves? That's all. Yes, they do what I ask, but why can't they take the initiative and see that they've dropped food on the ground, pick it up, and put it in the trash or go the extra step and put their clothes in bin or throw away the empty wrapper?
I can't say what set me off for sure this morning. It really wasn't one thing, I think it was just all the things, all the time.
deep breath.
I have been working on a job chart that realistically is going to have to wait until May when I have more time to devote to it, but the jobs are not the problem. They do their jobs. I need some type of reward system that encourages them to pick up after themselves. Any ideas? I've tried the, "whatever you leave out goes in the garbage", but that doesn't really work when what they're leaving out is the garbage. I'm at a loss. I need advice. What has worked for you? I'm willing to try anything.
PS I hope this post doesn't come off as complaining. I'm not trying to complain, I'm not is a bad mood or even feel frustrated right now, rather just looking for some advice so I can better teach my children how to work.
PSS unless you didn't get it...I'm the maid that quit.
11 comments:
we gave the kids a wii for christmas, but I hate video games so they have to earn the opportunity to play it. I have a chart on the fridge with their names and when they do jobs, homework, practice piano, or whatever I decide at the moment, they earn a star. Each star is worth 10 minutes on the wii. They have to earn their points throughout the week because the wii only comes out on fridays and saturdays. If they are misbehaving, they loose stars. It's worked out pretty nice, usually all I have to do is say "who wants to earn a star?" and they all come running. I just need to get better at giving them opportunities to help, but like you, some things just can't wait.
PS. I so enjoyed lunch the other day. It was great to talk to you. We should do that every month.
We are deep in this problem at our house too. I read somewhere recently (I really wish I could remember where) to establish a reward system for each item they pick up without being asked. They suggested jars with popsicle sticks left on the counter. I'm thinking of trying something like this.
My kids had a habit of throwing their jackets around. I told them if I find a jacket on the ground they have to pick it up and hang it p and then I toss it somewhere else two more times and then the third time I toss it and they walk around the island (simulated walking from home) and then hang it up. I had one daughter that had to do it-while the others looked on and they had a good laugh over where I would throw it but after having to do the "routine" twice, they all are very good about hanging up their jackets and backpacks without having to ask. I don't know if you could adapt this but it really works. I also made a chore chart with chores that I taught them how to do on a saturday and i just put down how many times a week they have to get it done so they get to choose when and then at the end of the week we have ice-cream cones for who ever fulfilled the requirements. They are good about keeping track and they like the flexibility of choosing when so my oldest does most of hers on days she deems "not as busy" and now when I say the dishwasher needs unloading I have several kids wanting to do it. I still have work to do but at least this way they are getting used to feeling motivated to do things on their own. I couldn't help you out with the gobs of toothpaste though. good luck.
Yeah I did this a month ago. My kids are like yours, they do chores, they help, however I found that they only do it when asked. My breaking point. I had cleaned the house all day (I clean during the week knowing they can't clean to a certain level) and they came home. I asked one of them to pick up a paper that was on the ground, they stepped over it. "it's not mine". Could you still pick it up. "I did not put it there." Asked another child same response. So I quit. I brought them all in on a family meeting and told them that I was on strike. I did not put that paper there, but all day I had cleaned up things I never got out. I lvoed being their mom, I was home to take care.
My thing is that I want my kids to see a need and fill it. I explained this, that my desire was to not always have to clean up after them, I also did not feel that rewarding them was teaching them that sometimes the reward is just knowing you helped. So, the condition for the weekend and on forward. They could do nothing until they had taken care of their zone, cleaned up after themselves. I was not going to sit and go down the list of things they needed to do, they knew them. There were lists, charts, music program everywhere, they knew it, they just needed to do it. So all weekend I did not pick up anything that I did not put down. If they asked if they could do something, I simply looked around, praised them and said yes, or told them nope. They immediately began looking around. I thought it would be an awful weekend, instead it was great. They put into practice what I have been teaching, and I did not want to explode.
They did have some set back, but we are at it again.
I don't pay the kids allowance per say. But I put fuzzies in their name jars that they decorated. Each fuzzy is worth a quarter. They get them for doing things beyond what is expected of them. Like I don't give them for cleaning their rooms and doing their homework. It has really helped them be more independent. Because I give them out when they do stuff on their own without asking for help or needing a reminder. Then they cash them in and spend them at the store. My daughter saves up for big things. My son wants to buy snacks at the store but it has worked the best of anything yet. I found I need to stop buying things for them and make sure they are using their earned money for it. More of a motivation to earn lots.
I don't have any great suggestions, but we struggle with this as well! So frustrating.
We struggle with this in our home too. I haven't tried it yet, but I've been thinking of implementing an "every hour, on the hour" clean sweep where EVERYONE is required to take 5 minutes and tidy up a room. We'd set a timer and sing a song while we work... I'm hoping it will work the same way potty training does --- all about self-checking and being aware of what should happen next. IDK - I might turn them all into compulsive cleaners and end up paying for lots of therapy instead! LOL!
The PSS totally cracked me up.
yeah.. got nothing for you. However, I have noticed that if I put my things away, Lulu is great about doing the same.
Parenting Breakthrough by Merilee Boyack. I haven't completely been dedicated to doing it yet, but she's a genius. You can borrow it from me if you want.
I quit at our house this week. I've been sick and exhausted and I just didn't care. Kinda sad... but good to expect them to do more. They are so capable.
Good luck!
A system that was deeply inspired and has brought tremendous peace to our home. Your family is beautiful.
http://amyjoe14.blogspot.com/2008/05/after-talking-to-my-friend-megan.html
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