I'm glad for a moment to blog. I've missed it...a lot. My time has been consumed with Woman's Conference (sorry to keep bringing it up, but it is my life right now and you probably will keep hearing about it until May 1st. Trust me I am praying for May 1st to come sooner than you are). The reading/pondering/searching have taken up every bit of my time and for good reason. I feel a huge responsibility to say something meaningful while being true to myself. I pray I don't disappoint.
[we each took a turn in the night to work on each others canvas.]
I was looking through these recent photos I took of the art/painting night I had with my friends last week. I guess you could say I'm trying to pin point exactly what it is I love about these moments in my life and why I'm drawn to them. There are many and for many different reasons. 1. I need a creative outlet. 2. I enjoy being with my friends. 3. I need me time. I think we all need that little break from the everyday life, if it's going out with friends or visiting a quiet bookstore to roam the isles, it helps us appreciate what we're leaving behind. Like now. Adam is in CA for the night and as I close up shop, put the girls to bed myself, and look into my empty room I think, it's nice to miss him.
Lately we, Adam and I, have been talking about confidence or the lack there of as the case may be. It really does baffle me how much I struggle with it. The night I was painting with my friends it all came crashing down (my confidence) and despite the fact that I had a great time I left feeling like painting just isn't my thing. And I'm ok with that if that were the issue, but it's not. My lack of confidence sadly goes far beyond a paint brush...if only. Adam and I discussed ways to gain confidence, but I still wonder if it's something learned or if it's just something you are born with. Food for thought. What do you think? I have to believe it's something that can be attained by all. At what lengths?...that is the better question.
I'm certain now my girls are all fast asleep so I will say goodnight and leave my ramblings for another day to do the work of the elusive tooth fairy.
9 comments:
First- I love that the time on this post is 8:47 and you were trying to stay awake. Ha!
As far as confidence- I think it is like courage, you develop it. Sure it comes easier for some people, but I think it is attainable and I know it is within your grasp. Let go of your judgements against yourself- which is easier said than done.
I love how your canvas turned out- it was my favorite of the night. I love that I can look at mine and know exactly what parts came from you. Maybe you think painting isn't your thing right now, but it could be if you wanted it to be. Just takes time.
Amy, thanks for sharing. The confidence issue has been on my mind lately too. It has mostly come out as I try to paint. I think you have good painting skills. I feel like my mind/abilities are locked in a box afraid to explore. I appreciate your words and thoughts. It helps me to know I'm not alone in my feelings and struggles. Thanks Hannah-Rex for your words too!
In my opinion, confidence is partly "fake it til you make it" and partly figuring out what your "things" are and making a special effort to do your best in them. And then letting go of the self judgement when you realize that not everything will be your "thing".
I also think its important to remind ourselves of those things we are good at. We all spend a lot of time beating ourselves up. It's important to build ourselves up. If you want a list of things to start with, i'm happy to provide you a detailed inventory of the things I particularly admire about you. :)
xxox
First of all, I think your paintings are beautiful. I have enjoyed all of the ones I've seen on your blog. I especially love this one because "Genuine" would be the first word I would use to describe you.
Second, I completely struggle with confindence and have for as long as I can remember. I am sure it is attainable, but I don't quite know how to get there either. Unfortunately, I think it is like many challanges in my life. It takes desire, time and faith.
I think a lot of people confuse confidence with competence.
If you want painting to be your thing, paint. Competence comes with the doing of a thing.
I think a small portion of the population is just blessed with unreal self confidence (I won't mention any family members' names), but the rest of us have to cultivate it. I think that to some extent we have to choose to be confident, because there's no magical amount of validation that's going to come our way and suddenly make us feel confident. I think it comes with maturity and feeling more comfortable in our own skin, but I say choose to be confident and have the faith that the Lord will carry you the rest of the way!
Also, painting may not be your thing, but I think it is definitely ONE of your things!
It's not really about painting or even art. It's just confidence in general that I lack. I have a lot of insecurities and I know being confident would make all the difference.
Jill I love your use of the word choose. I remember writing down on my word of the year post that this year I am going to "choose confidence".
I think some people are born with confidence or they were lucky enough to have parents/guardians who taught them to develop it. Others have to learn it, and for them it can be a lifetime struggle. I wish those with confidence were more sympathetic to those who don't have it. It just seems ridiculous to me that someone can put you down for not having enough self confidence... thus continuing the nasty cycle.
Glad you're discovering your talents and gifts, because I think they are MANY!
I have an article I'm going to send you from this month's runners world. It addresses confidence and it really resonated with me.
I wish I could come paint with you.
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