about the things in life that we love and make us happy. Primarily the things we do in life, we love and look forward to. My issue is why is the gospel not doing that for me.
Please let me explain myself.
I love my beliefs. I am grateful for the knowledge of it. I love everything about the gospel. The gift that I have it in my life. The promises I have been given. So why then, why does it become so difficult to do the things I am suppose to. I mean why does it become hard to go to church at times? Why does it become hard to go to my meetings? Why am I not so excited to get up and read the scriptures like I would a good book? I do what I am suppose to, but for that reason, because I am suppose to. When does it become what I look forward to? When do I do it because I want to? I feel stagnate. Like I am on a treadmill moving at the same pace and getting no where. I am tried of feeling like I am not progressing. Like I am the same person I was years ago.
Anyone else have these feelings at all to any degree or any thoughts on how I can push through this rock and a hard place.
10 comments:
That deleted comment was from me, I had been logged in as Claudia so I had to delete it and start over, sorry.
I think a lot of what you're saying here related to my post today about resistance. The church-related issues you're referring to are challenging until they become nonnegotiable habits, and until they are then you'll have to continually fight the resistance you feel to doing them. I seriously think my new motto is "consider the source." Try applying that to any activity you feel you "should" do but don't want to do, then re-evaluate how you feel.
P.S. Your banner looks great!
I just had to prepare a lesson from October 2005 Conference, a talk by Elder Uchdorf. He talked a lot about that the joy of the gospel is from the basic beliefs not the programs etc. He said one thing that really hit me hard, that it is "painful" to change, "painful" to grow. I learned that I am progressing, like a child it might be years for me to look back and see what I have done, but that if I truly pray for the "joy" and I look for it, than it will be there. It is a great talk. I think you would be surprised at how much you have changed. I found that in school I was able to read my scriptures, pray every day, but as I gained a family and now have the obligation of bringing them into the gospel adn raising them, I have allowed my quest of being a Daugther of God slip. I guess the only answer I have and can give, because I am on the same quest is to pray, fast, and be specific about the Joy of the gospel. Pick topics from the scriptures to study, like mothering etc, that is when I find the greatest joy, when i read and have expierences that are specific to my need, not just reading
Well I can relate also to some of your feelings, I think most of us might experience them in higher/lesser degree but the way you go about them might be the answer. I often think of things I don't like to do but must do and I think the attitude you take is what makes the difference. I don't think that having this feelings diminishes you in any way but they might be ammunition for the adversary to get you down. I think of all the things you shan't be so disenchanted should be attending church, praying and paying your tithing; however attending the temple for me has made me put things into perspective. I think also that when you expect something external to make you happy you are already setting yourself in a disadvantage and church is no different than other sources (e.g., husband, money, home, etc.,) I think what might be helpful here is doing it not merely to feel a satisfacion from doing it, but because of obidience to God and then leave it to Him to bless you. I often think that the Gospel is very basic in that you should acknowledge Heavenly Father in all things and the love that you have and joy that you feel when you are with your family is what this is all about. Sometimes people need more of one thing or another to get that connection thus becoming involved in many activities; and as for progress...I think that is only between you and Heavenly Father but I bet you that he is just so pleased with you and the wonderful family you have here on earth and that is what it is all about--don't let this "check lists" measure your faith, progression or happiness but do let your blessings influence and make you who you are--a wonderful wife, mummy and daughter both terrenal and celestial.
Amy, I find I have the same problem. With so little time it's hard for me to read my scriptures before I do other things sometimes. I have a mental goal to read scriptures before I check email and blog (how sad is that?!) I agree with Claudia that we have to just do it for obedience sometimes and then it will become a habit and we'll be blessed for it anyway. However, I want to feel the spirit and get something out of it too. It's hard to read when I have so much else going on in my mind. Like Katie said, I think it's sometimes more effective to choose a topic and have direction so that my mind doesn't wander. I can then choose things that I am specifically working on at the time, like faith or things I desire, like peace.
Wow- so I'm not the only one with this issue. I know I would rather pick up a book I am reading vs. picking up the scriptures. It isn't that I don't enjoy reading the scriptures, but that I feel like for me it is a challenge to read them and get out of each passage what I think I'm supposed to. I think part of my problem is I have never allowed it to become a habit. A habit always sounds bad, but I mean more of a regular occurence. I didn't get the immediate reward- I was more confused then ever and didn't want to have that.. I don't understand feeling. I gave into resistance. I know that if I made more of a point to do it regularly it would move from the have to column and into the want to column. The idea of topics sounds like a great way to start. You will figure it out...
I agree with Jill. Your post has a lot to do with her post on resistance. Some things in life are harder to do. They require us to put aside our natural selves and bring out our higher, divine selves. Never an easy thing to do--especially when you have a good book waiting on your nightstand.
for a non reader, i have always loved the scriptures and reading them. thought i have gone in waves of doing so.
i will not let myself read my book at night until i have read my scriptures that day. and often it is something i do smack in the middle of the day.
we read every night with our kids and it is amazing what a habit it has become.
my other thought is pray and ask for the desire to want to read them, pray for the desire to love going to chruch.
i often forget that keeping the commandments will give me blessings, look forward to those.
my last of the rambling thoughts is my new found love for the attonement, it is not only for taking away the pain of sins, but the pain of frustration in your calling, sitting in the hall during church with your kids, not wanting to go to church. He has felt that pain for you already, use the Attonement, give it to Him he will take it away, you just have to ask.
I'm a little late to the party and everyone has made really great comments. I just wanted to add that I feel this way so much of the time, and I think it is usually the adversary weaseling his way into my life. It's like Jill said with resistance - he doesn't want us to do anything good or productive or that will improve our character or spirituality. So anything that builds us up and makes us stronger, in any way, is going to be difficult because we will have to overcome all the roadblocks that he puts in our way. It helps me to push through the pain when I realize that it must be him trying to stop me, because the Savior always wants to make things easier for us. He always wants us to make the positive changes, and he will help us to do it.
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