This morning, though, after weeks of suppressing the urge to care, I wonder what it is or rather why the change of heart? After mulling over ideas and reasons, fear is what was left looking back at me.
I actually believe fear is a great motivator to help us fight for what we want. Sequichie Comingdeer said, "the death of fear is in doing what you fear to do." In fact, that's exactly what put me on the path to run a 1/2 marathon. I have never in my life been a good runner and I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I could face my fear and win. Unfortunately, and I think this is where it all began, I hurt my back and running my race was no longer a part of my immediate future. In my mind fear had won. I gave into those feelings and let it take hold of me. I let it happen because let's face it, life is easier when you are not propelled to become your best.
So I have been aimlessly walking. Hoping, I would, at some point find my way back when I knew, subconsciously, it was me all along that was keeping me from where I wanted to be. How can you have the answers, but not know how to use them? Because it's hard. Because it's uncomfortable. Because it doesn't come naturally. Because.....
"If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got." -anonymousI have a million excuses, don't I. The fact is I will never peel away the layers and find the core until I get uncomfortable, do what I think is impossible, and have faith that my efforts will be worth it.
Sigh.
In truth, as we know, this is not the first time I have expressed these feelings so why do I think today is different? I don't know that it is. But I do know that I have a renewed sense to get out of the place that I'm in and move forward. I guess, sometimes, that's all you need. And today it feels like enough. It feels good to believe that anything is possible again.
8 comments:
Thank You, that is exactly what I needed to read.
It's sad to think of your studio with a clean desk and a layer of dust, that's just not right!
You don't have to be a runner.
I'm glad you're feeling hopeful today.
I have been feeling the same way for the past couple of months. No motivation, my studio untouched, and not doing the things that I love, due to lack of energy. Such a weird feeling, a feeling that I hate and want to get out of, but don't know how. It is nice to hear that I am not the only one. Thank you!
great thoughts Amy...I've never thought of fear that way.
I love your quotes! Those are great. I think we all go through this, but some of us don't acknowledge it or recognize it like you do.
I'm sorry that the back/race thing got you down, but I totally get it. When I have set out to do something and can't complete it, I hate feeling like a failure. But that one was totally out of your control and you still have the rest of your life to achieve it, if you want.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I hope you are able to figure it out soon. You are so creative, so I imagine it is hard to not have had it as an outlet for these past few months.
I love your anonymous quote. It's always been one if my favorites.
I'm very familiar with these feelings, Amy. I'm glad you're feeling hopeful at last!
Wow, that was so well-put. At the risk of sounding repetitive, I too have been feeling like that lately. I've never been able to put it into words the way you did. That's exactly how I've been feeling lately and you've given me the motivation to get back on track. So, thanks!
(By the way, I'm Britney's sister, in case you were wondering).
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