When I sat down yesterday after speaking I thought I would feel a huge relief. Everything I had worked for had finally come to it's conclusion and I was expecting this unbelievable high...the feeling that it's over, I can finally move on. That feeling was not immediate like I had anticipated and it took me some time to understand why. This day has been a long time coming and didn't think I would be sad to see it end. Not that I have any desire to do it again, I don't believe speaking is my thing, but I know it was a learning experience I wouldn't have been able to get any other way. I'm so, so grateful for it and have this ping of sadness to see it gone. I can say that now that it's over.
Even with some of the insecurities I faced afterward, it was a wonderful day start to finish.
[I took several of us walking through campus to the Varsity Theater, but for some reason I really loved this out of focus one.]
I was able to spend the morning/afternoon with Adam up until it was time to present. If there's anyone you want to spend time with moments before, it's him. He has a very calming effect and it worked like magic. The only thing I wish we had had time for was to visit some of our old haunts on campus.
Can you believe I took a self portrait? I can't really when I think back on it. Jill told me I should, but I never thought I would have the guts. When I see the picture I'm so glad I did. I love looking at it now and remembering the comforting feeling I had looking out over the sea of people and seeing so many familiar faces. I can't tell you how grateful I am to each of you who came. It makes talking so much easier when you know those in the audience love and support you. Also thank you to everyone who sent me your thoughts throughout this whole process. When others believe in you it's so much easier to believe in yourself.
So now what? Preparing for Woman's Conference felt like a protective bubble and while it didn't protect me from the everyday responsibilities of my life, it protected me from myself, from my own grand ideas. There are so many things I want to do and accomplish. So many ideas rattling around in my head and sadly many of them stand by waiting for the perfect time to start. Woman's Conference gave me the best excuse, I don't have time for XYZ right now, but after I will have all the time in the world. Now that I'm faced with all the time in the world I'm feeling a bit intimidated. Ha. So much for taking my own advice...it really is the doing that the hardest part. Don't I know that better than anyone.
So my mind is getting ahead of me, as per usual. Luckily I don't feel the need to move away so quickly. I am savoring the moment and appreciating it for what it is...another life experience that is helping me become, me.
11 comments:
I'm glad the experience was a good one for you. There is no way you could have gone through what you have over the past months and now grown from not only your preparation, but from the accomplishment that comes from doing something so brave. Congratulations.
I love, love the self portrait.
You were amazing. I absolutely loved that you took a self portrait, my heart lept for joy when you pulled out your camera.
I was very impressed with your words, because you were so true to who I have come to know you to be. It was obvious as an attendee that you took a lot of time to think and pray about what you should say. It really hit home for me when you expressed how fear is what keeps us from developing our talents.
Anyway, maybe this should have been an email...
ps. when my picture popped up I wanted to turn to everyone around me and say "hey, that's me and my baby." ha.
Congratulations! I'm so proud of you and wished I could have heard what you had to teach. Again, congrats on a great accomplishment.
You did so wonderful Amy! I was thrilled to go to your class. I absolutely loved you taking the photo. That was a perfect way to start! And because of wanting to attend your class it encouraged me to attend all of WC. I thank you for that. I never had gone before and it was a great experience. Thanks for sharing your talents in so many ways! You are a very beautiful and inspiring person.
I was there and I was so impressed with your talk. You are truly gifted in many areas and you can now add public speaking to the list. I really liked the spiritual depth of your message. I think you made everyone in the room feel like they could go forward from that point and create something of worth no matter how limited we feel in our talents. Thanks for the time you spent preparing your message and for your inspirational blogging.
girl, you were so poised and graceful, and more beautiful than i'd ever seen you before... glowing. but you pulling your camera out made my WHOLE day. your talk had so much depth and personality and was brooched with so much kindness. i just love you and was so happy to share such a beautiful moment in that conference.
Yeah! I wish I could have been there.I definitely feel comforted when I'm limited by something else with a deadline. I don't feel guilty about not achieving. Too many possibilities can be paralyzing. I'm so glad you made it!
I am so thrilled that you took that self-portrait!!! It was so fun when you turned around and did that and we all cheered, what a moment!
You did such a great job on your talk. You were totally calm, prepared, put together, insightful and interesting. I have a page and a half of notes from it!
I think you should take the momentum of this experience and channel it into further spiritual development so that you continue to progress. Most likely you're not feeling as relieved as you thought because you ended up toning these spiritual muscles and enjoying it. How wonderful!
Awesome! You have grown so much. And to think, I can say I knew you when. :)
The self portrait is rad. What a great idea! Now you'll have it forever.
So glad you got this experience. Wish I could have been there, but I'm glad you took the self portrait. That's awesome.
I was so impressed with your presentation, Amy! You looked so poised and confident. And so beautiful.
When you got your camera out and turned around to take a self-portrait, I couldn't help but exclaim, it was just such a cool thing to do.
With all the time and energy that you expended while preparing for WC, it's not surprising that you might feel a little let down when it was over. I can't wait to see what you move on to next!
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