illusion

if you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. but it's more fun if you let go & just let the wind carry you.

~storypeople

 

Have a great weekend! xo

evolve

I remember like it was yesterday, the conversation I had with a very experienced friend, who tried to convince me that one day life would seem busier than it was right then. I admit, it was hard to believe her. I guess you can never fully understand exactly what that means until you're there. I'm pretty sure I'm there, or at least it feels like I am. Days are blurring together, and amidst the morning bustle and after school activities/homework, I'm making every attempt to spend as much time with my girls as possible.

You know, it's always been important to me to spend quality time with my girls, but it's become apparently clear the last few days that the older they become it's not only important, but vital to get that one on one time together. I know that sounds like a no brainer, but I know days could easily go by without a meaningful connection unless you make an effort to make it happen.


[self portrait while driving bumper cars=a good time]

Recently I've learned four things: 1) It's amazing the types of feeling, thoughts, questions an eleven year old has--definitely much more thoughtful than I ever was at that age. 2) What's even more amazing is these thoughts and feelings change frequently, sometimes daily. 3) You won't always have the answers, and most likely won't be able to make it right. Gone are the days of putting a bandaid on the wound and kissing it better--seriously what happened to those days? 4) It doesn't matter if you don't have the answers. They want to be validated, heard, they want to be loved.

Above all else I've learned, motherhood changes as your children change and so I'm doing my best to evolve to be what my girls need me to be right now. For some reason "right now" is different than it was last week, go figure. So I'm learning to take queues, to listen, and patiently understand as we again enter another stage of mother and daughter.

spring break photos

Megan came to me Sunday night crying. Spring break had been so good she didn't know how to go to school the next day--all she wanted was sleep in and lay in bed all day. Adam sat laughing in the background as I tried to talk her through it knowing his amusement was due to the fact that he had heard something very similar from my lips hours before.

I guess you could say spring break was good to us. We left the rain and cold weather behind and lazied about all week in the sun. Well, we weren't entirely lazy. When we weren't swimming we were riding bikes around the neighborhood. I'm pretty sure Tess was in heaven each morning as we hit the road. She loves to bike, but has major hills to contend with at home so she goes back and forth a lot on the same street. Needless to say I think swimming came in second on this trip. Even Megan, who has lacked confidence in the past, was acting like a pro the last day. I'm so glad we took the bikes this time.





















Other than those two activities it was pretty low key, but perfectly what we all needed--a spring break.

best start

[photo by adam | it's so nice that he knows me well enough to document this moment without me having to tell him to.]

Although my birthday was full of good moments the most memorable was the one first thing in the morning. Waking up to little feet running up and down the hall, back & forth whispers, all of them huddled, pressing their ears to the door to determine whether or not I was up yet. They were excited to showering me with handmade birthday cards and breakfast in bed, all of it of their own doing, so I didn't make them wait too long. Once adam walked out and gave them the ok, they ran in & cuddled with me in bed til I was ready for any kind of bright light.

Waking up to them, their excitement, their thoughtful notes that said "you're the best mom ever", "you are sweet", and "I love you"--well, nothing can beat it. It was the best way to start my day.

everydayness

I'm not sure how February got away from me so quickly when January seemed to drag on. Seriously, January felt like four months and yet February only a flash. Guess I just needed to get over that gray hurdle. At any rate I feel like I've missed so much amongst the whirlwind so here is a bit of an update in photos.


Our school periodically puts on fundraisers at local restaurants where a portion of your meal goes to the school. This time it was 30% (much higher than anything they've ever given) and an opportunity for a burger so we thought we would support. It was actually a lot of fun to have the majority of the restaurant filled with the girls' friends. I'll I can say for the salad in the photos is that I was meeting up with friends later that evening and going to dinner with them so I opted for something lighter.


For Megan's valentine box we made a cat out of a fishy cracker box.


Cookies with a message. The girls and I made these Valentine goodies using these cookie cutters from William Sonoma.


FHE lesson on life's ups and downs tailored to what the girls might be dealing with right now. Ended up being a really great family discussion.


The weather has been snowy and then warm, snowy and then warm, which means the girls are out riding scooters one day and then it's buried in snow the next. Trying to help them see why we put away our toys after we've used them--not sure it's working.


case in point...


Bella and Megan grew out of their violins so we took them to Charles Liu and exchanged them both. Upgrading as you go is definitely the way to do it.


Marshmallow art. Have you ever done it?

Have a good one.
xo

a winter wonderland

interruption

We had plans Friday night to go out, but last minute changed our minds because really all we wanted to do was lounge around the house and be lazy. Adam read to me from a 1079 page book he simply can't get enough of (infinite jest by david foster wallace). He was telling me all about the crazy acronyms and explaining how he often doesn't know what the author is taking about until hundreds of pages later when finally it is revealed. Sounds absolutely ludicrous to me, but he loves DFW and never wants the book to end.

We hadn't been reading too long when the little ones began to arrive. First Tess then Megan.



Adam in his, playing way, quickly pushed over the ottoman causing Tess to tumble to the floor. Apparently it was "so cool" Megan was asking for a turn and before we knew it our ottoman had becomes the next big thing.



I'm not sure why we ever thought we'd be able to get away with such luxury. Reading together in a quiet room...we should have known we were ripe for getting interrupted. They always have a way of knowing when you're comfortable? They can sense when you're relaxing and they won't have it. They'll find you, they will and mess with what little quiet time you have.

Perhaps it was all the acronyms keeping me lost in the story or perhaps it was hearing the laughter from across the room, but somehow I didn't seem to mind the interruption.

xo

monocromatic

I went looking for color. I'm thinking maybe the key in the bleakness of January is to have a fresh bouquet of flowers livening up my house. I've struggled more this January with the grayness and I've realized it's color I've been missing.

Strange though, when I went to edit my photos, it was the richness of the textures and not the colors that spoke to me.

full of promise

This day opens

I don't think it is possible
to want too much.
The morning isn't even here
but already my heart is racing.
We can't always make sense
of what we yearn for, but the act of yearning
is what keeps everything alive.
Even the silence of 2 a.m. is full of promise.

This day opens like a poem
waiting to be written.

-Maya Stein