in the month of april...

we celebrated my little brother's 30th birthday.


bella started writing her first novel & tess spent time in the library searching for a non-fiction book to read. she settled on snakes.


we spent time just hanging out talking. seems like we have been doing a lot more of that lately, the talking, now that the girls are older and have a desire to add to the conversation.


megan started soccer. can you believe three out of five games have been canceled due to the weather?


& got a new smile.


the girls spent good times with their cousins--even the ones who live in washington.




the girls hunted for easter eggs at their nanas,


& grandmas.


we had our first official porch gathering/bbq of the year--hoping it will not be our last.


we had yet another tickle fight.




it was one of the snowiest/rainiest springs i can remember. i am praying may brings dryer weather.

christmas tradition

"I held him close for only a short time, but after he was gone, I'd see his smile on the face of a perfect stranger & I knew he would be there with me all the rest of my days." -storypeople


We don't really talk about the hardness of it all anymore. We can all feel the weight of the emptiness when we're together. His death forever changed us and we've all had to find our way through to the other side. Interesting how when you get there the hurting stops, but the void is ever constant--you never really are whole again. So instead we share stories and remember him they way he was.



















Each year going to the grave in December, sharing a bit of Christmas with him, is healing. Most the time it's a bit chaotic with kids helping/playing in the snow, but I know it's exactly what he would want. He was a bit rowdy himself or a lot rowdy and imagine him loving how our family has grown. This year we sang Christmas carols around the tree. I'm not sure why exactly, except it did feel festive.

If I have learned one thing through this experience it's that we all have our own story, our own tragedy, our own emptiness, our own longing, our own sadness that we are trying to work through. I hope the holidays does not become a time to mourn about what is missing, but a celebration of what we have and what we have been blessed with. Each year I am doing better and better at putting the emptiness aside and loving Christmas--remembering with the birth of Christ came the gift of eternal families. And for that I will be forever grateful.

Merry Christmas!

xoxo
amy gretchen

today...

my girls start their spring break and I have no idea what we are going to do this week.

I bought new running shoes. I didn't want to, but it had to be done.

I can't stop eating the dessert I made from yesterdays activity days.

I got a call from the general YW presidency secretary who set up a meeting with me and them for next week. Apparently they want my design skills. What? I can't imagine what use I could be. I once gave my neighbor (whose in the presidency) my opinion on the new YW poster they're soon to print and the one I liked, for various reasons, is not the one they picked. Let's just say I'm feeling very intimidated, I know I'm not the only one they've asked to come.

I'm reading the Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Emmuska Orczy.


[summer 1997]

is my brother's birthday. I don't think I've ever seen him without a smile on his face. He's goofy, lovable, and positive. Happy Birthday Chris...love you.

I bought and have been listening to Jia Ho from the soundtrack Slumdog Millionaire.

I watched New Adventures of Old Christine (thanks Jill) while I organized my studio...again. Apparently I'm dragging my feet in the creative department.

We have dance lessons and my brother's birthday party all at the same time.

I'm just waiting for the rain to fall. It's quite the blustery day.

I came across this quote that made me pause,
"if you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything." -unknown

miracle

I think we've all finally stopped feeling deja vu and let the holiday resume. Yesterday could have been a very different day for my family as it had been years ago. Something all of us have dreaded living over again and thought for a split second that we had.



My sister came into town over the weekend and yesterday we went to the cemetery to bring a bit of Christmas to my brother's grave like we do every year. We had no idea that while we had this moment with my brother that my younger brother Chris was trying to get a hold of us. His family was on their way to California to celebrate Christmas when they hit a patch of black ice and they flipped their SUV. A very familiar tale to us, but gratefully this one had a very different ending....all four of them walked away without any injuries.

I can't even tell you how grateful I am that they are all ok. When I first heard the news I felt like I was 16 again feeling my world crumble. Life froze for those first few seconds and I couldn't hear the words fast enough that they were all fine. I never really thought I would ever have those same feelings again or I guess I should say I prayed that I wouldn't and it took me a while to stop shaking, I think it took us all some time to calm down. It's been good that we've all been together and only wish Chris and Amy and the kids were here with us as well (they eventually did end up making it to CA). I feel like I need to see them to make sure their ok, but I know they are.

I debated about posting about this incident, but I didn't want to forget what it feels like to witness a miracle. I know that sounds really cheesy, but to experience a brother get in an accident and die and another get in a similar accident with his entire family and live seems like a miracle to me and a gift to my family.

Today I am grateful. Utterly grateful.

PS if you are driving in the next few days be safe. drive slow. :)

First off I want to wish everyone a happy Easter. I love Easter. It's everything I wish Christmas was, all about Christ, but not so commercialized that you have to fight to stay on the reason for the holiday. I wish I were better about keeping that in mind, but with the rush to get thing prepared and obligations I loose sight too often, which is why I love Easter so. I don't have any of those struggles and I get to focus on Christ and His gift of the atonement and resurrection. How grateful I am for allowing fresh starts and paying the price so that I may live with my family for eternity.


Today I celebrate something else as well, it's my little brother's birthday. He is one of the sweetest guys I know that deserves all the happiness in the world. I truly hope he has found it. He constantly cracks me up with his guarantees and I have learned a lot from him about keeping a positive attitude despite life's difficulties. I love you Chris and hope you have a fantastic day.