I am literally running on no sleep.

I don't even know what happened. I went to bed around 10pm and woke up at midnight to go to the bathroom. I suppose I shouldn't of had that huge glass of water before going to bed. So I tossed and turned for an hour or so when Adam finally piped up, "Are you having a hard time sleeping too?" Apparently he was up as well and we were both pretty irritated. Finally after about another 45 minutes Adam got up and went out to his hot tub. I laid there utterly frustrated. I didn't have anything on my mind, I didn't want to do anything else but sleep so I was pretty ticked off. I grabbed our laptop and started playing around (I must say it's really nice to surf the web in bed). I was totally awake. Finally Adam came back and told me about the deer in our backyard that freaked him out. We both had a good laugh at why we were still awake and checked out some sites together. In desperation we turned off the laptop and attempted to fall asleep again. When it didn't seem to be working for either of us he got up and took a sleeping pill left over from when I was pregnant with Megan, chances are it had already expired. I didn't want one for fear I wouldn't wake up in time to get Bella to school. So adam quickly after that got to sleep and I just laid there awake for another hour or so. Finally I gave up and went down to my studio. I messed around some more and when I looked at the clock it was 6am. I decided there was no way I could go to sleep now so I got my shoes on and started to exercise, took a shower, and then got Bella off to school. I would have loved to lay down then, but a 2 yr old neighbor girl was coming over so there was no way I could. I can't this afternoon either because Tess has a friend coming over, Bella has violin lessons, and I have YW tonight. I am so tired.

Can't believe this

So I had a lot of thing that I wanted to accomplish today. I did exercise and take a shower so that's nice, but since then I have been dealing with the fallout of the events of the morning. Adam called me early, around 8:30am and told me his car had been broken into while he was at the gym and everything was stolen. Ok not everything. It was mainly his work bag with apparently all his life information...ss card, personal checks, house keys, work checks, portable hard drive, etc. Pretty much his life except his wallet. They didn't take his CD's but did manage to take his hideously ugly sunglasses so it seems something good came of it...trying to find humor in this.

UGH!!! Not the news I wanted to hear at 8 this morning or any time for that matter. So instead of getting anything done, my house is still a disaster from the weekend, I have been calling locksmiths, looking into ss fraud, and trying to figure out ways to cover ourselves for what could potentially happen. I have heard of horror stories concerning identity theft. In fact this just happened a few months ago to someone I knew and under her name someone stole a vehicle from a dealer. I can't believe I am dealing with this now.

All and all I am doing great considering. I mean really I am not trying to complain just merely stating the facts of my day. I know it could be much worse...at least no one is hurt and it's really been Adam who is doing most of the leg work. Going to the bank and changing all our accounts, which apparently takes 7-10 days. So pretty much I am out convenient money for that long. Too bad I needed to go to the grocery store today. Double UGH!

So the best part...like I said I had a locksmith come change my locks. I didn't think about it until he was almost done that he would want to be paid immediately. I thought for sure an invoice would be ok. Apparently it wasn't and he wanted collateral of $70 in order to leave. I understand his position. He doesn't know me and doesn't know that I am a woman of my word, but give me a break please. So the only thing I could think of was he could wait for me to go to the bank and get some cash. He said it would be best to follow me and wait. So that's what I did. I wasn't happy about it. It felt a like a violation on so many levels, but I had nothing else I could do.

But the day is still good. Why? Because I had a 4 yr old girl tell me I looked good today. I need to have this friend of Tess' over more often. It made my day.

I am changing my blog address.

I have wanted to for some time to get my name off my URL but just never got around to it. Now that this whole thing has happened it just feels like time. So I know it is a big pain to everyone, changing your links and what not, but I will be changing my URL to afmwords.blogspot.com on Wednesday.

Again sorry for the inconvenience.

I am fall.

I found this questionire online that determines what season you are and decided to give it a try. Apparently I'm fall. Makes sense, right? Fall is my favorite time of year. Love all the colors. Love the weather. Love watching the leaves change colors.

So what season are you? Give it a try and share. I would love to know.

good mail to share from this past week

Robyn send some delicious chocolate and this very cool wind chime. I am so glad I shared this love of mine on my blog. I have since received 2 by mail and can't tell you how happy I am when I hear them outside my window. Plus today it the most perfect day for it....windy (not really the best day for Tess). Thank you so much Robyn!

Jenn sent me this very cute card set and some labels. I love them and can't wait to use them. Thanks Jenn!

Jill sent me a load of "good mail" labels. I really can't wait to send good mail now. It's such a good idea. Thank you so much.

Amy gave me some ki memories letters and a package of tabs last night when she came to pick up Estee. It was such a surprise and really looking forward to using them. Thank you!


I just love good mail.
I already have some in the works and looking forward to sending them off.

It's so interesting how one day can be so open and then the next just chock full of stuff.

Yesterday I watched my darling niece from 12pm on. Man you sure forget what it's like to watch a baby again and it hasn't even been that long for me. You can't leave them for a second...You never know what they're going to find and put in their mouth. She is busy busy. Amy I don't know how you get anything done. I don't know how I did to tell you the truth, but I did.

Last night Lori came over and had dinner with us and just hung out and talked. We were all really excited to see her and that we didn't have to wait for Saturday as planned. She came bearing gifts for all of us. Thank you Lori. So very generous of you considering the high AU prices.

So as we were talking in the living room we noticed this disgusting skunk smell. I realized the windows were open to let in the good breeze. As I walked around closing windows I wondered where this animal could be because the smell was so strong. Well of course I had forgot to close the window in our bedroom so we had to light a candle to try to get rid of the smell. Apparently we thought it was safe to open the windows through the night, but we were wrong. The smell of skunk woke me up. It was so bad I went outside to figure out where it could be and sure enough there it was right out in front of my house dead with 2 other unknown animals. Yuck! When tess saw it she said, "maybe the animals were all holding hand crossing the street." Make sense right?

So as I was getting Bella ready for school I was on the phone trying to get a hold of someone to come pick up the big mess. Finally I got a hold of someone and they came within 30 mins. I can't tell you how happy I was to not have to look at the road kill every time I looked out my door/windows. I'm not sure how much it helped the smell though. My basement still stinks and right now I have the window open to my studio and as the wind comes in I can smell skunk. It's making me sick. It's sad because today is the most perfect day for letting in the nice cool breeze.

these two

Watching these two together makes me extremely happy. I am grateful they have one another right now as life transitions once again. I see these two, with the absence of Bella, starting to become friends. Wanting to be with each other instead of just out of necessity. I am excited for them to have this time to themselves and give each other a chance.

it was the start of something new

My Tess finally started preschool yesterday. Man it seems like school has been going for a month as she is just beginning. She was so very excited to go and from what she said about her day she had a great time. She said she met some new friends, but she can't remember their names.

So on my way home Megan tells me she wants to go night night. "Of course", i was thinking to myself. I got in the door, put Megan to bed, and sat down and ate lunch in peace while reading USA today.

So this is what it's going to be like 3 days a week in the afternoon. Peace and quiet...all to myself. Wow, that sounds a bit selfish, but for 6 years I've had company and I can't feel guilty about enjoying 9 hours a week. Right? So for all you moms out there whose life just changed due to school, enjoy. We deserve it.

G'day Lolo

Amy suggested we do a "dual entry" on her blog to wish you a happy birthday and...Here we are. Happy happy birthday may all your dreams come true, happy happy birthday to you to you to you. OK. I am looking forward to your return...adam

Happy Birthday Lori. I am sad we weren't celebrating together tonight. I hope you had a fabulous celebration in AU worthy of a newly 30 yr old . Really looking forward to seeing you in a week. I want to tell you thank you for being you. For not judging. For talking. Listening. Sharing. So glad we had those few years together.

love ya.

the visitor

I had been waiting for weeks for this sunflower to bloom. I almost pulled it with the weeds, but realized it would be really great to photograph so I left it to blossom. I never thought it would be so big.

Anyway, the day it bloomed I noticed there was this distinct dark something in the middle of the flower. I knew I should go and take pictures right then, but I had frozen food to get in the freezer and hungry kids to feed so it was about 1 and a half hours before I finally got outside again. Sure enough as I walked toward the flower the larger than life bee was still feasting. It was very cool, but very frightening. A couple of times I got to close and he took off which made me wonder if he was going to come after me. Instead he flew in a circle and made his way back. I loved watching him maneuver around gathering pollen. Even Tess got a kick out of it. Go figure.

The best Sunday

It all started with sleeping in...8:30am on a Sunday that's very good for us. It's nice when you can wake up on your own and feel rested. After the wake up in bed we headed to the kitchen for breakfast which we decided to take outside since it felt so nice. We sat there as a family just talking an enjoying the morning light. Once breakfast was over Adam and I stayed out in the back for about 1 hour 45 minutes just talking while the kids played. It was fantastic and although we were hurried to church, which I hate doing, it was totally worth it. We were even 10 minutes early...Go figure.

After we came home and ate everyone pretty much took a nap. Love that about Sunday afternoons. We all surfaced around 6pm to find Adam and Bella making cookies. What a delight. Love fresh chocolate cookies. We finally had to wake megan up at 7pm because we were afraid to let her sleep any longer because of the night before. Rewind to Saturday night...while at Jill's Megan fell asleep at 5pm and stayed asleep until 8:30am this morning. We knew we'd be pushing our luck to think she would do it again. Anyway, after cleaning up the mess we went outside and watched the sunset while the girls play/explore. Eventually Adam and the girls went crazy spinning and playing like they do. I always love to watch how much fun they have together. When it got too dark we went back in the kitchen, all of us sitting around the counter and drew pictures. Bella asked me if she was "picture smart". Not sure where she got the term, but I told her we can all be picture smart in our own creative way, that's what's so great about art. She was thrilled to hear this and made drawing after drawing. Actually on one of them she said, "don't look, when you see this you're going to faint". It was such a funny thing to say Adam and I busted up laughing. She then proceeded to draw a self-portrait.

These are the days that I love. Being together as a family. Enjoy one another company...Talking, playing, and having the best time.

It's simple. It's us. It's the way we love it.

adventures at The Gateway

If you know Tess for the last couple of months you know this is something you would not think she would enjoying doing. In fact it was her idea to run through the fountain. Of course I couldn't get her or her sisters to go through early in the evening, but I was glad that Tess made us do another loop so she could run through. I volunteered to go with her knowing we would be heading home. It was actually a lot of fun wondering when we were going to be drenched by the water.

I so enjoyed just being together walking around Gateway.

• We took the kids to the apple store where they played a few computer games while I walked around in awe. I can remember what it feels like to kid in the candy store knowing you weren't going to buy anything. The next computer i buy will be a mac.
• We went to barnes and noble got the best "fresh cookie" ever made. If you have never tried the shortbread cookies there you are missing out. they are the best and are as big as your head.
• I got chocolate of course at the chocolate factory which i sort of lost to megan. She has such a way of taking your stuff, "i hod (hold) it ok mam." somehow you say "ok" and she's got your chocolate.
• We took them to the kitchen store, can't remember the name, and let them pick out a cookie cutter each. Bella chose a violin, i thought that was very cool, Tess chose a tea pot, and megan a frog but for some reason Megan's never got to the register.

it was a great night. man i am loving this pre fall weather. i love just being with my family.

so much for my goals

The last few days I have been totally out sick. Sick meaning lying in bed feeling awful, in pain, doing nothing, and listening to the girls fend for themselves. I didn't feel sick to my stomach, but had the worst abdominal pain I've ever experienced. Finally on the 3rd day I went to the doctor to figure out what was going on. I figured it had lasted so long perhaps it could be something related to my appendix, gall bladder etc. All I know is I was hating life big time, starving from lack of food, and tired of being in bed. Turns out all the test came back negative and was told I had some gastrointestinitis (something like that) that would take several days to clear up. I was sadden by the time table, but grateful it wasn't something more serious that would land me in the hospital having surgery.

So I woke up this morning feeling much better. Certainly not 100%, but I was able to get the girls breakfast without almost fainting. I have occasional pain, but the severity doesn't even match what I went through so I feel I'm on my way to getting back to my normal self.

Now I have a lot to do to recover. Too bad life doesn't stop when your sick. oh well, I'm just utterly grateful I'm feeling better.

each week it looks a little bit better

So I've finally been getting to some of the things I've wanted to since we moved last February.

Adam hung the shelf I painted for Megan's room on Saturday. I framed one of my favorite pictures of her and have more in the works...I'm still waiting for pictures to get printed. I'm also going to be making her an accordion album (4x4) that I am excited about displaying. I love them and although I have made a few for others I have yet to make one for myself. Hopefully by next week it will be finished.

I finally found red drapes for a great price for our sliding doors in the kitchen & living room. I had been toying with making some, but when I found these at $12 each I had to get them. I would not be able to make anything for that price. Perhaps one day I will find fabric I love and make drapes, but for now I am just glad we have complete privacy at night.
I also finally recovered our dining room chairs. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. They look so much better and are much softer. I added new padding so they are so desirable. I must say it took way more time than I thought it would plus a smashed finger, but I'm glad I took on the project. It makes the room that much nicer.
so there is just a few of the things I have been up to for the last couple of weeks. I really want a project a week...Even if it's cleaning our a drawer or closet. Something to make me feel like I'm making constant improvements.

what are you working on this week?

First day

It was the infamous first day of the 1st grade. Bella woke up earlier than usual so excited for her big day. She was totally in control this morning and told me what we were going to do to get ready and when. So great to see her take charge. She decided to get her hair done, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth/wash face, and finally take pictures. This time it was her idea. Of course I would have taken picture no matter what, but before I could suggest she said "get your camera mom". Does that mean I take way to many pictures or what?

When we got to school we (tess, megan, and me) all went inside to drop her off. She was very excited and saw several friends from her kindergarten class and also 2 girls from our ward. I saw several of my friends there as well and old faces from the year before that I was able to talk to. A few of them had tears in their eyes as they walked away from their child (mostly because it was their baby leaving all day). I am sorry but it's true, I had a smile on my face. I had this sense of how much I'm going to miss being with Bella during the day, but when I looked at her I saw this confident little girl who was so ready for this and I couldn't help smile.

I just love these moments in motherhood.

my week.

this week has sort of been a mellow week for us. we really have done much. a few errands here and there, but no real activity. it is nice to slow down a bit as school is starting on monday and then there's no stopping.

actually there has been a lot going on during the evening.
tuesday night we had dinner with my friends and their families at a park.
wednesday night the girls had the hair cut.
thursday night we meet bella's teacher, or was suppose to, but didn't because she was so behind. we also had dinner for a stake elders quorm party. very sad turn out, but the kids had a blast since they had two big blow up castles.

we invited whitney to come play this weekend. i have to say the girls love it when she's here. i didn't even seen them until 10:30 this morning and not because they were sleeping...they were downstairs all four of them playing so nicely. jill your crazy not to think i would want her to stay until saturday, she is very helpful. although megan doesn't want to take a nap when she's here, but other than that its been so great.

so after they ate lunch around 11am they ask me to get in the hot tub. i said "i didn't think it was a good idea" (plus i didn't think there was water in it since adam just cleaned it out - whitney proved me wrong), so i told them they could call adam and ask. so Bella got on the phone and asked him. instead of saying "no" like i was sure he was going to, he said "as long as mom says it's ok." now i had no reason to not let them so the running around getting swimsuits on began. it was so funny to watch them get in. megan hated it at first, "too hot". of course she went back in and got use to it. bella decided to sit at the edge for a while. whitney tried to fight the urge of getting on the side, "so steamy" she kept saying. tess who wasn't going to get in decided to after all. they actually weren't in for very long. quickly their faces turned red and i figured it was time to get out.

so that's were i'm at right now, listening to the kids play having the best time, and finishing up the chocolate cake jill gave us last night while dropping whitney off. thank you jill that was some of the best chocolate cake i've had. delicious and very very sinful. it was hard to stop.

my new year

i woke up Monday morning and realized i have one week left. my life is changing and i will be implementing my new schedule. you see, september is my new year. it is the time in my life for resolutions and reevaluation. for fall cleaning and organization. as i look at my life the last few months i realize i haven't been good to myself. my body is suffering due to the lack of sleep, no exercise, and not eating good. this obviously affects what i have energy for so the one thing i am focusing on first.

my goals

1. i want to be up, some days showered, dressed, exercised and ready to go; other days up and at least ready to go to the gym all before my kids wake up.
2. i want to be in bed no later than 10:30-11pm.
3. i want to eat better. healthier. consistently throughout the day.
4. go to bed with a clean house so i wake up with a clean house. this makes a huge difference to my day.

these four things will do wonders for my life. exercise alone will make a huge difference, but it obviously can't be done unless i have rested.

one of the things i am looking forward to this school year is 3 afternoons a week alone. i am really hoping i can dedicate one to two of those afternoons to being creative so i won't feel the need to do it late at night.

i am looking forward to this fall. it's got all the makings of a really good year.

random thoughts

1. It's been nice having my girls around again. We went to dinner last night and pretty much just hung out at home all day. It's nice having some time to remember what it is about motherhood that I love (I'll save that list for another post). The photo is from this evening when we were out picking some weeds.
2. I've been working on some project and finishing up some. I sanded and painted a shelve for megan's room. I am very excited about this because I was going to do this in our last house but it never did happen. I suppose I'm looking forward to her room finally looking cute/done.
3. I also cleaned out a couple of closets and hauled a bunch of stuff, I probably should have just thrown out, to the attic. I have such a hard time with that. Now my 72 kits have a nice home and are very accessible.
4. I love looking in my laundry room and seeing almost empty bins. Funny thing I didn't even do laundry today or at all for the last few days. What a treat.
5. I do not feel well and to tell you the truth I don't think Tess does either. I don't know what's up, but my left ear hurts whenever I yawn. I am hoping it will pass since I have a lesson to give tomorrow and Bella is giving a talk in Primary. I suppose I should go to bed.
6. I love the TV show the office. I'm telling you if you're not watching this show you should be. In fact if this was the only TV show I would be fine with that. At night while alone I was watching the reruns. (I had to watch something to keep my mind off being completely alone). Anyway, I was laughing until it hurt. Yep that good. I can't wait for the season to start.
7. Adam comes home tomorrow early evening. I am excited to see him and so are the girls. I am looking forward to hearing how things went. He never would tell me on the phone.

ok so not too exciting, but hey at least I won't forget. Right?

another straggler...blogger drives me crazy

today's bounty

sorry for the horrible scans. my scanner is slowly dying. i think i need a new lamp. does anyone know if there's a way to replace it?

i worked for about 6 hours today. that's great progress for me. actually the family layout took a very long time and i even lifted it from tara whitney. it seems like a few of these layout are inspired from others. i suppose it's sort of always like that isn't. whenever i see something i love it just sticks in my head and comes out. i don't always know where to give credit.

"my deni" & "my ipod" are inspired by jaime waters.
"uniquely you" inspired by tara whitney

14 years ago

After each layout I complete I write the date on the back. With ever layout I did last night I was more and more aware of what the next day was. The 17th. I stopped what I was working on. I couldn't stop thinking about how I felt about this or what it meant to me. So I just started writing...crying...feeling. Remembering every detail as if it happened yesterday. This is what came out. I created it for me. For my brother. It was about time I wrote down some of my thoughts. It was difficult, but so good. the photos of my brother (left) and his friend Jeff who died with him in the accident.

the other 1

i put this one together in like 20 minutes. The key...i just didn't think about it. I just picked out papers and embellishments without second guessing. First instinct. It was very liberating. I actually like the way it turned out. I need to stop over thinking.

all alone

So Jill is graciously watching my girls wednesday-night-thursday. Then they head to their Nana's so they can see her and the new kittens. Adam is out of town so I am home all by myself. I must admit. I am a bit freaked out and feel like I keep hearing things despite the fact that I have music on very loud. Of course it is really nice to have uninterrupted time. I mean it's 2:30am and though I am feeling it I don't want to go to bed because there is so much I could do, but I know if I don't tomorrow will be a waste. But then again I will get to sleep in. Imagine that!

It is such a weird feeling to not have my kids around. I keep thinking I am going to wake them up due to the music. Or have one of them come in and talk to me. Dare I say I miss them. I am so so so grateful to have some time to myself, but they are so apart of me I do miss them. So here is a little bit of what i did tonight. I even went to RS for a couple of hours. I've been able to get a ton done. I just love it when creativity flows. For some reason blogger only let my post four pics so I will try to post the others tomorrow.

the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of activity

I think I threw an entire summer into two weeks or at least it feels that way. Like I said my sisters in town and each year we just pack it all in since we only see her once a year. Each day there has been some activity or at least a reason for the kids to get together and play.

here are some of the things we've done:
parks
swimming
shopping
eating
children's museum
movie
lagoon
library
butterfly release
dairy tour
zoo
walks
games games games
bowling
celebrated birthdays










Honestly I feel completely worn out. I feel like I really haven't seen my kids/husband that much eventhough we've been together. I feel like I'm ready for life to get back to normal, but I'm sad to see it come to an end. Really sad to see the cousins leave and my family split apart again. It has really been a good couple of weeks. I'm grateful to be able to spend so much time with my sister and brother. Both of which I don't see nearly enough. I'm grateful I was able to get to know Amy better and love that we have similar interests. I'm grateful the kids get along so well and love playing together. I'm grateful my parents make it all possible and put up with the craziness of all of us being around. I love it when my sister visits. Always look forward to this mini vacation. I will miss it when Monday comes.

It’s so weird to look at your child and see how far they come. As I was watching Bella yesterday at the swimming pool I realized she’s not the timid little girl she use to be.

As a toddler she was terrified (I use this word in the strongest sense) of the water. It took her a long time before she would go in and feel comfortable. Finally when she was ready it was all about tears when she started her first swimming lesson. I eventually just took her out of the class and got what money back I could...so not worth the fight I dealt with every morning. A couple years went by and finally swimming lessons became something she looked forward to everyday. Still she was not a good swimmer and didn’t feel comfortable without her floaties (sp?). And that’s where we started this summer off. She wanted her floaties, but I didn’t have enough since I needed them for Megan and Tess so she would have to go without. She was ok with that, but a bit worried. I knew she could do it she just needed to trust herself. So here we are today. Almost the end of the summer. She is swimming in the deep end with confidence. She is jumping in the water without fear. She is playing games in the water like I did having the time of her life. She still has a long way to go as far as learning to swim, but I am so proud of her. So proud of her for facing her fears. For challenging herself. For pushing beyond her comfort zone and trying. I hope and pray this determination will follow her throughout her life and that she will continue to be as confident as she is right now.

Library on a rainy day

It was a rainy Tuesday. I guess I should say a crazy rainy Tuesday. Lucky for us it brought in cool weather. I loved loved loved the break from the 100 degrees we've been having lately.

We were actually going to go to the pool today, but since the rain killed our plans we decided to spend a rainy day at the Library. We went to the one downtown since no one had been and they have a really nice & big kids area. It was great being able to see how much they enjoyed themselves. It was a bit stressful trying to keep track of everyone. It's hard having to watch three small children going three different directions. I never understand why I put myself in these situations. I must be crazy.

Anyway, it was the perfect way to spend our day. Don't you just love going to the Library? So quiet. The smell. The rows of books. I had a great time and I think they did too.