a wednesday night

I've been asked several times why I choose to take the photos I do.
My answer, I capture what I always want to remember.

And I wanted to always remember the spontaneous moment of this night.



How the girls smooth talked Adam and I into abandoning school work and a messy kitchen to enjoy the beautiful evening together by going to Nielsen's Frozen Custard. The way they brought their wadded cash which had been hid away for just such a moment. The silliness that trickled it's way through each one of them as the deliciousness of the event sunk in. The magical light that accompanied us on the six minute drive. The view of color that was just beginning to spread on the tip of the mountain side.



It was simple and ordinary, but I never wanted to forget it--and now I never will.

Happy Monday!

what I learned at squam

-Photography is my form of meditation.


-Vermont apples are delicious.
-I could live in New Hampshire.


-A heating pad makes all the difference on a chilly eve. Some of the nights in the cabin got to be 35 degrees, with a heating pad warming my feet all through the night I slept cozy.
-In the cold humid weather towels do not dry. Ever.


-I learned to juggle and found out it's the perfect activity to help you get out of your head. Thanks Amy. I need to practice practice so I don't loose it.
-I can still start a fire.


-Sea salt and chocolate are an awesome combination.
-I want to show people how to see their everyday.


-Details are important to me.


-It pays to wake up early in the morning.


-A chef is on my must have list. We ate well. The photos below are from my food photography class. I guess you could say I need some practice.


-It takes courage to grow. Open mic night.


-I love getting lost.


-Mushrooms are cool subjects to photograph. They were all over the woods.


-Don't let opportunities pass you by.


-It's ok to keep trying.
-It's ok to never get it.


-Together we can make something extraordinary.
-We each have a part to play.


-I need to incorporate yoga into my daily routine.




-Anyone can be an artist.


-She continues to inspires me.


-Staying up til almost 2am with a bunch of woman is very revealing. Our evenings were spent in front of the fire chatting. Wouldn't have wanted to do anything else.


-Friendships can happen over night. I love these woman.



-Mornings and nights are magical here. I miss it.



I had such a magnificent time and met some amazing individuals.
I simply can't imagine not going again.

Thank you ladies for making my world that much brighter.

Home away from home

While laughing in the car as Brittany and I pulled away from Brae Cove (our cabin) for the last time I looked back watching it fade into the distance. A few windows were flooded with light as the hustle and bustle continued on the inside with preparations of home--I will miss this place. I will miss the golden light that welcomed me every morning, the evenings by the fireplace talking, laughing. I will miss sitting at the dock listening to the loons in the distance, the walks through the woods and realizing getting lost wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I will even miss the cool crisp evenings, although I know it's only a matter of time before the changing season arrives home. It was so beautiful there, so serene, but what I'll miss the most and bring home with me more than anything else are my friends. Whether I knew them or not going in, each played a part of my experience at squam and it wouldn't be what it was without them. But I'm sure you know what that feels like, to meet someone for the first time and days later feel like you've known them forever. Makes you wonder, were we always meant to be friends?

Although my trip was everything I hoped it would be, right now my thoughts are of home. I can't wait to be there with Adam, to put my arms around him and my girlies, to be surrounded by familiarity, and get back to the everydayness of taking care of those waiting for me back home. Only five hours to go!

Thank you squam for giving me that much need break and reminding me just how much I love the life I've chosen.

While she's at Squam... (guest hosting)

Each time Amy flirts with the subject of leaving for a trip I make it a habit to respond with a cool brand of nonchalance born from the experience that she will get distracted or indifferent and circumstance will quietly slip in and make the trip become an “almost” or a “maybe later”. So I never put much stock into a newly mentioned getaway because of the sheer outsideness of the odds it will ever actually hit my credit card. Even when she graduates to serious sounding things like booking cars and tickets the entire thing still feels more like an abstraction, at best a laboratory impression of a journey and no matter how flimsy the logic, I always end up picturing myself in the car, or on the plane because it seems so much more likely that I will be the one that leaves. While this potentiality is still floating in the air like something that may soon be, in her mind she has already jumped to the inevitable conflicts and assorted technical problems that, in her mind, are inherent in her departure. Now take just a minute and locate with a mental magic marker our two disparate dispositions and plot them if you will on an imagined map. You will notice that we couldn’t be further apart.
She is the one that is actually ticketed to a faraway paradise, but due to her death fixation and fear of flying she isn’t picturing the beach or the trees, but is actually wondering what the inside of a body bag smells like, while I, the one who has a first class seat to nowhere, am already getting mad that the lady flying next to me is taking up more than her fair share of armrest and smells like tacos.












So when it came time to drop her off at the airport and power squat her incredibly
heavy bag onto the curb (seriously, anybody less good looking than Amy would earn the undying hatred of the skycap guy and the eternal love of his chiropractor).
Friggen bag was forever heavy. But as soon as I pulled away from the curb I was genuinely shocked that she had gone anywhere, almost like she had sprung it on me in an underhanded sort of way. Let’s call it a mild panic, not at all like you feel when the bank emails you and then leaves you two voicemails later that same day, but more like riding as a passenger in the car while your mom drives and talks on the phone at the same time, you know, focused concern. So as I am driving home I am thinking of all the things I should have asked Amy long before now, like where you going again? it says here the girls finish school at 3 in the afternoon, that can’t be right… who has dance and who has soccer? As I am listing the things I didn’t remember to forget, my worries melted to the background with the abrupt recollection that I don’t have to worry about any of this stuff. Darwinian evolution solved this mess a long time ago with the sister mechanism that painted poison frogs the same color as Mc. Hammer’s pants.

















Survival instincts kick in, the amygdalae glows red with activity and the little door knob- licking kids that normally can’t figure out how to butter toast without getting it on the ceiling subconsciously remember that everything they have ever witnessed lends testimony to the fact that dad doesn’t give half a crap about the details and that if they don’t watch out and captain their own ship then they’ll be late to everything and find themselves eating cereal three meals a day. And sure enough, as soon as I got home and began interacting with the girls the whole thing went without a hitch. I just put out this kinda man-confidence vibe and acted like there couldn’t be anything more normal than having them call all the shots and take care of everything while I just sat back and stayed out of their way. I kept busy with work, making calls, reading and would occasionally ask calm questions like “who’s mess is this?”, “what are you guys going to do until bed time?” and to their credit, they all just started taking care of themselves. Smooth N Easy like a home perm.

52 photo project | weeks 21 | words & pictures

everydayness

A Saturday bagel morning.


Adam and Randy digging potatoes from Pop's garden.


Celebrating Lolo. I'll never speak it aloud, shhh, but I thinking she maybe the favorite.


The weather is changing so automatically I think of knitting/crocheting. This time it was little booties for little baby Lewis.


Tess' first game ever. I was so impressed by how she played.


Did not take Megan long to get back in the swing of the game. Both good games, both girls won.


She's never loved to read, but over the summer she found a fondness for it. Love seeing her like this.

12of12 | September

01. The moon as I was leaving on my run this morning.
02. Girls making lunches--a part of their morning routine.
03. Megan drew a self-portrait of the two of us on the chalkboard Saturday. According to her it's to remain up until I get back.
04. A detailed schedule for Adam & my mom of the girls comings and goings this week.
05. We spent the evening walking around the 9/11 memorial. Definitely a sobering experience to walk around and read about the individual lives that were lost that day.
06. Had lunch with my dear friend Laurie.
07. A lot of this day has been about packing up for New Hampshire. Yes, that is a heating pad and cake pans in my suitcase. The heating pad is for my bed at night (no heat in an uninsulated cabin) and the cake pans are for my food photography class. I must say it is rather delightful packing for fall weather.
08. Another shot from the 9/11 memorial.
09. Adam helping Megan with her afternoon homework.
10. Target for last minute purchases.
11. Another shot from the 9/11 memorial.
12. Last, but certainly not least, Adam surprised me with an ipad of my very own to take on my trip. I was and am still in shock about it. Looks like traveling alone to the east coast won't be so lonely after all. Wahoo!

It was one of those day with lots on my to-do list, getting out of town is always full of last minute details. Of course it's the kind of busy you are happy to do. I am, I believe, all set to leave for New Hampshire--now. I hope you had an equally productive day or at least a delightful one.

12of12 reminder

Sorry I'm so late reminding you this month...

Tomorrow is the twelfth, yet again. So get your cameras ready and batteries charge.

Have a good one!

52 photo project | weeks 20 | this place is quiet

You'd think now with the kids in school I would have loads of quiet time, but even though they're not home and I'm actually alone, I've got so much to do that I never really think of it as quiet.



One of the places I retreat to when I need peace is the great outdoors. There really is just something so soothing about the peace that comes from being surrounded by God's beautiful creations. I guess you could say it's the perfect combination for me to think and sort through all the stuff jumbled in my head. One by one pieces start to make sense, and the ones that don't, well, at least it's stopped nagging me for a while.

For this reason alone my New Hampshire trip, which is quickly approaching, couldn't be better timed. I leave Tuesday and couldn't be more excited to spend a week in the woods in a non-heated cabin (hello fall weather) soaking in all the goodness with lovely friends.

I admit, up to this point, I've been a little hesitant to go. I've just got so much going on and you know how it is trying to make sure everyone is well taken care of at home. It was all seeming too much, but then when some big projects finally came and went this past week I could see so clearly the wisdom in my decision to go. I need it. I need some quiet, some time to think. I need a little break from my daily routine to remember why I enjoy it so much. And really what could be better than fall weather, the woods, and my camera?

xo

welcome weekend

An evening spent here, in this beautiful historic temple (Logan), with Adam and my dear friend Amy and her family---what a perfect way to start the weekend.

the power of one

This afternoon I had the opportunity to go to our school's patriot assembly. Bella informed me yesterday that the poem she wrote about The Power Of One was chosen, which meant she was going to read it in front of the school (a student from each of the 4th-6th grade classes are chosen to recite their essays/poems at the assembly).

It's an assembly they've had since Bella started attending, but I've never actually been before. I had only intended on staying until Bella read her poem, which was about half way, but enjoyed it so much I decided to stay for the full hour. Each time the kids would sing tears swelled up in my eyes and I'd get all choked up. And forget about the Pledge of Allegiance, I was a mess. With all the talk that's been on the news lately it gave me goosebumps to hear the children recite it. It was very powerful and inspirational and I left with an overwhelming feeling of hopefulness. These children are our future--everything will be just fine.

A hero's like a lion,
Bold and fast and free.
A heart full of confidence,
That decides what it will be.

When people picture heroes,
They think of strength and power,
But sometimes heroes can even be,
The one who cares of others each hour.

A hero's a beacon that guides the pack,
A lantern in the night,
A lighthouse in a violent storm,
An angel who brings light.

There are simple children,
Who share their laughter and fun.
They can make the biggest difference,
And that's the power of one.

unwind

After a busy day for all of us we took it outside to unwind. The weather here has been magnificent, if I could bottle it up for a smoggy day I would. So the girls decided first "grass sledding", then biking. Of course we never did make it to the biking, we spent all our time on the hill.













It's exactly what we all needed and even though no one was ready to go in, everyone seemed more relaxed when we did.

I am definitely going to miss these lingering sunsets.

glist

today i'm grateful for...

a new week. love mondays.
cooler mornings.
another day to play.
clean sheets.
generosity of others.
delicious, spontaneous treats from friends.
adam's work, even though it means he's traveling more.
gas in my car.
morning light streaming in through my windows.
my girls happy spirits.
choosing my attitude.
new music.
clean kitchen.
anticipation.
finding time for everything.


what are you grateful for today??

case in point

It's moments like these that I savor and cling to. Little random gatherings that could so easily be meaningless or forgotten, but that become so much more and stay with you long after it's gone.



I'm not even sure how it all started. Each girl, one at a time, ended up on my closet floor with me. We joked, we teased, we laughed, and then the conversation turned when one said to me, "Mom, I'm scared something will happen to you while I'm at school." I paused. What do you say to that? With my heart in my throat, I know this fear, wanting so badly to reassure her, but knowing there are no guarantees I answered her the best I could.

And then as if the hug broke the spell, more laughing, more teasing and we moved on from the heaviness of that topic. Of course, I didn't move on so quickly. After the girls left for school I sat in the quiet for a while, prayed my girls would never have to experience the sickening loss that is death, and yet, I knew I was asking too much. It will touch their life at some point, I just pray it is years and years and years away.

Today as I reflect back on that morning, I'm so grateful for my relationship with my girls. Grateful for moments like these, and although I'm without all the answers, how grateful I am that we can so easily share and confide in each other our hopes and fears. I pray we will always have that.