can you believe this??

First off I have to say I have missed you all. It's been a week since I've really sat down and read anyone's blog so I totally feel out of the loop. I hate this feeling and hope you will all understand and I ease my way back in this week, since it's another crazy week.

I have of course been really busy today. When are Monday's not this way I ask? I have a strange week ahead of me so I have a lot to get done before the day ends; however, I wanted to share this with you because it's pretty cool.

A couple weeks ago I got an email from Gabrielle, the design mom herself, who runs the website Design Mom. She asked me to be a guest mom and to post for a week on her site. I have to say I was shocked. Completely shocked. I found her cool site thanks to Jordan, and have enjoyed discovering her awesome ideas, but never thought I would participate as a guest design mom. I guess you just never know what opportunities will come your way. Thanks Gabrielle!

So if you want to check out my posts this week visit designmom.com. I will throw a disclaimer out there, for those of you who have read my blog for longer than 6 months you may get some repeats, but when putting my posts together this is what I really wanted to share with a larger audience. Let me know what you think.

BTW if you've recently filed for a passport do I send my actual documentation or a photo copy? ie birth certificate and DL. I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm not in Kansas anymore

So I'm cheating a bit on todays spt, but I sort of have a good excuse. I'm in sunny California for the next couple of days enjoying myself immensely. I could get use to this.

more to come.

creative goodness

It seems like so long since I've shared what I've been worked on, my weekly projects if you will. The reason for that is mainly because they were mostly gifts and some sadly I don't have photos of so can't share right now. I'll have to work on that.

I did finally do something for me last week that I have been meaning to do since last summer, I don't know why it always takes me so long. I saw online a very cute way to personalize your camera and I of course was all about that. I just took wide ribbon (thanks kristi the ribbon I used came from you) and sewed it onto my camera strap. Can I just say how much more I love using it now, I know crazy to imagine.

After taking those photos of Crystalyn's Thomas I put together a cd for her. There is just something about a homemade cd that looks official. Love those little toes.

I also made another accordion box for Crystalyn's bday earlier in the month. I love making these. It's such a creative way to display your photos. Something I am always looking for.

Oh and I had to share this last one. I have been asked before if I have any out takes. My answer would definitely have to be yes. It's unfortunate that she's a picker, but indeed she is.

thoughtfulness to report

On a crazy day like today I thought it would be fitting to celebrate the good mail I've received the last week or so.


I got a very sweet thank you note from Crystalyn, just love that girl, and grateful she is finally home with her family. I also got a sweet belated birthday card from Claudia. Thank you so much for thinking of me. Loved hearing from you.

I got fairy spring good mail from Amanda. I love getting these just because greeting and certainly appreciated the quote on the back.

Kelly I'm sorry I'm just getting to this now, but I just found your card under a bunch of catalogs still in it's envelope today amongst other mail. It must have been when Adam brought in the mail and got shuffled under stuff. Thank you so much for thinking of me this season. Loved your thoughts.

Katie send me a very thoughtful thank you card. I certainly hope you are doing fabulously with you new little one.

I guess it's been a good mail day, among other things that I've had to work on I was able to get some sent out. Always feels good to do that. :)

I'm such an idiot

First of all, sorry I don't have a visual to go with this post. It would have been much better with a photo, but of course when I thought about taking one it didn't happen and then it was too late.

Now on with my story.

So yesterday I went to Costco, like usual spent a pretty penny. I don't know how that always happens, but I'm grateful it's not a weekly trip. While there I decided to buy me a smaller and more compact hard drive I can take on my trip. I figured I could either spend the same amount on another flashcard with only a few GB or I could buy a 160 GB HD to use to download all my photos and then just use the same flashcard daily.

Luckily I got home without incident, which I find amazing when dealing with 3 kids at Costco. As I opened the back and looked at the plethora of items all in single packaging I felt overwhelmed as I always do when unloading a Costco trip. So first thing I did was take my newly bought HD and put it on top of my SUV to get it out of the way and proceed to move the rest of the items in the house. Adam was home at this time 5:30p helping me and after a bit we left with the kids. Well it didn't occur to me until we pulled up to the house an hour later that I had left my HD on the car.

#%$@

Are you kidding me. I hopped in the car to trace our tracks hoping to find it unharmed and ready to use. I didn't have to go far, actually it was right outside our neighborhood, off to the side. As I approached it I felt confident it was alright. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. (enter photo...sigh.) It had probably been hit by dozens of cars and pushed off to the side. It was completely smashed. I was so mad. A hundred dollars down the drain.

Upon arriving home I thought I should call Costco just to see what their return policy was. Who knows maybe they would take it back. I felt really horrible just asking, but thought I could either throw it away or try. So I called them. The guy on the phone told me he couldn't guarantee anything over the phone so since I had a RS meeting at 8pm I just decided to leave and do that before.

I must say I felt like a complete idiot bringing this large obviously damaged package into the store when I had just been there 2 hours before. The guy at the return desk just about died when he saw the package, but luckily had already spoken to me so wasn't completely shocked. He had to call over his manager to see if they would return it. Well, not one, but two managers made their way over. I was really embarrassed listening to them repeat over and over, "it fell off the car and got run over". Then one of the managers looked at me and said sort of in a mocking wasn't sure if he was kidding way, "who fault is this, is it our fault?" I just look at him in disbelief and said, "yeah...sigh...I'm just here to see if your return policy covers lame individuals who run over their merchandise." He gave me a smile and said they would return it. I was thrilled though must admit felt I was getting away with something, like I was bringing back a dress I had already worn that I told them I hadn't, but knew they knew I did. It's was awkward, but I'm glad I tried because I didn't loose out on $100.

So I'm curious...would you have taken it back or lost out on $100?

6 words

Winter has come back with a vengeance.Seriously can you believe the snow we got? If you can't tell there should be grass behind her.


In other news I went to Bella's school this afternoon to see her in the1st grade spring program. I'm not even sure what it was about, but it was hilarious to watch. Bella was much more animated (see photos) then I have ever seen her before. I must admit I was a tad embarrassed, but was more delighted she was enjoying herself immensely even in front of a crowd...so not like her. It's amazing to see how far she has come socially.

Anyway, I guess I don't have more to say. Other than dealing with Megan's no nap, due to the program, and waiting for Adam to return home from San Deigo. I guess it's been one of those weird days where I have a lot to do, but didn't get much done. Oh well, thank goodness there is always tomorrow.

SPT $100 to spend

This is a bit of a challenge for me because number1 if I received $100 I would most likely not spend the money on cloths. It's not that I don't like cloths or don't want to be stylish, I'm just not a huge cloths shopper. Perhaps it's because when I do try to shop for cloths I am always drawn to t-shirts and I certainly don't need more or everything I love is so expensive I just can't bare to spend the money. Bottom line I go through stages when I really want to shop for cloths, like now that I'm going on a big trip, I want something new, something fun, and other times I just don't care because really I don't like to spend money on cloths.

Number 2 I am a hoarder. The truth is out and the thing I hoard most is money. I don't know if I do it on some strange subconscious level to save or that I know the item I want most exceeds the $100 range. Whatever the case the money would mostly be hidden until I had forgotten about it only to find it months later feeling totally rich. This in fact has happened before and it's such a delight to find and realize that the thing I want most is now a possibility.

But if we consider the challenge, which is a supposed $100 to spend on clothing, I would do one of two things.
I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal. I would say 99.1% of the time you will find me in a pair of jeans (american eagle these days) and a fitted t-shirt. As much as I like to branch out when I do go shopping I have this strange pull toward the t-shirts. It's my comfort and it's what I like most. Boring to some, classic to me. I tend to only buy jeans when my favorites are worn and old. I do in fact wear them to the very end. When I find something I love it's hard to replace so only do it when it's totally necessary (hence the photo of the tattered jeans).

Now there are those rare opportunities when I am looking for something different (this is always my intention but it doesn't always happen) where I will spend the entire amount on one garment. If I find something I simply can't live without then the money is gone in one shot. I always do have some sort of buyers remorse, but quickly get over it as the delight in wearing it surpasses the guilt.

So there you have it, my not so love affair with cloths, however, I do and will always love the classic jean and t-shirt combo. I really can't get enough.

Going about my normal monday routine

...cleaning, laundry etc., and came across my littlest one dancing along to Bella Dancerella.
She does ask to do this all the time, but I guess I've never watched. A mistake I won't soon forget. Glad I was able to catch her this time. I stopped and watched for a while and boy was she into it. I think we've created a monster.

And then there was this (click to enlarge).


I couldn't resist posting this, it was just too funny. So funny I couldn't help laughing in front of poor Tess who put her hands over my mouth to get me to stop. I in know way meant to be insensitive, but I simply couldn't help myself.

When the girls walked in the door from school I was downstairs and heard Tess crying. Bella was very irritated and said, "Tess you don't have to cry just because you got puked on!" I wondered what in the world she was talking about so I made my way to them.

I took one look at Tess and couldn't help laughing, it wasn't so much at her or the incident because I didn't know what happened, but her teachers had put her in a interesting set of sweat pants. She just looked funny and you could tell totally distraught by what happened at school. I hugged her tight, so as not to get caught laughing, which was when the trying to cover my mouth occurred. Once I was able to composed myself I asked what happened. She told me her and two other friends were on a tired swing spinning really fast, when it stopped her friend puked all over her. What are the chances?

Did you check out the notice that came home with her bagged up puked on cloths. I love the line written in that read, "Tess was in the way of an accident :(". That made me laugh again. Tell me I'm not the only one who finds this funny. I am sure having a hard time not laughing as I type this.

I think she's ok now due to the popsicle and immediate change of cloths and hope she is forgiving of all the laughing I did.

Man, don't you just love how motherhood brings surprises each and every day.

new calling

I probably shouldn't have titled my post that way as it is a bit misleading. I have not been released from the YW program, but have been given a new set of responsibilities that I'm actually unsure of at this moment, like the blind is leading the blind.

A few weeks ago Adam told me after church that we were given a calling and yet it was only issued to him. Strange. To be completely honest I didn't know why they had to issue it as a calling. Whatever the reason we find ourselves in a leader type position, a role I'm not so eager to have.

Our stake is really big on being prepared as a community and they have asked us to be the emergency neighborhood coordinator for 14 house on our street. I had no idea what this would mean and all I kept thinking was, first what are they doing asking a young family to be in charge of other families, and secondly how can I help someone when most likely I won't be able to help myself. Though I speak big about being prepared I would say I am with the majority and feel I have a long way to go. Plus, do they have any idea how I will be in an emergency situation. I like to think I will surprise myself and rise above, but if my kids are in school I can't imagine I will be concerned about other families when I'll want to go find them. I know that sounds harsh, but true. Right? Won't our minds be on getting our kids, if they're ok, etc.

Anyway, we had our first meeting tonight at the stake center to find out once and for all what our actually duties would be. I came home feeling a little bit more calm. In a couple of weeks we are going to be having a mock emergency where we're to place a white towel on our mailbox if we are OK (we have done this before and it seemed to work great, but all I had to do was put the towel on my mailbox). This is where Adam and I come in. We need to go around to each house looking for the towel and if we don't see it we need to assess the situation and provide the information to our command center who will in turn get a triage unit to the location. These CRT trained individuals all live in the neighborhood and are close. It's really an amazing thing the community has set up and really hope families are willing to help/participate to make it work or I will be knocking on a lot of doors.

I am grateful our stake/community is taking this serious and doing what they can to be prepared in an emergency. It is also giving me another push to get my house in order and keep up with my goals, which are easily lost as day to day life invades. My family went to bed early this evening and I have been doing a lot of research on food storage and preparedness of which I will share with you in the coming weeks. It does seem a bit overwhelming, but feel if done a little at a time it truly is doable.

letting go of the funk

I feel like I have a lot to share and then nothing at all. It's a strange conundrum really. Don't know what to make of it.

This week has been a strange week. Not bad just one of those weeks where I feel I'm in a creative funk. I never know where it comes from, but I feel sort of zapped, like a need a break. I have been trying to talk myself into working on Bella's reading bench cover, but I simply cannot, I just don't have it in me, so I have been good to myself and taken the break I need.

So instead of being creative I have given reading (mags & textbooks) a lot my attention to find my way back, searching for inspiration where I can. I have also been organizing my photos. I go in spurts I guess where each month I am really good about saving to discs, deleting bad photos, and ordering prints. Don't get me wrong after my HD scare I save my photos to CDs every time I download photos onto my computer, but I'm not so diligent at ordering prints. I don't think I have ordered prints all year. One of the one things I don't like about digital is not having prints on hand at all times. My goal has been to upload and print my images every month, but obviously that hasn't happen and now it's just more thing begging to get completed.

Sigh.

This is where my hands usually fly up in the air and I think, "it's too much work, I simply can't get it done so why try". Despite my funky feeling I am pushing through so I can reach my goal and there won't be more work the longer I wait. Isn't that the kicker anyway. It never goes away, just continues to pile on top of one another until we finally get to it.

I guess you could say that about everything in life. In relationships, goals, laundry, books to read, our lists, dishes, etc etc. The list could go on and on, but you get my point. Things must be dealt with. I can walk over a pile for weeks, but when I finally just sort through the mess how much better I feel. It would be good for me to finally get that.

Anyway, enough of that. Here are a few photos I found while sifting through them this last week that didn't catch my eye before, but certainly did this time.

Have a great weekend!!

i love home

Today has been one of the crazy errand days. I actually hate running errand so I try to do it all in one day, but when I left I didn't plan on where just one place would take me.

A few weeks ago I realized my driver's license has been expired since my birthday. I'm fearful it will cause problems at the airport or when getting my passport so I set out today to take care of it. I figured since I was out I would go get a copy of my birth certificate since I can't find it, plus I never did get a copy of Megan's. Anyway, I wasn't really happy about any of this and for sure was not keen on taking Tess and Megan with me. Long lines are never fun with kids. So per Adam's suggestion I took our portable DVD player for the kids to watch while we waited. Can I just say it worked like a charm. They had a set of head phones to share so they weren't disturbing anyone in the least. It went smooth, except the fact that I traded in my cute DL photo for a much worse one. Bummer.

While I was there the woman told me my SSN doesn't match my name. I guess I never took care of changing it when I got married 10 years ago. Fearing that will also be a problem when trying to get my passport I figured I should just do that today too. UGH!

So when I was done at the DL office I headed to get my birth certificate. I couldn't find the place, but other than that it was just another thing to cross off my list. Thank goodness it was empty and took no time at all.

Next to the SSN office. During my travels I ended up getting pulled over by a police officer who informed me he had been following me for quite a while. Nice. I bet I looked like a fool. Then he tells me his records show that I don't have car insurance, which is simply not true. He did eventually believe me I mean come on I did have proof (it's too long of a story to get into). Man I am grateful I just got my license renewed as I'm sure that would have become an issue too.

I did eventually make it to the SSN office, but when I walked in there was literally like 50 people waiting in line or in the provided seating. I took one look at the place and just turned around and walked out. It wasn't a necessity so figured why go through the hassle of waiting so long when all I wanted to do was go home.

As I was leaving I realized how close I was to Costco and I should just get my passport photos taken. I mean I was out and thought I was looking pretty good. What is it about photos? I could look in the mirror and think I look great and then they show me the photo and I can't believe my eyes. It's a shame these are the photos that are attached to our personal documents we are forced to carry around. Oh well.

It was crazy to see how one thing led to another (like the post jill did about the book "when you give a mouse a cookie") and although I am never keen on doing those types of things I am so glad to be home and have it done. And I'm not even irritated about the ticket. It's a good day...just busy.

FYI...I heard from Crystalyn today and her little Thomas is in the hospital ICU with rsv (hope she's ok with me sharing). It sounds like a crazy sleepless night. Just thought I would let you know so you can keep them in your prayers.

spt - easter

When I was little the thing I looked forward to the most in the spring was a new Easter dress. My family didn't have money and so most everything I wore was a hand me down of my sisters, who is 5 years older than me, but my Easter dress as far as I can remember was a new special treat just for me. It was always a delight to wear to church on Easter morning.

The older I got it seemed that tradition happened less and less. I remember one year when there wasn't a dress, instead my mom told me and my sister she had a special gift for us. I'm not sure of my age...I was young enough to not think my mom's surprise was being pregnant like my sister thought, but old enough to be able to still wear it today. She gave us a beautiful gold CTR ring. I remember my excitement of being able to have such a beautiful reminder to choose the right. To this day I don't wear it, it's gold and my wedding ring is white gold, but I still have it and each time I look at it I think of Easter and the gift that Christ gave me and also I think of my mother. She is an amazing woman who did an excellent job raising me and my siblings. She has been through a lot as a mother, something I pray I will never have to endure, but one that has taught me about her strength and the unwavering support of the Lord. Like I said on Sunday, Easter is just another reminder of something I think about all year long, how my family can be together forever and I celebrate it with reverence and joy.

changes in our house

It was our spring break last weekend. No, we didn't do anything special like go out of town, but I must say it has been nice sleeping in for a few days not having to get up to take kids to school, too bad that all ends tomorrow. It hasn't just been good for me, I know the kids have had fun just being able to play with no obligations. I think with Bella gone all day and then homework and violin to practice they don't get to play as much as they would like. I often hear them late at night getting together and playing. It's too sweet to stop.

So here is my recap.

After asking for about a week non stop we finally decorate eggs Thursday night. It's something we always look forward to and surprisingly it's never as big a mess as I anticipate, even with Megan. This year the girls decided they wanted to put their initials on the eggs to ensure they wouldn't get mixed up (they're so big into what is theirs these days). I wish they would have mentioned it earlier and we could have put there names on with white crayons and made a very cool effect. Oh well, maybe next year.

We went to the zoo on Friday. I must admit I didn't want to go, but I sort of felt like I had to do something fun with them. So we got up early and made sure to be there when the zoo opened. This actually ended up being the best thing we could have done because when we walked out 2 hours later (yes, you read that right, I got off easy) the lines were huge and no parking was to be found. I felt extremely lucky we were on our way out and that it was such nice weather. One more thing. Does this freak anyone else out? As I was watching this cheetah walk back and forth staring at us I just kept thinking the only thing separating him from us was the glass.

Saturday was a bit tough, even though I had anticipated this event for the last several weeks, I didn't realize how hard it would be to buy Megan a big girl bed and finally after 7 year put down the crib. It is the weirdest feeling to see Megan growing up, no more diapers (she has been doing great except she doesn't want to go in public places), and moving into a big bed. I had a friend once ask me if I was ready to be done with the babies. You know I feel that I am, but when it happens I sort of have this bittersweet feeling going on. It feels wonderful to be here and yet I am sad at the same time. My family is growing up. I just don't know where the time went. With all the mixed emotions I know it means good times ahead. I look forward to what the 5 of us will experience together.

Needless to say Megan is thrilled with her new bed. I wasn't worried at all about the transition or that I would need to worry about her falling out until 1am last night when we heard a huge crashing sound followed by wailing coming from her room. I felt horrible, but grateful Adam was out of bed before I could figure out what had happened and that she was fine just scared.

I guess that brings me to Sunday. Before walking out the door to go to church I took our traditional Easter dress photo. I struggle to take photos like this, as it's rare that everyone cooperates, plus we are bound to have other friends involved (kitty and duck with Megan), but I still enjoy looking through them each year and remembering.

It was nice today when I went to my mail box and actually had mail let alone four pieces of good mail. I say that because my mail didn't come two days last week (Thursday and Saturday). This has happened before and I'm getting pretty upset by it. Anyway, Thank you to Robyn & Hannah for the nice thank you note, Lelly for the thoughtful "just because" note, and Kristi for the, once again, awesome holiday mail. Loved it. Thanks ladies for helping make my afternoon.

I hope your Monday is off to a great start. I love Mondays.

First off I want to wish everyone a happy Easter. I love Easter. It's everything I wish Christmas was, all about Christ, but not so commercialized that you have to fight to stay on the reason for the holiday. I wish I were better about keeping that in mind, but with the rush to get thing prepared and obligations I loose sight too often, which is why I love Easter so. I don't have any of those struggles and I get to focus on Christ and His gift of the atonement and resurrection. How grateful I am for allowing fresh starts and paying the price so that I may live with my family for eternity.


Today I celebrate something else as well, it's my little brother's birthday. He is one of the sweetest guys I know that deserves all the happiness in the world. I truly hope he has found it. He constantly cracks me up with his guarantees and I have learned a lot from him about keeping a positive attitude despite life's difficulties. I love you Chris and hope you have a fantastic day.

boys 101

It seems innocent enough. Four small children intently looking at another even smaller one, but what's actually going on in this photo is even funnier than you can imagine.

Crystalyn is change little Thomas with four very verbal children watching all discussing his body parts using anatomically correct terminology (I prefer that). We were laughing so hard at how many time the "P" word came up in their conversation. Tess saying things like, "My dad has one of those." Bella wondering what all the commotion was about saying in discussed, "ohhh one of those." Megan got in on it somehow, but can't now remember and Christian well, he was teaching my three girls a thing or two about boys and how they're different from girls. Gotta love it.

I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time.

And just one more to share to show just how loved this new little life is.

"they"

Though music hasn't always been a huge part of my life, I have always known that what attracts me to a song is as much the melody as it is the words. If I like the message/words most likely it becomes one of the most played songs in my playlist. To me words hold with it so much power, which is why it's so devastating that my words fail me too often. I have always wanted to write music, and though I know that will never happen perhaps I can just enjoy the emotions and thoughts other talented songwriters can share with me.

A couple years ago I heard a song called A Ghost by Onelinedrawing. It was an eerie song that to tell you the truth I wasn't too keen on because it's about a man who wants to die. It wasn't until I really listened to the whole song that I realized how simply powerful it was. Yes, it's about a man who asks to die because he sick of this life, but once gone he realizes how wrong he was...

This is not the end
There are never enough days
I scream and I shake and I
sound like the wind
and I miss the pain of our
blood and our skin
Rubies and pearls, our blood
and our skin
Our blood and our skin are
worth everything.

Hey St Joe, I was wrong
About the sea and the sun and my boy
Let me bleed, let me long
The taste of skin is joy

When I really heard it I started to cry. I'm not sure why except the words truly touched me at how precious this life is and how wasteful I had been focusing on silly things that have no meaning or that I have absolutely no control over. I battle trying to keep that in perspective knowing that life is such a beautiful gift. The joys. The sorrows. The good times and bad all make us who we are.

So as I search and ponder what I can do to make life the gift it is I found "they" in my path. I have this problem, and I assume I'm not the only one, that cares and focuses on what "they" think rather than our family, ourselves, and even what our God thinks of us. It's a powerful realization to me, the concept of what they think, and one I have struggled with for years trying to lose and something I also feel is tied to my self confidence. I am so confused as to why "they", who actually has little to no meaning to me, has such an effect on my life. Why do they become the focus and those whose opinions actually mean something to me in the end mean very little? Does anyone have an answer? Though, I find myself without the answer I haven't let that stop me in searching for that place where "they's" voice doesn't exist.

Each day I feel I am making more progress letting what is most important in and giving "they" the cold shoulder, which is not to be confused with not caring. To be completely honest I'm not sure I would've believed letting "they" go could make that big of a difference, but I have surprised myself with how doors are opening and how I'm progressing in a much more meaningful way. I have a long way to go and many battles to fight, but how awesome it is that I can finally see where I'm going. All because I am choosing to let "they" go.

I know I am posting late in the day, but couldn't end without wishing my friend Crystalyn a Happy Birthday! She is an amazing woman who has opened up herself to me and given me a friendship I've long been searching for.

spt - plays well with others

I know what you're thinking right...what in the world? This isn't a self portrait. She's not even in the photo.

And so we disagree.

It is said that your eyes are the window to your soul. I couldn't agree more. I feel our eyes do reflect the person that we are, but also those we love and choose to go through life with. I believe in any close relationship when your thoughts are on the other and your need for love and understanding is great, it's hard not to become apart of each other, changing and forming into one purpose in heart and mind.

This man in my photo is one of the greatest gifts of my life. Each day I choose to focus on what we have I realize how much I am focusing on what I want and what is most important to me (us). Not to sound cheesy, but he is my best friend and the one I choose to spend my time with. How could I not. He loves me and only wants for our happiness. As you know marriage isn't always bliss and in those difficult moments how grateful I am that he fights for us, especially in those times when I am weary.

So if you look closely at the photo of him (click to enlarge). You will see me. Quite literally. I am there reflected in his eyes and pray as we go through life it will always be that way.

PS I also wanted to mention my friend Tiffanie has started a blog. I'm really excited for her to get involved because it has certainly changed my life and I'm certain it will do the same for her. Check it out she's also doing spt.

"So good to have you back"

he said with a smile and sigh of relief. This was the way our conversation started on Saturday night after Adam got home from priesthood session. It's nice to be back in the land of stress free...for at least a moment anyway.

I had a wonderful weekend that started with an amazing conference, which left me feeling rejuvenated and a better commitment to those in my life that I love. I realize more than ever that I have the power to change my life. It is up to me to make it what I dream. It's such a powerful feeling to know you're in control.

I was able to visit Crystalyn and her new little one on Saturday. It was fun just hanging out, talking, and taking pictures of her beautiful baby boy. She looks great and he seems to be so good to her. Can you believe this precious little boy? More photos here.

Today has been an incredibly full day. Adam painted all the trim in Bella's room over the weekend and I was left with the disaster this morning. Every time I walked by it I would cringe so just decided to go for it. I rearrange it for her, since she's way into that, and organized her oh so need closet by taking out old or worn out cloths. It made me so very happy and I find myself popping in just to see it look bright and clean. I love it when a project comes together like that.

I got loads of laundry done. I guess you could say after the week I had my house was a wreak so I have spent a lot of my day just trying to put it all back together, which means catching up on all the laundry. I am never a big fan, but it does feel good to get it all done and put away.

I know not the most exciting of information, but I am just grateful for an attitude adjustment and the happy contented feeling I have going on today. Man it's good to be back.

Hope your Monday is just as good and productive.

gratitude and potty talk

Monday was a great day for Megan and the potty and then slowly after that she seemed to be regressing. So much so that she doesn't want to go pee at all. On the potty or off. Yesterday she went an entire day without going once until 5pm, that included through the night. I was so upset by this thinking surely she is going to get sick that I was on he phone with her dr thinking, How bad is this and Could it be that she has an infection and it hurts to go? Today after pleading with her to go before her nap I gave up, put her to bed, fell to the ground in desperate need of help. When I got up I decided I was done. She obviously isn't ready. I'm stressed. She's stressed. It's so not worth it. I even resigned myself to think if I give up now she will most likely not do it before school starts in the fall and she won't be able to attend. At this point I'm ok with that. It's just not worth it.

When she woke up from her nap this afternoon I gave her a big hug, let her play with her sisters, and then got on her level and said, "Megan do you want to go back to diapers or continue to wear undies?" She looked at me with those big beautiful chocolaty eyes and said, "undies". I was shocked to hear her say that, but again explained to her what that meant and she said, "Ok". We are headed to the park and asked her to try before we left. She actually went. Perhaps she just needed it to be her decision and I have been making it mine. Whatever the case, I have lost my zeal and am just taking it one day at a time and hoping she will continue to want to and if not, I don't care.

So with all this stress going on I decided to do what helps me best and focus on other people. I have been making (my week project) and getting ready to send good mail and it definitely has lifted my spirits. Also after reading Elizabeth's gratitude post I was inspired to create my own because really I have more than enough things to be grateful for and I know you have better things to do than listen to me complain.



- number one being this sweet little girl of mine that makes me laugh at every turn. Oh how I love her and feel guilty for having the slightest bit of ill feelings toward her this week.
- sat/sun conference
- adam's patience
- my 3 girls
- health
- good weather
- changing attitudes
- creating
- hamburgers & fries
- smiles & hugs
- washer/dryer
- hot tub for relaxation
- blog friends
- cozy bed
- clean kitchen (thanks adam)
- a night together

Hope you have a great weekend.

this week

This week has been, to say the least, a crazy week. Dealing with potty training and trying to stay as positive as possible with Megan amongst the bumps in the road. As much as I think I'm mentally and physically prepared for this I have obviously forgotten the stress that comes with potty training. She is doing great, though has had her moments. I am hoping that she is truly getting it.

Besides the potty training I have obviously had a lot of my mind. Stuff that I just need to sort out and I apologize if I was too vague about it all yesterday, but there are still certain things that I need to keep just for me. I guess one would say, "then why bring it up at all". Well, I thought a lot about this today and what I came up with is this blog is a refection of the person I am...happy, sad, crazy, whatever it represents me. When I choose to post on SPT I didn't consider what I would write until I was writing it, so what came out of me was how I was feeling. I suppose I could hide it or fake my thoughts so as not to subject you all to my craziness, but then I feel like I'm cheating myself from an amazing experience and cheating all of you, my friends, from getting to know who I truly am. Emotional or not I hope my being real is what draws you to my blog as I am always truly inspired and grateful for the real I get to participate in everyday by reading your blogs.

With that said, I appreciate all your sweet words from yesterday. It's amazing what that does to lift a person up and how grateful I feel to have such an awesome support system. Today I feel good, just extremely exhausted due to potty training, seriously how could I forget how draining this is. I also want to thank Mindy for the yummy cadbury chocolate eggs (my easter fav)...what does it say about me that they are already gone? Carlo for the yummy Godiva dark chocolate bar...also gone and very delicious, and Amanda for the very cute homemade cards (post photo soon). Thank you ladies, they came at such a perfect time.

Oh and I couldn't end this post without leaving just one photo that makes me smile.

spt - spring fever

This has actually been a hard challenge for me as the last few days, though optimistic about somethings, my heart is yearning for guidance, hope, and faith about another.

I took this photos yesterday while playing with the girls outside on our newly refurbished swing set and had every intention to wake up this morning and post about how much I love spring, second only to the fall. The brightness it brings into my life literally and figuratively. The hope of starting over, that all things are possible, and that in this world of uncertainty rest assured there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Spring will overcome the darkness and life will again reign.

As I sit here writing and wanting for all that to have meaning I just keep coming back to this photo among the ones that I found yesterday.

It represents more of who I am today. Feeling a bit lost in the world. Desperately seeking answers. Trying to feel hope that although my whole is not found in the photo a piece of me still exists. I am here, moving fast, falling down, but I can be caught. I pray the running with stop and I will find the peace I seek. That truly spring will overcome the darkness.

She's doing it!

I was going to title this post wish me luck, but I think I'm a little past that. Yes I'm being very optimistic and hopefully rightly so. We have started potty training Megan. We began yesterday after church when the last diaper was gone from our house. She made it all day and through the night with no accidents. I was sure it was just a coincidence and that today would be a different story. I did all I could to prepare myself, I mean I'm no fool I've done this now 2 other times and know how hard it can be, but was determined to be as happy, patient, and understanding as possible with what I would face. Well, I'm thrilled to report Megan has been doing so good all day, though, a bit reluctant she is going and having NO accidents. I will spare you any details, but we have done it all...Hooray!

I have been wearing my heart of my sleeve all day, on a day that I already feel a bit overwhelmed with my feelings. I just can't imagine I will have no kids in diapers. It is something I have not known for 7 years, but have been dreaming about. Can you imagine, I'm sure some of you can, what it's like to buy and change diapers for 7 years? I just can't believe I'm here, in this place in my life. What a relief it is that I won't have to carry around diapers and wipes anymore, but oh how sad for what this really means. She is getting big, growing up, and although I'm ready for this, it does pull at my heart strings to know she is right on her way of not needing me anymore.

Oh how I would like to slow time just a bit.

she's seven

As I pull my groggy new 7 year old out of the vehicles this evening she asked, "Mom do I feel older?" Me, feeling completely puzzled ask her back, "Do YOU feel older?" She barely lifted her head and replied, "No, you know, am I heavier?"

That's my Bella for you. My sweet, logical, innocent girl.



It's so hard for me to imagine this little girl of mine is now 7. It doesn't seem like 7 years ago that I brought her home from the hospital. It doesn't seem like 7 years ago that I became a mother. It's doesn't seem like 7 years ago that my life was changed forever, and yet, as I watched her all day having the time of her life, indeed seven years has past away in a blink of an eye. Where does the time go?

Bella has always had a very special place in my heart. From the beginning I've known she was different from most kids. Often quiet and kept to herself. I have come to learn how much apart of her that quiet is. She needs it and even craves her time alone to recharge. I am impressed at how much she already understands herself to be willing to walk away and give herself time.



She is the sweetest person I have ever met. Though, still a kid and has her moments, she really lives to please and often gives into others so they will be happy. She has a big heart that she often times tries to hide, almost like she isn't quite sure how to let the emotion out. That's one of the reasons I feel she has turned to writing. I believe she is more comfortable expressing herself through her written word. I am grateful she has found an outlet and hope in time she will get to know this amazing beautiful person I see when I look at her.

Summer 06

She is fabulous at the violin and I've been amazed at how quickly she has picked it up. She tells me she wrote a story in school about becoming a professional violinist. I would love to see her reach that goal, especially since it has become something we do together. Apparently she is really great with rhythm and singing because she's singing in a duo next month at her school program. Speaking of school, she has a passion for learning and can pretty much memorize anything. It is her gift and I've often believed her to have a photographic memory.

Spring 06

She loves to play with friends (her 2 best above, and best cousin below), especially when make believe is involved. She has quite the imagination and is willing to bring anyone into her magical world that is willing. The current game is "cats & owners". Don't ask, but it literally takes my girls out of my hands for hours.

So today on her seventh birthday, since she is so fond of all things stuffed animal, I took her and her "best cousin" Whitney to build-a-bear.

It was quite the adventure and one I ended up doing all alone since Adam was sick. After picking up a cat named "Orange Stripe" and a dog named "first Maxie then later changed to Sophie" and a request to ride the Nordstrom escalators we headed to McDonald's. Then home for some playing so I could get a bit of down time. Then off again to a near by park. Once we got back we got ready and headed to Chili's (Bella's favorite) for dinner with my family. Back to my parents for cake and ice-cream and gifts. Just writing this all out makes me feel exhausted, especially since her father missed the whole thing :(. It was certainly a busy day, but she love it all. She told me when we got to my parents house, "today has been the best birthday ever!" I guess that makes all the running around & party planning totally worth it.

BTW she loved my gift.

busy friday

Today has been one of those day when I wonder how in the world I didn't get anything else done during the week. I have been busy busy moving from one project/activity to the next. Now I'm just beginning to feel on top of it, but do fear I may be forgetting something for Bella's birthday tomorrow. Good thing she doesn't have preconceived expectations.

Here is my project for the week.

Although, it is a gift I feel pretty safe knowing the recipient won't be reading my blog. It's a journal for Bella. When I went to parent teacher conference several weeks ago her teacher told me she was quite the writer and of all the kids in her class she loves writing the most. I was delighted by the news as I would love to be a better writer myself so I'm grateful she has found it. I love that she wants to write. I love that she chooses to express herself with a pen and paper. I love that she has a lot in her head that she feels compelled to let out. I hope these pages are filled with her words and that one day what she finds will be priceless.

my mac

Adam and I have this joke between us about macs. I would love to get one, he thinks I'm crazy. I actually agree with him more than he thinks. It just doesn't make sense for me to get one, at least not right now. Despite what some may say, Jared (bro to the sistas), the type of computing I use my computer for a PC is more than qualified. I've used photoshop with a mac, it performs exactly the same. Word, again the same. Internet, same. Just as fast...faster, well at least mine is. Plus, it just doesn't make sense to spend $1500 in new software and new ipods (did you know once formatted to one OS you can't use it on another). I priced the machine I want in both PC & mac and it would be at least 30% more for a mac. So why do I want one. Somewhere in the back of my mind they're cooler, perhaps I think it says something about you to own one. There advertisements are fabulous and the machine, well, the machine just look dang cool. And how can I look past that very cute apple on the front. So as I work my way through not being so vain I realize how foolish I am being, at least for now.

Ok, sorry for the tangent, now back to my story.

So since we have this running conflict between us it has turned into playful banter. Now when we watch TV, everyone has a mac on TV, and I see the apple looking back at me I poke him or make mention of it. When I see the oh so cool commercials I stop to watch them, when we go near the mac store I have to always go in. Remember that whole bit on my birthday about the gift with the apple on it. That was a joke too, of course I just happened to be right on. Stuff like that makes me laugh and I want to always keep it up.

Well, the other day Adam told me he had left his old laptop in my studio to use when I wanted to be mobile. Very cool. When I finally went to use it yesterday I found this....
Although he has the bite on the wrong side and the stem isn't connected I more than understood what he was saying. It made me laugh and smile. It truly made me feel loved. He knows me oh so well.