here we go again

I'm not sure I'm ready. I should be ready as I've known about this for a while now, but I'm just not quite prepared to take the plunge and become a Suzuki parent for the second time. Why you ask? Because the violin is so involved on the parents part I don't know if I'm ready to start from scratch right now. Well, I better hurry because I only have a few hours to contemplate my unreadiness.



On the other hand Megan is more than ready. She sure was cute this afternoon when we went to get her a violin. I can't believe how small it is (I've forgotten), and how adorable she looks holding it. She is very excited and won't stop asking me if she can hold it and now she has resolved to say, "I'm just going to look at it, ok?" It cracks me up the way this girl always talks in the affirmative as if the answer will undoubtedly be yes...it's certainly hard to say no to. I guess it's a good thing she wants to play so badly, but I think she may just drive me crazy until she does. Thank goodness it's all in good time. She still has several weeks using a fake violin before she can move onto the real thing.

Wish us luck. I know I'm going to need it.

back to school

We've successfully made it through our first day of school. Bella and Tess started today and as far as my girls were concerned it was five days too late. Since back to school night, last Wednesday, they have been chopping at the bit to get back to school so needless to say I think Sunday night was a sleepless night for the two of them.



For someone who claims to like taking pictures I sure do a lousy job at remembering my camera. It wasn't until we were on the school grounds and I saw other mom's taking pictures that it occurred to me I should have brought my camera. I guess I was just trying to get everyone out of the house and it slipped my mind. Thank goodness I had my phone on me and was able to capture the event after all.

I don't usually go into the school with them so it was a treat for me this year to send them off this way. Once I was there I realized how much I've missed these last 2 years having them go with our carpool instead of taking them myself. It was fun to see my girls meet up with their friends (some they hadn't seen the entire summer) giggling and laughing as they waited for the bell to ring, all of them excited to get into their classrooms and start the day. One thing I hadn't anticipated, but was thrilled to see was how much Bella and Tess loved going to school together. They couldn't wait to look for each other during the day and meet up after school to talk about their day.

I'm glad I decided to see them off at the door because it felt like such a significant event. Two kids gone all day seems so unbelievable to me. I remember thinking about this years ago, wondering what it would feel like. Strangely enough it feels natural, like it was meant to happen this way. I am more excited for the adventures they will have this year than sad at missing them. It is a part of life and childhood to have them gone and it will definitely make the times we are together after school and in the evenings that much more meaningful. Plus let's not forget I will have Megan here with me to keep me company. I think in two years when they are all gone I may feel differently, but then again you never know, it may feel as natural as it does today.

Do you feel sad when your kids go back to school?
or Do you look forward to the day?

love em like my own

an attempt to get a shot of the kiddos for my mom.

details from my sister's visit

It's crazy when you don't really think about something how quickly time passes. I had no idea the last time I had updated my blog was on Tuesday. Man, this week just flew by.

I had a date with Bella this afternoon that lasted shorter than expected because we got a flat tire. Luckily I had Adam to rescue me and am hoping if it ever happens again I will be able to do it on my own. It's not that I don't know how to change a tire, but I've never actually done it in my current car and there was definitely a learning curve. He was generous enough to run around this afternoon and get a new tire so I am finding myself at home earlier than expected with time on my hands. Fabulous, just enough time to finally look through the photos I took while my sister was in town.

Once a bit of time has past I find it so enjoyable to look through and proof my photos. It's a chance for me to really savor the fond memories of those two weeks and remember little details from each one.

Like this one of Megan and my niece Estee.


In years past they have been, for lack of a better term, rivals and this time they played together fabulously...for the most part. Apparently they are growing up.


This photo cracks me up because it a) reminds me of when I was a kid. I always wanted to raise my hands to prove I was brave enough and that I could do it and b) it shows Bella winking. A new skill to her that she often does around the house to remind us of her coolness...also love that thumbs up.


Can't miss a swimming photo. It was a huge hit this year and the first year I would ever dare say we have swimmers at our house. Bella and Tess seemed to really grow this year in their swim classes. They have a long way to go, but it's miles from where they were last year. The afternoons at the pool aren't quite so stressful.


And how could I ever pass up a chance to post of photo of these two best friends. They were together as much as ever.


My Adam taking Megan for the ride of her life (many times I saw her with her hands over her ears, but afterwards she was all smiles). He really is just a kid at heart.


With the Olympics going on it wasn't long before the kids were trying to emulate their favorite athletes, aka Shawn Johnson and Michael Phelps. I loved that it was something we could all enjoy together and that the kids actually got way into cheering them on.


And not to forget the down time where the kids were off playing made up games, discovering new games on the computer, or giggling in the other room. I think that's my most favorite thing of all. To hear and see them, all of them getting along so well loving each and every minute.

I could go on and on, but will spare you and leave it at this. It was a great visit and a fabulous way to end the summer. Well, almost end...the summer is not over yet.

have a great weekend.

getting ready

Since my sister's departure it's been non stop or at least that's how it feels. I keep thinking I will at some point update my blog and share all that we did, but I don't think that's going to happen for a while, which means I probably won't look at my photos for some time. I'm beginning to realize how blogging keeps me photo efficient.

So among trying to catch up with all the house stuff I missed while I was on my 2 week in town vacation, I have a lot of last minute business to get to before school starts...i.e filling out forms for school/activities, back to school night, dentist appointments, getting school supplies etc. Despite all that needs to get done and watching my two nieces this week my list is getting smaller. It feels good to be on top of it and crossing things off.

One thing that we did cross off the list last week was the back to school hair cuts. Bella has been asking me for a very very long time to cut her hair. I've been reluctant, for reasons unknown, but finally decided to just let her do what she wanted. So last Thursday she cut it all off.



I'm not sure how many inches came off, but it was a ton and quite a drastic change. It has taken me some time to get use to. It's not that I didn't initially like it, I think she looks so cute this way, but I didn't love the way the girl cut it. There is I believe a few mistakes (can't be seen in photo) I'm hoping in a few months can be fixed or maybe we'll be lucky enough it won't be as noticeable in a few weeks. I guess all I really care about is if she likes it and she does, she loves it. I for one find it so much easier to do and think it makes her look older, it's like she's grown up over night.

Tess also got her hair cut, but in a different style. With her thin hair I just had the girl cut it in a boob (she did add a layer at the bottom) and leave it long enough so I could still pull it back in a pony tail. I think it looks adorable on her.



Besides her cute cut she has also lost 2 more teeth in the last 2 weeks. It's too bad her silly posing ways (I could get her to cooperate and I haven't tried taking a picture since...haven't pick up my camera since my sister left) left me unable to capture that new smile. I must say I'm a bit worried, in her little mouth I see no room for two more teeth. Yikes!

So a bit of an update I guess. We've had some changes and they've been good. Around here everyone's looking forward to the new school year, although, I think I am a bit sad to see the summer fade away. It's been a good one.

sixteen

It's a strange feeling to wake up and realize I've known my older brother, who died sixteen years ago, as long as I haven't. It's a day I have anticipated for a long time...the sixteenth anniversary of his death. I guess it just seemed significant in some way and I'm not sure why other than it shows how much time has passed and how much life I have lived during that time.



It was nice this day has come after a two week break spent with my family while my sister and her family were in town (if you're wondering where I've been...there you have it). It's comforting to be able to share stories and to know we are together, learning to fill in the gaps he left for us that feel very apparent to me.



Despite what this day means to me, it has been a most beautiful day. I must admit I had anticipated it being somewhat of a mess, considering Sundays are not usually my best day of the week (don't know why), but it has been a very peaceful reflective day where I've focused more on what I have instead of what I don't have and embraced the healing that has taken place these last few years. How grateful I am for my knowledge of Christ's gospel that I know I will one day see him again.



Throughout the day my thoughts kept coming back to my word for the year, LIVE, and reminding me of something my brother said years ago that I will never forget, (2 weeks before his death he went on a road trip with his good friend Jeff, who unfortunately died with my brother in the car accident, and they took a video of their trip. While video taping he said these words) "and if we happen to die, know that we love you and always have a good one." As I reflect on his words today "always have a good one" I remind myself to live each day to the fullest with no regrets as I know he did. Though his life was only 18+ years long he certainly lived everyday and held nothing back. I want that...to know I have given it my all and can leave this life better than when I came. Definitely easier said than done. I have a lot of work to do.

be you

"I've always liked the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am." - story people

This little Tess of mine is just about to enter the world of elementary school where she will be surrounded by her peers and faced with some tough choices. As I've watched her grow up and interact with others I've seen this need of hers to be accepted (I know we all do one way or another) and have watched her change her mind based on what someone else is doing or trying to be like them. If I could give her anything it would be to always be true to herself. I know she is young and knowing who you are takes time and experience, but I would hate to see her fall into the trap that she needs to be like everybody else or there is only one way to be. I just want her to be who she is and never doubt where she came from.

It's something I wish I could just hand to her, the confidence to be who she is, but know it will be something she will have to find on her own and want. With the world's voice shouting in your ear it can be difficult to remember to just be who you are, but I know if you want it, you can get it. I still need to remind myself the same things. Perhaps our unfavorable predispositions we come here with are the things that take us a lifetime to conquer, but are worth all the fight. Indeed I think it's that fight that makes us who we are. Life really is a cycle.

So Tess keep being the fun, silly, yet sensitive little girl we have always loved...and never ever stop laughing.

fading summer

"It's designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything is new again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains comes, it stops, and leaves you to face the fall alone." ~Bartlett Giamatti

Today I had this sense of the fading summer. Don't get me wrong I love the coming of the fall, but have also so enjoyed this season and the time devoted to a lack of schedule, mornings and evenings on the porch, and the remaining sun (not the heat...the light). In 29 days I think I will mourn a bit the end of the lazy summer day, the time we were together just letting what will happen, happen.

weekly tidbits

It's crazy how a week can go by and not much will happen and then another week will go by and you feel like it was so full you could hardly breath. Well, I sort of feel like my was full, but not with scheduled things I had to do, besides swim lessons, it felt full because of all the stuff I wanted to do.

Saturday I attended Amy's book binding class, which I just loved, and have been dreaming of making books ever since. My minds flooded with ideas. It's funny I got home and showed Adam what I made and he wants me to teach him how. Had I known he could have come to the class with me. Perhaps next time we can do it together.



I woke up one night or I should say early one morning (2am) and made this felt book.



Amy, Hannah, Jenn, and Michelle all have one and I couldn't wait to have a cute little book to hold all my needles. Thanks ladies for the inspiration, and Amy thanks again for a fabulous afternoon.

We went Miniature Golfing as a family on Monday night for Megan's bday.







It's what she really wanted to do, but had to wait because Adam and the girls were camping on her birthday Friday night. The kids raced through the course as I knew they would, the heat was unfortunately still beating down on us at 7pm, but we had a lot of fun or at least I know Megan did.

I've had this hankering to scrapbook again. I always want to, but it seems I never really do find the time. The other night I was up late working on these (one still in the works).


[inspiration came from makingmemories blog in their design album, it didn't specify the artist.]


[8x8 layout - song lyrics]
It's interesting as I was thinking about scrapbooking so was Bella. She was asking me tons of questions the other day about it and wants to start doing it with me. I was actually really excited about the two of us playing together in my studio. Perhaps scrapbooking will be her way into the creative world...it was mine.



Thursday night we went to a bbq with our neighbors. It was a low key night where basically the kids played and we talked for hours. Once it got dark we did a few fireworks with the kids and I brought glow in the dark sticks for everyone to play with (hence the photo) that went over huge. I'm at a really great stage where the kids can easily be entertained and I don't have to watch them 24/7. It's so relaxing.

have a great weekend.

between us

There are many things about us that i love, but one that I seem to not get enough of is just being with him and talking.



It is not something I could've said during the earlier years in our marriage, I was more reserved, but now I believe that it has become such a enjoyable part of our relationship. I so look forward to long drives where the kids are asleep (it's hard to talk now with them listening and understanding) or evenings lying in bed talking our way to sleep. I am grateful we have come to a point where no subject is off limits (the easy and the hard), where I know I can come to him about anything and he'll be there listening every time.

One of my favorite things is that a conversation can start one way and then the natural ebb and flow moves it from one topic to another seamlessly. You never no where you're going to end up...it's like a piece of art. I love it. This morning was no exception, I loved that our State holiday allowed us to lazily enjoy the morning sitting on the porch talking. We could have been out there for hours, in fact, I believe we were.

celebrating four

My Megan is four today. It's so strange for me to look at her, my last, my littlest and see her getting older. I always associate her with being so small, but I remember Bella at this age and she seemed so big to me. Maybe it's because I had two smaller kids at the time.



I'm not sure I'm ready for her to grow up so quickly, but I don't think I have a choice. Megan often tells me, "you're going to be sad when I grow up", and all I can say is "yes, yes I am". I wish I could keep her at this stage for a bit longer, but I am also so looking forward to the young woman she will become because she is one delightful little girl right now.



four Pieces of her

It's a rare moment to find her not talking (she is fondly referred to as our Chatterbox) and while she's jabbering away she very often starts a sentence with the word "actually".



She tells me things like, "I love you up to heaven".

If you are looking for her you'll most likely find her if you follow the bandaid trail. She is terrified of blood so bandaids have become her way of coping. I have even seen her put a bandaid on a red marker stain.



She changes her clothes constantly throughout the day and tells me it's because "she wants to get pretty". Currently as I write this she's running around with 2 swimming suits on.

I know I could go on and on, but will leave my list at four. She has been such an enjoyable little girl and truly adds something very special to our family. Tonight the two of us get to spend the evening together while Adam, Bella, and Tess go on a camp out. I was bummed how the camp out fell on her birthday, but now I'm looking forward to the two of us getting to be together. We'll be going to dinner and then I'm taking her to Build-A-Bear.

Happy Birthday Meg!

teaching = learning

Saturday we had our first lesson on cleaning the toilets/bathrooms. Basically I want them to see how much work it is so they will, on a daily basis, take part in keeping it clean. There was a lot of "that's disgusting" comments, but all and all they didn't mind it. In fact they asked, "when do we get to do it again?". Go figure they actually had fun cleaning the bathroom.

It's certainly a job I would love to relinquish completely, but I know it will be us doing it together for a while. I think that's why I haven't taught them til now, it just makes more work for me and takes a lot longer. I guess in the long run, though, it will serve it's purpose. I definitely want my girls to know how to work and to understand that working isn't a bad thing. Of course at some point don't you always know that cleaning the toilet is a bum job (no pun intended).

alone & together

Gris Grimly is an artist Adam really likes and Saturday while I was looking through a published book of his art (Where Madness Reigns) I saw two watercolor paintings I feel in love with. There was one of a boy standing all alone on a hill looking grim and another one of a boy and a girl separated. There was just something about the way he created the mood that I wanted to try.

Here are my versions.





It was a lot of fun to do, but it certainly made me realize I know nothing about watercolors, loading or dispersing the color. I really really want to take an art class and am hoping once the girls are in school I can make it happen.

Oh and on a good news note, I heard back from the doctor and my growth was just a simple mole. :)

continual process

"Saving up a bag full of peak moments she's going to have someday if she can ever get away from all the same old stuff that's holding her back & you can pretty well guess how it's going." -story people

I found this online last night as I was doing my usual Sunday night internet wander (my sunday nap always seem to kill my sleep) and couldn't help but laugh as I managed to find the one quote that completely sums up how I am feeling at the moment...frustrated at my own lack of ability to conquer and make a change for good. Why must I learn and continue to learn the same lessons over and over again?

Perhaps my "old stuff" is my stuff (challenges that take a lifetime to learn i.e. confidence, selfishness, worrying about what others think etc.) and I just need to remember to allow life to move as I patiently let go of that which is holding me back. Apparently I need a constant reminder that life is the process of creating (creating because it implies doing) happiness, learning to find the good where it does and does not exist. Perhaps then I can begin to take from my pretty green bag my "peak moments".


[ps I just now noticed (7pm) that two of my key words (stuff and move) were erased from the second paragraph as I was trying to change the font and unfortunately I published it that way. I am sorry to those who were trying to read it and couldn't understand it because of that. Sadly I'm sure it came as no surprise.]

i see

two girls laughing and playing as if there was no one else in the world.

i see two girls who confide in one another.

i see two girls who ask to have sleepovers with each other every night.

i see two sisters becoming the of best friends.

i see kindred spirits.

an evening together

Wednesday night I was beginning to feel like we just weren't enjoying the summer evenings like we should so we packed the kids up and headed to the park. On the way we all enjoyed a little brain freeze from "Bob's brain freeze". He has one mean snow cone with a touch of cream to make it that much more special. Seriously you never thought a snow cone could be so good.

randomness take...what number am I on?

I'm feeling sort of random today so I thought I would throw out an "amy random" post...why not? Apparently it's one of the things I do best. I'm always blurting random things (a horrible quality of mine) and trying to control my mind from racing from one thing to the next.

1. My girls have finally started swimming lessons for the summer. They are much better than I remember, but still not any where near a good swimmer. I find this very frustrating when taking them to the pool. No one is safe and I am on a constant vigilant watch (I am in the pool with them, but it's so hard to keep track of 3 alone). At the lesson today the boy in Tess' class got out and told his mom he just peed in the pool. I was sickened and seriously thought about not coming back. How often do you think that happens? ALL THE TIME is my guess. Disgusting. I hate public pools, but what's a girl to do.

2. I'm sitting at home on a fine summer afternoon with a big fat lip.


[why do i feel like this photos is not doing my crazy big lip justice. It's so much worse in person.]

I know what you're thinking...a collagen job gone terribly wrong, right? No. I just happen to finally get into the dermatologist to have my lip growth check out and he wanted to do a biopsy. Whatever anesthetic they gave me to numb the pain made my lip swell up like I had been punched in the face. I can't believe how self conscious I was walking out of the building. I felt like it was a race to get outside, get my sunglasses on, and pretend nothing looked amiss. So I can't go anywhere, I mean I can't go swimming or really be out in the sun. I can't eat right because my mouth won't open all the way and it can't be wet for 24 hours, which means I'm drinking from a straw. The blackened wound is going to be around for at least 2-4 weeks, but hopefully the black will go away. Good times you guys...good times.

3. I am doing my best not to stress about the results of my biopsy. The nurse told me the doctor would call if it's a problem (i.e. cancer or something like it) and that she would call if it's nothing to worry about. I really hope it's a woman on the other end of the phone call or I might not get through it. I'm trying hard not to freak out.

4. I've been painting the last few days. Painting my last 8x8 canvas on my wall of 4.



I had this great vision in my head, but it didn't quite come out the way I had planned. The colors are all wrong (i was trying to pick something that would go with the rest of the paintings, but from far way the pink and the orange blend) and I think it needs a little something, but I don't know what. Back to the drawing board I go to hopefully give it what it needs. Perhaps I can fix it after all.

5. Speaking of painting, I did some what I like to call "painting with light" the other day. I was playing around with my camera and took this.



Not to exciting, but I loved the flow of the colors. I think I will play some more outside later when I can face the world again. It's a combination of a slow shutter speed and moving the lens at the same time.

6. I've really been thinking about opening an etsy store lately, but I don't have a clue what I would sell. There is so much good stuff on there I can't imagine what I could contribute. The only thing unique to me is my photos so I might make them into cards, like I've done, with words and quotes and sell them. I don't know. The idea of it sort of scares me. Do you have an esty store? Have you thought of opening one?

Happy Happy Birthday Jill. I hope you have a fantabulous day!

I would have never guessed

a gaming system was in our future of girls.



I try not to let them do it too long or very often and it's always after their work is done...Lego Star Wars that is. It's definitely one of the "cooler" activities they've enjoyed doing this summer.

The game was the catalyst for my girls falling in love with Star Wars the movie. I'm not sure how I feel about it, them being so young and loving Star Wars, but at least if anything it's a classic. I have to admit I can't help but laugh each time Megan quotes Han, "Laugh it up fuzzy ball." It never gets old.

independence day

In the last two neighborhoods we've lived in we've always had some kind of fourth of July breakfast to participate in to help us get in the spirit. In our neighborhood now we also happen to have a flag ceremony, speaker, and this year again we had a dance/singing group come and perform. It's a bit sad and embarrassing to have to watch, but the oldies love it and we love them so we deal. Luckily we are able to roam around and have breakfast while it's going on.

After our crazy morning we headed to Adam's parents house for lunch and 4th of July activities which included the adults talking/playing games and the kids playing water games. Right away Megan was complaining about her stomach though she said she didn't need to throw up. I was certain she was not sick, but spent a good portion of my time lying down with her hoping she would start to feel better. It was sad to see Megan try to go play after getting encouragement from her cousins, but eventually she would make her way back to the bed.

The outdoor games...


Jared sprayed them with the water as I took the picture







While the adults played games Megan came in announcing that she was going to throw up. I did my best to get her out of there quickly before anyone else was exposed, but I just wasn't quick enough. I couldn't believe she was sick. I was hoping that wasn't the case, that she had just eating something, but it was apparent she was not feeling good. We decided to head home and leave the party behind.

So we had no choice, but to have a quiet fourth of July evening at home. Right when I thought we were putting the kids down for bed for the night, I convinced Adam to go outside and do the sparkler/fireworks we had bought and watch the ones going on around the valley.

Here is what we came up with...










And here we are lying in our backyard watching the fireworks. We saw about four different ones going off at the same time. It was very cool. After the kids went to bed Adam and I stayed outside and enjoyed the cool air. It was a fabulous 4th of July after all.