silver lining

“You don't know which way a thing will come at you, but you need to welcome it with your whole heart which ever way it arrives.”
~ Joan Bauer

I'm a planner. I like to plan. I'm not suggesting that I don't like to be spontaneous, I do, I just have a harder time with the unexpected. You can imagine then how difficult and almost maddening it is to live in a world that is constantly throwing curve balls and derailing me from my original plan. You'd think by now with my 35+ years behind me I would be use to it, all the changes, but I'm not. Secretly I just wish everything would move according to plan.

But I know, and have embraced the fact that in this life that's never going to happen so I'm trying harder to make a conscious effort to take life as it comes. When I sit back and really look at each situation individually I realize how much more I would get out of a situation when I choose to see the good instead of focusing on the change.

Case in point. Airlines are among my biggest pet peeves. I admit, as of late I have had amazing luck, but there have been plenty of times when I have not. It's hard to try and find the silver lining when your vacation is waiting for you to arrive and you're stuck in Dallas (no offense to Dallas, but I was suppose to be in Spain and I was in TX), but I know it can be done. Perhaps it would give me a chance to meet someone new or find a new book or take some interesting photographs.

Motherhood is probably the best example of this. I can't count the amount of times my day has been derailed by a sick child or sleep that has been lost at the expense of mothering. Although these are not my favorite situations, I realize they have always offered me more time with my little one that I have always been grateful for.

It's definitely easier said than done to find the silver lining, like I said, it's hard for me to adjust. Normally my flight or fight kicks in and I do what needs to be done, but unfortunately there's usually a level of grumpiness that creeps in I wish wouldn't come. I am working on it day to day, and wouldn't you know, am getting lots of practice.

Life happens, plans change, and as you know often there's not a whole lot we can do to get back to where we started. Life has a way of twisting and turning and taking us to places we never intended to go, but I think that's exactly what needs to happen. I believe there is a way for each one of us, but the way we think is best may not be the way we need to go. What I'm trying to say is we really don't know what's all in store for us, we don't know all we need to learn and what our experiences will teach us so we should embrace everything, the ups and downs that come our way, and trust it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

It's too bad just because I know something doesn't mean it's easy to do. Perhaps one day, but for now, like I said, it's a good thing I'm getting lot of practice. :)

Hello. My name is Amy Gretchen.

I've received a lot of inquiries regarding the "Gretchen" in my name. It's not something I've intentionally kept quiet, it's really just been out of laziness that I haven't shared. Here's my story.

[iPhone]

My given name is Amy Gretchen. I was named after my paternal grandmother who died a few years before I was born. As a child I was always fascinated with the woman I was named after. I wanted to see pictures of her and hear stories about the woman she was. I would ask my dad all the time to tell me everything he remembered--I truly hoped there would be something we had in common. He told me how she loved to knit, to cook, and host her family. She was gentle, loving, and giving.

When I was in grade school I remember being embarrassed by my middle name because it was so different. All my friends were either Ann's or Lynn's (apparently it was the middle name of the time) and mine was so unique. I was proud of it though, it was my grandmothers name, and secretly wanted everyone to know. When I went off to college I remember distinctly debating about going by Gretchen from that point on. For starters I knew so many Amy's in high school and figured collage would certainly be no different. Second, if I was ever going to switch over now was the time. And third, I really liked my middle name and wanted to use it. For whatever reason though, I was never able to go through with it, so just plain Amy I remained.

Until early 2010.

My friend Hannah had just introduced me to her friends Jenica and Amy. One evening we were all sitting around chatting like we would. I can't remember who it was, but someone suggested that one of us Amy's go by a different name so there would be no confusion. I immediately spoke up and suggested they call me Gretchen. They all looked at me puzzled, sort of like, where in the world did that come from, until I explained it was my middle name. So it stuck. They started calling me Gretchen or G for short. I loved it.

After that evening, and the subsequent weeks that followed, I thought more and more about how to incorporate Gretchen. I decided to talk with my family about it, if I could get their support than making the switch would be easy. Honestly, I didn't think it would be a big deal, after all, it is my name, but I couldn't have been more wrong. To make a long story short, it was only my dad and sister that would support me. I tried throughout the summer to let my wishes known, but then let it lie. I figured I couldn't force it, but that didn't mean I was willing to give up--I knew it would take time.

It was then that I started adding Gretchen to my online user names. Honestly, I would have dropped the Amy all together, but realized it best to ease everyone into the change. So when I went to Squam that first year I introduced myself as Amy Gretchen, when my church boundaries changed I put Amy Gretchen on my name tag, when I went out to eat I used it to reserve a table, etc. etc.

It's been interesting the mixed reactions people have had to my request--some have embraced it, while others have turned me down flat. I understand to those that have known me a long time how hard it is to think of me as anything but Amy. I'm definitely not forcing anything, I answer to both Amy and Gretchen (or G), but I do prefer the latter and am moving in that direction.

So now you know why the laziness to share. Not too exciting of a story, but it's mine and I figure one day my girls will appreciate knowing why the emphasis on my middle name. And, well, it hopefully cleared up some confusion :)

Have a great night!

thanksgiving weekend pt.2

SATURDAY


We went to the movies. All the girls had read The Invention of Hugo Cabret and they were very anxious to see the movie Hugo. I must say, sitting next to Megan in a theater seeing a movie of a book she has read, hence knowing what comes next, is not what you'd call the best movie viewing. The girls loved it, Adam not so much, though we both agreed the cinematography was fabulous. I think it was a wee bit long, got slow in some parts, but I enjoyed it.


Afterward we went for a bit of window shopping and milling about. I already had to return some things believe it or not.


We hit anthropologie,


and of course barnes&noble.


Almost at once it turned to dusk and then really that's when the magic started. Yes it was chilly out, but all I wanted was to stay for a while surrounded by the lights and Christmasy atmosphere. I could tell I was not the only one.




We drove home in the most magical light and watched the light fade along the horizon. What a lovely afternoon/evening we had together as a family.


As we watched the sliver of a moon follow us home, it was the perfect end to a most delightful holiday weekend.

thanksgiving weekend pt.1

WEDNESDAY


We started out the weekend with friends. Turns out we were all given the potato assignment so we decided to have a "potato peeling" party and do it together. I must say it did make the drudgery of peeling a lot more fun, but I made way too much. Guess next time I'll remember to stop before I hit 10lbs.




While we peeled the kids played and danced to a wii game. I couldn't believe how long they were able to keep going. Even us girls gave it a try for a bit and I was wasted at the end of 3 songs...am I not in shape?

THURSDAY


We started the day off with family pictures. My mother-in-law likes to send a photo with her Christmas card every year and since we were all going to be together it seemed like the perfect opportunity. Even I was on the ball and had Jill take one of the 5 of us. After, we finished up the last minute items, finished filling the table, and sat down to have our delicious feast. Even though I always enjoy myself, it always goes quicker than I hope it will or at least that's how I feel.


The rest of the day was totally low key hanging out, the way Thanksgiving should be. I looked through the Black Friday sales, we had pie, movies were going, we ate again, etc. Later the girls helped their Nana by decorating one of her trees, my most favorite tree, that's decorated with all the old ornaments from Adam's childhood. I love the nostalgic feel and the randomness of it all. It's what I remember about my family tree growing up--handmade ornaments, no two ornaments the same. My favorite part is knowing that tree is full of a lifetime of memories just waiting to be told.

FRIDAY


We enjoyed a serious lazy morning, or at least I did until about 10am--Adam took the girls to get a bagel while I slept in. When he returned we went for a walk, it was drizzling by then, but not enough to really get us wet. It was a beautiful morning. Later we decided to brave the madness. Not really sure our motivation, I suppose we just wanted to get out. We hit the mall and since we really had no agenda we weren't at all irritated by the crazy busy parking lot and the mass hysteria we found inside. Good times.

gratitude month

All month long I've been posting gratitude status updates on facebook as a way of celebrating the spirit of Thanksgiving. Here is a collection of them starting November 1st.

day 01 :: I'm grateful for those extra few minutes to sleep in, for my girls getting up & moving on their own this morning, the rain waited until after Halloween, the promise of a new day.

day 02 :: I'm grateful for many hands making dinner & clean up a breeze, my work coming together easily, and ending the night talking with Adam.

day 03 :: I'm grateful for time with friends, for texts from those far away, for laughs, and a chance to reconnect.

day 04 :: I'm grateful to be feeling healthy and strong as I head to bed before race day.

day 05 :: I'm grateful I not only finished but enjoyed my race, for my friend who talked me into it and this brief but fun getaway. Bucket list #20 check.

day 06 :: I'm grateful for the extra hour of sleep, that I'm going to be home with my family this evening, that my dream was just a dream.

day 07 :: I'm grateful I was able to find some time to use my massage gift certificate on this insanely busy day.

day 08 :: I'm grateful I was able to start the day with Adam, that he traveled to his destination safely, that night has come.

day 09 :: I'm grateful for my girls, for their patience with me, and for the never ending lessons I learn from them daily.

day 10 :: I'm grateful for my friends, for listening to me when i just need an ear, for giving it to me straight, and for letting me ask really really strange questions.

day 11 :: I'm grateful to all those men and woman who risk their lives daily for our freedoms and to their families. I am humbled by your service. Thank you. so. much.

day 12 :: I'm grateful for FaceTime that brought Adam to us this morning live.

day 13 :: I'm grateful for God's gift to choose for myself.


day 14 :: I'm grateful to have spent the evening with my parents as we wait for Adam's arrival, for their relationship with my girls, and the way they always taking care of us.

day 15 :: I'm grateful for a good book with great characters that keeps me wanting, but man, its all I can do not to curl up in the cozy and read.

day 16 :: I'm grateful for how hard my girls work, especially when it doesn't come easy.

day 17 :: I'm grateful for laughter.

day 18 :: I'm grateful for a date night in the snow and to arrive home safely.

day 19 :: I'm grateful for a calm happy heart as I go to bed this evening.

day 20 :: I'm grateful for the quiet moments to reflect, for a desire to do more, for beautiful music, and for a low key weekend that resulted in ample time together.

day 21 :: I'm grateful for a stream of ideas and that the sun made an appearance.

day 22 :: I'm grateful for a handful of thank you notes from a second grade class, and to see a project I'm quite excited about come together beautifully.

day 23 :: I'm grateful to have a day with my girls, to watch them get in the spirit of giving, and to see the little things that light them up.

day 24 :: I'm grateful for my family, and even though we're all separated this year, I am grateful for each one and what they bring to my life. I'm grateful to spend the holiday with Adams family, that they feel like my family and his sisters like my sisters. We are all so blessed.

Today I am grateful!

grateful for him.

One of my favorite things about being an observer is witnessing a moment like this between a father and his daughter. I wonder if she knows as she sits there talking and laughing with her dad that she is the luckiest girl in the world.

I like to think his childhood, growing up with three sisters, really helped him in his roll now as a father of three girls. He is gentle and tender with them, he knows exactly what they need, and yet there is always an element of surprise and jokiness to his behavior that keeps us on our toes and guessing what he'll do next.

He is the type of father that not only talks, but listens and hears what his girls need from him. He not only plays, he gets down on the floor at their level. He not only tells them how to do something, he shows them. He's the type of father to drop whatever he's doing to go read a story with his girls merely because they asked him to. He introduces them to programs like Nova and is constantly sharing his love of music, art, and books.

He is everything to them and they are everything to him.

It does make me wonder a bit what the future holds, I mean, once hormones, friends, and boys enter their life it makes me wonder how things will flow. But I do know one thing for sure, he is going to be their constant, the one they can count on, and I hope the man in which all other men will be compared.

This month as I've been thinking about all the things in my life I'm grateful for he is the top of my list--and I suspect theirs as well. We owe so much of the greatness in our life to him. Simply put, we would not be where we are today without his loving support, encouragement, and light hearted laughter. We are forever grateful he is ours.

loving right now

Mormon Channel
I downloaded this app on my phone when it first came out and used it to listen to conference talks and even the Ensign. It wasn't until a few months ago that I started listening to the actually radio and discovered all the fabulous programs they had available. I listen to it everyday now--when I'm getting ready, cleaning the house, driving, working on photos, etc. I have come to love the spontaneous messages that come up as so many of them are ones I need to hear. It is available at the apple store free and I know it's available for other devices as well. Check it out.

apple TV
Recently Adam and I both discovered we were going to give the other Apple TV for Christmas (long story). After laughing about how funny that would have been to exchange the same gift (and him telling me he wouldn't have wanted it--nice), I walked into my closet, pulled it out of it's hiding place, and started setting it up. Since the cat was out of the bag I figured apple TV, as a gift, was off the table so why not enjoy it now--and enjoy I am. Last night I sat on the couch while the girls danced to music (controlled through my iphone) and watched my photos randomly stream from my flickr account. We were so caught up in the memory of each one saying, remember when..., I couldn't believe more than an hour had gone by. I must add, it sure didn't take long for Adam to appreciate the awesomeness that apple TV is. Once I got him acquainted with everything he could do with it he was, shall I say, hooked. Turns out, not such a bad gift after all.


the lights
I think it's been well established, for better or worse, that I lack patience so it should be no surprise that yesterday we succumbed and started decorating the house. I know it's a little early, ok quite early, but we were all in agreement--it had to be done. What a delight it was to come from church with the lights and glow of the holiday season. I know some think it takes away from Thanksgiving, but I think it's the perfect accompaniment to both holidays. We're loving it.

this talk | education for real life by President Eyring
"Your life is carefully watched over, as was mine. The Lord knows both what He will need you to do and what you will need to know. He is kind and He is all-knowing. So you can with confidence expect that He has prepared opportunities for you to learn in preparation for the service you will give. You will not recognize those opportunities perfectly, as I did not. But when you put the spiritual things first in your life, you will be blessed to feel directed toward certain learning, and you will be motivated to work harder. You will recognize later that your power to serve was increased, and you will be grateful.


the snow
The snow not only helps create the holiday mood, but it allows the kids to get out of the house and stay active. I never thought of it like this until yesterday, but my girls won't go outside in the cold unless there is something pushing them to, and snow is the perfect excuse. They spent a good portion of the afternoon sledding down the hill across from our home and came in exhausted and ready for a low key evening.

holiday messages
I bought a bag of dove dark chocolates for our advent calendar and am ashamed to say the bag is almost gone. I've enjoyed the messages on the inside of the packaging as much as the chocolate themselves. Guess I need to go buy a new bag. I think I'll wait till next week so there isn't near the temptation.

the fire
Our fall wasn't as cold as it has been in the past so we haven't had a lot of fires up to this point. Tonight after much convincing from the girls, we enjoyed the warmth and mood that only a fire can provide. It definitely has a way of drawing everyone together and we spent the evening hanging out in one anothers company--well that is until I had to leave.

a night out.

it started with Thai, included chocolate and Anonymous (we both loved it btw), and ended with snow.

meet Bella Michaels

She's 41 years old, married to Nick Michaels (a pharmacist), with three children (2 daughters Kate and Marshall, and a son Ryan). They live in Portland, Oregon where she teaches the third grade and violin on the side. They have a beach house on the Oregon coast, Canon Beach, where they frequent often. She won the National Teacher Award and was able to meet the President of the USA, and started an organization with her husband Nick called Plant Us Hope that's all about taking care of the earth.


[in the scrapbook you needed photos so she used this target ad for her "husband" page. Instead of cropping out the girl I helped her put her face on it. He's cute, no?]

In the 6th grade the kids are given an assignment to create a scrapbook of what their life will be like in 30 years. Will they be married? Children? Pets? What is their profession? Where will they live? Education? Etc. The assignment was due on Halloween so instead of dressing up traditionally in scary costumes etc., the kids come dressed as their profession. So that day instead of having a Halloween party they had a 30 year reunion, complete with a theme (Moon and Stars) catered food, games, and a photo booth.

I loved sitting back and watching Bella's future world unfold. It seemed from the very beginning she knew exactly what she wanted to be, where she wanted to live, and that she wanted to be married and have 3 children. Part of the assignment was making sure to get all the dates right so she was busy researching how long it took to get a teacher/pharmacist degree, when would she meet Nick, how long would they date, fitting in study abroad to London, figuring out the best time to get married and have her 3 kids, and when to move to Portland. I never realized how intense it could be to create a life timeline.

I love that she was given this assignment and that it gave her a chance to really think about what she wants down the road. Although none of us can really guarantee what our life will be like in 30 years, it sure doesn't hurt to have your major goals in mind so you know where you're going. When I look at the next 30 years of my life I have a clear picture of what I want it to be, and know, the only way to get it is to be working/moving towards it now.

As her mom, what a weird feeling it was to look through her finished scrapbook and wonder, what, if any of these scenarios, would come true? I know one thing for sure, if she comes home with a boy named Nick I'll probably start panicking.

12of12 | November

[click here to enlarge]

01. Tess started the day off right by getting her school essay finished. I love to see when my kids take charge of their homework instead of waiting for a nudge from me.
02. A Saturday morning breakfast bagel--at home. They are missing their dad.
03. The wind was crazy strong last night and even this morning. Despite the fact that my tree is getting pounded by the breeze, the leaves continue to hang on.
04. Thought it was funny that Tess and Megan needed each other to put the vacuum away.
05. Fulfilling Megan's request for a "high" ponytail.
06. Finally got to talk with Adam via FaceTime. It was nice to not only see him, but be able to enjoy the scenery from his end (ocean) as he told us about his trip.
07. Last minute laundry before leaving the house.
08. All of us after the movie, Puss in Boots. It was better than I thought it would be. We were missing Jill, Randy, and Landon though, who were at the hospital. Sadly, Landon came home from camping with a broken elbow. Poor guy. Sending out prayers to him--would you please do the same.
09. As we drove home the rain turned to slush turned to snow.
10. Take out linner (lunch/dinner) for me.
11. Enjoying a book & hot chocolate while the girls enjoy their cousins.
12. Snow.

I've been lucky this week while Adam's been away to be surrounded by friends, and today was no exception as I was able to spend time with family. It was a full, gray day that ended with snow, cousins, and hopefully good news for Landon.

I hope your Saturday, and weekend, has been good in every way. Don't forget to share it with us.

many hands make light work

Grateful for my girls positive attitudes today as they spent their day off helping to get our house in order, particularly the outside. It does seem they're more fond of raking leaves and using the blower than they are at cleaning the bathrooms or vacuuming the floors (Jill, I guess that gene didn't get passed along). Can't say I blame them, there is something fun about being outdoors in this weather even if you are working hard.

Although I'm aware cleaning/picking up did not come pre-programmed in them, trust me there are plenty of opportunities to keep them on task (especially the little one), they do understand that each of us has a part in our family and recognize how much quicker everything goes when we're helping together.

Feeling so blessed.


12of12 reminder
I wanted to remind you that tomorrow is the 12th. I am, like always, amazed at how quickly the time has passed. It's going to be December before we know it, which means Christmas is around the corner. Crazy. Anyway, I look forward to seeing what your Saturday holds. I hear it might snow--should be good.

Have a great day!

lessons from my first 1/2 marathon

taken with iphone

01. Running is--dare I say fun? Or at least that's what I would have said at mile 6. I'm not saying running is fun for running sake, but I understand now why people get addicting to races. The sound of deep breaths and many feet striking the pavement all around me made me feel like I was apart of something big.

02. Choose a race that is beautiful, terrain that you will simply be in awe of as you weave back and forth. I watched the sun rise over the red rocks as I made my way down Snow Canyon. It was stunning and relevant to where I was and what I was doing. All you have out there is your thoughts and found it helpful to have something beautiful to look to.

03. Running in the cold is ideal. I remember one of my friends posted on facebook how her favorite temperature to run in was the high 40s low 50s. I thought she was absolutely crazy, but now I understand. Saturday morning it was cold, about 32 degrees, but it was perfect for running long distance. I wasn't 2 miles in before I stripped down to only a t-shirt and gloves. On that note, I should have run with my arm warmers instead. The only thing that got cold from time to time was my wrists. Strange.

04. Run with a friend. I really loved knowing that I wasn't alone. We actually didn't even run it together, but knowing she was there, working toward the same goal, gave me strength and comfort.

05. If I regret one thing it would be that I wasn't able to run with my camera. There were just too many times I wish I could have captured certain moments throughout the race. I wonder when the time will come that we will be able to take pictures with our eyes without them fading?

06. Embrace imperfections. Undoubtedly something is going to happen that's not ideal. Body aches and pains you've never felt before, chaffing in odd places, uphills that were unexpected, wind working against you. Accept that it's apart of your experience and move on.

07. You may be what someone else needs. At one point for about 2-3 miles I noticed this guy in a green neon shirt running next to me. Finally I had found someone I could pace with, seemed everyone else was passing me up. Toward the end before I pull away from him I wondered who was pacing with whom? I love to imagine we were helping each other.

08. If you've trained you have no need to fear. I thought the night before I would have been a wreck with worry and anticipation. You would have been proud of me, I was calm and peaceful. I was ready.

09. Running is a mind game. If you tell yourself you can, you can. Trust me. If I can run 13.1 miles anyone can.

10. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 A young man (guessing 18) ran passed me toward the beginning of the race with this scripture written in black ink across his back. I didn't really think about it again until mile 10.5 when everything started to fall apart. I think the term is, I hit my wall. For one, I couldn't breath because I got water down my trachea, never good, the wind kicked up, we started running uphill, I was hurting and becoming fully aware of my fatigue. Doubt crept in in a serious way and I started to lose focus. I wasn't sure I could continue on. It was then that my one song came on that always pumps me up and gives me energy and I immediately thought back to the shirt I had seen at the beginning of the race. I have no doubt that song coming on just then was a tender mercy from the Lord. I felt loved and understood and was given what I needed. When we do our part and do all we can, God gives us strength to continue on.

11. It feels amazing to see a goal through to the finish line. Although I have been afraid and intimidated by running a 1/2 marathon (do you realize how far that is??) I've always wanted to do it. It's been on my bucket list for years, remember how devastated I was two years ago when I injured my back and I wasn't able to run with Robyn? What an amazing feeling it was to cross the finish line, exhausted, knowing I had given everything I could. Did I say this already? I understand why racing is addicting.

12. Enjoy it. Toward the end when I really started struggling like I have already written about and the race stopped becoming "fun" I keep telling myself to enjoy it, particularly the end, because I may never do it again. This lesson seems to crept into my life more often than I care to admit. As we all know life is full of ups and down, but regardless of what we are facing this experience is meant to be enjoyed. I can't be sure if I will ever run another race, part of me wants to, part of me doesn't, but for now I am just grateful for what this experience taught me and that I enjoyed the whole of it.


Finished results:
distance: 13.1 miles
time: 1:51:00.7
pace: 8:28/M

everydayness | october

We found time, just the two of us,


and time at home, together.


We looked for witches at Gardner Village,


and revived game night.


We spent ample time outdoors enjoying the fall,


and equal time indoors getting ready for the season.


Tess finished up her soccer season,


and Megan too.


Bella enjoyed her 30 year reunion (more to come) while Megan continues to learn what a ront de jambe is,


All of us working, we brought our busy life together.


We baked fall goods,


and trick-or-treated for some too. (52 photoproject week 28 | trick or treat)

family hike

As I sit watching the snow pile higher and higher as each flake dots the ground I reflect upon the delicious fall we experienced this year. There was a moment earlier in the season where I thought our fall had been lost to us, but luckily it came back with a vengeance and the last few weeks have been nothing short of a delight.

Fully aware our time was limited we took complete advantage of the weather and our proximity to the mountains and spent as much time outside in the canyons as possible.
















[Saturday, 22 October | the photos with me in them were taken by adam]