For instance here is a glimpse of my week starting with the weekend.
Weekend
Easter and Easter festivities that I was getting ready for. Oh and Bella had Federation Saturday afternoon (it's a violin thing).
Monday
Bella's Birthday, making a cake last minute (can't believe I had looked over the cake), party with her friends (ended up doing it all by myself when my help backed out...very frustrating), dinner and movie that night.
Tuesday
food prep for the dinner...just the prep
YW etiquette dinner, which shouldn't have been a big deal, but making a dinner for that many people always ends up being a big deal. I spend my entire day working on it from decorating/setting up to making the food to putting it all together for the enjoyment of the youth. While leaving after cleaning up I had a glimmer of hope, thinking how nice it is this dinner is behind me when the President said we have to talk about next Tuesday since we haven't even thought about it. Sigh. The non stop YW is killing me...in a good way. I mean I love the girls and serving them, but it's a lot of work.
Yesterday, I also had a meeting crammed in, where everyone was late and screwed up the rest of my well thought out schedule to fit everything in, to discuss a lesson I'm suppose to be doing Sunday for the Relief Society/YW combined. This meeting should have happened weeks ago, but now I know it wouldn't have made a difference. Stuff we had agreed upon two weeks ago was totally change yesterday and now I'm scrambling to write my portion of the lesson.
coming up
I have Bella's Baptism Saturday that I'm still getting ready for. I was going to do invitations, but with all I've had going on it was the first thing to drop. I feel bad about it, but at some point something has to give. I'm working on the programs now and figuring out if I've missed something or forgot to invite someone. Of course that doesn't include the lunch/dinner I'm going to have for my family afterward so I still have lots to plan.
Ok, so I know this post has an air of complaint around it and I truly do not mean it that way. I know all this stuff is doable, very doable, and if I just stopped talking and start doing it would be done and no stress (this is not hard stuff). I guess my whole point is this, I know life doesn't get less busy, I get that, and as much as I want it to I know I've come to a point in my life where it's not going to slow down. So why in the world can't I just go with the flow, take the changes as they come and not stress about the piles that I see heaping on me? I'm not running my life, life is running me and I hate that. I want to wake up everyday and enjoy what I'm doing no matter what it is on my plate. I want to enjoy the process and right now I'm not.
I write lists. I try to do what I can to alleviate pressure from weeks like this that end up crazy, but when I'm in the middle of them I get overwhelmed, which always gets me down that I've not only made my life difficult, but my families as well.
So I've been wondering how much of this is pure personality. I've seen my mom react this way (this stress is in my blood) so I truly wonder if it's something I can change or if I'm forced to deal with this feeling my whole life? Hmm. Whether change is or is not possible it doesn't matter...I am not willing to go through life frustrated/overwhelmed because I can't keep up. I've got to figure something out. I believe it's possible.
Tell me I'm not alone. What do you to alleviate the pressure of the everyday? Do you think it's possible to change something that is so apart of you?
14 comments:
You are for sure not the only one that feels that way. It seems like it is feast or famine. Either I am busy or so bored. I think that this is one of life's greatest challenges we need to overcome. I really liked Elder Oaks talk about good, better, best, helped me to put somethings into perspective. I and and have been in YW and I hear what you are saying, about how busy it can be planning and then pulling off activities. It seems to me that you are doing a great job despite all the craziness. Just remember in the end, sometimes we drop some of the balls we are juggling, but all we can do is what we can do and that has to be enough.
I feel this way alot of the time too (things have slowed down since we moved back, thankfully) and I struggle with how to deal with it. It's so hard when you plan things so well- only to have other people, factors you can't control, mess it up. I think that a certain part of it is learning to just let go a little bit. That is the only thing that has helped me. And you know the stress is in my blood, so I am working against that too! Wish I could help. You seem to be doing a very good job from my perspective, for what it's worth. All we can do is our best, right?
Being in Young Women's is the biggest factor here because that is an exhausting and never ending amount of work. So just acknowledging and accepting that fact will have to help.
The list making is an excellent plan and sticking to it is important. It's good that you have an iPhone now so you can always have your lists with you.
You're also going to have to become an expert at asking for help and being specific about what you need. For example, for Bella's baptism there's no need to stress. We are all willing and able to help with whatever you need (food, setting up, arriving early, etc.) so just tell us how we can help.
Prayer is also good.
I understand this feeling. I hate that I let my life, that is doable, totally overwhelm me. My only realization is that I need to learn to say "No", I try to leave out what isn't absolutely necessary and be happy that I can give a better percentage of myself and my time to what's left over.
Despite the stress, it sounds like you managed well, and it looks like you all had a great time this weekend. I am sure Bella really enjoyed her party. Good luck with the Baptism this weekend. I hope it all comes together for you. If I can drop some food off to your house to help out, let me know. I hate feeding the whole famdamily.
I think change is totally possible- change is a choice, not something that just happens. My life feels a little like this right now and just yesterday I was lamenting and Linc said, "So change something- venting about it is fine and good, but it doesn't change anything." So true...
My advice is to do what you can and realize that what doesn't happen, doesn't really matter as much as what does. Have fun. Prioritize and know that everything comes and goes and once it goes, you will wonder why you stressed so much about it in the first place. Step back and enjoy the ride.
With your calling I am sure that makes it harder, but if you plan something and at the last minute people want to add their input, I would kindly say that things are planned but that you would love their input for the next thing- and then tell them when you are meeting to discuss it. Maybe that is not how it works with your calling, but it just seems like common courtesy to me.
One of my friends (YW Pres.) said that she feels like she is planning and throwing a party every week. I totally got that, and it does feel like that at times, so you're not alone in that department.
I get overwhelmed easily because life is so full, and I get resentful because I try to schedule "creative" time for ME, and then it falls by the wayside.
My brother died recently, and it really brought things into perspective. My attitude changed. I mellowed out about the things that didn't matter (like baptism invites), and I turned up the people connection a notch.
Lastly, I would like to say that there are busy waves and seasons. My kids are teenagers and they still need me a lot but in a different way. I do have more flexibility with my time now, and I believe you will too. Invest for the future by teaching your kids how to cook, do laundry, clean house, etc. Now I can turn more responsibilities over to them because they know what they're doing.
I hope I don't sound preachy. I know how you feel. I want to offer hope and commiseration. I have learned, after 19 years of being a parent, that I can't do it all. It is NOT doable. Don't expect that of yourself. It will make you crazy.
you already know i'm am this "perfectly." it's so hard. you have sooo much going on right now and it's so hard when you feel like you don't have a minute to come up for air. i think it comes in waves (except for the yw thing). i'm impressed with everything you're handling. hang in there!
I am serving in YW right now and one of the best things I have learned (also in my role as bishop's wife) is that we don't use the word "delegate" often enough. Teach your Young Women to plan AND implement the activities. Initially it may feel like more work (like teaching your kids how to cook and clean) but it will pay off...this is their program so let them run it.
Having said that, I know what you mean about feeling like life is running you instead of vice versa...every personality is different but what works for me is to just stop and do something NOT on the list, on purpose (you know, the old saying about stopping to smell the roses).
When I am feeling that disconnect from crazy busy schedules--that's when I will walk into the playroom and sit down just for 5 minutes to really connect with the kids or step into my scrapbook room and do something--anything--for just a moment....I hope that makes sense and gives you a glimmer of hope. Hang in there!
wow, you so so much. high five! I'm sorry you help for the party backed out, not cool not cool.
I totally understand what you mean. I've been feeling the same way and I have to remind myself that it's ok to let some things go.
Like the invitations -- you know I was planning on making invitations for Jordan's ordination (hence the photos), but I wasn't ever able to get that together. I sort of had my heart set on them too, but we're using his photos on Thank You cards instead. We have a bit more breathing room on this end of the event.
So hang in there and I hope YW gets better. It really shouldn't be a big deal every week, just something simple and fun.
AMEN!! I have been feeling SO MUCH the same way. I'm really hoping it isn't inevitable if it's "in the blood." YW is a tough calling. I just got released, and then put into the Primary presidency. Guess what? It's busier! I am in charge of about 4 major things in the next month and I am drowning. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one. My oldest daughter is getting baptized in a couple of months too and I haven't even started on her quilt!! I better get on the important stuff and like you said, let some things go. Good luck with everything and remember that your not alone!
Marc told me recently that he's making an effort to eliminate little daily irritations -- to identify them, and then find ways to make them go away. I thought it was a great idea. Then I read Crystalyn's post about making lists of what makes us happy vs. unhappy. I loved that too.
I think we have to learn to delegate more and prioritize better. Prayer helps me to determine my priorities. Also, sometimes taking some time to just do something fun or even do nothing helps. That's what I'm doing right now!
One thing I've learned is to try to deal first with the biggest tasts on your list(s). I always like to spend all my time hurrying to quickly check off the little things and quite enjoy that, BUT then I find I've run out of enough time to do the big thing the way I'd like to! Tackle the most important first.
you are not alone.
i think we do what we can do, dance through each day. i feel like i spend most of my time in a state of overwhelmed-ness (or, it's polar opposite - laziness. i think one begets the other.)
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