It's quiet in my house.

Adam's got the girls...well at least two of them, the other one is asleep. I love it when its quiet in my house and I can think and get stuff done.

I was able to work on this layout. Actually I had already started it before the holidays, but am finally getting back to finishing it. Love it when I feel like a layout only takes 30 mins.

So I guess I'll get back to being productive. I am shredding a bunch of files and bills I don't need anymore. I know it sounds really exciting, but it feels good to get rid of the clutter.

Happy New Year...here's to a fresh start.

My years have always started in September. Naturally that is when most things started over...well mainly the school year. Even when I was no longer doing the school thing it was hard not to want to start fresh in September.

This year seems different. I am ready for a new start. A fresh start. One of the reasons why I created "intentions" was to keep my goals in prospective and make sure I am on the right path, accomplishing what I feel is most important for me and my family to grow. I am really looking forward to this year and all that it brings. The ups and even the downs...as we all know they do come.

I feel great about 2006!

new blogs

my sister-in-laws got on the blog train. hip hip hooray...as my kids would say. Looking forward to reading their deep brilliant thoughts.

Jill
Lori

enjoy....links also found in sidebar

resolution...INTENTIONS

I like the way Ali Edwards put it in the January 2006 Creating Keepsakes...think of resolutions as intentions. I truly need to be honest with myself and look at my track record. I have not been so great in the past about completing my goals. So I find in more fitting to say intentions and then I won't feel so guilty if I don't get to them all.

Here it goes.

1. Positive Positive Positive.
2. Read the Scriptures with my family everyday.
3. Hold regular FHE...every Monday night.
4. Do a Layout/Project once a week.
5. Try a new recipe every 2 weeks. (i'm being realistic)
6. Read my Sunday School lesson every week even though I don't get to go.
7. Stay on top of my fly lady goals...organization.
8. Continue to read and educated myself in the things i am interesed in like photography.
9. Attend the temple once a month.
10. Continue to write my thoughts so to be more comfortable with me.
11. Stop talking and just do. ACTION!


Sure feels good to get it out there. Here's to keeping my Intentions and really striving to be a different, better, more unique me.

new thing

Ok so I have known about this web site for quite some time and even started to put my binder together, but stopped. First mistake...I didn't follow through. It seemed some of the ideas didn't work for me with 3 little kids, one being a baby. Of course i was completely wrong.

I'm sitting here thinking I need something, I want something to help me get my life together. So starting January 2 I am getting back on the flylady plan. She rocks and her ideas are really great for someone who isn't a natural organizer, but wants to be. Check it out and good luck.

Merry Christmas

Ahh Christmas Morning! Such an exciting time as a child. Not quite the same as an adult but a I learning to love the change just living through my children. It is fun to see them starting to get excited about Christmas and the concept of gifts on Christmas morning. Interesting to point out my children slept in until 8am. Normally my husband and I would be cheering, my kids are early risers, but I was up excited waiting for them to get up. So I had showered and was reading by the time everyone decided it was time to go out and start the festivities.

So Bella got what she always wanted and was pretty much busy playing the rest of the time. Tess got a dress up box and had to put one of the dresses right away and of course megan had to get on in the action. So apparently we were all dressed up this year.

I must add it was very nice to go to church on Sunday afternoon and celebrate what this holiday is really all about.

this week

so two of my girls were sick on wednesday...than lucky me when i actually had a night out with my friends i end up coming home earily...sick. it sucked. i hated everything about it, and all i could think about was how i never want to be pregnant again. it was that same nausious feeling i had for 7 weeks. in times like that i truly can't believe i endure 7 weeks of feel so crappy and on top of it taking care of 2 other kids. so here i am sick not feeling well and my husband gets sick. sadly i had no sympathy because 1) i was still not feeling my best 2) all i could think about was i did that for 7 weeks.

so glad everyone is feeling well again!

2 parties...the holidays are crazy

Sadly we had two parties scheduled for the same night. A family party and Adam's work party. We had no choice because of Adam's position at work we had to at least make a showing to the work party. So while we were gone my kids were with their cousins and Santa Clause showed up.

I heard they were very excited. Too bad I didn't get to see their reaction. When we got back Bella did tell me he (Santa) forgot to bring the heffalump gift she wants. I explained to her that it was probably for Christmas morning, though disappointed I could tell she is really looking forward to Christmas now. She also told me she explained to Santa to make sure and come to our old house and not the new one. So adorable to be so concerned that he would go to the wrong house. Made me smile. Now if I can only get this gift to show up on time (I'm still waiting on the heffalump toy to come in the mail).

busy busy day

So I have had a very busy day that in an instant began something entirely different. Two of my three children are sick...throwing up to be exact. Something I wasn't expecting and yet something I am embracing. Not that I delight in them being sick, but I actually don't mind their mellow change and just being with them. So of all the stuff I needed to accomplish today I find myself homebound enjoying the quiet of the day. Hanging out with my kids just chillin'. Listening to David Gray a and soaking up the sun that has evaded us for days. I just love the way the sun glistens off the fresh fallen snow.

So here's to being positive and making good out of an unpleasant situation....and they say I don't have it in me.

mellow vs. a beat

As I put in David Gray my sweet Tess said to me, "not daddy's song, the girls songs". It was so funny that she would put it that way. I knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to listen to music with a beat that was easy to dance to, not the mellow deep kind. This girl love to dance.

I understand how she feels. Dancing and loud music has a way of helping me cope and I enjoy the break and release I feel when I move. But there is always a time and place for the songs that make you think, that take you to a place you need to visit...and right now I'm in one of those moods.

girls music next!!

Daddy's girl

So there was a time when I was envious of her relationship with her daddy. When she hurts herself she wants him. When she gets tired she wants him to lay with her. When she wakes up in the morning he is the first thing she talks about. When she gets in bed with us she cuddles up to him. When she watches a movie/TV she wants to sit on his lap. When we go out she wants him to get her out of the car. When the sun starts to go down she asks when he's coming home.

It's taken me some time, but I get it. I get it Tess. I understand. I was a daddy's girl too. It's a priceless relationship not everyone gets to have. Cherish it always and never question how much daddy adores you and always will.

I must admit, even though I've felt a bit envious at times, as a mother it's a beautiful experience to see the too of them together. I just love this photo.

no sleep

So its no secret at times I find it hard to sleep. A lot is going through my head right now, especially with Christmas and moving around the corner. Of course I'm finding time to do everything else that doesn't really need to get done right now. For instance I've made several photoshows...pretty much just your basic slide shows. I sure had a lot of fun making them. My girls love them too.


And I just thought I'd share these photos of Megan and Bella I took a few weeks ago since they scream fall to me and I have yet to share. Enjoy.

click here to check out the photoshows.

enjoying the foliage

We realized this afternoon we really hadn't taken the girls up the canyon to enjoy the foliage. It's quite late in the season so we just decided to take a drive up the canyon to see what we could find. We ended up in Lamb's Canyon, which I've never been to, in search of fall.

It was a beautiful drive as we wound in and out of fall treasures, but I must admit I was getting nervous as far as finding foliage. There were fabulous trees full of color along the road to enjoy from the car, but no where we could pull over and walk around. Toward the end of our drive we finally found a little pocket we could get out, walk around, and of course take some photos. We had to climb a little ways and there was some inevitable complaining, but it turned out to be a beautiful little spot.

Questionire

Apparently this is going around on other blogs, but my sister-in-law did this by email for friends and family. I wanted to share. I thought it was a perfect snapshot of who I am and what i like today.

1. 2 names you go by:
1. aimes
2. mamy

2 parts of your heritage:
1. German
2. English

2 things that scare you:
1. disease (cancer)
2. natural disasters

2 of your everyday essentials:
1. Quiet time
2. chocolate

2 things you are wearing right now:
1. Black pajama pants
2. Grey sweat-shirt
it is 6am

2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment):
1. David Gray
2. my gym playlist on my ipod

2 favorite songs (at the moment):
1. Diappearing World (David Gray)
2. alibi (David Gray)

2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love):
1. understood loved appreciated
2. Laughter and Silliness

2 truths:
1. my belief in Christ
2. i don't give myself enough credit

2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex):
1. eyes, boyish face
2. fit

2 of your favorite hobbies (aside from scrapbooking):
1. Photography
2. Cooking

2 things you want really badly:
1. Enjoy life...moment by moment
2. A great relationship with those I love.

2 places you want to go on vacation:
1. British Columbia
2. Europe (Italy France England )

2 things you want to do before you die:
1. Feel like i did something of worth...made a difference!
2. Raise my children

2 ways that you are stereotypically a chick:
1. care about what others think
2. indecisive (not sure if that is just chicks)

2 things you are thinking about right now:
1. House decisions. specifically paint color in the kitchen
2. how to be a better person and mom

2 stores you shop at:
1. Target
2. internet

A shamless plug

My very good friend, Eryn (love this girl) started a company On the Hip selling long length tees for under and outer wear. Some are designed to go under cloths and some stand on there own. Check out her web site On the Hip Clothing for her entire collection. There are several styles and all made with quality materials. My favorite is the long sleeve hoodie and completely unique to On the Hip. I Love it. ENJOY!

life cycle

So my cycle, the one where i can't stand myself or my life that last about a week, has come and stayed with me...its been a month now. I am deeply sadened by my relationship with my 3 small children. I feel I am not a good mother and they truly deserve better than me. I have nothing to bring to the table. I am not very smart. I am completely pessimistic. Constantly questioning myself. Oh I could go on, but I am not trying to bag on myself just understand me.

These thought all came when I was talking to my husband about me. He asked what i like about myself and sadly I could think of nothing. Well the only thing I thought of was I can "love" really well, and still I question that. But it is something. I can also pick up on things quickly and when i want to do something I usually can do it well, but sadly I am not feeling that way about life. I feel I am getting it all wrong.

hopefully day by day I can break out of this rut.

much needed time

Now begins my psuedo vacation. My mom willing is watching the kids for a day a night and half a day. So grateful to her for doing this as a I deperately need time to regroup. Being a single mom these days is not easy.

Something I don't want to forget.

My sweet 3 year old daughter Tess, who is quite the daddy's girl and at times I wonder how she feels about me, told me during a converation "i love you both the same". Referring to her daddy and me. It was so adorable. It's moments/random thoughts like these I will miss the most when they get older.

Thank you Tess for making me smile.

me and her

It's hard to admit this, but me and her, we didn't get off to the best start. It's not that we didn't connect or get that mother/daughter bond from her infancy, quite the opposite, because of her unwavering bond to me she was such a difficult baby that I noticed there was tension between us. I wish the first several months of her life had been different, but the truth is I was trying to figure it out and so was she. After about 9 months the cloud lifted and she enjoyed more people than just me and the burden lifted.

Now, me and her, we're as close as ever enjoying each other and the time we spend together. I pray it will always be this way between us, and yet I know relationships are bound to ebb and flow so I hope and pray we will always find our way back here.

"...because i'm 3"

anytime anyone says anything about the number 3, she always throws her three fingers high in the air and says, "ya, becuase i'm three!"

for example...
i will tell her she can have 3 pieces of candy, "ya, becuase i'm three!"
i will ask her how many carrots she wants, "three, because i'm three"

she is so adorable. i will certainly miss her way.

funny silly sweet

first of all some of my favorite photos ever. i just continued to shoot and these are what i ended up with. she was in such a funny mood today and actually sat and allowed to me take pictures of her. what you see is her to a tee. funny silly sweet.

carving pumpkins

One of our favorite traditions during the month of October is to carve pumpkins. This is our first of probably several that we'll do throughout the month. Certainly a huge hit with the girls.

safe

so katrina has got me thinking. thinking about all the stuff that i am putting off...

72 hour kits for everyone in my family
setting a meeting place in case of emergency
food storage
water storage
what about my memories

since i know in case of emergency my only thoughts will be of my children. my family. making sure they are safe. i will think of nothing else...especially my possessions. however, i know in the days to follow i will be very sad about the memories. i know i have them in my head, but your mind is so funny and can't hold onto everything.

so i have been scanning everything i have (to photos & layouts) and putting them on to discs. i am making several copies so i have them in different places. i am not paranoid just being caucious. this may not even work since a tradgey that would come my way would most likely be in the form of a earthquake. and in that case there is not warning and no safe place.

but i do feel good that i have done it and am currently trying to work on water and 72 hour kits for my family. i have 3 pretty much done. just need to stock up on water bottles that can be easily carried by a child in a backpack. 2 to go.

phew. i'm exhausted.

a new school year

my first born is going to kindergarten today. i am so excited for her. many ask, "will you cry?" NOPE. not that i won't be sad to have her gone everyday, i'm just excited for her to have this experience and for me to only have 2 children at home.

nothing wrong with that.

number 2 is starting preschool today for the first year. i am excited for her as well. she will have the time of her life and hope she is able to make great friendships.

the only problem is one is in the morning and one is in the afternoon. makes for a couple crazy days, but because of our move there was nothing I could do. Oh well, it's still totally worth it.

YAHOO!

happy living small

dreams

You live for them. Aspire to them. They give you something to work for. Something to attain.

My dream has always been simple. I wanted to be a mother....a mother. Thinking about it now makes me laugh because I had no idea what that meant. I had no idea the frustrations that would come along with that title. I had no idea the kind of impact you had on a person. I had no idea the feelings of inadequacy that would arise.

In this world success is celebrated, what you do and how well. In the worlds view I am not a success. I have done nothing. I have made no real money. I haven't even really done motherhood right...unorganized, constantly feeling overwhelmed by my job. Today I am trying not to have these thoughts. To rise above what the world thinks and really what I think of myself, and live life on my terms. As I grow and learn I see all that life can be. All that it can give. I see it will all be worth it in the end as long as I don't give up and let these thoughts of inadequacy enter my mind. As long as I continue to try, to learn, to take action and make my life full and beautiful, anything is possible.

I don't know if I will ever accomplish my desires of getting published, seeing the glass half full, or even being a fabulous mother. What I do know is if my children understand how much I love them, if they trust me, if we know each other and have a meaningful relationship, than I have succeeded. I have been successful in life. Living large in this world and abiding by their rules of success does not appeal to me...

i am happy living small.


I've reach my dream of motherhood and although it isn't all that i thought it would be I know that it can and will be everything I always wanted.