we're all lit up

On our way home from St. George yesterday we stopped and got a Christmas tree and spend time together as a family this evening decorating it. It's one of my favorite traditions of the season, putting up the lights and decorations so as to be reminded of the season everywhere you turn. I love that about Christmas...that it's everywhere.



After the tree in the family room was complete we went downstairs so the girls could decorate their small little tree. They were thrilled to see it go up and even sang us Christmas carols when they were done. Not sure where that came from, but the fa la la's lasted quite a while.

Tomorrow I plan on finishing the advent calendar, adding the candy and such. I can't believe it's only a few more days until the end of November. I've got to get cracking so we can use this calendar on day 1.

Is it Christmas as your house yet?

thankful heart

I could literally write a list of 500+ things I am grateful for this morning. While at SEP (student evaluation p) conferences Tuesday I read a list of things Bella is grateful for and at the very end she said, "I am a blessed girl". I definitely feel like that this morning. Blessed.



I am grateful for Adam and how far we've come this year. For his patients and dedication to us.

I am grateful for Bella and her happy heart that reminds me to have a positive happy heart.

I am grateful for Tess and her tender heart that reminds me to be grateful each day.

I am grateful for Megan and her energetic spirit that reminds me to live life fully.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Thanks for teaching me how we're all connected. Here to support and help one another.

I never do this

I know so many people who get really upset by early decorating and quite honestly I have been one of those in the past, but today in between the time I didn't have I took the plunge and hung 2 garlands, one for my mantle and one for my railing. Ultimately it boils down to I just couldn't wait any longer. I love the glow of Christmas lights and although I won't be around much this week to enjoy them, at least I know it's waiting for me when I come home.

her rabbit poem

I rolled around in bed yet again trying to get to sleep. I don't know what my problem is, but it's been like this for over a week. I'm sleeping horribly. Finally around 4:45am I got out of bed and decided to get a jump on my Monday work. I started going through my papers on my kitchen desk and I found this poem written by Bella in a spiral notebook. Before she left for school this morning I asked her about and she told me she wrote it one saturday while waiting for Tess to be done with her hour long dance class.

I copied her story word for word including punctuation and spelling. I thought it would be easier to read if you knew what these words meant.
pashant = paitent
tiet=tight
winning = whining
diled=dialed
cempty she told me was a made up word she used so the poem would rhythm.
emblem again she used so the poem would rhythm.



My rabbit poem

There once was a rabbit that was siting all alone,
and because of that soon one day she went to find a home.
She came upon a tiny one that looked very empty,
and so she was very happy
and could finily be cozy and cempty.
She snuggled very tiet and then there she saw,
a big and harry dog that had a huge claw.
He grawled and grawled and then what do you think,
a little girl was standing there and she gave a little wink.
Then she did a frown at her dog that was winning,
then the dog went inside and Pippy (the girl) went and kept the rabbit.
And her mother said that she could still be keeping.
Thank you! Thank you! Pippy said, and so she kept her rabbit in her cozy bed.
With a cozy cozy cozy bed the girl finilly smiled and said,
I shall name you fluffy!
And when fluffy heard that happy joy she desided to be scuffy.
Then they jumped and napped and did what rabbits do.
And then Pippy went to call her best friend Sue.
She diled the numbers and said come sue! Come Sue!
You must come to my house!
And then Sue screamed on the phone because at her house she saw a mouse.
What is the matter Sue cause you must not scream,
because we will have some cookies and cream.
I can't! I can't! because I have a huge problem,
I have got a mouse that is like a scary emblem.
But I've got a new pet!
I've got a new pet!
and that's what I'm talking about,
so you've got to come! You've got to come!
Cause she's hopping all about.
I'm coming I'm coming!
And could you please be pashant, I'm hurraing up Pippy.

Is it just me or is this good for a 7 year old? Perhaps it's no different than any other second grader, but I was really impressed. I'm delighted to think that perhaps I could have a writer on my hands. I read it to Adam before he left for work this morning since I was up and he suggested we get her in a creative writing class. I think I'll do just that. Now I'm really bummed I didn't suggest she enter the reflections contest for creative writing.

weekend recap

1.


This brought me solace on my way home from my 3rd church meeting of the day. It was nice to drive down the hill and see the dramatic light falling from the sky. It will be good to end the day with a warm bath and a fresh start tomorrow.

2. It was grandparents day during Bella and Tess' dance classes Saturday so my mom was able to go watch and even dance with them. I don't think she was planning on that, but enjoyed herself immensely. Adam's mom was unable to attend and was definitely miss by the girls.





3. Because of grandparents day I was able to go and watch as well. They usually don't let anyone in the classroom so the kids don't get embarrassed and stop dancing. I think it's a lame rule myself and now I'm thinking it's there so the parents don't think these classes are a waste of money. I don't recall Tess' class dancing that much. Here's a self portrait of Megan and I enjoying our time watching Bella, Tess, and my mom.



4. Our friends called us up Saturday evening to ask our kids to go to a movie with them. "All of them?" "Yes!" "Even Megan?" "Yes!" We were shocked by this offer, and decided just to roll with it and let them regret their offer later. Turns out they had a great time and so did Adam and I. It was a nice treat to get an unexpected dinner alone together.

5.

Megan did finally get to indulge in a cup of hot chocolate after asking and asking and asking me on friday afternoon. I'm not sure where her request came from, perhaps she hears me talking about it a lot or doing it, but whatever the case we both sat down and enjoyed one together.

It has certainly been a full busy weekend one that will be followed up by an even busier week. I'm really looking forward to it though, I'm so excited for Thanksgiving.

i made it happen

The last two evening I did these.




click to enlarge


lift: tara whitney


click to enlarge


lift: tara whitney





I can't believe how much quicker it goes when you use your own handwriting. I'm just getting to the point where it doesn't bother me so I'm sure I'll be using it a lot more. Some designs were in my sketch book, unfortunately that means I don't know who to credit.

question
I've been getting a lot of emails about photography and have been considering putting together a q&a post. I thought it would nice to have an official post that I could direct emails to like I did with the blog banner. So I'm trying to compile a list of questions I've already received, but wanted to give any of you the opportunity to ask so I don't leave anything out. You can either leave a comment or email me.

same stuff, different day

I woke up this morning dreaming I could just stay in my pjs all morning long, drink hot chocolate, and create beautiful things.



Sadly it didn't happen. My day sort of had a life of it's own, one thing after another calling for my attention, leading me as I went. It was one of those days my friend always refers to as same stuff, different day. I went with it and have enjoy the pace despite my lack of creativity.

Wait. Now that I think about it, I have homemade rolls waiting to be baked in the kitchen. I was in the mood, decided to give the recipe a test run before Thanksgiving. So I guess you could say I have done something creative today.

Feels good.

ordinary miracle

I heard this song on a commercial and instantly loved it. I knew I had heard it somewhere, but couldn't place it. I went to the internet and found out it's a Sara McLachlan song from the movie Charlotte's Web called Ordinary Miracle. I especially loved it once I had heard the lyrics. It's such a great reminder of how beautiful our ordinary lives can be.

It’s not that usual when everything is beautiful
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when its time to snow
You don’t need to teach a seed to grow
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own

Isn’t it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don’t throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle

It seems so exceptional
Things just work out after all
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
It disappears again at night
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

In life miraculous things happen around us all the time, right on schedule, that we stop seeing. Like the setting sun, the changing season, blooming flowers, or frost covered windowpanes. Ordinary things go unnoticed. I think the same could be said with us. Our lives consist of basically the same routine, some might say very mundane, but as ordinary as our lives are, we're extraordinary in our own way. The things we do and how we live makes us anything but ordinary. Each of us a gift. Each of us a miracle.

what I did from 1:21am-7:45am

1:21 AM I hear the rushing of little feet coming down the hall toward my bedroom. Initially I thought it was Bella because I was just having a dream of her so I wondered in that moment if it was really a dream or not. Turns out the feet, belonged to Megan.

1:22 AM Megan climbs in bed with me and I pronounce that she can lay with me for a minute or two and then she'll have to go back to her bed. As I'm saying this I realize she is hot. I can't tell if it's a fever or if she's just hot from sleeping.

2:05 AM I'm restless, constantly changing sides, thinking about whether or not Megan has a fever and trying to get away from her hot body to find rest.

2:15 AM Rest did not come.

2:43 AM Megan wakes up and asks to go watch TV. "What?!" is my response. "It's in the middle of the night we're not watching TV." Of course I was way to tried to have this conversation and really what do I care at two in the morning so I went with her to start a movie, along the way giving her medicine.

2:51 AM Went to the bathroom and back in bed.

3:00 AM Still not sleeping.

3:10 AM Megan is again by my side asking for Breakfast. Again, "What?!" is my response. I'm irritated, but let's face it, I wasn't asleep and I figure if I go and give her food she'll leave me alone.

3:12 AM I get up to put cereal in a bag and send her off to watch her show.

3:16 AM back in bed

3:30 AM I hear movement in the kitchen and detect a light is on. I hear the refrigerator door opening and closing. I had a really bad feeling something messy was going to happen so I made myself get up once again to find out what she was up to.

3:33 AM Yes, it took several minutes to deliberate whether or not to get up. When I got to the kitchen she had poured milk into a very small overflowing bowl, which was on the floor. She was actually in the process of putting the milk away so she could move her full_to_the_brim cereal into the other room. Apparently I got there at the perfect time because there would have, most definitely, been a problem. I must say I was shocked she hadn't spilled the milk already.

3:38 AM back in bed.

3:40 AM Lying awake thinking about starting "These is my Words". Since I don't own it I thought I could get it from Audible and listen to it. I still lay in bed not 100% committed to getting up, but I wasn't sleeping.

3:51 AM I finally get up. On my way to my studio I check in on Megan. She's sill in front of her food, wrapped in a blanket watching her show.

3:52 AM On my computer now I go straight to Audible and of course my luck they don't have that book. So i went to Amazon to buy it and look for ideas of books I want to read or listen to since I have 4 credits to use at audible.

4:13 AM The internet stops working. I hadn't bought the book.

4:14 AM I restart my modem and computer hoping that will do the trick.

4:15 AM Internet still not working.

4:16 AM I can tell at this point I won't get to sleep if I go lay down so I start to finish the journaling on my Lighthouse Tour Album.

4:26 AM Writing

4:34 AM I'm unsure of which lighthouse is which and remember I can't check online so in frustration I give up.

4:37 AM I leave my studio to go to bed.

4:38 AM First I decided to check on Megan. She's asleep on the chair at the table next to her food.

4:39 AM I take this picture and carry her to bed.



4:43 AM I finally get back in bed

4:49 AM Still awake

7:33 AM I hear the kids in the kitchen making breakfast. I don't have the strength to get up just yet.

7:45 AM I finally get out of bed and get them off to school.

advent calender

For years I have been trying to decided what I should do for an advent calendar. I loved them as a child, but have yet to give that pleasure to my girls. I saw a couple at Target I liked, but decided I really wanted to make one. Of course that is what I say every year and every year I don't get it done in time.

So this year I set out to do something before December so I could actually use it on time. I wasn't sure what I was going to do until I saw the recent pottery barn magazine. On a pin board they had white tags numbered 1-24 and each tag had a hanging ornament. I loved it so much I knew this was what I was going to do.



I still haven't figured out what to hang from each tag, I'm sure it will be candy of some sort, so I'm not completely finish, but the hardest parts done. The girls helped me poke holes in the canvas and place the brads and are very excited for the idea of counting down Christmas with treats each day. Actually so am I.

If your interested this is what I did.
Painted a blank 18x24 canvas
made tags from holiday paper, cut them to 2.5" x 5.25" and clipped corners
added embellishments
printed out numbers
poke hole through canvas for the brads
Place brads

It was super super easy and once the tag were made it went very fast.

old photo

Since my HD filled up I've been looking through all my photos yet again figuring out what can be dumped. I happen to come across this one.



I'm not sure what it is, but I love this shot of us. I don't know whose taking it, Jill maybe, what we are doing, or what I'm smiling at, and I may never find the answers to that, but in this photo I see so much...I see the beginning of us.

It's funny what emotions are brought back by such a simple shot. The good times we had and the bad, the experiences shared. It's a good feeling to look back at us and see just how far we've come together, all the stuff we went through early on, how we fought to stay afloat in so many ways. How through love, understanding, faith, willingness, hope, and determination we find ourselves where we are today...happy, in love, and grateful for our commitment to us.

There is not a day that goes by I am not utterly grateful for this man. Grateful for our journey together and what we've taught each other. Grateful he will laugh about my quirks. Grateful for his patients and how he loves me with his whole heart. Grateful to know he will do everything he can to make my dreams come true. Yesterday I found this note in my studio waiting for me with some art supplies.


I cried as I realized, yet again, I've got everything I ever wanted...him.

I'm not sure, no, I know that I'm not deserving of him, but I am determined to give him back all that he has given me so he too can see his dreams come true.

an Alma inspired list

That would be the Alma from History of Love. It's no wonder I liked the way she wrote, I seem to write in lists a lot.

1. COMO ESTAS?

Bella and Tess are going to school 45 minutes earlier this morning to start their new Spanish class. I think it's awesome our elementary offers this to the students. I am hoping with the class and with Adam speaking Spanish to them it will actually help them pick up the language, but if not, it certainly doesn't hurt. They are both thrilled about it, but I can't decided if they're excited about the class or that they actually get to take it together.

2. APRON AKA BAKER

The apron was her dad's when he was a little boy and knowing that has her wearing it all the time. "I need my baker" is her constant reminder whenever we're cooking.

3. WHO EVER SAID EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU

So this morning I woke up feeling, I don't know, well rested I guess, and thought I could go out running. I decided to go outside because I just can't stand the treadmill. Since my children were still asleep I ran around my house, I know it sounds lame, but there is a hill and a set of stairs so I thought it would be nice and challenging. Anyway, I was feeling pretty good, loving my music, so I ran down the street and back...boy was that a mistake. Seriously I thought I might die. I did make it up and back fine, but my lungs felt like I had TB, I could taste blood in my mouth, and was dry heaving all the way into my house. It took me at least 30 minutes to recover. The worst part is I still feel like I'm recovering. I have a cough that feels, well, like I have TB, my throat hurts, and I have a head ache. I'm pathetic. Guess I'll stick with Pilates from now on until I have the strength to try it again. Of course some good came out of it. While running back into my house I saw this

You know I love a full moon, but now, right now, I love the subtle I'm_barely_hanging_in_here_moon. It was perfect for how I was feeling at the moment.

4. FOR THOSE WHO WANTED A HOW TO

Etching glass is seriously so simple it's almost embarrassing to call it a craft, except I did come up with my own stencil. All you need is this, masking tape, and a stencil (they sell vinyl stencils, that I think you're suppose to use, but I made up my own with stickers). Just mask off the area you don't want to be etched and then apply the cream all over the negative space for around 5 minutes (check directions on bottle). Then wash it off and viola! Etched glass. One other thing, make sure to wear gloves and do it in a well ventilated room.

5. THE OPERATION CANNOT BE COMPLETED BECAUSE THE DISK IS FULL.

That was the warning I got Monday when I was trying to download pictures off my CF card onto my HD. I couldn't believe it, but I shouldn't be surprised, I have everything on that HD. So all day yesterday I was copying, yet again, all my photos to DVDs (I am just up to 2007 this take forever). Now I will have two copies of everything so I won't be afraid to delete from the HD. I hate to do it, but I just don't want to go drop a couple hundred dollars right now.

6. WHO EVER SAID HALLOWEEN CANDY WAS FOR EATING.

It's been a week now since Halloween and my kids really haven't eaten their candy. I would almost say they've forgotten they even have it. I don't understand this at all, I would have already had mine half gone, but I like it, that they are not ruled by this candy. Sadly, I'm hoping in a few weeks I can just throw it away like last year (I ended up throwing Bella's candy out around Easter).

7. GIVE AND TAKE

I've decided in my 7 + years of being a mother that sometimes I just need to give my girls the reigns and allow them to make the decisions. So when it came time to pick out Bella's new glasses I stood back and allowed her to choose what it was she wanted. I of course gave her options I could live with or that I thought looked good, but I let her do the rest. I could tell it made her feel grown up and more responsible, she sat in front of the mirror and studied her face for quite a long time. I have to say it was hard not being involved, these were not my first choice, but they were hers because of the flowers, she loved the flowers, and I guess that's all I really care about is that she's happy with them so she'll wear them. The best news of all is when the Dr. said her eyes are improving and my not need glasses in the future.

my new latest thing

One day last week I woke up and decided I wanted to give glass etching a try.

So I did.

delightful

Aug 2007

It's hard to look at this photo of my sweet little Megan and think she came up to me yesterday and said, "mom, my poo smells horrible!" I nearly lost it. Or the little one who ran from house to house while trick-or-treating yelling, "Happy Halloween!" Or when I asked her to show me where something was down stairs she said, "mom I just don't want to."

But I do see the little girl who wedged herself between Adam and I and said, "mom, love me too" or "I just want you". She is wild and crazy and speaks at one volume, loud, but she is tender, loving, and so delightful. She makes me life that much sweeter.

I'm spinning

This week has been a strange one (always weird to come back from out of town) and somewhere I feel like I've missed a day, which in turn has got me feeling like I'm playing check up. Laundry's calling my name, so is my house, Bella and her violin need me, dinner, ironing (yes, I iron now), yw assignments, exercise, etc. All and all I have lots I need to do, but instead I find myself prioritizing things that aren't as important like playing with a new toy, working on my OR album, or reading.

I've decided I get this overwhelming feeling when I am not making good choices. I have the guilt real hard. What I mean is, I know what I should and shouldn't be spending my time on so if I don't make the right choice I'm very hard on myself (I believe this is my reason for feeling like I'm going in circles this week). Really I'm fighting, fighting my strong nature to be selfish. I so hate this part of me and I try hard to push it deep down, but there are times when I just get frustrated and I don't care anymore and let the selfish side take over, do what I want to do, for me, and let everything else go. It is a vicious cycle, I know, and I wish I were better at not giving up when I feel that way, but sometimes, honestly, I just don't want to do one more thing.

Sigh.

It's hard to watch myself make progress and then fall two steps back. I keep waiting for it to get a little bit easier each day to make the right choice and each and everyday I still am faced with the same battle. I guess somethings just come easier than others, but it's hard to sit here wishing it was a different battle that I faced. Don't we all, right?

So today I am grateful for strengths and the little bit that I did do for those in my life I cherish. Here's to tomorrow. Starting fresh. To committing myself to doing what I should have done today, this week. In fact forget about starting tomorrow, how about now. I'll start now. You know I have found when I write down how I'm feeling, it all begins to make sense and I understand my frustration and always walk away refreshed and ready to tackle anything. Love that about blogging.

one more halloween photo to share from trick or treat last night.

Randy called this staging since I directed the kids under the light, but to me it was noticing a good opportunity and taking it.

It doesn't feel like Halloween today.

Is anyone else feeling this way? I guess with all the Halloween festivities last week it just seems like any other day that Megan is dressed up in a princess dress (she's been wearing her costume since 6:30am, yes this is when she got up) and one more busy night.







I dressed up this year! Fancy that. Sadly it's something I never do, it's not that I don't like it, but I certainly don't want to be the only one doing it and that would most definitely be the case. Last night was different though, we had our yw Halloween party (dress up) so I decided to play along with all the girls.

I wish the photo was better (horrible bg, entry cutting off my head), but I was running out the door to the party at the time and decided to take one since I won't be getting back in it tonight. Can you tell who I am? Yep, Princess Leia. Now if I could only get Adam to dress up as Han Solo.

Happy Halloween!!!

a getaway

Adam's at the gym and I'm sitting here miles away from home enjoying the quiet. I should have gone with him, but I'm feeling lazy and I want to feel lazy today. I've got nothing I have to do and it's been way too long since I've felt that way.



We're down in St. George for a few days. I specifically came down to help my dad with his computer, which I have done successfully by evidence of this post, and with Kathy's and Jill's generosity (each watching the girls for a night) Adam came along with me. He is making his way back today to pick up the girls and I'll be home Monday. So my break continues until then.

Last night we all went to Vegas.




It was my grand plan when I realized Adam would be coming with me for him to take me to Delmonico Stakehouse, Emeril's restaurant that I keep hearing about. It was, needless to say delicious and worth every penny, though I was full after they brought out the salad and wondered how I was going to eat my entree. We were also going to go to a Cirque Du Soleil show while there, but that would have gotten us home way too late so we opted just for the meal.

So I hope you're all enjoying your last weekend in October. It's so strange for me to think we're nearing, only a few weeks now, into the holiday season. To me it should already be November since we had our school Halloween parades, parties, and programs Thursday. Don't ask me why, it's the way it is and I can't do much about it. Anyway, I sadly had to tell Bella and Tess I wouldn't be able to go to their school parade or parties, since Megan's event started at the same time. It was a sad state of affairs with both looking at me totally disappointed, but what was I suppose to do? I thought it was best to go to Megan's since she was actually singing, see video, but then I realized Tess was singing too...I guess I can't win. I had my mom go to the parade so at least they saw someone they knew and just hoped I would make it in time for the program.


Luckily I arrived just in time to see the end of Tess' program. It's a bummer when things overlap like that and your unable to participate. I don't know what parents do with 6 kids to juggle around.

I'm off, but before I go one last little something I got for my girls. I'm not sure if they'll taste good, but man they looked so much like childhood I just couldn't resist. Found at FAO Schwarz.



Enjoy your weekend!

partner in crime

This is me today.

photo courtesy Tess

Not far from what it's like everyday...Megan hanging on me, while Tess, sitting across from me, actively coloring. That's what I'm doing here, coloring with Tess. I thought I could get away with working on something else while she colored, but she insisted we work on the same thing. I need to get that girl some photos and paper to play with so we can do the same thing.

Though I'm not a fan of getting hung on, I have enjoyed having this time with them. In my studio, creating with me, while I wait for laundry to dry and dinner prep to cook. I guess it's the next best thing to everyone napping, everyone doing something together that we all can enjoy.

spt - blk/wht

We all have things we don't like about ourselves, don't we? I mean I wish it weren't that way, but sadly I think it's true. Problem is with me the things I don't like don't go away when I convert to blk & wht. I see them looking back at me every time I look in the mirror. I feel them every night as I kneel down to pray for guidance to get it right and to do my best the next day. They're always there to remind me I'm not perfect and I don't have to be perfect. Life is for living, for learning from my experiences, for loving the crooked nose I was born with and being grateful for the health I enjoy each day. For embracing a messing room, an unmade bed, and dishes in the sink. For victories (even as random as can be), for accepting failures, letting go, and moving on. For doing, actively serving so as to find the woman I am striving to be. For being grateful for all that I have, finding good in the bad, and stretching myself beyond what is comfortable.

Life is for enjoying, living boldly and in color!
(of course blk&wht is good sometimes too :)

I am so proud of this girl.

Saturday she was a part of an huge Suzuki Celebration Gala with around 3000 young musicians.

taken with nikon coolpix

It's an event that only happens once every three years and she was very excited to participate. She worked hard to learn the songs and man was I proud of her getting out there and performing. She even gave me a smile or two while playing, which is so unlike her serious ways (I was very fortunate to be able to see her).

And then Yesterday at church she played two songs on the primary program, one of which was a solo. Watching her up there play by herself brought tears to my eyes. I never thought I would see her do that, play by herself at this age outside a recital. Can I say it again, I'm so proud of her! Afterward, everyone was congratulating her on how well she did and she even got several calls on the phone from ward members. You should have seen her face, she just lit up when she was listening to the messages.

I'm really grateful she had this opportunity because it truly helps boost her confidence and helps her to have a love for the violin. I believe it has been a love/hate relationship in the past, but now I can see it start to turn into something she enjoys doing on a daily basis.

I tried to upload a video but it didn't work...bummer.

wandering mind

Words for Everything was the title he gave his book and the last thing I read before my thoughts took over and my eyes closed.

That was this morning after I got my kids off to school and the thought of getting out of bed was just a bit too much for me. With Megan watching her show I got back in bed and continued where I'd left off yesterday in the book while at Bella's eye doctor appointment. I'm loving History of Love and would recommend it to anyone, even though I'm only on page 20 or so. I'm thoroughly enjoying the writing and the character, I feel he is someone I would like to know, and then I realize I'm surrounded by that generation and wonder what interesting lives my neighbors would have to share if only I befriended them. Perhaps I could know someone like him.

I told Adam to read the first page last night while I was making a fabulous fall dinner, homemade chicken noodle soup. He liked it so much I fear him taking if from me like he did to Lori so many years ago, he stole her book and by the time she got it back she had moved on to other things and never picked it up again, and yet, I would let him and understand if somehow the book went missing.

The busyness of this week is starting to take it's toll. It was Monday night, the last time I lay in bed talking to Adam as we were both drifting off to sleep. It was Monday night that I leaned over and kissed him goodnight, "I will see you Friday" were the last words he heard me say, me knowing full well it wouldn't be until Friday night that we would be in that position again, falling asleep next to one another. It's a comfort to me and even though it's usually me listening to him slow his breath down and fall into that happy place, being with him at night is something I must do before I let go of the day myself or else get up and enjoy the quiet house, which can be dangerous. I'm never good at putting something down and sleeping when I am not being needed every second. I need that time I guess, so I can be ready for what tomorrow asks of me.

I am rambling. I know. Honestly, I don't think I have a point. Just letting my mind wander and let it go where it will. Perhaps not the best thing for a blog entry, but then again, it is my blog entry...can't I ramble without a point? And yet, I know I can. And I will. I contemplate whether or not to turn off my comments because really what is there to comment about? But I won't. What if there is someone that wants to say hi for the first time or others that actually enjoy where this post is going. Ha, unlikely. So my curiosity will keep it up for good or bad.

Somewhere in the first 20 pages he, Leo, declares a random victory over anger (yes I'm back on History of Love). Instantly I felt connected to him. I admire anyone who realizes what needs to be changed or dealt with in their life and just does it. It is a process, a long process, but it can be done. I know there are people out there that think my RDV's (Random Declaration of Victory) are in fact not victories at all because I haven't gotten over them. For instance death. My death issues that have plagued my life since the time I was 16. I knew it couldn't go on, knew I was living a half life allowing that fear to exist, so I let it go. This was a big deal for me and a very hard thing to say goodbye to, as weird as it sounds, it sort of comforted me in a way. It allowed me to live a half life and sometimes that is desirable when you think your full efforts won't be good enough. I believe sometimes we hold onto things to make life easier, not because we can't let it go. Anything is possible with the Lord's help. I know. So I can read and watch and even talk about death and know it is a part of life. Wasn't it said once that death is our destiny? I think so because I remember being really freaked out by it. So even though I claim victorious and have started to live fully without the fear of it, I do fear, and I think this is where I am misunderstood. I don't fear death itself, I fear experiencing it again. It is a pain I never want to have to got through again as it rocked my soul to it's very core and felt a way I didn't know you could feel. Even with all that I know about the after life and being with our loved ones forever, you still miss. It still changes your life. And I know it will touch my life again at some point, I know it will hurt and suck, and I know life will continue on the way it does, except for me, I will be changed again. And I'm ok with that because it's my journey and to me that is victorious.

Wow, ok that I was not expecting, which I kind of like. It's therapeutic in a way to just let your mind go. I think I have reached my limit, or maybe it's just that I want to spare you, I sense I could go on for hours. I seem to be in a writing mood this morning. An exploration of self mood. Plus, Megan is now entertaining me with a cup of almost gone water and a straw...the noise is not recommended.

I am really liking today. It's a good happy reflective fall day.

enjoy,
amy

more thursday randomness

I came home from yw Tuesday night to this and some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. He, of course, was already asleep, but his efforts did the trick...I felt loved and thought of.

I woke up this morning to all this whiteness. I'm not ready for the 30's just yet. I need the fall to slow down.

It was another successful book club last night here at my abode. Lori made these fabulous Halloween chocolate cupcakes, so very Martha Stewart. I just couldn't resist making it my banner for the next few weeks. Isn't she amazing with frosting?

Just had to share a recent favorite of mine. I was taking photos of little things around my home and Megan, in true form, was next to me lying on the floor waiting for me to cut her apple. As I walked passed her I shot it.