finding good

I woke up this morning to a bit of grayness in my head. I just felt sad for really no reason at all. Usually this emotions works it's way into my entire day and takes over so after talking to Adam on the phone I decided to change my attitude and try to push through what I was feeling.

My cure...to find good things in my day and surprisingly or not so surprisingly I have been able to find a lot.

1. I made myself work on my art journal which instantly made me feel better.






2. Happening upon Megan surrounded by her happy things and playing quietly.



3. My dad is dropping something off this afternoon and bring me lunch.

4. It's snowing beautifully outside and I can enjoy it from my window.

5. While downloading photos (on my point & shoot nikon) I took last night while ice skating with the youth I found this


and this (remember my post about Bella learning the lesson of money, well this is what it looked like before I left her to decide)


and this video megan took (excuse the bum shot). I think she was trying to take a photo, but it was on the wrong setting. It made me happy because it shows me on a regular day with megan close behind.


6. the kitchens clean

7. I have book club tonight.

8. Did I mention my dad was bringing me lunch. Yum!

spt - a closer look

Is there a part of you, a part of your home, a part of your creativity that gets more attention from you than anything else?

It is rare for someone to walk into my house and hear music playing. It's not that I don't love music, but there's something about the quiet that beckons me. I believe it's because without it I have my thoughts to keep me company. Yes, it is my thoughts that have gotten a lot of my attention lately.



My mind never stops. Never. As crazy as it sounds, I kind of like it. I love letting my mind wander, to be free to explore the woman inside my head. I think that's what pushed me to find the creative side within. It gave me a different medium to express myself, a different voice. It's that voice though, that I've been thinking about lately. I know I don't have an original idea in my body and I've learned to be ok with that, but with the ideas (inspiration) I am overloaded with daily, I wonder, am I able to see my voice?

And there in lies the reason why I've set in place so many creative challenges for myself this year. I know some of us are born talented/gifted, but even with talent you're nothing unless you do. Ahh, doing is key. Since I was not born so lucky my only alternative is to do daily and make it happen. Although I'm quite aware it could very well take me a lifetime to get where I want to be, I am determined to work until what I see is the voice I hear each and everyday looking back at me.

You know when you were little and adults asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Well, I think we should still be asking ourselves that question today and instead of thinking it's impossible, make it possible. We only have once chance to live, let's make it count.

"Stop fighting your creative spirit that is struggling to break free inside you. You will not be the person you were meant to be until you free this creative spirit and find ways to put it to use. Freeing your creative spirit will not send you into financial ruin or cause havoc with your life, if you acknowledge the creative side of you and find ways to gradually blend it into your thought process. What will happen is that you will find happiness you didn't know existed and you will become the person you were meant to be."

-- Edward W. Smith

what i saw

This is what got me to get out my camera, the two of them in a tender moment,


and this is what I saw.

happiness

I didn't sleep last night, which is nothing new except it hasn't happened in several weeks and I just happened to be speaking in church again today in another ward. As I got ready this morning I decided to go the 3 hours and come home and rest, but then I found out about a meeting I needed to attend right after church so leaving would have been pointless. I was tired during my second sacrament meeting and craved my bed, so I must admit, my full attention was not on the meeting. Funny thing happened as I sat there grateful my children were quiet, I was inspired and loved the talks that were given. One was on joy and this quote by Joseph Smith caught my attention.

"Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. . . ."

I love this because I believe we are here to find happiness in this life and that most certainly happiness is a choice we make everyday.

Thanks to everyone who supplied me with a recipe or a site to visit full of ideas. I have no excuses now. :)

another list

1. learning experience

Adam and I decided it was time to teach our children the value of money. We have friends who give their kids an allowance, a dollar for each year they've been alive so Bella would get $7 a month, and they have seen it pay off as they're deep in the teenage years now. We are starting off small (next year I think we may give $ once a week), but the whole purpose is for them to have more opportunities to spend money so they learn just how much things cost. For instance going to the movies and having them pay their own way etc. It's certainly doing the trick, Bella had her first learning experience while looking through the scholastic book order form. She desperately wanted this diary that I thought was hideous. I told her she'd need to use her money to purchase it, but to keep in mind it was $6.95 so if she bought it she wouldn't have any money to buy anything else with until February. It took her hours to make up her mind and when she finally came to me with her decision she just couldn't spend all her money on one thing because what if there was something else she wanted in the mean time. So Bella's getting it, but Tess is a different story. She wanted something that was $7.95 and she only had $5. Well, Tess figured she would break the bank and go get her money from her piggy bank and throw in 3 more dollars. I guess we have a ways to go with her, but hopefully by the time it counts they will make good decisions.

2. encyclopedia project
After reading Michelle's post about Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life I was intrigued by this book that was inspiring everyone. Although I have not read the book and have no clue what it's about I can't get the concept, or what I believe to be the concept, our of my mind. So after much thought about how I would apply this encyclopedia idea to my life I decided to use this

artist trading card revolver by 7gypies

and fill it up from a-z with thing about my life. It's too daunting to do all at once so I figured it's a great project to do once a week or whenever inspiration strikes. I'm actually quite excited about seeing it unfold.

3. going veggie

Adam is trying a new way of eating, at least for the month of January, to see if it makes a difference. So around here we have been all veggie, all the time. It doesn't seem to make too much of a difference to me until it comes to cooking dinner. I don't have a clue what to make on a normal diet so to limit what I can make and try to find ways to give us protein is proving to be challenging. I made a bean soup the other night that turned into a tragedy. It didn't really look like soup so I thought we could have it over rice, but even that didn't solve the problem. The problem was the flavor...it didn't really have any. Argh! All that time wasted. So if any of you have recipes that you love that don't include meat please share. I need them.

because I've been dreaming about the spring

I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm trying to wish away the winter, so contradictory to what I'm actually going for this year, but as I was walking through the grocery store early this morning I notice these beautiful pink flowers calling my name and I couldn't resist.



Oh and one of me.



I've got myself committed to doing 365 of these (sp) in a row (you can follow my progress along on my flickr). It's a daunting task, but one I think will really help me to challenge myself daily on a photography, creative, and personal level. So far I have really enjoy it and am finding it to be an excellent way to document my year.

fresh snow - a photo essay

a day of fresh snow and






a snowman




that ended with megan screaming about her frozen hands. Ah, I guess it wouldn't be a day without Megan crying about something.

SPT - hello 2008

Resolutions.

Ah. I love making resolutions. I must admit I'm not the best at keeping them, but I sure have the best intentions when I make them.

This year I have a lot I want to accomplish, so much so that I'm beginning to realize I may be setting myself up for failure. I know, not the kind of talk you want to have on the 8th of January, but a realistic conversation I must have with myself in order to keep me sane for the next 12 months. So I'm in the process of again reevaluating to see if I need to make any changes to my list. The problem is I really don't want to cut anything out so I must press forward and just make it happen.

One of my goals is to become a painter. Perhaps it's better to say I want to learn and understand how to paint. My means of making this happen is to at least do one painting and/or work on my art journal once a week. I am hoping at first just to get the hang of working with a different medium and then hopefully going for some riskier creative stuff. Ha, as if I could really change my ways, but really I guess that's the point of this. To give myself exposure and to hopefully help me be more creative in other areas of my life.


I had my camera set up and had tess press the button one after the other so the shot would be more candid with me working without knowing the shutter was going off. This isn't the best shot I got, but I loved it because I'm deep in thought looking at the painting wondering what else it needs. It made me happy to see me like this.

Today I took some time and worked on two paintings. My goal was to do one, but I was having so much fun I didn't know how to stop. I had my music on and was in the zone so I kept going. I must say I loved it. I love feeling free and creating and just letting myself go where I want to. It can be dangerous though, I can see myself getting too lost and ignoring my other duties so I need to be careful of that.

Here is painting one called Journey


Here is painting two and the one I'm working on in the photo.

My plan for this one is to add live on it in AM foam letters, but I have yet to do so. I'm still looking at it making sure adding the word won't take away from what I love about it. Actually the words you can see (barely) in the butterfly is the definition of Live ripped out of a dictionary so I may just circle the work and call it good. I don't know yet. Whatever I decided I am very happy with them both and look forward to my new challenge this year.

blank did blank so I got to do blank

Megan climbed up to my desk grabbed my xacto, that was sitting out from yesterdays late night project, and cut her thumb pretty bad. It took quite a while to get the bleeding to stop which she was not happy about. She was so upset, as the photo shows (I know I'm such a bad mom for taking the picture, but I ask her if I could and she said yes) that once the bandaid was securely on she went to my room to get cozy and ended up falling asleep. So I got to have a quiet afternoon alone. :)



Bella had her dreaded Dentist appointment to get her cavities taken care of so I got to sit and read for about an hour. Good times.

photo courtesy megan

Everyone went to bed at a good hour last night so I was able to work on this notebook. I have an idea, but I first needed to see if I could actually make one of these books and keep it together before I get started. It worked, but my work was pretty sloppy. It's good I practiced because I definitely learned what not to do next time. It was so satisfying I certainly have plans to make more.

how to:


I grabbed 2 4x6 photos, a bunch of paper trimmed to 4x6, glue, and a strip of paper to bind. All I did is glue it all together and press under a lot of weight over night. Again this was a test run I did on a whim Sunday night. Next time I plan on using more interesting papers...the possibilities are endless.

goodbye 2007

I was in such a hurry to start a new year, so unlike me, that I didn't give 2007 a proper goodbye. I think I may have done that last year which bothers me because it's such a great opportunity to look back and be grateful for all that has happened and the changes you've made.

So here's to 2007. It was my best year yet.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Traveled to Europe, cruised around the Mediterranean for 13 days, lived with one outfit for 10 days, left my children for 16 days, and went to a photography workshop.



2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept many of them and am proud of myself for that. My favorite being my project a week which I will be doing again.



3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. My sister-in-law, my good friends Crystalyn, Dani, and Johanna, and many blog friends.



4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Thank goodness for this one.



5. What countries did you visit?
Italy, Greece, France, Spain (more stop in than visit), Turkey.


6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
food storage

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 1st. The day of my controversial surgery that helped me feel like myself again.



8. What was your biggest personal achievement of the year?
My marriage grew 200% this year. Adam and I came closer together than we have our 11 years of marriage. If I could define 2007 it would start and end with us. But something more just me...definitely letting go of my love and need for a mac.



9. What was your biggest failure?
Not living enough. Letting what other people think get in my way.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, however, I did have sleeping issues. Does that count?



11. What was the best thing you bought?
My passport and IKEA bookshelf




12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I'd have to say Adam's. He was a rock for me this year. Supported and loved me through my craziness and helped me find where it is I want to be.



13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Let's just say enough people.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Definitely target and costco and toward my projects.



15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Photography and Working on my projects



16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
First thought I'd have to say Bubbly by Colbie Caillat because every time my kids got in the car they would ask for it. For me it would be Gravity by Sara Bareillis.



17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
A. Happier.
B. I don't really know, but my clothes fit the same so I'm going to have to say the exact same.
C. Richer in more ways then one.



18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time with my girls, written more of my thoughts down, created more, and also I wish we had taken a real family vacation.



19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being afraid and complaining

20. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes, with reading.


21. What was your favorite TV program?
30 Rock and So You Think You Can Dance.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. Does anyone really actively hate?

23. What was the best book you read?
History of Love by Nicole Krauss



24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Fray

25. What did you want and get?
a best friend, happiness, and an iphone



26. What did you want and not get?
food storage, kids who eat, and a new lens

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
Becoming Jane.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31. My birthday was on a Sunday this year so I went shopping Saturday and then to dinner with Adam at Flemings that night. On Sunday I was spoiled by Adam and my girls (he helped them give me my favorite gift ever...their art framed) and I remember it being a lovely day at home.



29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I could have lived life fully everyday.



30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Same as always...Jeans and a t-shirt, though I did branch out a bit and bought some trendy new shirts.



31. What kept you sane? Family, photography, time with friends, blogging, and reading.

my favorite kind

It's one of those Saturdays. My favorite kind when there's not much going on and you get to decide the pace.

I guess the photos show what pace I'm at today.



I'm lying in bed enjoying my new past time, reading, which led to thinking. I have a project brewing in my head that deals with my word for the year. I'm five days behind, but hey I'm ok with that as long as I get started. I love it when inspirations strikes. I'll share once I'm up and going.

Happy Saturday :)

clothes and more clothes

I've been wanting to get up to my attic and go through all the kids clothes I have just sitting there wasting space. So when I woke up this morning, knowing I wouldn't be going anywhere because of my sick Megan, I decided today was the day to tackle the ever growing kids clothes (including my 7 years of girls and hand me downs from my sister's two girls). After working for 4 hours this morning I was able to create this



12 bags, yes, 12 bags full of clothes to take to the DI. Can you believe how much this is and it doesn't even include the two bags Adam took the other day of our own clothes.

I also created
* 2 boxes of clothes I want to keep for sentimental reasons
* 3 boxes of clothes that my kids can still use
* and a huge pile of clothes I think are good enough to sell.

Pretty much that is where my time has gone organizing the clothes I want to list on ebay and taking photos. All I can say is if I don't make some money I doubt I will be doing it again. This takes so much time (I'm already 4 hours in and I haven't even listed them yet) I think I might just rather give them away.

Megan came in while I was taking photos and asked what I was doing. When I told her she started crying and pleading with me not to give the clothes away. It was interesting to see her like this. I was thinking it must be the sickness talking, but then I realized I have a huge problem on my hands...I knew she liked clothes, but now I know she loves clothes. Yikes. When I turned my head I watched her run out of the room with 2 pairs of 3 month old shoes. I'm not sure what she is planning to do with them, but it made me laugh.

I must say it feels good to look at those bags and think of all the decluttering I was able to do this morning. Now I just have to get those 12 bags out to my car and take them to the DI. I really like knowing that someone else will find use in them instead of them cluttering up my attic.

January 3, 2008

I feel I am half here today. Megan had me up with her all night with a fever and her tossing around in bed. I tossed and turned myself by her side hoping her fever would break and that rest would find her and me. It didn't until about 4am and boy was it hard getting myself out of bed to get the other two off to school.



I finished These Is My Words last night and although I thought about chucking the book across the room like Hannah, I resisted and clung to her beautiful poignant final words and then cried myself to sleep. What some of us are asked to bear at times seems unfathomable, but the person we become on the other side of heartache is what makes living possible and what keeps us moving. I was content in knowing Sarah was able to move on with her new life still keeping him in her thoughts always.

As I was reading through the book it occurred to me what a novel idea it is to have a journal. I know silly right? My blog is basically my journal, but it's definitely missing some things that I find so beautiful about a book of ones words. 1. privacy (your not writing to an audience) 2. my own handwriting 3. you don't have to spell check or check your grammar. It's your unabridged thoughts written down on paper bound up just for you. I have missed writing with my hand and the randomness of my thoughts that I find I weed out to make my blog readable. So i think I will start a journal this year. It will definitely not take me away from blogging, but hopefully encourage me to keep thinking, which will in turn help me formulate and then share my thoughts as they come.

Do you have a journal on top of blogging?

my word my focus 2008

Is anyone else spinning by the recent renewal of another year?

I've had a lot on my mind the last few days, thinking about this last year and what it has meant to me. It was a big year for me with a lot of growth opportunities that I am very grateful for. I grew in many areas and surprised myself tremendously by doing things I didn't know I was capable of.

I was amazed to see as I focused on DO, my word for the year, just how one simple two letter word could make such an impact. I guess it's true when something is in your heart and mind you start seeing it everywhere and for me it just happened to help put and keep me in action. It was the exact reason why I needed to choose DO, I really needed a jump start, and one of the reasons why I seriously considered keeping it for 2008, but I won't and this why.

Once I realized how important choosing a word could be I prayerfully thought about what I need to work on this year. I have had a word in my mind the last few week, but told myself if I didn't feel strongly about it I would definitely keep DO because it made such an impact. Then yesterday I got a package (Adam forgot to tell me the package came Monday) from my friend, Heidi, and in it enclosed the book Dance While You Can by Lance Wubbels (I can't find it on amazon). It's a book with gentle reminders to help you live life to the fullest with beautiful photos to match. As I went to flip through it the first page I came to was the introduction and this is what I found...

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And then I was dying to finish college and start working.
And then I was dying to marry and have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could get back to my career.
And then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying...and suddenly realized that I forgot to live.

author unknown

The moment I read these words I knew that my initial thought, the word I had been thinking about for a few weeks had been right all along.


Live.

It is a lot like do in many ways, which is why I had been holding on to it, but evokes more passion and love of life that I could ever get from DO. It implies letting go of fears and focusing on the good of my everyday. Being ok with my mistakes, learning from them, and moving on. It implies living in the present, at 31 with all it's challenges. Enjoying my children at their current ages and not wishing that time away. Giving my Adam all of myself. Being grateful for the life I have and everything in it. It implies intentionally going about my day making it the best I can.

Adam once asked me, what is one thing you're afraid of and the first thing that came to my mind was I wouldn't live my life to the fullest, that I would die regretting how I lived. This year living shall be my focus and hopefully my focus every year after that. I don't want life to just happen to me anymore. I want to take it by the reins and create a beautiful story that wasn't there before. My story. A story of life, passion, happiness, and love.