Last night I went to a parenting class that is being offered in my area. As I sat listening to the recap of the discussion from the previous week, teach what you want your children to do instead of what you don't want them to do, I was very disappointed I was unable to attend. Just from the little bit I gathered I knew it was exactly what I needed and I should have been there. I hate that feeling. Anyway, I am doing my best to get the information I missed and when I do I will share it with you, but for now I am just grateful I was there last night, again, a lot of good information was shared.
Instead of focusing solely on children, their behave, and how to change it, the instructor, Eric Bjorklund, discussed the differences between males and females. It was so fascinating and as I listening to the giggling in the crowd (all adults) throughout the meeting, I realized I was not the only one who thought, Yes, exactly. That is so true. Of course the information was not all new to me, and I'm sure it won't be to you, but it's always a good reminder that as men and women we are coming from two difference places and understanding that is the first step to closeness.
Below are some of my notes from the evening. Some of the information came from, The Female Brain and The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine if you are so inclined to read more about it.
**Also keep in mind the information below is a generalization and may not reflect the male or female you know.
Males
-A male brain is compartmentalized. They don't make connections between emotions or even circumstances.
-A male brain is designed to do what it takes to survive and provide for his family (hunter gatherers).
-Men have a very literal brain they do not read more into a situation.
-Men are designed to have empathy for 1 second before moving on to problem solving.
-Men are fine being alone (50% will have only their wives and their confidant).
-Men are naturally endowed to sexually want women.
-Men like to compete.
-Men they bond by doing.
Females
-A female brain is integrated and is controlled solely by emotions.
-Woman will reload the same emotions of previous experiences when going through a similar experience. This makes it harder for woman to forgive. For example, if they have been hurt by their spouse and he does something similar as before she will reload and remember all the other times it's happened. Conversely, when they hold a baby they're flooded with all the emotions of when they held their babies.
-Generally woman are more perspective -- they process double of what a man can.
-Woman are born with empathy -- they will naturally assume the same posture as the person they are speaking with or begin to talk the same (a form of showing empathy).
-Woman are much quicker to apply what they learn to themselves.
-Woman have a strong need to feel connected. Need woman friendships.
-Woman want to be understood.
-Woman are designed to be nurturers
His needs/Her needs
01. Sexual fulfillment = acceptance / 01. affection (usually not sexual)
02. recreational companionship / 02. conversation (listen and understanding)
03. attracted to partner / 03. honesty and openness
04. Domestic support / 04. financial support
05. respect (need to feel competent) / 05. Family commitment (good father = good husband)
A interesting fact: a woman, on average, will communicate 24,000 a day, while men only 7000.
One of the main things I took away from last night was you need to teach what you want and then reinforce. It's clear that men and woman were designed differently, and for good reason, but there is nothing wrong with letting your partner know what it is you want. One of our biggest mistakes is assuming they know and will figure it out. Obviously the same thing can be said about our children. We need to first teach them what we want before we can expect certain behaviors.
All and all I thought it was a great night, pack with a lot of good information and some fun laughs as we all realized just how opposite we can be.
**What do you think?
