3 daughters and a father

i have been down in my studio a lot lately...well since the no sleeping. i figure i ought to get something accomplished. just recently finished this layout and i love it. i totally lifted it, but love everything about it.

Moving on

So interesting how individuals come into your life, give you what you need, and move on. Life is truly fascinating that way and helps me to see the bigger picture, to more fully understand the plan God laid out for us. We are all connected and all of us here to help each other get back to where we started.

I find myself in that situation. Having moved into an area I thought I would be for at least 10 years, creating relationships I cherish, and yet circumstances show the true nature of my connection...it was the right time in my life to meet this person, learn my lesson, and move on.

There are a few people in my life now that I long to take with me and yet I know because of our place in life it doesn't really make sense. This one woman I am thinking of is many years older than me with children in college and just at a completely different stage in life. She understands me and has taught me so much about myself. She can see beyond the blinders I have on and given me something to hold onto and cherish about the person that I am. Thank you so much for coming into my life. A priceless gift I will not soon forget you have left me with.

insomnia

Not sleeping and going crazy, really I'm dragging hard. Finding it hard to be productive and get anything done during the day. I just want to lay in bed and have my kids take care of themselves, is that so wrong?

The insomnia has been around off and on for the last couple of weeks and I know it's because I have a lot on my mind with what going on in our life right now. A lot of changes and decisions that need to be made, and quickly. I just really want to let it go. I need to let it go so i can sleep. Desperate for sleep.

One thing good about it...I do my best work at night. I always have the best ideas and insights when working in the wee hours. It really has done wonders when trying to figure out the new plans for our new home. Kudos to me for finding something positive in a dire situation.

life update

ok so i haven't really been great at blogging for the last month. So much is going on in my life that i just haven't had time to write, or i should say i haven't taken the time.

What's up, well my husband and I bought a house and we're in the process of remodeling it (right now waiting for plans). We are also working on plans to bulldoze the house we are currently living in and building two houses on our lot.

So like I said, lots going on, lots to think about. I am trying to stay focused and not get stressed out, which is usually my way of dealing with big changes. Honestly I hate doing stuff like this, but i know it will benefit my family greatly (a part of me does like working on a big project). Plus the new house (old house remodeled) will be really awesome. Looking forward to being able to design a home that works for us.

So i am getting my daughter registered for kindergarten and searching for a new preschool. Having a hard time because of the late start, but i know all will fall into place.

Self Portrait

I decided after going through and looking at my most recent photos that I need to make sure I'm in a few of them. The only way I may be able to accomplish my goal is to take them myself. So you may off and on see self portraits of me. Just to prove I was here...not just behind the lens.

celebrating one

The family all got together at our house and celebrated Megan's first year of life. I made a sucker garden cake as found in the Martha Stewart Baby magazine and she loved it. I thought the suckers would be big hit, but had no idea just how big. After getting at the cake she wasn't even interesting in anything else, but eating the suckers. She's definitely a candy girl.

By far her favorite gift was the pink kitty her Nana gave her. I haven't seen her put it down since the party. It will be interesting to see if it will become like Bella's brown bear...on her 24/7.

something

There's just something about this photo I love that keeps me coming back to it. Perhaps it's the way the light is hitting her face and how it shows her beautiful colored golden eyes or the pouty look on her face. I don't know, but what I do know is how much I love it and love her.

her laugh

I will never ever get sick of hearing her laugh. Seriously one of the best sounds in the whole wide world.

10 things i wish i knew in highschool...2peas challenge

Just found the "mem blog challenge" at two peas. I haven't noticed this before, but I am game. Sounds great, especially one involving high school. At times I idealize that time in my life. Things seemed much easier and less complicated, but really when I think about it life is very complicated when your experiencing it. Full of emotions and turmoil...always something going on in a girls world right? I can honestly say I am glad I am done with that, however if i could go back knowing these 10 things i may give it a try.

1. Be honest with yourself...be YOU!
2. If you put your mind to it anything is possible.
3. Tell the boy you always loved that you indeed love him...can't hurt!
4. Be daring with your style.
5. There is a reason why you don't make the varsity squad as a junior.
6. Take all the photography classes you can!
7. Be more open and honest with your feelings...your feelings make you real!
8. Spend as much time with your brother as you can.
9. Never get offended...girls change their minds constantly.
10. embrace mistakes and trials you may face while pacing the halls of HS...remember you will have some of the greatest life altering experiences and learn some invaluable lessons.

This is me 11 years ago dancing. i love dancing so much and miss it, well I do dance all the time with my girls. I really hope that I can take some of my own advice and help my 3 girls through the rough teenage years. Unfortunately and fortunately I know it's life's experiences make us who we are.

walking

She's been walking around the house and now the yard with support from her toy. It's so cute to watch the excitement in her eyes as she move from place to place with ease. I think she is excited about getting off her knees.


It was so cute watching her sisters cheer her on. They too can't wait for Megan to be walking around.

It's her big smile.
Her little button nose.
Her two solitary bottom teeth.
Her bold giggle.
Her contagious smile.

Who am I kidding. I love all of her...every piece.

practice photo

I have been focusing on my photography lately, more specifically composition and find it easier to start with still life (my children are on the move so much i can't keep up, let alone take a picture of them). I was shooting with my Nikon coolpix point and shoot, I'm not sure why I didn't just use my film camera. I guess I enjoy instant gratification to much. It will be nice to finally upgrade...one of these days.

Again enjoying the raining weather. It seems it rains at least twice a week if not more, I know the heat is coming and it will eventually stop so I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Love the smells, sounds, and everything associated with rain. Just can't get enough.

She turning three

Today was Memorial day, but to me it was just another celebration of our Tessinni turning the big 3. We started celebrating on Saturday, her birhtday with my family. We went to dinner and had a party at my parents house where she was spoiled with some gifts. My parents gave her a bike with training wheels and other fun outdoor stuff like chalk.

Adam and I made a puzzle for her. Each side is either a photo or art to reminder her just how much we adore her, plus it's a fun activity for her do.

Monday we spend the afternoon in Eagle Mountain to have yet another celebration. It was such a beautiful day that the kids had a blast running around and playing in the yard. She was again spoiled with gifts, books, puzzle, and a dora ball...she is certainly loved by all.

It's crazy to think she's already 3 years old. She has turned into such a delightful little girl who always keeps Adam and I laughing.

Love you Tess.

books...

"Books humanize a house. They endow rooms with memory, individuality even temptation, as well as the happy chaos of inadvertent color. The contents of people’s bookshelves can be more revelatory than their furniture or their family pictures, which explains why book-filled spaces radiate such intimacy and character." -martha stewart mag

love this quote. working on a layout to use it.

i have never been a reader. somehow it never really caught on as a kids and i find it hard these days to fit it in. i suppose there are things i would rather do, scrapbook, knit, any other project really. i know this is the wrong attitude because reading gives a person so much depth, knowledge, power.

i want to be better. when i do read, i love it. i get so involved in the book, the story, that i don't want to stop. i guess i haven't had a book lately that has made me want to read. i am looking for a good book, a love story, something historical, something to make me want to be a part of the characters life.

i want to go on a ride...i need to start reading again.

mood

today i am in a really crappy mood. i don't know why and i really don't need an explanation, i just want to feel myself again.

it seems like it has been like this for a couple of days now. i can't deal with my life, and yet i have nothing to complain about. my life is great, no problems except the ones i create for myself.

doing the same stuff old day after day is getting to me. it's rare that i have time to for myself because there is always something more important to do, or so it seems. even this morning i had a walk planned with a friend. i really didn't want to go because it just takes time and truly i would rather be doing something else while Megan takes her morning nap than exercise. i did go and i am glad i did, forget about myself for a while, but i still feel blah.

i am better than this. it doesn't have to be this way. my husband always says "your head creates your world". boy is he right about that. if i could just change my attitude life would be so much more enjoyable.

in the end i think that is what i will regret most, creating problems where there aren't any instead of enjoying all the blessing that i have. i don't know how to change it, but i must get past it.

musical gift

I can tell you right now this little 5 year old of mine, Bella, has a musical gift. She's been playing the violin for 3 months now and has picked it up quickly. I think since her recital she's been a bit unsure, she's not so thrilled about performing, but I think it will come in time. I hope the more she performs she will enjoy it because her talent is certainly God given. She amazes me.

product of a raining day

I really love these photos. The flowers a beautiful, it's reminding me of the changing season (a little piece of spring that i am enjoying in my yard), and of course the colors are so vibrant...thanks to the RAIN!



It has been raining off and on for weeks. Apparently the most rain we've received since 1983. I am loving it, especially because of the colors and we desperately need it. So keep it coming, but only for a little while.

her

I wish I could have capture her in focus, but honestly a clearer shot would not have me loving this photo any less. This is her to a tee. Oh how i love her way.

and a silly one.

our story...10 yrs

it's been 10 years since we met or i should say ten years from our first date. its been a crazy, amazing ten years full of funny moments, tears, & laughter.

excerpt from scrapbook:

It all began May 9th 1995, or did it? It looks as if fate was on our side and our story began much earlier. It seems we met in the fall of 1994 or at least I should say you meet me. I was oblivious. On a crisp fall day you skipped your American Heritage class to follow me, who knows if you were going to talk to me that day, but curiosity got the better of you and you left your sister and American Heritage. As it turns out you didn’t talk to me that day, very intuitive on your part; I was never good with cold approaches from men.

You lived in the Riv so you had to walk through Helaman Halls daily to get to campus. This is where you saw me once again; you now knew where I lived. You even walked behind me to class one day and found out my name when a good friend called out to me. It does seem fate was on our side; however, still no approaches. You saw me occasionally during the fall and winter semesters, but many times did not, until two weeks before school got out for the summer. You happened to be walking with your brother-in-law (Randy) through Helaman Halls and saw me with my friends. You paused, thought about talking to me, this was to be your last opportunity, you would not see me again as school was ending, but hesitate and moved along. In your mind I was just a fond memory. This was to be our last encounter, or so you thought. It does seem fate was on our side, two weeks later you went to work without a thought of me and suddenly I showed up. You see it was my first day. I had once again walked into your life. Coincidence...never. We were meant to be a part of each others life.

i love this man with all of my being. he is everything in my life.

a gift

I am amazed that God has given us (me) the ability to create life. What a responsibility to bring a person into this world...help them grow and find their way.

Motherhood challenges me in ways I never thought possible. I will admit I don't always celebrate my role because I'm often overwhelmed by the vast responsibility. I never thought I could ever fear motherhood, but I think I might. At times the feeling I will fail them in some way, like they are better off without me takes over and I want to give up. It's scary knowing you could potential mess up a life. It's these times I get on my knees and ask for help because I know I am useless without the help of a loving God.

I hope with all my flaws and imperfections my girls will always know of my deep love for them. They teach me about life, about me, in a way I could have never learned without them. They are truly a gift from God.

Girls I love you!

Magical

The girls took a bath tonight and I entertained them with bubbles. I never knew how big you could blow bubbles in the water. It was a fun game for us to see just how big we could blow them without them popping. I think this one was the biggest. Bella and Tess keep asking me to take another bath.

its official...

I'm addicted to scrapbooking in the best way. I love it and can't get enough. Last night I was invited by Jill with 4 of her friends to be a part of a focus group to talk about scrapbooking products...what we like, don't like etc. It was only suppose to go an hour and a half, but we were there for over three hours talking. I had such a good time.

This company is partnering with a pretty big company in the industry, which is why I feel they have staying power. I will be really excited if what was suggested ends up on the shelves.

Actually they were very please with how it went and ask if we would be willing to do it again...of course. Not only do I love talking about scrapbooking supplies, but they gave us free stuff and money. Little do they know I would have done it for free.

number 1

I believe the kids are on to us. They've all started to figure out our number system, well I should just say Bella has figured it out. I'm not surprised though, it's not hard to figure out, plus she's one smart little girl.

How do we know she onto us...well she keeps saying, "I'm number 1, right?" I'm starting to realize our code either has to be much more complicated or we have to come up with another creative way of communicating...I'm certainly not ready for that.

Love this photo of her. I feel it captures who she is perfectly...quiet and focused.

A very unique little girl who constantly surprises me. I'm so lucky to have her a part of my life.

who am i to blog?

I didn’t even know what a blog was when the year started, but now I am addicted. I have been half tempted to start my own and here I am doing it, writing out my first entry.

But who am I? I’m not well known, political, or even have something important to say-so why even begin? Well, I found something beautiful in the blogs, the concept of a blog, an expression of the author, a collection of thoughts. No matter what the passion - politics, cooking, gardening or even life. You name it it's out there.

So right now I can't sleep (husband snoring). I am thinking this is the thing to do. Perhaps a mistake, perhaps a very good decision, time will tell.

I have this need to express myself, though it would seem more natural to just give my thoughts to a journal with pencil and paper for only me to see. For some reason putting it out on the web makes it real...valid. Makes me own my words, have some sort of accountability for my intentions. Seems silly, but true. I want to explore myself and if I find I get a few comments along the way to help in my journey so be it.

Perhaps though this will still be just for me....a collection of thoughts in my own words.