off again

It's so nice that I have the technology to get my emails on my phone, but it makes for sitting at my computer almost obsolete. It's been shut off since the last time I posted until yesterday when I sat down to do a few things. I have to admit it has been nice not being around it or feeling attached, but I do miss blogging. Sometimes when life is busy it's nice to reevaluate just how important something is in your life and where it stands.

So I'm off tomorrow to go to Lake Powell with our youth group. It's going to be an interesting trip to say the least seeing how I'm not one of their leaders anymore. I am looking forward to it, more than I have in the past, because I feel like it's going to be my last big activity with them. I'm not excited about the heat or the bathroom situations, but you never know it could account for some really great blogging stories when I get back.

so you don't forget us.

sp from the park a few weeks back.

have a great week.

It's been a while, I know.

I've been meaning to sit down and write something, but I've been living a working mom's life since Monday and I must say it is not glamorous. I certainly admire all you women out there raising a family and working all day. I don't know how you have any time to breathe.

All week I've been with Bella from 9-5 at the Suzuki String Institute. It's actually an amazing experience I'm so glad we decided to do this year. She has six class with fabulous very patient instructors who have devoted their life to music. She is even getting a private lesson from Michael McLean. A very cool experience for her, one that is making a huge difference with her playing & confidence.



Anyway, she's basically doing all the work, I'm sitting all day...reading, watching, etc., but by the time I get home I'm completely exhausted. Exhausted! Perhaps my messy house we haven't even been in, hungry kids waiting to be fed, and laundry that needs to be done looking back at me doesn't help. Really I don't know how to do it all with this schedule without feeling like I've worked all day. It's maddening.

So I'm blogging now, but I really shouldn't be. I should be packing for my weekend with Lori, Jill, Robyn, and Kathy, or folding laundry, or even better, sleeping so I can get through tomorrow. I guess I just couldn't resist an update. I recently got home from bookclub and going to the store to get stuff for this weekend. It's an interesting experience going to the grocery store at 12am. Have you ever done it? I don't like it. It's creepy being one of the only people wandering around a big half lite store.

Ok so I feel like I'm going to start rambling soon if I haven't started already. I guess It's time for bed. Before I go I thought I'd leave you with a photo I took last week that I feel in love with. We were all in my studio doing who knows what, can't remember, and I saw this beautiful light streaming in through my window...had to get it.



Have a great weekend.

shares & finds

1. Late last night I found this code that will block someone from rt clicking and saving your photos or any content from your blog. As far as I know it works when I try to rt click on my photos. Does it work when you try? If you want the same kind of protection just follow their instructions and put the code in the {body} portion of your blog or website.

2. One of the other reasons why I love So You Think You Can Dance, obviously I love it for the dancing, is the music finds. I loved Mia Michaels dance Wednesday night and can't figure out if it was the dance I loved or the music...I guess together they were a perfect fit. Immediately I went to my computer and purchased Beautiful by Me'Shell N'degeocello. If you ever want to find out the music they use go here and it will give you a list of the dances, choreographers, and music used. You can even see past seasons info. Very cool.

3. Wednesday and Thursday I worked on two more canvases for my wall.


inspired by elsie flannigan and paulette insall


the cupcake was inspired by eflannigan.

here's an update of my wall so far...


I am seriously enjoying this project and don't think I will stop with the four.

4. A photo I took yesterday while we lazily played outside (is that possible?). Of all the others I took it spoke summer to me...the sun streaming through her hair as the wind blew the strands about catching her laughter. It was a good summer afternoon.



The next two weeks are going to be crazy crazy for me so it's been nice not to have anything scheduled this week. The kids have had play dates and we've basically just hung out...the best way to enjoy a summer in my opinion.

Oh and this because Tess said she wanted to be "mom"...my shoes, my glasses, my book.

thoughtful wanderings

I woke up too early for a summer morning wishing I could fall back asleep, instead laid in my cozy bed listening to the hard rain hitting my window, beating down on the road. I wasn't too excited about waking up to a cold wet gray rainy day, but I did love in that moment hearing it beat down in a fury. A part of me, I have no idea why, wanted to run outside and let it soak me. I guess it's me wanting the weather to encourage my thoughtful mood that I've had for days.



It was originally brought on by my release from the YW program Sunday. I knew it was coming and yet I wasn't quite prepared when it happened. It's hard to give all you have to something, someone and then just walk away from it, handing over your binder as if the rules to the job reside. Even though part of me was ready to move on, I really wasn't and it's been hard for me to let it go. It was such a huge part of my life and it's so crazy to just walk away from it like I never knew it.

All my thoughts and emotions that have come from this one incident has me thinking about connections we make with others. Why some of them last and others fleeting? Is one of our main purposes in this world to touch the lives of those around us and when the message is sent we go our way? Subconsciously I wonder how much this is true? How much God guides us to those we need or who need us? I guess you never know when you might be needed so you live hoping you're doing your part...making a difference the way you were meant to.


"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." - Douglas Adams

You know I've always wanted this extraordinary life, but knew in my gut my life would be very ordinary. I always knew what I was intended to do, but I never did understand til now what that actually meant. I've searched too long thinking an extraordinary life was something big and almost unattainable when really an extraordinary life has been right in front of me the whole time. Adam and my girls bring my life meaning and make life worth living...they are my purpose here. So while my life is simple, it's mine and everything I've always wanted.

I believe it's like Sheryl Crow said, "it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got."

live

sleeping easy

I finally did it, bought food storage. Well months ago I did and have been waiting impatiently to receive it. I feared the amount that was coming and yet I still wasn't quite prepared when a truck pulled in my driveway yesterday and delivered two pallets full.



It was a daunting task, but I was able to clean out a semi unused closet in my basement, take out the shelf, and fill it up with the food. I honestly can't believe I was able to do it and it only took me about an hour...by myself.



So now I have food. It feels good to know I am more prepared than I was yesterday, but I'm still hoping I will never in my life have need for it. My plan initially was to gradually used it and refill it, but now that I have it I don't want to go through the bother of replacing it. After all with the price of food it could cost even more, plus there's really no getting the food out of there anyway it's so packed in.

If any of you are interested I used this company. I heard good things from a few people, but honestly I've never tried the food and don't think I ever will until I absolutely need to. I do know they will send you samples in the mail to try. FYI I had been watching and thinking about doing this since last year and because of the cost of wheat and corn etc. the price keeps going up. I just looked and it's about 25% more than what it cost me.

Anyway, have a great weekend. Tomorrow I will be running/walking a 5k with my family, organized by robyn, and beginning our summer break. Yes, for us summer vacation is officially here starting today even if the weather is telling me otherwise.

creatively blah...learning from another artist

Basically I've felt sort of blah for a while now. Not really knowing what or how to "do". The not knowing tends to leave me constantly thinking, which inevitably causes me to do nothing at all. I have at some point been able to thwart my funk and taken a few photos last week, but other than that when it has come to anything remotely creative I have been empty. Yes, empty is a perfect word for it. I've definitely not had anything in me, no reserves to pull from.

Moods like these are always a bit depressing or misguided as I often run away and hide, preferably in a book, hoping that inspiration will come. And I guess at times it does, but often it keeps me focused in on other lives inside the novel and I forget about my own.

Yesterday after looking at the four blank canvases on my wall one too many times, I took them down and started to build my foundation. I pulled colors I thought would work good together, but also work with the wall color. Once I had completed the first stage (keep in mind only the first stage), I laid them to dry next to each other and the overwhelming feeling that I get sometimes started creeping in...what I saw was four seemingly blank canvases I had no ideas for.



I stopped. I left. I came back. I felt the same. Determined not to allow myself to let go so quickly I got on the computer and let one link lead to another until I found Elsie Flannigan. I must admit she has never really been an inspiration to me, not because I don't think she's fabulous or an inspiration, but because what she creates I cannot possibly relate to. My mind doesn't work the same way, so while I admire her style and creativity, I admire with jealous eyes wishing I could be, they way she is, completely unique. Then I saw this painting that caught my eye. Perhaps it was that I had made a mistake while working on my canvases and already had a green background dried and ready to go or the fact that this drawing had a camera around the subjects neck. Whatever the reason, I decided I wanted to paint it. I want to tell you I was so inspired by her that I did my own thing, but sadly that is not the way it happened. Instead I was inspired to copy her painting...from the color, to the drawing, to the design. It's not what I set out to do, but I guess I knew my mind was too full to be creative in my own right and I was so desperate to paint...I gave it a try.

It felt so good to just paint something, even if it wasn't mine, to feel like I actually knew what I was doing gave me loads of confidence. It also taught me a lot about my technique, mistakes I've made in the past, and gave me ideas. Yes, ideas. So this morning I woke up wanting to do it again so I could continue the learning process I started yesterday.



Again I pulled from Elsie so I didn't have to think where I was going next, but I could just work and learn. This is as far as I got. It's not done, at least I know I want to put cloths on the girl and some detail work, but I don't think I'll spend time finishing it. I learned again from trying, feeling the paint beneath my paint brush and realized what techniques to use and what not to do to get certain results, and so for that reason the painting is finished (seeing how I'm not going to anything with it since it's not really mine).

It feels very strange to have blatantly copied another artist, I'm not sure why I'm sharing it on my blog as it seems a bit shameful, except the fact that by doing it, it helped me, it opened my eyes. It got the paint brush in my hand and helped me move again. It got me feeling excited so now when I look at those four, now colored, canvases on my wall I'm not overwhelmed...just looking forward to playing with each one.

bathroom redo

Perhaps it doesn't seem like a big difference to you, but to me sitting at my computer knowing when I look over I'm not going to see a toilet and a busted wall staring back at me is worth all the effort. Ha! It wasn't even my effort so of course it was worth it. It was Adam's mother's day gift to me. Thanks babe.

before


after




I moved my cabinet of drawers that use to be next to my computer to where the toilet use to be and replaced the drawers in my studio with a small bookcase I bought at IKEA. The four blank 8x8 canvas you see on the wall will be my new project. I hope to get something inspiring on them this week, but realistically it will probably be weeks later.

discovery party

I took Tess and a couple of her school buddies to the Children's Discovery at the Gateway. The had the best time going from room to room, climbing walls, playing house, going to the grocery store, making food in the house, flying a helicopter, and delivering mail.

What love we've given, we'll have forever.
What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.

~ Leo Buscaglia

finally it's tangible

After months of working. After weeks of waiting. I finally have a published copy of my first year blogging or rather my 2005 year of blogging.



It came in the mail yesterday and it was such a treat to pull it out and flip through it, even though I had a pretty good idea what it was going to look like. The one thing I wasn't sure about was the cover. Blurb.com (the company I used) now has a hardcover ImageWrap option, which covers the book directly with an image instead of using a dusk jacket. I have to admit I'm not in love with it as I was under the impression it would be made of different paper, so I don't think it's going to last that long, but I like it enough where I think I will do it for the rest of my books (I really dislike dust jackets).

A silly photo of me just so you can get the whole picture of the cover.

This is what I learned

a) You know as I was putting it together I wished I had more photos, so that would be my first suggestions...add photos, but now that I'm working on 2006, and I have a ton of posts without photos, I actually don't mind it. I suppose my favorite part is just having it printed all bound up nicely in one small package.



b) Write about what you want to remember. Write about what's important to you. As I was going through my earlier days I realized I wrote when I wanted and about what I wanted. I didn't worry about who was reading it (mainly because in 2005 no one was) or if the post was commentable (not sure that's a word). I just wrote. I think sometimes I can get caught up in whether or not someone else is interested in...insert topic...and I forget why I do it. I'm just a simple girl documenting my life while enjoying the connections and friendships I've made along the way.



c) Variety is best...at least it is for me. I like flipping through the year and seeing an assortment of post. For instance, one post will be about my day, the next post will have a list of things I like at that moment, then the next post will be about how I was feeling. They're all just so different. I guess naturally that does happen, but it was something I definitely noticed while doing this project and wanted to make sure I continued as I go forward.



d) I've grown. Not only in my writing, but I can see the person that I was in the beginning and the person I am today and there is growth. It maybe small and insignificant to others, but it's huge to me and the fact that I can actually see it gives me hope that as long as I continue to "do", more growth will come.



e) Note to self...never stop blogging. This is the first time in my life that I've been so consistent with a journal. I usually fade off or have about three entries a year, but for some reason blogging has provided me with a forum that keeps me coming back. I know it has more to do with the connections and friendships made, but whatever the reason it's something I can't imagine letting go of. It's strange to think of what my life would be like without blogging, it's made such an impact on me.



I won't say working on the book was the easiest thing in the world to do, but it was certainly one of my most favorite project this year so far. Not only did it have a design element that I enjoyed, but the end result is a treasure I'm grateful to have. So if you're thinking about it, stop thinking and just do it! It's definitely worth the time and money.

If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them.

the big S I X

I was looking at her yesterday, listening to her play with her sisters, and the shock of her turning 6 left me. She is growing up. My little Tess, the girl who will always be four in my mind is turning into a big girl right before my eyes. It's crazy the way the transformation happens so gradually you don't even see it.



A few things about her that make her the Tess I love so much.

She enjoys being helpful. Yes, I know that sounds sort of strange for a kid, but I always find her looking for opportunities to lend a hand. She does have her moments of laziness, but for the most part she seems to legitimately want to be helpful...she's a pleaser.

She has the absolute best laugh. When she gets going it's rare I want her to stop. I could sit and listen to it for hours.

She is my tomboy. She prefers to play with boys and enjoys boy games. Her favorite movie is Star Wars (we are giving it to her today) and she thinks, "Luke Skywalker is so handsome". Ok maybe not so tomboyish, but who doesn't right? Actually I was a Hans girl myself.



She loves to create things. When I'm in my studio working she pulls out her art box, sit across from me, and colors, or paints, lately she's been into stamping. She actually has this great knack for choosing colors that compliment each other. I am always so shocked to see what she's done and realize how well it all flows. In my book that is some serious skills. This skill actually helps her in fashion too. She always picks out clothing that matches.

She finally lost her first tooth. It has been very loose for days now and on Saturday we got together with some friends, one just happened to be a dentist, and we talked her into letting him pull it. Because her tooth was so small he couldn't' get a good enough grip so he actually used pilers. Can you believe she let him do it? I was shocked. She's usually so timid to try something new, but once she makes up her mind it's rare that she goes back....She wanted the tooth out and the Tooth Fairy to come.



She is so tenderhearted. I would never have guessed Tess would be my most sensitive because she holds her emotions so close and it's rare you get to see what's in there, but when she allows you in she gives it all. I think my most favorite time to be with her is when she's on the emotional side and she just wants to be with me. We sit and I hold her not saying a word, just being there is enough for both of us.

To my sweet Tess, Happy Birthday! I hope all your dreams come true.

memorial day...bday celebration

Today we got together with Adam's family, ate lunch at Training Table, and then went bowling. We decided to make it a party for Tess as well since her birthday is Wednesday and it was the one thing she wanted to do.

it cracks me up that she's the only one not smiling...perhaps too many photos

she got loads of craft and art supplies

This is what it looked like most of the time...chaos. The kids never really knew whose turn it was and they all wanted to help each other. It was the good kind of chaos though, the kind you can just sit back and let happen.


A close up of the "cupcake" cake. Adam did the decorating and Lori supplied the pan.

It was a fun afternoon spent with family celebrating a birthday. I know Tess had a great time, she already wants to do it again.

As for the rest of the afternoon. We ended up at Barnes and Noble for a while where I bought a few books for the kids for this summer. Afterward we headed home in the crazy rain and upon arrival I went straight to my room to read (it's nice when kids are old enough that you can do this) and quickly fell asleep. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. Adam worked on painting my cabinets black, the last step in my bathroom transformation, so I'm that much closer to sharing my toilet free bathroom.

cherishing the memories

As I pulled into the cemetery, which was mobbed with people and lined with cars, I saw this beautiful sight surrounding me as so many families and individuals gathered together to mourn the loss of those who have gone before. It's one of my favorite times, Memorial Day, to go to the cemetery because the grounds are adorned with love and respect seen in flowers, plastic windmills, and even balloons.





I was alone with only Megan and Tess to accompany me. Adam and Bella were feeling ill and my family is in St. George at the moment. We sat there by the grave and I told them stories about my brother when I was a child, stories I thought they could relate to. They laughed and asked questions wanting to know more. Being able to share him with my kids has actually been the best way to let go of the hurt and remember the joy.



It wasn't long before they had left me and found interest in 3 little boys. As it turns out the boys belonged to a friend of mine and also a very good friend of my brother Alan, Nicolle B.

Nicolle is telling Megan she was her uncle Alan's good friend.

Surprised to see her, I don't know why as I've seen her there before, we talked for a bit and both realized that even death can bring people together. Of course I wasn't prepared as I should have been to clean Alan's grave (my dad usually has the equipment) so we all walked over (only a few feet from her father's grave) and we talked as we edged and weeded the grave stone. It was so good to see and talk with her. She brings back so many wonderful memories of his life and reminds me of all the wonderful times.

I missed my family and sharing this tradition with them, but it was good to just be alone in my thoughts. It has been a long road for me, but I can honestly say, even though I know he is not necessarily there, being there keeps him close and his life a reality.

I hope you all have a great holiday.

savoring a not so busy saturday & a few randoms

Because I had absolutely nothing I had to do today (love that) I attempted to paint this morning. Apparently I wasn't inspired in the least so grumpily I gave up and started cleaning. I enjoy starting a weekend off with some deep cleaning, especially when you add listening to a book at the same time, it really can make for an enjoyable experience.

I haven't seen my kids all day because they've been busy playing with this box.



You can't really see it, but they've been decorating it with markers. I told them when Dad finally comes inside he would cut them a door, but they just couldn't wait that long and ripped one for themselves...eventually they did take it outside. I love watching them play with their imaginations.

I found the song I was looking for (not that you knew I was looking for it) even with the internet it took me some time because I was completely on the wrong track. I saw an old navy commercial the other day and must have seen or heard something that caught my attention because I rewound my tivo and went back to watch the whole thing (i rarely do that). It sounded so much like Ashlee Simpson and then they showed the girl singing and I knew for certain it was her. Apparently I was way off, hence the problem finding it, it was not Ashlee Simpson. As it turns out the song is called The Last Thing On Your Mind by Lights. After my internet research I found out she was discovered by Old Navy on her MySpace page. How cool is that? She has fours songs available to purchase on itunes. I have been listening to it over and over again. Do you ever do that? Listen to a song until you're sick of it. I seem to do that all the time when I find something I can't get enough of. P.S. Dani I think you'll especially love it.

Since I have loads of time on my hands today I finally replaced some photos I've been meaning to for so long.

black-in my studio...white-in my entry way

When I say so long it's because the square frame in my entry has been a Christmas photo of the girls I've been meaning to change out. I had an idea I would change this frame to accompany each season, but so far I haven't done it. Seriously I don't know how time gets away from me.

Here is a closer view of the photo in the frame. I took it one afternoon while the girls were playing across the street on their scooters. Sweet Meg took a moment out of her play time to pick some dandelions for me like she did all last summer. I love that she continues to do this each time she goes outside to play.



Have a fabulous weekend.

unbelievable timing

So there I was this afternoon watching my tivoed version of the American Idol finale (might I add it was such a good finale), sitting on the edge of my bed anxiously awaiting the results, even though I was certain who would win, when Ryan Seacrest was handed the top secret envelope. I was waiting waiting, you know how they love to keep you anticipating, when Ryan said,"and the winner is David (pause)" and my tivo recording stopped...it went no further. All that was heard throughout my house was screaming as I was left there to wonder....WHICH DAVID?!!!!

Thank goodness the internet (youtube) was only a few steps away.

after the storm

It was nice to get a break from the heat even though I've been dying for some warmth. I suppose I just wasn't quite ready for 90 degree weather.

Plus, rain has this beautiful way of giving life back to the earth and making the colors pop. When it was all said and done I had to go out exploring.











Okay now I'm ready for the warmth again.