the other side

I'm been at home today alone, thanks to Jill who invited my girls to sleep over since Adam's been gone all week, and I was faced with the question, "what should I spend my day doing?". When the kids are gone it's always a question of how can I spend my precious time. I had lots of ideas, but decided to spend the day at home cleaning my studio. I know that sounds crazy to do when you're kid free, but it's really what I felt like doing.

So after lounging in bed, like I love doing on Saturday mornings, I got up and started. I was going to put on music to keep myself company, but then decided I would start The Last Lecture since I've had it on my computer for quite some time. I must admit, though I really did want to read it, I intentionally didn't get around to it because I was a little afraid. Of course I knew what it's about and I've even heard part of Randy Pausch's "last lecture" so I know how good and inspirational it is, but I was struggling because of his story. What his family has now gone through is one of my deepest fears and I just didn't want to make myself sad, but I knew it would make a difference to me, that there would be something meaningful to learn about life in his words.



So I started cleaning/organizing while listening to the book. I was so engrossed that my cleaning ventured out to the rest of the house, love when that happens, and found how grateful I was I decided to listen today. The first time I had heard his lecture I remember hearing him say, "brick walls are here to show us what we really want," I thought it was so profound and so true to life, but this morning when I heard it again I wondered what it was I was doing to climb the walls that have been put in front of me. On some of my goals I am doing a good job, I'm slowing making my way, but on others I'm standing there marveling at how tall the wall is. It occurred to me today that maybe I'm standing because I don't want it bad enough or is it that maybe the things that I wanted years ago just aren't that important to me now or aren't the best for me where I'm at? Something to think about.



Speaking of thinking, I'd like to say lately I've been thinking about life, but if you've read my blog for any amount of time you know I think about life all the time. Perhaps it's an unhealthy amount, perhaps not. I try not to think about it in those terms and just realize that I'm a thinker and I've been working hard these last few years to channel my thinking into doing. But for what it's worth, living has been on my mind. Living everyday. Living without regrets. Living in the moment. I've been trying really hard since last year to focus on letting go of the things that don't matter and putting my energy into focusing on things that matter most. And you know what, it has been a hard climb, but I'm starting to see the fruits on my efforts and what a impact it has made on my life. The content feeling I get on a regular basis is palpable and getting up, facing the day, and putting on all my different hats is something I look forward to. I sadly couldn't say that a while ago, but I guess that can be a good thing because now I know how good it feels to be where I'm at. And I don't doubt that another wall will find it's way into my path, but I do know that I'm unwilling to let something stand in my way again. I love life and am determined to live like I mean it.

hope you are all having a fantabulous Saturday.